How to say NO to people and why

How to say No to people and why

Just say No

Say No

This is an important topic because if you do say no, you will get:

  • Head space for what really want to do and will be completely in charge of your life

• Real fulfilment and enjoyment of your life with none of these ups and down moments

And if you don’t say no. you will become overwhelmed, have low mood and be kicking yourself when  you wake up in the night with everything going round and round in your head and lose any time you have to look after yourself.

 

What can you say No to? Watch the video below and have a think about what you can take action on.

Say No to

  • Other peoples baggage – moaning, negativity, reasons and excuses
  • Things that make you angry
  • Work that you hate
  • Business processes or relationships that you hate
  • Toxic relationships – here’s a link to a video about my ABCD tool. Mood hoovers are the Ds – They have a different model of the world and that is fine but if its having a negative affect on your health or your emotions, get rid of them or neutralise them- Just say NO
  • Hanging onto the past – Things have happened and you have put things into your head. The past is gone, the present is the present and the future hasn’t happened yet so let go and notice the things that are around you and be present.

Is there anything that I have forgotten? Let me know and also let me know what you plan to do to start saying NO. If you need any help, just go here and book a free session with me to start that journey.

 

See you next week with another prescription for success.

Dr Bridget

The impact of your expectations is huge!

Expectations

Expectations

Expectations

I have Two Questions for you:

Are you someone that expects good things to happen or bad things?

Do you find that what you expect is what you get??

Here’s a task for you: – Have you ever thought about whether your mindset effects the outcomes of a task or situation? One day this week, I want you to really think about what outcomes you expect from each situation, be that good or bad, and then make a note of what you expected and what the outcomes to those situations are.

Whether your mind set is focused positively and you expect good outcomes, or negatively and you expect bad outcomes, is crucial to the results, and therefore has an effect on your enjoyment of life.

I recently had a client who made all of his decisions based on the “what ifs”, focusing on the negative outcomes that could happen and therefore tailoring his approach to them. This resulted in him only having outcomes that were sub-par to what he wanted to achieve. After meeting with me he began making decisions based on what he wanted to happen, the ‘what ifs’ seemed to be less relevant and he could then focus on the great expectations he had.

If you are preparing for the worst, chances are that you will end up stuck on that level – your mindset truly effects the outcomes.

Watch the video below where I talk about one of my 1st NLP Training participants and where she has reached her dream goals because of shift in how she views her expectations.

Perform the task mentioned at the beginning of this prescription and if you are always expecting the worst to happen and you’d like to take action on your mindset, give me a call on 01656 347027. Or click here to fill in a form for a FREE discovery consultation and I’ll get straight back to you.

As discussed in the video NLP training inspired Sharon to live her dream, if you would like to hear more from Sharon about her experience with NLP click here to watch and interview.

Until next time, take charge of what you want and expect to get it!!

Dr. Bridget

 

Letting go of guilt

letting_go_of_guiltGuilt can come in many different shapes and forms, it can be rational and irrational, it can come from something you have physically done or even because you feel a certain way. But ultimately guilt is driven from self-hatred.

We do something we regret, we say something that hurts or offends someone, we make a mistake. Then we get lost in the should-haves, could-haves and self-judgement.

To a certain extent we get addicted to the guilt, thinking that constantly beating ourselves up over the mistake will somehow absolve us of that negative experience – but instead we are just torturing ourselves.

Many of us feel guilt from things we did or didn’t do for ourselves – “I didn’t get enough work done” or “I shouldn’t have eaten that” – and our minds trick us into thinking that anger and guilt is a good motivator. But none of these everyday outcomes deserve our own self-judgement and guilt.

Guilt can become all-consuming and hold you back from reaching your full potential, it acts as an anchor to the past, telling you, you don’t deserve to be happy. But everyone deserves to be happy. Learning how to let go of guilt and forgive yourself can be fantastically freeing. It teaches you to choose self-love over self-hate and be more compassionate towards yourself.

Change is never easy but I can help and support you through the process. If you are ready to let go of the guilt holding you back, click here to book a FREE consultation or call Dr. Bridget on 07973 635102

Do You Follow Up? Here’s Why You Should.

Following Up – Just Do It

Why aren't you you following up?

Following up

I meet a lot of people who say that they are going to do something and never get around to it, and I find it really interesting to think about why this could be. I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past but now I make sure that following up is a priority, and it has made a huge difference to my business and my mind-set.

People who don’t follow up on actions can come across as a bit disrespectful and it is damaging to the trust that was originally there at the beginning of relationships. Not following up can be detrimental to your business! By not continuing the contact it could mean that you are missing out on a sale, or a lead to something you want to happen!

There is a theme in Neuro Linguistic Programming which says that there are either:

RESULTS or REASONS AND EXCUSES

And I know which I would rather have! Just think of the amount of time that can go into setting up meetings or getting the initial interaction with, only to not follow up afterwards! What a waste!

I usually find that my clients have 2 main reasons or excuses for not following up.

Watch my video below where I discuss these reasons and the repercussions they can have!

