Is anyone on your side? – Who do you get support from?

Who do you get support from?

Support i important

Get support

As you go through life, things happen around you that can make you feel really emotional. Sometimes, I find it difficult to show my emotions – after all, a coach “should” be in a great place all of the time. But, being authentic and honest, I admit that I do get upset from time to time.

And, as mentioned being “the coach”, I have struggled to find people who I can openly bare my feelings to but I’ve recently found a small group of people who I can talk to. Not only has it allowed me to gain greater perspective and feel supported, but it has also helped me become stronger for my clients and be of better support to them, my family and friends.

This week in my Prescriptions for Success’ vlog I discuss this, my own struggle to find support and the importance of getting the right support from the people around you. If you are struggling to find the right kind of support, click here to download a pdf copy of my book where there is a tool called ABCD in chapter 2.

This tool allows you to work through your contact list and sort them into categories – with the people placed in the “A” category being those you can rely on and those who will positively support you.

If after watching the video, you find yourself thinking that you need more support, then you can always ring me on 01656 347027 and I will get straight back to you. We can have a chat and I will be there to support you through your journey.

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget – part of your A Team!

Use Your Mind For A Change – Goal Setting That Works!!

Use Your Mind For A Change- Goal Setting that Works!!

Goal Setting That Works

Use Your Brain For A Change

Hi!

I’m guessing there are many times during the year where you are probably thinking – “I ought to be setting goals now!” ?? And I’m sitting here wondering whether you actually do? Or don’t? Either way, there are loads of tips in this blog!

 And here’s a startling statisticonly 3% of people set and write down their goals!!

This statistic comes from a study by Harvard University of their Business School graduates. Analysis ahows that 13% set goals but don’t write them down and  3% do write their goals down and they earned ten times as much money as those that don’t, and get the rest of their  life goals as well!!

Wow – that’s a good reason to read this blog to the end, isn’t it? 

Or if you are as impatient as me and want to talk to Dr Bridget straight away, here’s the link!

(And, as promised, there are 4 inspiring questions after step 6 that will definitely make the difference!) 

I make a point of setting my goals once a year because that works for me and it gives the people that support me real clarity. And, here’s the thing, it helps me get really clear, both at a conscious and a subconscious level

Some people use the SMART system for setting goals, and thats sort of OK. Because you may have noticed:- unless your mind is fully engaged in the process of going to get these goals, you may as well not  bother, and that would be a shame, because goal setting is the way to get success in most areas of life. For the 3% that do it properly, anyway!

NLP provides us with an amazing tool for setting goals, because NLP enables us to go beyond mere “goal setting” into the actual “programming” of our minds to drive us towards our desired goal and that’s because it is really specific! The brain works primarily from our sensory system (pictures, sounds, feelings). The NLP model addresses this by getting our goal sensory specific. But it doesn’t stop there. For, the brain not only uses the sensory system, it also uses our word meanings that drive the sensory system. So if we use compelling language that our brain really gets, your brain will be on the look-out for all the opportunities to get the goal!

So that you can move from your present state to your desired state!

AND here are THE 6 STEPS that help your brain to get really excited about your goals.

1) State the goal in positive terms and write it as though you already have it.

Describe the Present Situation and make sure that you are putting yourself into the future when you have the goal!

  • It’s xx/xx/xxxx and I am ………….
  • What do you want? – be really specific
  • State it in the positive (what you want to achieve)

 

2)Specify the goal in Sensory Based Terms.

  • What will you see, hear, feel, and say to yourself, when you have it?
  • Engage all of your senses in this description process to employ more of your brain and nervous system.

3) Is the goal self-initiated and maintained.

  • Is the goal something that you can initiate yourself and maintain?
  • Test your goal by asking if it is something that you have within your power or ability to do.

4) State the Context of the goal.

  • Where, when, how, with whom, etc. will you get this goal?
  • Is the goal appropriately contextualized?

Test your goal by applying it to a context: when, where, with who, etc. to make sure that it is going to be fitting and appropriate.  Readjust your goal to make sure that it fits.

