This is a really important symptom that I come across regularly on courses and with my one to one clients. They come to me because they realise that that they are not being themselves and that has lots of consequences for them as you will find out when you watch the video below:
Let’s face it – it is nice to be liked and to be kind and nice to people, isn’t it? However, if it stops you getting your goals and feeling as though you can’t be yourself, then that is a problem. It usually comes from a desire to be liked and included which is often very strong. People want to be in a community and to be respected and liked. They want to belong.
I often find that there are root causes in people’s past that cause people to overdo people pleasing – Do any of the below apply to you or someone you know?
- Not being listened to when you were growing up
- Having to hide due to circumstances around you
- Being bullied
- A feeling of having to keep the peace when growing up – perhaps your parents arguing or drinking
- A feeling of guilt if your parents marriages folded – did I do enough- was it my fault- I didn’t try hard enough
- Being criticised or not praised during your life
- And many other events
All the negative emotions that come from incidents above have an impact. As we know, our unconscious mind is there to protect us and we carry on people pleasing as a result. It leads to a feeling of worthlessness, confusion and hurt and these feelings stop us from reaching our full potential, being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have.
It can be a difficult habit to break unless you get help from someone like myself. The wiring that causes us to people please, to our detriment, can be reversed very quickly with Time Line therapy (R)
What can we do about this?
- Put your own oxygen mask on – you can’t help others unless you help yourself!
- Notice when you are people pleasing and the impact that it has on you and your feelings, actions and your goals
- Remind yourself that there are root causes for this – you may know what they are or you may not but there will always be one- a decision that you made at some stage in your life that you have to keep people happy.
- Decide to be happy and to be yourself
- Surround yourself with people who will support you
If you find you can’t resolve this and you want to resolve this, then get in touch with me to take advantage of a free call.
Until next week
Dr Bridget – Helping you put your own oxygen mask on
Be happy, be yourself, If not give me a call