Use Your Mind For A Change – Goal Setting That Works!!

Use Your Mind For A Change- Goal Setting that Works!!

Goal Setting That Works

Use Your Brain For A Change

Hi!

I’m guessing there are many times during the year where you are probably thinking – “I ought to be setting goals now!” ?? And I’m sitting here wondering whether you actually do? Or don’t? Either way, there are loads of tips in this blog!

 And here’s a startling statisticonly 3% of people set and write down their goals!!

This statistic comes from a study by Harvard University of their Business School graduates. Analysis ahows that 13% set goals but don’t write them down and  3% do write their goals down and they earned ten times as much money as those that don’t, and get the rest of their  life goals as well!!

Wow – that’s a good reason to read this blog to the end, isn’t it? 

Or if you are as impatient as me and want to talk to Dr Bridget straight away, here’s the link!

(And, as promised, there are 4 inspiring questions after step 6 that will definitely make the difference!) 

I make a point of setting my goals once a year because that works for me and it gives the people that support me real clarity. And, here’s the thing, it helps me get really clear, both at a conscious and a subconscious level

Some people use the SMART system for setting goals, and thats sort of OK. Because you may have noticed:- unless your mind is fully engaged in the process of going to get these goals, you may as well not  bother, and that would be a shame, because goal setting is the way to get success in most areas of life. For the 3% that do it properly, anyway!

NLP provides us with an amazing tool for setting goals, because NLP enables us to go beyond mere “goal setting” into the actual “programming” of our minds to drive us towards our desired goal and that’s because it is really specific! The brain works primarily from our sensory system (pictures, sounds, feelings). The NLP model addresses this by getting our goal sensory specific. But it doesn’t stop there. For, the brain not only uses the sensory system, it also uses our word meanings that drive the sensory system. So if we use compelling language that our brain really gets, your brain will be on the look-out for all the opportunities to get the goal!

So that you can move from your present state to your desired state!

AND here are THE 6 STEPS that help your brain to get really excited about your goals.

1) State the goal in positive terms and write it as though you already have it.

Describe the Present Situation and make sure that you are putting yourself into the future when you have the goal!

  • It’s xx/xx/xxxx and I am ………….
  • What do you want? – be really specific
  • State it in the positive (what you want to achieve)

 

2)Specify the goal in Sensory Based Terms.

  • What will you see, hear, feel, and say to yourself, when you have it?
  • Engage all of your senses in this description process to employ more of your brain and nervous system.

3) Is the goal self-initiated and maintained.

  • Is the goal something that you can initiate yourself and maintain?
  • Test your goal by asking if it is something that you have within your power or ability to do.

4) State the Context of the goal.

  • Where, when, how, with whom, etc. will you get this goal?
  • Is the goal appropriately contextualized?

Test your goal by applying it to a context: when, where, with who, etc. to make sure that it is going to be fitting and appropriate.  Readjust your goal to make sure that it fits.

5) Make sure that you are maintaining any secondary gain

What do I mean by this? Well there are some things that we really don’t want to do that we would have to do if we were to reach our goal. Or there are some things that we really enjoy doing that we don’t want to stop if we have this goal.

An example would be: “If I moved to this place, I wouldn’t see much of my friends”. That may mean that you are reluctant to take the action to get your goal. So, make sure you have made arrangements to see your friends anyway, and then you will be able to take the action

Here’s two questions to ask yourself – very powerful!

“What is it that I’m doing , that I enjoy doing, that I won’t be able to do if I achieved my goal”?

“What is it that I’m not doing , that I don’t want to do, that I’d have to do if I achieved my goal

Write down the answers. If there is something, then find a way of maintaining that something by thinking laterally and problem solving.

6) Run a Ecology check on your Goal to make sure it is for you in all areas of your life.

  • Is the desired goal right for you in all circumstances of your life?
  • Is your goal appropriate in all your personal relationships?
  • What will having your goal give you that you do not now have?
  • What will having your goal cause you to lose?
  • Is your goal achievable?
  • Does it respect your health, relationships, etc?

If you find yourself saying, part of me wants x and part of me wants y, then there is some incongruence in your goal and you may need some help sorting it out.

 

And As Promised

Four questions for yourself about your goal that will make your brain work even harder!! 

  • What will happen when you get it?
  • What won’t happen when you get it?
  • What will happen if you don’t get it?
  • What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

 

Wow – did that help??

