What to do about Overthinking

Overthinking – How to change the channel

Overthinking

Overthinking is very common and can be an issue which causes mental health challenges, lack of sleep and it also stops us from solving problems. I always  remember the time, a couple of years ago, when I was standing in the kitchen with so many things going on in my head and it kept me rooted to the ground and stuck! That was a physical manifestation of over thinking. It lead to procrastination and stopped me from sleeping.

Have a watch of the video below, and then read about the ways to stop the overthinking and change the channel, to one of a peaceful and focused mind


These are the main ways that I use and teach my clients to use:

  1. Notice all of the chatter- rather than just keeping overthinking. Become aware of it when it happens.
  2. Focus on solving the problem – use time management and productivity tools like the pomodora technique. Plan your month, week, day and hours. Write lists and prioritise. Journaling helps.
  3. Challenge the beliefs  you have that may not be true. If you think “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do that”, you may be wrong and it may be a result of past programming and protecting yourself from past hurts.
  4. Schedule time for reflection. So journaling, meditation, mindfulness are very useful.
  5. Time Line Therapy (R) is an American Board of NLP technique which is extremely effective and removes major negative emotions and any limiting beliefs from your thinking. It’s amazing how effective this is and how the overthinking simply stops leaving you room to live your life to your full potential, Ask me for more information.

If you are struggling, let me know. You can fill in the contact form here, or book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access that free half hour with me

See you next week

Dr Bridget – clearing your thinking

 

Are Judgements Useful?

Judgements

Are judgements useful?

Does making judgements help us?

This blog came about because I noticed that I was surrounded by people, whether on Social Media or in everyday life, who were judging other people. Now I’m asking myself as well, am I judging those who are judging others. So I have considered that as well, as I recognise that what we perceive as coming back to us is actually what we are putting out.

I recently noticed that lots of people were actually using their energy in a negative way to judge others when they could have been using their energy more positively. So, are you using your energy to judge others or are you simply interested in people and enjoying seeing how everyone is different? Indeed, the latter position is the stance I prefer to take.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about your stance on this.

Now, in terms of the Neuro Linguistic Programming’s Communication Model, to be able to use the amazing amount of information surrounding us, we need to generalise and label things and that can turn into judgements.

Moreover, the presuppositions of NLP, which are the assumptions that we use in everyday life, which apply to this scenario are:

  • People aren’t their behaviour so the identity of a person is not what they are doing as a behaviour.
  • People are doing the best they can with all their available resources
  • Everyone has a different model of the world

We can adopt these presuppositions and get really interested in people and also get rid of any negative anchors we have from the past. Those anchors may have been  triggers for us to get emotionally involved and make judgements and if we get rid of them, we can then use our energy in a more positive way.

So if you find yourself doing a lot of judgement then get in touch. We can use a tool called Time Line Therapy  which gets rid of all the negative emotions which are anger, sadness, fear, hurt or guilt and any limiting decisions that you have about yourself or other people. Then life gets really interesting. You can have your own opinions and beliefs and just get on with your life to  get your goals instead of worrying about about other people are doing.

So are judgements useful?  We need some but what do you think?

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a peaceful life.

Why is Consistency Important?

Why is Consistency Important?

Hi. I expect you’ve noticed that if you aren’t consistent in your behaviour or what you say, then you get different results. This may well be fine, however- there are certain situations where consistency is important.

I’ve used a dog training example in this video and it equally applies to our business results and results in life and relationships.

For example, if we do social media, then it’s more effective to be consistent with your posts and videos and communication as it gets people to know who you are and expect you to show up on a regular basis.

Watch the video and let me know what you think.

So, I’ve been taught that shouting for my dog by his name and then rewarding him works really well as you’ve seen. I get frustrated by my husband who will the shout “come on” and then may be the name and then whistle and forget to reward him when he works out what’s expected. No consistency!

My question to you, is:

How consistent are you in repeating things that you know works – that’s in your business, in your life, in your career or in a relationship?

Be honest- give yourself a score on the scale of 0-10 where 0 is “I’m a nightmare, I’m not consistent at all to 10, which is, I’m wonderful, I do everything consistently and it works.

How would it be if you could choose one area to improve your consistency in and monitor the results?

Let me know if you need any help – I do a free session to look at what’s happening and what I can help you change to become consistent – There’s usually a root cause!

Until next week

Dr Bridget, putting out a blog every week for your benefit

5 NLP Principles for Success

5 NLP Principles for Success

NLP

Success

Many people have read articles about principles for success and take actions as a result.  These are somewhat different and are NLP Principles for Success. They are taught on the NLP Practitioner courses that I run and are key to becoming succesful – whatever that means for you. There are 5 principles.