5) Make sure that you are maintaining any secondary gain

What do I mean by this? Well there are some things that we really don’t want to do that we would have to do if we were to reach our goal. Or there are some things that we really enjoy doing that we don’t want to stop if we have this goal.

An example would be: “If I moved to this place, I wouldn’t see much of my friends”. That may mean that you are reluctant to take the action to get your goal. So, make sure you have made arrangements to see your friends anyway, and then you will be able to take the action

Here’s two questions to ask yourself – very powerful!

“What is it that I’m doing , that I enjoy doing, that I won’t be able to do if I achieved my goal”?

“What is it that I’m not doing , that I don’t want to do, that I’d have to do if I achieved my goal

Write down the answers. If there is something, then find a way of maintaining that something by thinking laterally and problem solving.

6) Run a Ecology check on your Goal to make sure it is for you in all areas of your life.

  • Is the desired goal right for you in all circumstances of your life?
  • Is your goal appropriate in all your personal relationships?
  • What will having your goal give you that you do not now have?
  • What will having your goal cause you to lose?
  • Is your goal achievable?
  • Does it respect your health, relationships, etc?

If you find yourself saying, part of me wants x and part of me wants y, then there is some incongruence in your goal and you may need some help sorting it out.

 

And As Promised

Four questions for yourself about your goal that will make your brain work even harder!! 

  • What will happen when you get it?
  • What won’t happen when you get it?
  • What will happen if you don’t get it?
  • What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

 

Wow – did that help??

And what comes next?:

 -What Resources will you need to achieve the goal.

  • What resources will you need in order to get this goal?
  • Who will you have to become?
  • Who else has achieved this goal?
  • Have you ever had or done this before?
  • Do you know anyone who has?
  • What prevents you from moving toward it and attaining it now?

-And how will you know that you’ve achieved the goal?

  • How will you know that your goal has been realized?
  • What will let you know that you have attained that desired state?

 

Commitments to yourself!

  1. Write down your goal
  2. Check that you’ve made it really compelling by following the 6 steps
  3. Put this goal somewhere where you can see it, read it to yourself aloud a nd really be able to get those feelings whenever you need them
  4. Get in touch with Dr Bridget if you need any help or are simply curious!

Until next time: 

Be Safe, Be Healthy, Be Happy!

5 Tips to Manage Work Life Balance during the festive season

5 Tips to  Manage Work Life Balance during the festive season.

Work Life Balance during the festive season

Work Life Balance

I was asked to wrote 5 Tips to Manage Work Life Balance for a magazine recently and thought that it would be useful to share with you as well.

I also have a present for you!!!!! My “Mindset for Business Success” Kindle book, which is on it’s 3rd reprint, is free for the next 2 days and  you can get it by clicking on this linkVery useful for the New Year!

So, 5 Tips to Manage Your Work Life Balance during the Festive Season. Now some of you will be screaming at me ” WORK LIFE BALANCE – IT’S IMPOSSIBLE”, some of you will have worked it out already, and most of you, I suspect, will be wondering what you can do to spend time doing some work and also be happy and have fun. A lot of us run a business, some of us have a job where we might have got behind with work, and others may be looking after some very excited children and trying to keep everyone happy. Here are my 5 tips to get that work life balance during the festive season.

  1. Set goals and write them down. Put some personal goals and some work goals down in advance and tell people about them. They will then understand what you are doing rather than being surprised. Be firm about it and point out the advantages to others of you feeling calm rather than frazzled! 
  2. Set an intention. Expect the best and that’s what will happen. You get what you focus on, so focus on enjoyment and balance rather than expecting disappointment and frustration. This applies to all of your life, by the way!
  3. Decide on what is important to you. It’s OK to want to work if it is important and you feel fine with it. Let other people know what you want to achieve through the festivities to avoid feeling resentful and disappointed. It’s interesting how our parents, colleagues, friends and family have all got different expectations about this time of the year and this is because they have all grown up with different values and “should’s” and “ought to’s”.
  4. Be yourself. People often feel they need to “conform” to keep everyone happy but it often has the opposite effect. Find a way of keeping cheerful, being you, and doing what you want or need to do. 
  5. Find out what is important to others. If you know, then you can contribute to others enjoyment. If their wishes are opposite to yours, then have a conversation using the phrase “I know we all want to have a happy time together and it would be great to work out how we can do that….”

