It’s OK to make a fuss!

making a fuss pictureDo you think it’s Ok to make a fuss?

 

 

What is a fuss?

This is a really interesting  thing that I talk about with many of my clients!

I was recently talking to someone who felt that they had to keep the peace, and that meant that they

didn’t stand up for themselves when when people crossed their boundaries and made them feel

uncomfortable.

We eventually discovered that it dated way back to when she was seven. She made a fuss when she felt

that she had been treated unfairlyand the consequences  were quite traumatic !

What this means for her to be content and fulfilled, now and in the future, is that she needed to know

what was important to her and then to be be able to develop a belief  that she could be who she was.

Then it was also important to be able to develop the skill of feedback.

Because, here’s the thing!

– She had a belief that she wasn’t important.

-She had made a decision that she couldn’t stand up for herself without everything falling apart

-She also felt unable to experiment with giving feedback and people being ok with how she felt.

I always teach my clients how to feedback in a way that expresses how they are feeling, rather than it

being about who the other person is. After all, we know people aren’t their behaviours, they are just a

result of all of the filtering that we do in our brain, in order to be able to manage all of the information

coming in. The filtering happens as a result of many programmes, memories, values, beliefs and decisions

which lead to us all having a different “Model of the World”.

Now that I have your interest, you can read more about this by downloading a pdf of “how we get results”

 here.

We also did some deeper work on her belief that she wasn’t important and that she couldn’t tell people

how she felt and it be ok.

She’s now feeding back to people who are changing their behaviour , now that they know. And isn’t it

interesting that people didn’t know how she felt until she told them. And she feels fine about it because

she knows that it is important to her to be able to do this. Whether you call this making a fuss or not is

a personal thing and doesnt really matter as long as she is happy with who she is.

I’d love to have comments and for you to  download the pdf on the link above which will tell you more about how everyone

works differently and why.

If you’d lilke to have a copy of my 5 steps to feedback, send me an e-mail to

enquiries@onelife-lifecoaching.c0.uk and I’ll send you a copy.

Happy Reading and catch you next time.

 

 

4 replies
  1. Jacqui Malpass
    Jacqui Malpass says:

    This is a really interesting article. Lots of us fear giving feedback because we have already decided what the other person is going to think and say. How can we know? I am going to take some time to think this through and work out how to give better feedback and not mind read.

    Reply
  2. Jaqui Barnes
    Jaqui Barnes says:

    Hi Bridget,
    This is an area that I used to struggle with but I have found that as my own confidence has grown I don’t mind ‘making a fuss’. Hubby hates it when I do though!
    Jaqui

    Reply
    • Dr Bridget
      Dr Bridget says:

      Great Jaqui – mine does as well but if you dont do it, what is the purpose of that? keeping the peace, hiding who we are? Keeping small?

      Reply
  3. Dawn Bevan
    Dawn Bevan says:

    Interesting read. I agree, feedback is so important, if you don’t tell people how you feel about an event/decision that’s being made, they will automatically assume that you are happy with it. You might not have the power to change the outcome, but at least it gives the other person the opportunity to learn from it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *