If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!
One of the main reasons that people come and see me for coaching is when they find they say yes when they want to say no. Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)
- Maybe we are people pleasers?
- Maybe we want to be liked?
- Could we be afraid of the consequences?
- Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?
- Maybe things have happened to us in the past which makes us worry about the consequences of saying no?
And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?
- Generally we feel uncomfortable
- Anxiety kicks in when we are not being true to what we want
- Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!
Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.
If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:
- Stop and think about when you do it
- Say to the person, let me have a think about it
- Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
- Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
- Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
- Move on
If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are. – I’m an expert in mending relationships if you still want to keep them.
You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past – maybe the person is confused?
How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”
Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here
See you next week!