And what comes next?:

 -What Resources will you need to achieve the goal.

  • What resources will you need in order to get this goal?
  • Who will you have to become?
  • Who else has achieved this goal?
  • Have you ever had or done this before?
  • Do you know anyone who has?
  • What prevents you from moving toward it and attaining it now?

-And how will you know that you’ve achieved the goal?

  • How will you know that your goal has been realized?
  • What will let you know that you have attained that desired state?

 

Commitments to yourself!

  1. Write down your goal
  2. Check that you’ve made it really compelling by following the 6 steps
  3. Put this goal somewhere where you can see it, read it to yourself aloud a nd really be able to get those feelings whenever you need them
  4. Get in touch with Dr Bridget if you need any help or are simply curious!

Until next time: 

Be Safe, Be Healthy, Be Happy!

Do Super Successful people have limiting beliefs?

Super Success vs Limiting Beliefs

Bridget HeathrowLast weekend I worked with 6 property investors, spending the day ‘drilling down’ to find out exactly what limiting beliefs were holding them back from running their businesses.  You wouldn’t believe the results we had.

#1 A super successful property professional realised that a limiting belief, manifesting only in the last 2 years had resulted in a
 sharp decline in his business.

#2 A new investor who was scared to even speak to people to look for investments actually realised that a limiting belief from her childhood was holding her back!

#3 Another investor made a specific plan to replace her income and leave her full time job in 6 months time, all after getting rid of 1 major limiting belief that holding her back, the belief that “I’m not good enough”!

How can an already super successful person, when taking on a new challenge, be held back so much by a limiting belief? The truth is that she had no idea that this belief was there. In fact, when I suggested it to her she quickly answered “of course I’m good enough!”

Its worth pointing out that this can apply to any business, not just property investing.  People are people and are affected by the same limiting beliefs, potentially crippling their businesses, or even business ideas that never turn into businesses.

 

How can you find your limiting beliefs?

In my book “Mindset for business success” I give you step by step exercises for you to find what limiting beliefs are holding you back. 

Some positive action for you to start today would be to kickstart these 2 things:

More awareness

As you go through your day, try to be more aware of the thoughts and feelings that you experience when you make a decision to do, or not to do something.  What made you make the decision to eat that second bit of cake? or decide not to finish that piece of work?  Being aware of your motivations and reservations will certainly lead to discovering the limiting belief that is the main driver for that behaviour.

More openness

Trying to be more open to other peoples perpectives and ideas really opens up a whole new world of enabling beliefs for you.  The key is though, when you find a great new way at looking at something you need to take it on board and really use it on yourself.

When you hear your friend saying “I love the feeling I have after a gym workout” – This is an effective ‘enabling belief’ that they have, which in turn acts as a driver to get them to the gym!

If you’d like to get rid of a nasty habit, research or ask people who have already done this how they achieved it.  Listen to what their beliefs and motivations were and decide if it’s something that you can take on board and use yourself.

If you want to get into a certain business like property investing for example, speak to a few different investors and find the ideas and perspectives which you yourself will need in order to make the change in your life.  I have a client who wanted financial freedom through property and was feeling completely stuck in her full time job. After working with me for only 2 days, she went on to completely replace her income through property in 4 months.

You don’t have to accept just any idea that comes your way or you might completely disagree with the other persons perspective, that’s fine.  Just being open to take on ideas that you feel comfortable with and align with you as a person will create a change, possibly just the change you need!

Here’s to your future success,

Dr Bridget

Click here for a free consultation with me!

3 Ways To Guarantee You Are Communicating Really Effectively

Communicating effectively is very important for success in life and business, I’m sure you will agree!

Ive decided to share my learning from the mistakes of a large corporate company as I travelled the world

 

I had an interesting and very frustrating experience while abroad recently!

Comunicating Effectively for Business Success

Comunicating effectively?

I was excited about going home and pleased when the airline announced that we could go to the departure gate, but 7 hours later and 25,000 miles from home, I felt shocked at the lack of communication and lack of care that the organisation showed us. I was still at the airport and it appeared that the airline staff didn’t know where the plane was, or how we were getting home and I had completely lost my confidence in the organisation. They weren’t communicating effectively! And those of you that know me, know that I rarely get frustrated or shocked!!

