People Pleasing

Why Do We People Please?

In this week’s Prescription for Success I want to talk about why we people please.

It’s a very common problem that people often come to see me with.  So I thought I discuss with you the consequences and causes of people pleasing and how you can sort this out.

Watch the video and let me know what you think.

What is people pleasing?

If you are rescuing people or wanting attention from people then what you are doing is people pleasing.

If you people please others are not going to know who you really are as a person. They are only going to see what you put out there.

What are the consequences?

This is going to have an affect on you mentally and physically. We all know that negative emotions, which are probably behind people pleasing, have an affect on our body. So, if we are not showing up as ourselves or who we want to be and we have a lot of negative chatter going on in our head then, the consequence is that we start people pleasing. This is not very good for us from a physiological point of view or from a mental health point of view in terms of self-esteem, confidence and knowing your worth.

Another consequence of looking to please others is that you may not get your goals because you are so busy helping everyone else get their goals. You can find yourself watching others achieve and you wonder how about me on an internal level but you never say it.

Maybe people with “walk all over you,”  and you end up feeling a bit used. People will know that you are kind and helpful and they know that you are the sort of person that will actually help them. This is fine but it depends on what your motivation is for doing this is and what affect it has upon you.

What causes us to people please?

The causes may be:

  • Adverse childhood events
  • Not valuing yourself
  • Wanting external validation
  • Worrying that people won’t like you

How can we sort this out?

  1. Firstly by getting rid of negative emotions and limiting beliefs that you are not worthy, not good enough or can’t put yourself first. The negative beliefs that will have an affect on your results
  2. Time Line Therapy can get rid of all the major negative emotions like anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt along with the negative beliefs that go with that.
  3. Set some goals and boundaries. If someone wants you to do something ask yourself:
    1. “Do I have time to do that?”
    2. “Is it good for me?”
    3. “What affect will it have on me getting my goals?
    4. “Will it stop me showing up as myself?”
  4. Look for some joy for yourself

To achieve this you’ll need to have some boundaries and to change your behaviour of seeking to always please others so that you can do what you want.

If you are having any trouble with any of the  things mentioned in this blog and you’d like a chat then get in touch with me here.

Also on our NLP Course we sort all this kind of thinking out so if you would like to have the skills to do this with other people whether it’s as a team,  as a coach or you just want to interact with other people differently then have a think about coming on a course or having a one to one session with me.

That’s me for this week- putting myself 1st so that I can help you to the best of my ability

Dr Bridget