What are your expectations?

Expectations

The Power of Expectation

I’m not sure if you are aware of  your expectations or not? We have them all the time and they have a huge effect on our results in life, business, relationships and our work. Let me tell you why!

An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen and it can be a negative expectation or  a positive one.

Here’s a negative one – we go to a networking or social event  and think that it’s all going to go wrong and that no-one will be interested in us. I also occasionally do some negative expectations that my dog will run away when I take him for a walk – and guess what happens…….

Positive expectations are things such as – People will be pleased to see me or my dog will be really well behaved.

Some people have no expectations and therefore things happen to them rather than them being in charge of their results.

Watch the video and then keep reading to find out more and consider whether it would be useful to change your expectations to get the results that you want.

 

There are a few things to be aware of :

  • What ever you do, you will probably be aware that what you are focused on is where your energy will go. So if you focus on negatives your energy will be negative.
  • The other thing to consider is the NLP theme which is called Perception is Projection. This means that what you unconsciously project to people is what you get back. So if you have internal doubt, people will give you back doubt. If you project positivity, then you will get that back.
  • Also the brain oversimplifies our experience –  it symbolises things. So if you see someone turn away from you, then the  brain will take that as a symbol that is “bad”  and create doubt in your  mind. If you decide that the person who turned away has a positive reason for doing that, then the brain will symbolise that as positive.

Would it be a good thing for you to expect positives?

So here’s a process for creating positive expectations?

  1. Notice what you are expecting
  2. Decide if it is useful or not
  3. If  it is a negative expectation, ask where it has come from – family, friends, experiences, society or the media?
  4. Reframe the expectation – People turning away from you – this could mean they are getting a coffee and coming to see you. Dogs running away – make yourself really exciting so that they run towards you.
  5. Consider if you always have negative expectations and decide on whether you should simply avoid that experience – put some boundaries around it.

Here’s the thing – it you have positive expectations then you will create positive realities which will get you positive results.

If you are having challenges with positivity then let me know by contacting  me. People who work with me expect the best and usually get it.

I’m creating the positive expectation that you are going to comment on this post to help others so I’m looking forward to that.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Symbolising positivity for you!

 

 

 

Are You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

sat navAre You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

I expect you’ve noticed that when you follow the directions on a Sat Nav you don’t always arrive where you wanted to arrive. You may end up turning down narrow lanes or even going around in circles however sometimes you may go straight to your desired destination. Having nearly driven into in a river 2 days ago in Somerset, I can really resonate with this!

In this week’s Prescription for Success we’re going to explore the metaphor – Are You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

Narrow Lanes – Dead Ends – Going around in circles – We’ve all been there!

The Sat Nav can take us down those narrow lanes, down dead ends or even around in circles but why does this happen?

It may be that you haven’t been specific enough with the detail you’ve put into the Sat Nav. You may not have chosen the most appropriate options, for example, the fastest route or the most direct route or even the route that avoids traffic.

Another scenario could be that you become distracted, decide to take a detour and perhaps stop for lunch without saving your destination information into the Sat Nav.

Alternatively you may not really know where you are going.

I know some people like to think about the detail first whereas others may want to know their destination and the big picture first.  If you’ve got no idea where you are going then maybe that’s the reason, but does that work for you? Do you really need to know your destination, the postcode etc. How much detail do you need? How are you going to deal with distractions that keep you from your destination?

It’s just a short metaphor to have a think about and have some fun.

If you are having difficulty knowing what you want in life, where your destination is and you’re feeling a bit stuck or distracted then give me a call and we can get this sorted for you in no time.  You can book an appointment here   or my phone number is 07973 635102.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – setting you back on the right path for you!

I’m now booking for my NLP practitioner starting in November – If you’d like to learn more about this fascinating subject and get skills for life, here’s a link.

Why We Lose Our Motivation?

You've Got This What can you do to increase your motivation?

Do you need to change your emotional state? Maybe, for some reason, you have lost your motivation and are simply not sure of the reason?

Maybe you need to change your environment and the people you are with, or  work out what’s important to you-  your values.

You can look at it two ways.

  1. You can look at the situation from a conscious level and ask yourself “Why am I not motivated?
  2. Alternatively, you could work on the unconscious mind – your values, your beliefs and whether those are aligned with what you want to do and with  your goals.

In this week’s video we consider these questions from an NLP perspective both at a conscious and unconscious level. Watch the video and think about what you can do to feel motivated.