And because I run a business myself, and also want to be communicating effectively to my customers and clients, it made me stop and think about how I could improve my communication and my business success.How I could avoid people getting frustrated with me and how I was perceived.

Here are the 3 things that I will now pay even more attention to:

  1. Communicating effectively  to clients, colleagues, and potential customers about the things that are important to them. Implicit in this is to find out what is important to customers and keep their values in mind when  communicating effectively with them. Mind reading can be dangerous and doesn’t take account of others model of the  world. Also it can cause frustration for the other person. Remember that “the meaning of communication is the result that you get”! There were 300 plus travellers on this flight and the majority of them had been affected adversely and felt frustrated and helpless.
  2. Keeping promises and, if  unable to do so, let people know why, and what you will do to make things better. This needs careful planning because we also need to keep promises to ourselves, while delivering great service. When you are totally committed to being there for people, its also easy to overstretch yourself! Its also easy to forget what you have promised, especially if you are a big organisation and dealing with individuals. (This airline states “we always do our best to make you feel special – from the ……….. to the renowned personal service that sets us apart from other airlines.”)  
  3. Say sorry if things don’t go as planned. Say sorry straight away and mean it. As long as you are doing your best and have the other person’s welfare at heart, that’s ok. And if you aren’t telling the truth as you know it, people will know. After 7 hours of being told that they didnt know what was happening, I don’t think they were telling the truth at the check – in desk.

The airline’s manager appeared 6 hours into the confusion, during which time, many people were trying to get information and find out how they were going to get connections for their onwards flight. The departure gate staff said they were unaware of what was going on or where the plane was (actually I found that a bit scary). My daughter in the UK googled the flight, told me where the plane was and our estimated time of departure, she also told me that the plane woud be re routed – not communicated either. It turned out (had been on the news) that the plane had overshot the runway and had to land elsewhere, leaving the cabin crew out of flying hours. They had then sent a new crew to fetch the plane which took some time. They were then out of their flying hours meaning that the plane had to pick up new crew on the way. And no-one know anything about any of this?? Of course, if they had told the passengers what they needed to know, kept their promise as an organisation and said sorry and meant it, people would have understood and stayed calm.

A lesson perhaps for the manager?

Lessons for our businesses and our communication with anyone?

So, how are you communcating with your customers, your partners, your family and friends? Do you know how to communicate with them? Are you keeping your promises? Do you say sorry when things go wrong? Can you do better than this airline?

Please share your experiences so that we can all reflect and get better at this important skill!

Let me know what you think and remember that you can always access a free consultation with me if  you’d like to improve your communication.

Till next time

Dr Bridget

 

Christmas Tips – Day 8

Christmas tips – Day 8 – a free resource for you

Christmas Tips - Day 8When I work with people in business, often the 1st thing that I will do with them is to assess where they are. This tool is called the “Mindset for Success Wheel” and is a self- assessment of you and the way that you are thinking. You’ll notice that there are 8 self assessment segments – that’s great for my Christmas Tips – Day 8. If its looking a bit wobbly (most peoples are), there are plenty of things that you can do to balance out your wheel and get more success in your business, your career and your life. 

Here is a link to the tool Mindset for Success Wheel . Print off the wheel, have a look at the questions and fill in the wheel, marking whether you think you have scored a 10 (outer rim) or a 0-1 (central point). Then reflect on whether you need to make any changes and decide what they are. If you  need any help, fill in a form for a free appointment here. Its  the start of your  journey towards success! 

 

Christmas Tips Day 3

Christmas Tips Day 3

Christmas tips Day 3

Past, Present and Future

I’m a bit of a Time Traveler!!  I help people sort out anything negative in the past, enjoy their present and make sure that their future is brilliant! If you see yourself as a someone who has infinite potential, and just need help to get there , step inside the Tardis and meet the doctor- Dr Bridget- and discover the possibilities!!

Lets have  think about the past, present and future. 

All of our decisions are made with reference to our past and therefore it would be good to remove all of the negative emotions and any limiting beliefs that we have from the past. If you think about it, things happen around us and we choose to put things into our head that mean we think and behave in certain ways. Using a variety of techniques from NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) including Time Line Therapy, you can get rid of negative emotions of Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt and Guilt and Limiting beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t deserve success”, “I’m a fraud”. Its quick and comfortable and easy! 