Have fun and be productive in whatever way is important to you! and here’s the link to the free kindle book again. 

Until next time ………

 

Christmas Tips – Day 8

Christmas tips – Day 8 – a free resource for you

Christmas Tips - Day 8When I work with people in business, often the 1st thing that I will do with them is to assess where they are. This tool is called the “Mindset for Success Wheel” and is a self- assessment of you and the way that you are thinking. You’ll notice that there are 8 self assessment segments – that’s great for my Christmas Tips – Day 8. If its looking a bit wobbly (most peoples are), there are plenty of things that you can do to balance out your wheel and get more success in your business, your career and your life. 

Here is a link to the tool Mindset for Success Wheel . Print off the wheel, have a look at the questions and fill in the wheel, marking whether you think you have scored a 10 (outer rim) or a 0-1 (central point). Then reflect on whether you need to make any changes and decide what they are. If you  need any help, fill in a form for a free appointment here. Its  the start of your  journey towards success! 

 

12 Days of Christmas Tips – Day One

The First Day of Christmas Tips

Christmas tips

Be yourself

Its a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Looking up the meaning of this got me totally confused so I’ve made up my own version. I think that the partridge represents who we are as individuals. I’m someone who likes to enjoy every moment of every day and this picture sums it up for me! A client told me about this activity which is called Yarn Bombing. I cant wait to find out where to join  in with this. What picture would represent you and what is important to you? Be yourself this Christmas! Share these Christmas tips with people who you want to give a gift to.

Here are some things to ask yourself:

Are you being yourself in:

  • Work
  • Business
  • Life
  • With family and friends

If not, what are the actions that you could take in order to be yourself and be happy with you? If you need help, click on this link and ask for help!

5 Tips on How To Stop Procrastination-Once And For All

 

How to Stop Procrastination Once and For All – 5 tips 

 

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

Procrastination – One of the biggest challenges my clients have is lack of effective action  which leads to frustration and lack of fulfillment. That’s why they get in touch with me, an NLP and life coach, because they know they need someone to help them to stop procrastination, once and for all. Elsie-Rose was about to write a blog and decided to have a nap instead! What do you do instead of what you need to do? Here are 5 tips for you to consider, reflect on and use  

 

Tip 1

Find your BIG WHY If you find yourself procrastinating and being easily distracted by things that don’t get you to your goal, ask yourself why you want to reach your goal in the 1st place.?What will your goal get you and what will that then get you? I can use myself as an example. When I stopped being a GP, the big why for starting my business was to avoid becoming bored. Now I know that I want to help people to reach their full potential  and also to enjoy every moment of every day –I know that’s my real BIG WHY!! My Purpose!

Tip 2

Make sure  you are motivated by what you want to do Knowing your Big Why for the goal for is a huge motivator and you will also have other things that motivate you (your values). Your goals will then flow towards you  “like butter on a hot crumpet” (a Strictly Come Dancing Quote). My motivators (values) are – enjoying every moment of every day, having fun, developing people and having a purpose. If I make sure that I “tick” those values or motivators, I find that I stop procrastination once and for all. If you are really serious about finding out what  your values are I’ve got a super, no strings attached bonus for you – its a 45 minute free consultation (worth £125) and I’m giving you this free as an ongoing member of my community! Here’s where you can access your free session 

Tip 3

Get a system of planning and prioritising Write down your goal and then ask yourself what needs to be in place for you to reach it, then what needs to be in place for you to reach that etc etc until you get to the 1st thing that you need to do. This is working backwards from your goal and is a very helpful system for planning. An example from my business is – if I want to run another mastermind group as a goal, working backwards, I then need to decide how many people I want for the group, I interview them, I  find them , put a date in the diary, decide what marketing to do and to commit to doing it. So the 1st thing for me is to commit to doing it , then to decide on my marketing, then to put a date in the diary, then find the people, then interview them. I hope that makes sense. Give me a ring if not on 07973 635102

Tip 4

Become efficient Once you know what you have to do, make sure that everything you do is going to move you closer to your goal. There are many systems that you can use – I like Eat  That Frog by Brian Tracy. Do the most important and often the most difficult thing 1st . Only do the things you’d like to do, when you have done the things you have to do. Delegate where possible. 