In NLP, one of the filters that our mind uses at an really unconscious level are our meta-programmes. One of these is a meta-programme is called a “sameness/difference” one. It is about whether you like to do things the same way all of the time, or whether you like to do things differently all the time. This is a spectrum so – my preference is to do things mainly the same – so NLP Coaching and Training, and within that to have differences. I think during the Lockdown we all had that feeling of everything being the same over all the time. This resulted in me feeling quite unmotivated but, when I started thinking about my new goals, I felt really motivated. I wanted to take action and thought “I’m going to get this done” and it felt really empowering.

That’s a little personal experience of mine about what makes me feel unmotivated and what gets me motivated.

However I want to ask you the question – Are you motivated at the moment? 

If not, what would motivate you?

At a conscious level, it’s about personal awareness.  Take note of what you are doing and whether it motivates you or not. If it does motivate you,  do more of it.. If it reduces your motivation, either stop or do less of it.

Often, if you are struggling with motivation it’s usually something that is going on at a unconscious level.  This then results in you not getting your goals,  and maybe you are not enjoying your life to the full.

If this is you and you’d like some help with this then I discuss what is happening with you in a free 1/2 hour session. You can book an appointment here   or my phone number is 07973 635102. Give me a call and we can see what’s going on for you and start that process of getting you motivated again.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – re-energising you so that you make the most of life

I’m now booking for my NLP practitioner starting in November – If you’d like to learn more about this fascinating subject and get skills for life, here’s a link.

Do you say to yourself – I’m too busy?

too busy

Do you say to yourself – I’m too busy?

“I’m too busy!” Do you say that to yourself?

How do you manage your time? Are you managing it in line with your purpose?

In this week’s video we consider these questions. Watch the video and think about what beliefs you have about time and whether these beliefs aligned to your purpose.

I was recently in a business meeting and someone was giving a talk on how we manage time, who we are and how that relates to it.

He had had a stroke when he was younger and he remembered lying in his hospital bed looking at a painting of three sheep on top of a mountain.  He thought to himself, “Before I had this stroke I would have said I’ve got no time to paint that picture but now I’ve had the stroke I’ve plenty for time and yet I can’t do it.”

He is fully recovered now, but he was saying that time and life are a little like art. Sometimes your perceptions about time are hardwired into your thoughts. For example, when we were young, how did our parents and teachers manage time?  These perceptions are hardwired into our thoughts and we have these beliefs such as “I’m too busy,” or maybe “I’ve got to use my time effectively,”

I’ve done lots of things in the last 48 hours.  I’ve finished a Master Practitioner Course, I’ve written five blogs, I’ve had several meetings. I could probably say “I’m too busy.” or someone may say it to me. However I think I’m managing my time according to my purpose.  If you are managing your time according to your purpose and you are enjoying what you do then you can feel quite time rich and that you have lots of time.

It’s just a little prescription for you to think about how you manage time and whether you managing it in line with your purpose or not.

If you think you’ve got some issues with time and need some help to go forward and be the person you want to be then book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access a free half hour with me or you can book it on the above link.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – helping you realise that time is simply your perception

 

Is your gut feeling useful or not?

Gut Feeling

Is your gut feeling useful or not?

A lot of people talk about their gut feeling and how useful it is. We’ve all had experiences where we feel, “Yes, I’m going to that,” or “No, I’m not going to do that,” and it’s turned out to be right.

My perspective on this is that it’s not always aright.

Your gut feeling is about what lies outside your conscious awareness. Your brain is constantly sensing, hearing, observing along with running your body, storing your memories etc. It is constantly taking things in, at any given moment.

In this week’s video I discuss how you get that gut feeling, what influences it and whether it’s likely to be accurate or not.  Watch the video and think about what influences your gut feeling and whether it’s useful or not.

There are some key influences on our “gut feeling.”

  1. Firstly, our neurons that are involved with taking action light up whether you are taking the action or someone else. It’s called a mirror system and that forms part of the intuition. So if someone does something it’s almost like we are doing it and that helps with that gut feeling.
  2. Another influence is our past experience.  If you have relevant experience and you get that gut feeling and you make that decision quickly, in the spur of the moment, then that is likely to be quite accurate. However, if you haven’t got relevant experience, you’ll take longer to think about something and work out what you feel about it  and that’s less likely to be accurate.
  3. Thirdly, if you’ve had past experiences that haven’t been particularly pleasant and you are getting dragged back to those experiences regularly then when you come to make a quick decision you might rely on that past experience and that may not be helpful.