The present is a time that is fleeting and most people don’t take time  to notice things that happen around them. Taking the time to stop and enjoy every moment is a key skill to develop. In order to do this it helps to have a clear head where choice is possible. So many people have hamster wheels and whirlpools going round in their head that they just don’t enjoy the moment! Sorting out your past and then practicing techniques such as Mindfulness will transform your life.

The future is something that you can control. NLP gives you techniques to make sure that your goal is right for you, to make it really compelling, that it fits with your values and is firmly in your mind. This means that you give yourself the absolute best way to get what you really want.

Having been on many personal development courses, its clear to me that the changes need to be made at a deep level and NLP can do this. If you’d like to talk to me about how you can clear your time line to get what you want, click here

Till next time….

 

12 Days of Christmas Tips Day 2

Christmas Tips Day 2

Christmas Tips day 2

Being Grateful

Making sure that you are finding the time to do what you want to do is my tip today. Lots to be grateful for leading up to Christmas and these are two of them. They aren’t as peaceful as turtle doves but there is lots of love around! And it’s fun looking after them. 

I’m grateful for my two children and also my two grandchildren as we head towards Christmas. Day 2 of my Christmas Tips is about taking time to realise what makes us happy and to take time to enjoy a balance that means we can enjoy those things.

Ask yourself what is out of balance in your life and what actions  you  need to take to re-balance the days from now on. You can access a free session here  and get a copy of a Wheel of Life when you do. Sign up using the form on the right hand side of my pages to get my posts every week. 

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety

Everyone gets anxiety

One of my NLP Practitioner  students asked me how to stop anxiety that her children had when they went to interviews. She wanted to know how to use NLP to make a difference. It struck me that it would be great to share my thoughts with you! I know that I suffer some mild anxiety in certain situations (usually around organisation of my business) and I use the techniques in this post to help.

Remember that “Anxiety is a warning from the unconscious mind to focus on what you want” Tad James

1)      Make sure that you are not suffering with fear from events in the past – this can lead to limiting beliefs and negative hooks to events. These can be easily resolved using NLP and is very easy to do.  Anxiety about specific events is future based and can be present without fear from the past.

2)      Ask yourself whether the event that you are anxious about is something that you need to do on the way to really important goals for you. I had a client recently who was anxious about meeting someone who had a reputation of being aggressive and she was concerned and quite anxious about this. However, when we talked through her goals, it turned out that it wasn’t important to meet the person for her goals and was more important for her to do other things that would be really helpful. She cancelled the meeting and felt fine about it. By the way; she reached her goals really quickly by reminding herself of them.

3)      Find out what the problem is in order to find out how to stop anxiety. So consider the statement “I’m worried about the interview”. If you ask What specifically are you worried about? The answer could be:-

  •  I don’t know enough
  •  I don’t know if I’ m good enough (fear of failure or needing someone to tell them they do a good job or lack of self- belief)
  •  I don’t know if it’s the right job for me  (Not knowing what important in a job for them (values) or whether it suits how they work )
  • I might have to do something I don’t, deep down, want to do if I get the job (It’s better not to get it)
  •  What will people think if I don’t get the job? (Concern about Reputation)
  •  What will people think if I do get the job? (Fear of success)

Acknowledging what the problem is , is a great start resolving it!

4)      Knowing the purpose of the anxiety is also useful. There is always a purpose and it’s often about keeping yourself safe. The unconscious mind’s main function is to protect you and this is useful but frustrating at times. Have you ever noticed a situation where you know what you want and what you need to do, but your unconscious mind (that voice) keeps nudging you and saying “remember what happened last time or what people said – wouldn’t you be better not doing it?” Working through how else you can protect yourself is the way to overcome this.

How to stop anxiety

1)      If you have fear from events that happened in the past, speak to me about it if it is stopping you from moving forward. Maybe you could say to yourself, the past is the past and I can move on and be the best I can be now and in the future. Maybeyou will need help to work this through. Access a free session here to discuss this.

2)      Make sure that you have goals that are specific and ask yourself, does what I’m anxious about get me towards them? Make sure your goals are always where you notice them – on a vision board, in your journal, on your screen saver, securely in your mind.

3)      Work out what is important to you – your core values so that you can measure what you are planning to do against them. There is One Key Question that you can ask (link to blog about this)

4)      Discover what the real problem is – be honest with yourself. Have a think and fill a form in here if you want to talk through the problem

5)      Acknowledge the unconscious mind’s wish to keep you safe and realise that there are many ways of keeping you safe, including going for your goals and what you want in life! Your unconscious mind will agree with you and relax.