Work out what your perfect day is and monitor against it. – This is how I do this:-  Write down 5 things that you need to do every day to get you to your goal. Score yourself against it and reflect on your successes and challenges so that you do things consistently and efficiently. Mine would be along the lines of:- 

  •  Get up at 7:30
  •  Work on my business for 90 minutes
  •  Journal
  •  Have fun
  • Celebrate successes at the end of the day

Of course, I’d be seeing clients and networking and growing my list with social media and many other things as well, but if I had to pick 5 things that make a difference, the above would be on my list. How about you? Leave me a comment so that we can share what makes the difference.

Tip 5

Get someone to hold you accountable Hold yourself accountable by using your perfect day tool and journaling. Also feedback to someone that will challenge you if you haven’t done what you said you will do. I have a system of holding clients accountable which I agree with them and then prompt them. If you’d like to talk to me about How to Stop Procrastination, once and for all, access a free session here.

Here’s to no more housework and ironing! Or mowing the lawn or watching telly or some DIY. Unless of course, that’s what your goal is!!!

Till next time, be productive! And many thanks to Elsie- Rose for contributing to my post!

Dr Bridget

 

ONE KEY QUESTION that makes the difference-find out what it is!

What is the ONE KEY QUESTION that makes a difference in the results that you get? 

The One key Question

The ONE KEY QUESTION

I run Master Mind groups in South Wales and sometimes there’s an amazing light bulb moment that causes members to stop and think and do something differently. The ONE KEY QUESTION popped up in our last group – in fact, last week and it’s this.

“What’s important to you about………?”

 

 We were talking about communicating for better results (In fact “how to avoid arguing with someone”  was the topic for the member). The discussion was enlightening for the person involved and led to the realisation that they mind read what the other person is thinking. And we all do this. We had a discussion in the group about how everyone was different and had different values (drivers or motivators). What we tend to do is to MIND READ what is important to the other person  because we think that they are like us, and this could be wrong. So let’s learn and practice asking the ONE KEY QUESTION.

“What’s important to you about ……..?”

Examples of this could be:

  • Making changes in what’s happening in work as a leader and assuming that the same thing is important to the staff – often wrong
  • Taking your children along on a holiday and not asking them what important to them about that holiday – may make for a tense holiday
  • Assuming that your partner wants the same thing as you- often wrong

Exercise: So think of a situation where you wish to communicate in a way that keeps everyone on board. If you are making a change in work and don’t know if your staff are on board, ask the question “Whats important to you about this change?” Keep it simple and exactly in that format. Listen to what they say and you will find out whats important. You can then use the answer to keep your staff motivated and working with you. “Is is that easy?” I hear you say. I know it works as I use it every day in my interactions with people in a variety of contexts. I’m about to ask my mother “what’s important about her stay with us” and as I know she reads my posts, I’ll find out when she leaves a comment (probably).

The situation that you choose might be family, friends, work, selling ( its a key question to ask your customers and clients) or leisure activities – just choose one and give it a go. Here are some examples:-

  • What’s important to you about the holiday?
  • Whats important to you about your homework?
  • Whats important to  you about this training/coaching session?
  • Whats important to you about this appraisal?

I’d love to find out how you are getting on. Leave a comment below or if you want to discuss things further, then you can access a free consultation here.

Are you making excuses?

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses

Definition: “A reason or explanation given to justify an action”

 Excuses can be seductive. And when someone embellishes an excuse with sophisticated sounding reasons, they seem so legitimate. And for anyone working with others, whether we manage, sell, do therapy, teach, parent, relate to loved ones, practice law, etc., dealing with excuses (our own and others) is an important part of being successful in life.

Here’s the thing: – If you are in charge of your own life and the results that you get, then there are no excuses only decisions and choices.

How do you feel about me saying that??

I often meet people, who want to change their lives, but find an excuse:-

  • I’ve got family problems

  • I’ve got no money

  • It’s not the right time

  • It’s selfish if I take action

  • It’s in my genes so what’s the point

  • My family didn’t care so why should  I?