Have a little think about when you use your  feeling and work out what influences it and whether it’s useful or not to you in a particular situation.

If you’d like to find out a little more about how your unconscious mind influences you, and use it to go forward and be the person you want to be then book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access a free half hour with me or you can book it on the above link.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – helping you to refine your gut instinct

 

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

I wonder how many times you’ve asked yourself the question, “Who am I?”

When you think about it why do you need to know?

Is it because you’re feeling a bit confused?  Or have you lost your direction?

Or do people treat you in different ways at different times.

It is actually a basic need that we have to know who we are.

In this week’s video a dig a bit deeper into this question “Who am I?”  Watch the video and ask yourself the questions below:

Our roles are not our identity

When we think about our identity we often think of simply our roles. For example, I’m a mother, I’m a gran, I’m just a housewife or I’m a business owner.   However, if you think about it you are actually a lot more than your role and it’s really important to know who you are.

Here is an example of some questions you could ask yourself once you’ve stated your role

For example – I’m a business owner

  • Who am I that is more than that?
  • Who am I that’s not a business owner?

I think I’m a coach, I’m a mum, I’m a helper, I’m a fixer, I’m a supporter and actually if you take it to it’s limit then I’m someone who enjoys every minute of my life.

Our identity is a whole system of our ideas and our experiences.

I was recently reading a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear and one of the take aways I got from that book was – what we do actually creates who we are.

So, if we are doing habits that create who we are is that who we actually want to be?  Moreover, if we are not who we want to be because we’ve got these habits that are creating that person, then let’s create the person we want to be and match the habit to go with that.

If you’d like to find out a little more about who you are and use it to go forward and be the person you want to be then book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access a free half hour with me or you can book it on the above link.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – Enjoying helping people understand themselves

If you’d like to learn more techniques to empty your head or get clear about what’s in  you head, I have a couple of  spaces left on my next NLP Practitioner course which runs over two lots of 4 days. 30/7/21-2/8/21 plus 20-23/8/21 – click here for further information

 

How to get rid of Negativity

How to get rid of negativity

What can you do to remove your negativity?

In this week’s blog I’m going to talk about one way to get rid of your negativity at a conscious level.

Now this is unusual for me because behaviour is generally generated at an unconscious level and from an NLP perspective, to remove unwanted negative behaviour you need to do some work at an unconscious level.   However, recently when working with a client I recognised that minor negativity can sometimes be dealt with at a conscious level.

Listen to this week’s video and try out the technique I’ve suggested to get rid of minor negativity.

I was recently working with a client and she was frustrated. It was a minor frustration she had with her partner who was doing the washing and leaving things on the side rather than folding them away. This meant that she ended up dealing with the consequences and having to tidy up.

We did a NLP technic called “Collapsed Anchors,” where you take a negative and you stack up some positives then you bring them together and the negative disappears. But I think we can do this at a conscious level too.

If you have something like frustration or a minor negative emotion that you want to get rid of, try this.  Hold the minor negative on one hand and then think of what would counteract that minor negative. In my situation, where I was feeling impatient, I was thinking maybe some love, some curiosity – how or why does that person do what they do , or some other positive emotion?  Or perhaps some focus on myself and my business, some excitement and determination. All of a sudden you’ve got all this that you are feeling instead of the negative emotion.  If you can put enough positive emotions into your thoughts you will override the negative at a conscious level.

It may take a bit longer than doing it from an NLP technic perspective `(at an unconscious level) but it’s certainly worth giving it a go.

So have a think what frustrations, impatience, anxieties and minor negative things you have and what positives you can counteract these emotions with. Stack up the positive feelings in your thoughts and you will find that negative will disappear.

If it’s not working at a conscious level for you and you’d like some help then get in touch book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access that free half hour with me or you can book it here https://book-an-appointment-with-Dr-Bridget.as.me/

Enjoy the experimenting and see you next week.

Dr Bridget – clearing your negatives

If you’d like to learn techniques to remove negative thinking at an unconscious level and also sort out your own thinking, I have a couple of  spaces left on my next NLP Practitioner course which runs over two lots of 4 days. 30/7/21-2/8/21 plus 20-23/8/21 – click here for further information

 

Comfort Zones – Are they Good or Bad?

Comfort Zones Is it good to be stuck in our ‘Comfort Zones?’

It’s common to hear in the business world, “I really need to get out of my comfort zone, I’m aspiring towards my goals and to get there I need to get out of my comfort zone.”