6)      Anxiety is on the same spectrum of moods as excitement. So you can try turning up your mild anxiety and noticing  that you become excited about the event

7)      Speak to me about what specific anxiety techniques I can help you with that you will find helpful.

Consider undertaking NLP Practitioner training

My trainings include coaching to get you to the outcomes that you want and you will learn about:-

  • Compelling goal setting – how to MAKE SURE you get what you want
  • Values- what’s important to you
  • How your mind works
  • Techniques to  avoid internal conflict
  • Removing limitations from your mind
  • Communicating with yourself and others in an effective way.
  • And overcoming anxiety of course!

Here’s the link to have a chat with me about the value to you of doing the course.

 

 

5 Tips on How To Stop Procrastination-Once And For All

 

How to Stop Procrastination Once and For All – 5 tips 

 

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

Procrastination – One of the biggest challenges my clients have is lack of effective action  which leads to frustration and lack of fulfillment. That’s why they get in touch with me, an NLP and life coach, because they know they need someone to help them to stop procrastination, once and for all. Elsie-Rose was about to write a blog and decided to have a nap instead! What do you do instead of what you need to do? Here are 5 tips for you to consider, reflect on and use  

 

Tip 1

Find your BIG WHY If you find yourself procrastinating and being easily distracted by things that don’t get you to your goal, ask yourself why you want to reach your goal in the 1st place.?What will your goal get you and what will that then get you? I can use myself as an example. When I stopped being a GP, the big why for starting my business was to avoid becoming bored. Now I know that I want to help people to reach their full potential  and also to enjoy every moment of every day –I know that’s my real BIG WHY!! My Purpose!

Tip 2

Make sure  you are motivated by what you want to do Knowing your Big Why for the goal for is a huge motivator and you will also have other things that motivate you (your values). Your goals will then flow towards you  “like butter on a hot crumpet” (a Strictly Come Dancing Quote). My motivators (values) are – enjoying every moment of every day, having fun, developing people and having a purpose. If I make sure that I “tick” those values or motivators, I find that I stop procrastination once and for all. If you are really serious about finding out what  your values are I’ve got a super, no strings attached bonus for you – its a 45 minute free consultation (worth £125) and I’m giving you this free as an ongoing member of my community! Here’s where you can access your free session 

Tip 3

Get a system of planning and prioritising Write down your goal and then ask yourself what needs to be in place for you to reach it, then what needs to be in place for you to reach that etc etc until you get to the 1st thing that you need to do. This is working backwards from your goal and is a very helpful system for planning. An example from my business is – if I want to run another mastermind group as a goal, working backwards, I then need to decide how many people I want for the group, I interview them, I  find them , put a date in the diary, decide what marketing to do and to commit to doing it. So the 1st thing for me is to commit to doing it , then to decide on my marketing, then to put a date in the diary, then find the people, then interview them. I hope that makes sense. Give me a ring if not on 07973 635102

Tip 4

Become efficient Once you know what you have to do, make sure that everything you do is going to move you closer to your goal. There are many systems that you can use – I like Eat  That Frog by Brian Tracy. Do the most important and often the most difficult thing 1st . Only do the things you’d like to do, when you have done the things you have to do. Delegate where possible. 

Work out what your perfect day is and monitor against it. – This is how I do this:-  Write down 5 things that you need to do every day to get you to your goal. Score yourself against it and reflect on your successes and challenges so that you do things consistently and efficiently. Mine would be along the lines of:- 

  •  Get up at 7:30
  •  Work on my business for 90 minutes
  •  Journal
  •  Have fun
  • Celebrate successes at the end of the day

Of course, I’d be seeing clients and networking and growing my list with social media and many other things as well, but if I had to pick 5 things that make a difference, the above would be on my list. How about you? Leave me a comment so that we can share what makes the difference.

Tip 5

Get someone to hold you accountable Hold yourself accountable by using your perfect day tool and journaling. Also feedback to someone that will challenge you if you haven’t done what you said you will do. I have a system of holding clients accountable which I agree with them and then prompt them. If you’d like to talk to me about How to Stop Procrastination, once and for all, access a free session here.

Here’s to no more housework and ironing! Or mowing the lawn or watching telly or some DIY. Unless of course, that’s what your goal is!!!