Watch the video and then read about them below


Here are the 5 principles:

  1. Knowing your outcome. If you don’t have this knowledge of what you want- your goals- you won’t know where you are heading, what you will see, hear and feel when  you get there and what evidence you will need to know that you’ve arrived.
  2. Taking Action. Even if you have a clear goal, sometimes it will be difficult to take the action and you may start procrastinating. This is usually because of Negative Beliefs that have come from Decisions that  you have made in the past and also maybe some negative emotions. Often people get really anxious and simply taking action stops the anxiety.
  3. Sensory Acuity. This is about noticing microchanges in yourself and other people. Perhaps you notice yourself getting hot or cold? Or that your stature changes – becoming more upright or otherwise. Maybe you notice a feeling in your stomach of tension or notice that your breathing has changed in some way. Becoming aware  of this can give you a lot of information about your bodies reaction to what you are thinking or feeling. It is often part of what we call your gut reaction or your intuition.
  4. Behavioural flexibility. Notice your behaviour and the results that it gets you. NLP  gives you many different tools  to change habitual behaviour and to change what is not working for you. After all, the meaning of your behaviour behaviour is the results that you get rather than what you thought you would get. Also the meaning of your communication is the result that you get and therefore you need to be fleible with both to get what you want.
  5. Operate from a Physiology and Psychology of Excellence. A psychology of excellence means that you are fully aligned with your outcomes and with your values and beliefs. You will have no internal negative chatter and will be heading towards where you want to go. A physiology of excellence is equally important. Whatever you do with your body affects your moods and vice versa. Take care of yourself. Anything you do that affects your physiology  needs to be empowering. Eat well, move well and notice when anything needs attention.

If you are doing all those things you will get your goals and be empowered and be happy and fulfilled.

If you aren’t doing these things and have tried and not managed to, book an appointment with me. I do a free 1/2 hour session to enable you to put these 5 principles into action

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – giving you a high five!

People Aren’t their Behaviour

People aren’t their behaviour

behaviour

Behaviours

This is so important for our relationships with people in our life and also for our relationship with ourself. It is so easy to look at someone’s behaviour and judge them or fall out with them without truly understanding what is going on for that person. It also applies to ourself as well – maybe we’ve behaved in a way that is unusual for us and we think ” I need to change that!”

Reasons for behaving in ways that cause judgement of others or concerns about our own behaviour are many. Here are just two of them:

  1. People can be in a highly emotionally charged state when they are hungry or thirsty or tired or in pain. This then makes their reality different to when they are calm and considered. So they may become very angry or sad or frightened much more easily in this state and any slight trigger will cause them to behave in a way we are not used to
  2. The way people’s thoughts and feelings have been wired by events in the past, their values or their beliefs. Decisions are made which become beliefs and cause a reality to exist that has consequences for people’s behaviours or their results.

I was talking to a client the other day who had a mistrust of people which he had decided as a result of a painful event in the past. This became something that he “looked out for” and which was having serious consequences.

The crunch point came when he was in a networking meeting with a friend and his friend said something. It took him right back to the original event where he had made the decision that he couldn’t trust people. The result was that he completely lost the plot and also lost his friend and the respect of other people in the room.

So he arrived in my office and asked for help. It was easy to sort out with a breakthrough process using Time Line Therapy (R).  And he recovered his friends and collegaues and started to trust people again very quickly.

So the things to learn from this are:

  1. People aren’t their behaviours- behaviours are not people’s identity
  2. People have different models of the world and are doing the best they can with their available resources.
  3. Judging people by their behaviours is unhelpful and can cause misunderstandings
  4. If you have a behaviour that you don’t like, get some help from me to manage your emotional states or change your wiring. It doesn’t take long.
  5. Watching people’s behaviours becomes interesting if you lose the judgement
  6. Working with Dr Bridget, either 1:1 or by taking an NLP Training, enables you to be in charge of your life

Until next week

Dr Bridget – finding people’s behaviours interesting

Delegation- the Reasons to Do It

Delegation – Reasons to do it

Delegation

Delegation

Delegation is very much about mind set. We often get to the stage where we are overwhelmed because of our success or our “busyness” or because of our worry about giving things to other people:

 

  • Will they do a good job?
  • Will they do it as I want to do it?
  • Will it have an effect on my business in a bad way?
  • What if I don’t reach my target because it all goes wrong?

And here’s the thing – Not delegating can cause us to take our eye of the goals that we want to achieve because we can’t focus and we get ineffective.