Recently I was way out of mine and I noticed something very interesting.

I had employed someone to set up some systems and admin for me and then out of the blue that person left and handed all the work back to me. At the time I thought, “I could learn to do this, maybe I could manage this by myself.”  In all honesty I probably could have done it but I didn’t consider the extra work from a time perspective. Suddenly, my work balance went completely Kaput!

People have different ‘brick walls’ where you can see the end result and you just can’t get there. I found that I couldn’t cope and I became uncomfortable, I was completely out of my comfort zone.  So what I did was I returned to where I felt comfortable, and I thought “phew, blimey that’s better.”

Watch this week’s video to find more about the benefits of being in your comfort zones.

It’s hard for people to see at times that being in your comfort zone is not a bad thing. It is okay to be comfortable. When you’re in your comfort zone you are more self aware and it’s easier to know what’s going on inside your head. You know what to expect and you can recognise your capabilities in a stress free environment.

I’m all for people reaching their full potential and expanding and growing, but if you want success you don’t have to throw yourself completely out of your comfort zone.

You can do it gradually, increase the difficulty slowly and when it becomes too much too soon, just slowly take a step back, do things differently or even repeat things. Find out what works for you at your own pace it’s a gradual process there is no need to rush.

Sometimes you can have goals and aspirations that are reachable, but if you rush in you can get stuck. Take your time on your journey, plan your route to suit you!

If you are currently stuck get in touch and you can talk to me about comfort zones and how past decisions have helped form your comfort zone. I can also help you to gradually leave your zone at your own pace.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you grow at the pace that suits you and that you are happy with.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

The meaning of “I’m only human!”

I'm only human

I’m only human after all!

What do we mean when we say ‘I’m only human!

‘I’m only human!’ It’s a brilliant song by Rag & Bone Man – I really like it.  But what does it mean?

It’s the sort of thing we say when we feel we are not perfect and we are justifying some sort of behaviour.

So I thought I’d look up a little bit more about perfection. Apparently 30% of the population really want to be 100% perfect. 87% of gifted humans, whatever ‘gifted humans’ means, do perfection really well. The people who are looking for perfection are looking for an ideal relationship, and ideal mate. They want to be flawless and have a great body. They want to do their business perfectly.

However, what we don’t see is that they are struggling underneath to get this perfection. They are just aspiring to it.

Sometimes striving to be perfect can be a blessing because it lifts your mood and it helps you to achieve things but generally I think it is a painful trap.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the affects of striving to be perfect

I get quite a lot of clients coming to me who perhaps have been brought up to aspire to perfection by their parents.

I always remember one client coming to see me and she used to get 97% in her exams when she was young. Her parents used to say what happened to the 3%?  She was then constantly trying to be perfect for the rest of her life and it just wasn’t working.  She got caught in that painful trap.

It’s almost like their self worth is dependent on that perfectionism.

If you know someone who does this or you do it yourself, ask yourself when did you decide everything has to be perfect. Who decides what perfect is anyway. What’s perfect for one person may not be perfect for another.

So, I just want to ask you can we simply accept that everyone is different. That you are worthy, that it’s ok to be you and to tell people that you are going to be you, and it’s ok to surround yourself with people that don’t expect you to be perfect all the time.

So – ditch the perfectionism. Know that you are only human and if you need some help in doing that then get in touch because I do breakthroughs with people where we just get rid of that perfection and you can be you, doing whatever you want to do in life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you are yourself and happy with that.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Is Regret Part of Your Life?

regret

Is regret part of your life?

Do you live with regret?

I was in my mastermind group recently and we were asking lots of questions and solving lots of issues and the subject of  ‘regrets’ came up. I thought “what is regret?”.

It’s when you’re sad or disappointed, when you think that perhaps you haven’t done something yourself, or when you’ve done something and it hasn’t gone well.  And what happens is that you make that decision then to regret things.

The thing is it can be all consuming and what we do is  blame ourselves rather than actually seeing the behaviour in a bigger context.

Also, when you’ve got regrets it stops you from living your life and it’s one of the causes of self sabotage.

If you’re busy avoiding pain you’re not going to put yourself out there and do what you really want to do. You’re just keeping yourself safe and keeping yourself from being sad and disappointed and having  further regrets.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the NLP perspective on having regrets.

– From an NLP perspective, we say that everyone is doing the best they can with all their available resources at any time.  People’s resources are the internal things such as values, beliefs, emotions and anything they’ve  got hooked onto memories-the positives and the negatives.