  • My car’s in the garage to be repaired and I have a lot of bills to pay

  • It’s too difficult to make a start

  • What’s the point?

Knowing that you are at the mercy of thoughts like these can be the trigger for change and it takes a lot of courage to take action!

As you know ???? Einstein says, if you think and do what you’ve always thought and done, you’ll always get the same result (or something like that)

Here’s a practical exercise for those who think that they may be making excuses:

  • Today I am avoiding X

  • My reason for avoiding X is?

  • What would happen if I didn’t avoid X?

  • What would I need to think or believe to tackle the issue and be in charge of my results?

  • Am I going to carry on as I am and accept that I am making an excuse, or take action and do Y? – Either of these is fine as long as you are making a choice. Then it’s not an excuse!

 

As always, comments are invited and welcome.

Dr Bridget

DIG DEEP! get those resources out!

Question?

How do you carry on when you’re totally exhausted and are finding it difficult to get up one more time in the night, phone one more client or play with your kids?

Whatever it is that you want to do and are too exhausted to do – read on!

I was given a book by Renee’ Brown by my coach. It was called the Gifts of Imperfection and it has inspired me to share one of her tips with you!

You DIG” DEEP

So when you are in this situation where you are overwhelmed and exhausted:-

D DELIBERATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOURS. This can be through meditation,  mindfulness or simply by making a decision that this is going to be how it is – Called setting your intention
I BECOME INSPIRED TO MAKE NEW AND DIFFERENT CHOICES -You’ve always got choices – the trick is to take a step back and get them clear in your mind
G GET GOING -Take action on your choice. It always gets better then!

So- I’ve done that today!

I’d been up since 5am to go to a meeting, then had a 2 hour coaching session with a client, 50 miles away. and then we were due to go to London for a course I was doing. When we tried to start the motor home, it was completely DEAD! So I realised I had to DIG DEEP and that “keeping calm and carrying on” was probably not quite enough. My preference at the time was to have a prolonged scream!!

So I decided to do something useful, looked at my choices, got the book out and thought – “I should tell others about this”

So here it is!! Hope its useful to you. I’m off to sleep now so catch you up soon!

HAPPY DIGGING

Bridget

Who can you talk to?

Who can you talk to in your time of need?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

Have you ever looked for someone and found a big gap?

I was thinking recently about the lowest points in my life, when my family seemed chaotic and when I spent a lot of time wondering how to get out of the mess I was in. I was struggling to hold down (a strange expression) a full time GP job with all the challenges that that brought and behaving a bit like a headless chicken! And who did I talk to?

NO-ONE!

I think I felt ashamed, but also felt that I didn’t know what the response would be.

Would the person I chose be:

  • Cross with me for letting it happen?
  • Someone who felt sorry for me rather than empathy with me?
  • Someone who also feels ashamed and you end up dealing with their shame?
  • Someone who is disappointed in you?
  • Someone who wants to ignore it all just to make you feel better?
  • Someone who tells you their experience/story and doesn’t listen to yours?

OR

  • Someone that simply listens with total compassion, empathises and is honest? Someone that makes you feel totally loved and accepted and who is someone you can expose your imperfections to?

I know that I have some people in my life now that I can open up to and will make me feel totally loved and accepted

I just need to CONNECT with them!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Take some action!

Make sure that you have people around you that you can talk to in your time of need and ask for help and support when you need it!

 

Have a Happy Family Christmas

Prevention is better than Cure! 

When you listen to what people are saying about Christmas, is it excitement and anticipation that you hear, or dread and worry? Have a listen to others and yourself as well!

The hard times that many are going through at the moment with redundancies or uncertainties have added to some peoples and families stress. It is easy  to blame circumstances and others for how we feel, but actually we have choices, and Christmas is a time when we can practice using tools and techniques to change the way we think and therefore the results that we get.

If we do this and keep practicing, the effect on the rest of our life is enormous:- We are able to set goals, understand ourselves and others and take actions.

Have a read of my “Top 10 Tips to have a Happy Family Christmas” and take some action. I will be writing about these tips in more detail in coming blogs.

Dr Bridget