Do you live with regret?
I was in my mastermind group recently and we were asking lots of questions and solving lots of issues and the subject of ‘regrets’ came up. I thought “what is regret?”.
It’s when you’re sad or disappointed, when you think that perhaps you haven’t done something yourself, or when you’ve done something and it hasn’t gone well. And what happens is that you make that decision then to regret things.
The thing is it can be all consuming and what we do is blame ourselves rather than actually seeing the behaviour in a bigger context.
Also, when you’ve got regrets it stops you from living your life and it’s one of the causes of self sabotage.
If you’re busy avoiding pain you’re not going to put yourself out there and do what you really want to do. You’re just keeping yourself safe and keeping yourself from being sad and disappointed and having further regrets.
Watch this week’s video to find more about the NLP perspective on having regrets.
– From an NLP perspective, we say that everyone is doing the best they can with all their available resources at any time. People’s resources are the internal things such as values, beliefs, emotions and anything they’ve got hooked onto memories-the positives and the negatives.
All these things give you a model of the world and you’re doing the best you can with that.
– We’re all different, we all do different things, we all believe different things therefore, so if we are interacting with other people, at some stage other people are not going to like what we’ve done, and we may end up doing regret.
Also, people are not their behaviour so whatever we do, whatever everyone else does, it’s not the person themselves it’s just the filtering that people are doing in that moment.
So, you could beat yourself up and say, “What if I did do that?” and “That’s the consequence of that” or “What if I hadn’t done that?”
But here’s the thing – you’re never going to know because things happen around you and if you hadn’t done that, something else would have happened and that might have been worse.
It’s about letting go of regret, stopping yourself from keeping yourself safe and just knowing that you did your best at the time and moving on. Look forward to what you want for your goals.
I ask you “What do you want on your gravestone”? “I spent my life in regret,” or “I just did what I wanted and let the regret go.”
So if you’re stuck in regret, get in touch because within a few hours we can have a explore it, get some insight into it, understand it and then resolve it so that you can live the life that you want.
Until next week
Dr Bridget- helping you to lead a life without regret
P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner course in July/August.