People aren’t their behaviour
This is so important for our relationships with people in our life and also for our relationship with ourself. It is so easy to look at someone’s behaviour and judge them or fall out with them without truly understanding what is going on for that person. It also applies to ourself as well – maybe we’ve behaved in a way that is unusual for us and we think ” I need to change that!”
Reasons for behaving in ways that cause judgement of others or concerns about our own behaviour are many. Here are just two of them:
- People can be in a highly emotionally charged state when they are hungry or thirsty or tired or in pain. This then makes their reality different to when they are calm and considered. So they may become very angry or sad or frightened much more easily in this state and any slight trigger will cause them to behave in a way we are not used to
- The way people’s thoughts and feelings have been wired by events in the past, their values or their beliefs. Decisions are made which become beliefs and cause a reality to exist that has consequences for people’s behaviours or their results.
I was talking to a client the other day who had a mistrust of people which he had decided as a result of a painful event in the past. This became something that he “looked out for” and which was having serious consequences.
The crunch point came when he was in a networking meeting with a friend and his friend said something. It took him right back to the original event where he had made the decision that he couldn’t trust people. The result was that he completely lost the plot and also lost his friend and the respect of other people in the room.
So he arrived in my office and asked for help. It was easy to sort out with a breakthrough process using Time Line Therapy (R). And he recovered his friends and collegaues and started to trust people again very quickly.
So the things to learn from this are:
- People aren’t their behaviours- behaviours are not people’s identity
- People have different models of the world and are doing the best they can with their available resources.
- Judging people by their behaviours is unhelpful and can cause misunderstandings
- If you have a behaviour that you don’t like, get some help from me to manage your emotional states or change your wiring. It doesn’t take long.
- Watching people’s behaviours becomes interesting if you lose the judgement
- Working with Dr Bridget, either 1:1 or by taking an NLP Training, enables you to be in charge of your life
Until next week
Dr Bridget – finding people’s behaviours interesting