And it can stop us living in our zone of genius- a term from the book called “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks – a highly recommended read.

I often talk about this in my mastermind groups because as people and businesses grow and life gets really busy, it’s something that can help people to take a step back and think more about their life and business and just create that space to flourish.

Sometimes people have delegated in the past – myself included- and it’s not worked out. And it can put  you off.

Sometimes we delegate the wrong things and don’t realise until it has gone wrong.

Have a watch of the video beow and then use the tool that I have given you below


I have attempted many times to delegate and now delegate my account, some of my Social Media, my videoing, my web tasks – oh and the cooking! It has taken some time and been painful , but I have now grown my business by finding the right people to do these things.

So if you think that you want to do or should delegate, there are 3 things to ask yourself:

  1. What shouldn’t I be doing?
  2. What can’t I do?
  3. What don’t I want to do?

Brainstorm the answers to these three things and then pick one thing to delegate this month and just do it.

If you are struggling to do this becuase your unconscious mind, which is there to keep you safe is bipping away in your ear going “It will all go wrong”, “I can’t trust other people”, or No-one does it as well as me”, then book a free half hour session or send me a message on my contact page and let’s talk about it!

Go from Overwhelm to underwhelm and Freedom

Go from  Lack of focus to being totally Focused

Go from Doubt and stuck to Certainty and Freedom

Go from Not reaching your Goals to Reaching your Goals

Until next week,

Dr Bridget, delegating your success to you!

Is your “Story” Working for You

What is your “Story”

Hello.

Story

Your Story

We all have a “story” which is what we consider to be our reality. The things that we tell ourselves and the internal dialogue that goes on in our head. It consists of stories that have been passed down to us from our parents , their parents, our colleagues and friends. And once we are born, these start to influence us and we get our core beliefs and values in place – usually by the age of 7-10.

(I’ve written an e-book on this which you can get here)

As we go through life we add to our story and change our beliefs and values as things happen around us and in our world. Maybe things happen to you in school, in relationships, in work or in business and those things change your story. Watch the video below and have a think about the question below it.

So, as you think about it now, does your story work for you or not? Does it enable you to reach your goals, get our of your comfort zone, and get what you want in life? Or does it reduce your ability to do what you want to do, lower your mood and leave you feeling frustrated?

Does it affect your well- being? Anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt are all emotions that can keep us stuck and if we let go of them, then we can create a new story which works for us – after all, we only have one life, don’t we?

Write down any thoughts that you have about what is working for you and what isn’t.  Start a journal about this if you haven’t got one already and maybe have one page for what works and one for what doesn’t work. Then you can really reflect on it.

How to change your story

  • Read the e-book
  • Find some positive people that will help you have a positive story that you really want rather than people who lower your moods ( mood hoovers) and keep you stuck in an un-useful emotional state.
  • Set some compelling goals and take actions towards getting those
  • If  you can’t  find these people or can’t get your goals, get in touch so you get a story that you want – a new story that leaves you feeling motivated, happy and able to achieve anything.

Remember – you only have one life- let me help you get that right!

Dr Bridget – helping you re-write your story

Understanding a Specific Communication Challenge

Communication Challenges – understanding them

Communication

Communication challenges

One of the ways in which we all differ is in the way that we communicate and this can cause challenges in relationships, actions that we take and our understanding of other people.

One of the filters that we use to deal with the vast amount of information coming into our senses are called metaprogrammes, of which there are 18. They may sound complicated but they aren’t and its simply a question of you understanding where you are on the scale of each.

The one that I am going to talk about today is whether people are literal or inferential speakers. So literal speakers are very direct and say exactly what they think and are specific about what they want.

Inferential speakers are very keen not to upset people and therefore tend to hint, imply and “go around the houses” when they speak. Inferential speaker might say ” Do you want a mint?” and literal speakers might say “You need to brush your teeth”. Inferential speakers might say ” Do you think we should look at other holidays” and a literal speaker would say ” I don’t want to go there”

The problem and  challenge for inferential speakers is that they bend over backwards to not offend people and, in doing so, fail to get their message across and end up feeling frustrated or misunderstood. If you are a literal speaker, then  people may get upset by your straight forwardness.

Watch the video below and ask yourself which you are.

You could ask other people what they think or simply observe people’s reactions to what you say. Then you can decide whether to adapt your communication – after all, the meaning of your communication is the results that you get.

If you are interested in the differences between people and would like to learn more about effective communication, have a look at my NLP Practitioner course and contact me to find out when the next courses are.

Happy communicating  and catch up next week.

Dr Bridget