Till next time, be productive! And many thanks to Elsie- Rose for contributing to my post!

Dr Bridget

 

Clearing clutter- It’s time!

Clearing clutter and getting clarity

I was inspired to write this article about clearing clutter as I watch the leaves fall from the trees and start to tidy up the garden. It made me think of what I need to clear from my life and my business in order to be able to be successful and happy! 

Clearing clutter that you don't want

Clearing clutter and getting rid of what is not helpful

I was talking to a client this morning who was feeling a bit overwhelmed and had come to stop at a place where she couldn’t move forward. It turned out she hadn’t been clearing clutter and that she felt that her life was a bit of a mess – that she was just about coping until the next thing came in when she went into a bit of a downward spiral – I’m sure you know what I mean – I certainly do. We chatted for a while until she became clear about what was holding her back and and what she needed to stop doing so that she could move forwards. Its a key skill in life to have clarity and to get started clearing out the clutter.

Here are the things that I need to be completely clear about and what I don’t need in my life – The list may be of help to you as you consider “tidying up” your life and consider what you could let go of and out in the compost heap. 

Environment: Being content with my environment at home and at work. I need to get rid of clutter that stops me from concentrating.  

Q. What could you get rid of in order to become more efficient? Could you tidy up some of your paths in order to find the direction you want and sweep up some of the leaves that are hiding the clarity of the edges?

Goals: Being really clear about my goals. And also finding new ones.  As a metaphor – have the borders been dug, the vegetables grown and eaten and do you need to know what you want for next year? Its difficult to sow seeds unless you know what you want them to grow into!

Q. What do you need to do to tidy up your goals?

Behaviours: Am I doing the things that get me what I want? That move me towards my goals? Or do I do random and ineffective behaviors? I’m someone that forgets to do watering the plants that I have planted and this means that they don’t do as well as I would like them to. Putting in new behaviours and letting go of the ones that don’t work would be useful.

Q. What behaviours could you change that would make you life better than it is now and get you your goals?

Values and Beliefs: Am I living in line with my values and what I believe,  or am I living in line with other people’s values and beliefs? Its important to me to have fun and to have a purpose and sometimes I have a sweep out of things that aren’t fun and get me towards my goals. Reminders around the house are important as its easy to forget whats important.

Q. Are you clear about your values ? Your motivators? Here is a link to my book where you can find out how to be certain what they are.

Identity: Am I being myself and am I happy with that or am I being who someone else wants me to be? Do I surround myself with supportive people? 

Q. Do people drag you down and make you feel uncomfortable and that you cant be yourself? Surround yourself with people who sustain you and you sustain them. People who tend to make you feel undernourished or not growing can be swept gently aside. Have a look at the chapter on support in my book in order to make some changes. 

Here is a list that may be useful in deciding what clutter to get rid of and what you want instead.

  • Your environment or surroundings – declutter
  • What you do that isn’t working for you – create new behaviours
  • Goals that are in the past or don’t matter any more – make new ones and keep them clearly in your mind
  • Make sure that you are being who you want to be and that you surround yourself with supportive people

I’d love to know what changes you are thinking of making – the clutter that you are going to get rid of and what you will replace it with so have a think and LEAVE A COMMENT below that may inspire other people. If you’d like some support to talk this through click here to access a free consultation.

Till next time

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

Overcoming challenges – how do you keep the “faith”?

Overcoming challenges and keeping the “faith” has been an interesting one for me in the last month.

In particular, the balancing of work and life priorities has led to some interesting internal chatter!!!

Keeping the Faith and overcoming challenges

Overcoming challenges

Working for myself and dealing with challenges on my own has occasionally caused me to question why I do what I do. So I thought I’d share my thoughts about it , for the purpose of supporting others. A lot of my clients know what they really want to do and still falter when things don’t go as planned. When I think about it, there are some common reasons:-

It’s because 1) either the thing that they want isn’t important enough or 2) they don’t believe they are good enough to do it whatever it is. Also 3) they probably don’t have support from people that sustain them. Blaming others, doubting yourself, or uncertainty about the  outcome are all sent to test our resolve. Probably a result of lack of clarity about importance and lack of self belief.  So, making sure that you are doing what is important to your core values is important. Plus doing whatever is necessary to fully believe in yourself. These are key components of overcoming challenges and keeping the “faith” 

The picture above is a project that we are undertaking in the garden, only to find that we need planning permission for the decking and that the soil needed to fill the beds is  going to cost a lot of money. We could have just stopped but it was important to me and I know we would find a way – just persisting in the face of adversity has helped. A minor challenge compared to what some people are going through in their lives and their businesses. If you need any support or help to find a way to overcome obstacles , just click here to access a free session.