All these things give you a model of the world and you’re doing the best you can with that.

 – We’re all different, we all do different things, we all believe different things therefore, so if we are interacting with other people, at some stage other people are not going to like what we’ve done, and we may end up doing regret.

Also, people are not their behaviour so whatever we do, whatever everyone else does, it’s not the person themselves it’s just the filtering that people are doing in that moment.

So, you could beat yourself up and say, “What if I did do that?” and “That’s the consequence of that” or “What if I hadn’t done that?”

But here’s the thing – you’re never going to know because things happen around you and if you hadn’t done that, something else would have happened and that might have been worse.

It’s about letting go of regret, stopping yourself from keeping yourself safe and just knowing that you did your best at the time and moving on. Look forward to what you want for your goals.

I ask you “What do you want on your gravestone”? “I spent my life in regret,” or “I just did what I wanted and let the regret go.”

So if you’re stuck in regret, get in touch because within a few hours we can have a explore it, get some insight into it, understand it and then resolve it so that you can live the life that you want.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life without regret

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Allowing Yourself to be Supported

support

Allowing yourself to be supported

Do you allow yourself to be supported?

Do you allow yourself to be supported by yourself or by others?

It’s been a tricky year with COVID and I think people’s mental health hasn’t perhaps been as good as it was before. Sometimes I hear people say “there is no one around to talk to anymore”.

Things happen around us and we start to get some negative chatter in our head. We feel that we need support but, here’s the thing,  could we take care of ourselves?

How about supporting ourselves first?

When I’ve asked for help from others sometimes they are busy, or sometimes they just give advice and it doesn’t necessarily help. So, I think the important thing is to care of yourself and be ok with being on your own, be ok with just being yourself.

Watch this week’s video and then complete the tasks below

  • Take a look at your strengths
    • What are your strengths?
    • Make a list of your strengths.
  • Look at the people in your life
    • Are they the right people?
    • Do they listen to you or not?
    • Are they enabling you or just thinking about themselves?
  • Recognise any patterns of internal chatter that’s going on in your head
    • Write your negative chatter thoughts down
    • Then be aware that you are actually worth a lot more than you think.

These actions will  allow you to support yourself and what usually happens is that other people then turn up to help you as well.  When you think about it, what you put out there is what you get back- It’s called Perception is Projection in NLP.  So, if you’ve got doubts and negative emotions then you get doubt and negative emotions back.  Alternatively if you’re ok with yourself people will be around for you.

If you are struggling with any of this, if you don’t think you are worthy or you’ve got a lot of negative chatter that stops you supporting yourself, or you think that you are just a victim with others being responsible for your emotions,  then get in touch  this can all be sorted out in just a few hours. Then you can truly live the life you want.

I hope you do that – look after yourself and support yourself in the best way that you can.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you support yourself.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Are Judgements Useful?

Judgements

Are judgements useful?

Does making judgements help us?

This blog came about because I noticed that I was surrounded by people, whether on Social Media or in everyday life, who were judging other people. Now I’m asking myself as well, am I judging those who are judging others. So I have considered that as well, as I recognise that what we perceive as coming back to us is actually what we are putting out.

I recently noticed that lots of people were actually using their energy in a negative way to judge others when they could have been using their energy more positively. So, are you using your energy to judge others or are you simply interested in people and enjoying seeing how everyone is different? Indeed, the latter position is the stance I prefer to take.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about your stance on this.

Now, in terms of the Neuro Linguistic Programming’s Communication Model, to be able to use the amazing amount of information surrounding us, we need to generalise and label things and that can turn into judgements.

Moreover, the presuppositions of NLP, which are the assumptions that we use in everyday life, which apply to this scenario are:

  • People aren’t their behaviour so the identity of a person is not what they are doing as a behaviour.
  • People are doing the best they can with all their available resources
  • Everyone has a different model of the world

We can adopt these presuppositions and get really interested in people and also get rid of any negative anchors we have from the past. Those anchors may have been  triggers for us to get emotionally involved and make judgements and if we get rid of them, we can then use our energy in a more positive way.

So if you find yourself doing a lot of judgement then get in touch. We can use a tool called Time Line Therapy  which gets rid of all the negative emotions which are anger, sadness, fear, hurt or guilt and any limiting decisions that you have about yourself or other people. Then life gets really interesting. You can have your own opinions and beliefs and just get on with your life to  get your goals instead of worrying about about other people are doing.

So are judgements useful?  We need some but what do you think?

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a peaceful life.