Otherwise, make sure you are doing the things that are important to you, believe in  yourself and then find people to talk to about what  you are doing. I run Mastermind groups In the South West and Wales and I find it really useful being a member of one myself. It enables people to brainstorm, solve challenges and gain confidential support from other members.

Till next time.

Dr Bridget

ONE KEY QUESTION that makes the difference-find out what it is!

What is the ONE KEY QUESTION that makes a difference in the results that you get? 

The One key Question

The ONE KEY QUESTION

I run Master Mind groups in South Wales and sometimes there’s an amazing light bulb moment that causes members to stop and think and do something differently. The ONE KEY QUESTION popped up in our last group – in fact, last week and it’s this.

“What’s important to you about………?”

 

 We were talking about communicating for better results (In fact “how to avoid arguing with someone”  was the topic for the member). The discussion was enlightening for the person involved and led to the realisation that they mind read what the other person is thinking. And we all do this. We had a discussion in the group about how everyone was different and had different values (drivers or motivators). What we tend to do is to MIND READ what is important to the other person  because we think that they are like us, and this could be wrong. So let’s learn and practice asking the ONE KEY QUESTION.

“What’s important to you about ……..?”

Examples of this could be:

  • Making changes in what’s happening in work as a leader and assuming that the same thing is important to the staff – often wrong
  • Taking your children along on a holiday and not asking them what important to them about that holiday – may make for a tense holiday
  • Assuming that your partner wants the same thing as you- often wrong

Exercise: So think of a situation where you wish to communicate in a way that keeps everyone on board. If you are making a change in work and don’t know if your staff are on board, ask the question “Whats important to you about this change?” Keep it simple and exactly in that format. Listen to what they say and you will find out whats important. You can then use the answer to keep your staff motivated and working with you. “Is is that easy?” I hear you say. I know it works as I use it every day in my interactions with people in a variety of contexts. I’m about to ask my mother “what’s important about her stay with us” and as I know she reads my posts, I’ll find out when she leaves a comment (probably).

The situation that you choose might be family, friends, work, selling ( its a key question to ask your customers and clients) or leisure activities – just choose one and give it a go. Here are some examples:-

  • What’s important to you about the holiday?
  • Whats important to you about your homework?
  • Whats important to  you about this training/coaching session?
  • Whats important to you about this appraisal?

I’d love to find out how you are getting on. Leave a comment below or if you want to discuss things further, then you can access a free consultation here.

Are you making excuses?

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses

Definition: “A reason or explanation given to justify an action”

 Excuses can be seductive. And when someone embellishes an excuse with sophisticated sounding reasons, they seem so legitimate. And for anyone working with others, whether we manage, sell, do therapy, teach, parent, relate to loved ones, practice law, etc., dealing with excuses (our own and others) is an important part of being successful in life.

Here’s the thing: – If you are in charge of your own life and the results that you get, then there are no excuses only decisions and choices.

How do you feel about me saying that??

I often meet people, who want to change their lives, but find an excuse:-

  • I’ve got family problems

  • I’ve got no money

  • It’s not the right time

  • It’s selfish if I take action

  • It’s in my genes so what’s the point

  • My family didn’t care so why should  I?

  • My car’s in the garage to be repaired and I have a lot of bills to pay

  • It’s too difficult to make a start

  • What’s the point?

Knowing that you are at the mercy of thoughts like these can be the trigger for change and it takes a lot of courage to take action!

As you know ???? Einstein says, if you think and do what you’ve always thought and done, you’ll always get the same result (or something like that)

Here’s a practical exercise for those who think that they may be making excuses:

  • Today I am avoiding X

  • My reason for avoiding X is?

  • What would happen if I didn’t avoid X?

  • What would I need to think or believe to tackle the issue and be in charge of my results?

  • Am I going to carry on as I am and accept that I am making an excuse, or take action and do Y? – Either of these is fine as long as you are making a choice. Then it’s not an excuse!

 

As always, comments are invited and welcome.

Dr Bridget