The reasons why people don’t follow up tend to fall into two categories:

  1. Mindreading – this is when you claim to know what is going on in another person’s head. You think that you might contact them at an inconvenient time or that you are bothering them or that they are not interested. But – YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW! You are just assuming. These people are may actually be waiting for you to follow up and feel frustrated and annoyed when you don’t.
  2. A limiting belief – this is where you say to yourself “I’ve not got time” or “I’m not that interesting” or “I’m not good enough” or “they will go with another supplier of the service who is better/cheaper than me”. If you don’t believe you have time, then find a way to manage your time more efficiently – could be as simple as buying a diary. If you feel that you aren’t interesting or good enough, this is a much deeper issue, although the fix can be just as quick and easy. I would love to help you, I offer free consultations and we can start changing that mind set together!

So, stop mind reading, believe in yourself, make time and simply follow up – you never know what is waiting on the other end of the phone call!

If you’d like to know more about the themes of NLP, then click here to find a list of the courses I offer.

Until next time – enjoy the rewards of following up!

Dr. Bridget

Use Your Mind For A Change – Goal Setting That Works!!

Use Your Mind For A Change- Goal Setting that Works!!

Goal Setting That Works

Use Your Brain For A Change

Hi!

I’m guessing there are many times during the year where you are probably thinking – “I ought to be setting goals now!” ?? And I’m sitting here wondering whether you actually do? Or don’t? Either way, there are loads of tips in this blog!

 And here’s a startling statisticonly 3% of people set and write down their goals!!

This statistic comes from a study by Harvard University of their Business School graduates. Analysis ahows that 13% set goals but don’t write them down and  3% do write their goals down and they earned ten times as much money as those that don’t, and get the rest of their  life goals as well!!

Wow – that’s a good reason to read this blog to the end, isn’t it? 

Or if you are as impatient as me and want to talk to Dr Bridget straight away, here’s the link!

(And, as promised, there are 4 inspiring questions after step 6 that will definitely make the difference!) 

I make a point of setting my goals once a year because that works for me and it gives the people that support me real clarity. And, here’s the thing, it helps me get really clear, both at a conscious and a subconscious level

Some people use the SMART system for setting goals, and thats sort of OK. Because you may have noticed:- unless your mind is fully engaged in the process of going to get these goals, you may as well not  bother, and that would be a shame, because goal setting is the way to get success in most areas of life. For the 3% that do it properly, anyway!

NLP provides us with an amazing tool for setting goals, because NLP enables us to go beyond mere “goal setting” into the actual “programming” of our minds to drive us towards our desired goal and that’s because it is really specific! The brain works primarily from our sensory system (pictures, sounds, feelings). The NLP model addresses this by getting our goal sensory specific. But it doesn’t stop there. For, the brain not only uses the sensory system, it also uses our word meanings that drive the sensory system. So if we use compelling language that our brain really gets, your brain will be on the look-out for all the opportunities to get the goal!

So that you can move from your present state to your desired state!

AND here are THE 6 STEPS that help your brain to get really excited about your goals.

1) State the goal in positive terms and write it as though you already have it.

Describe the Present Situation and make sure that you are putting yourself into the future when you have the goal!

  • It’s xx/xx/xxxx and I am ………….
  • What do you want? – be really specific
  • State it in the positive (what you want to achieve)

 

2)Specify the goal in Sensory Based Terms.

  • What will you see, hear, feel, and say to yourself, when you have it?
  • Engage all of your senses in this description process to employ more of your brain and nervous system.

3) Is the goal self-initiated and maintained.

  • Is the goal something that you can initiate yourself and maintain?
  • Test your goal by asking if it is something that you have within your power or ability to do.

4) State the Context of the goal.

  • Where, when, how, with whom, etc. will you get this goal?
  • Is the goal appropriately contextualized?

Test your goal by applying it to a context: when, where, with who, etc. to make sure that it is going to be fitting and appropriate.  Readjust your goal to make sure that it fits.

5) Make sure that you are maintaining any secondary gain

What do I mean by this? Well there are some things that we really don’t want to do that we would have to do if we were to reach our goal. Or there are some things that we really enjoy doing that we don’t want to stop if we have this goal.

An example would be: “If I moved to this place, I wouldn’t see much of my friends”. That may mean that you are reluctant to take the action to get your goal. So, make sure you have made arrangements to see your friends anyway, and then you will be able to take the action

Here’s two questions to ask yourself – very powerful!

“What is it that I’m doing , that I enjoy doing, that I won’t be able to do if I achieved my goal”?

“What is it that I’m not doing , that I don’t want to do, that I’d have to do if I achieved my goal

Write down the answers. If there is something, then find a way of maintaining that something by thinking laterally and problem solving.

6) Run a Ecology check on your Goal to make sure it is for you in all areas of your life.

  • Is the desired goal right for you in all circumstances of your life?
  • Is your goal appropriate in all your personal relationships?
  • What will having your goal give you that you do not now have?
  • What will having your goal cause you to lose?
  • Is your goal achievable?
  • Does it respect your health, relationships, etc?

If you find yourself saying, part of me wants x and part of me wants y, then there is some incongruence in your goal and you may need some help sorting it out.

 

And As Promised

Four questions for yourself about your goal that will make your brain work even harder!! 

  • What will happen when you get it?
  • What won’t happen when you get it?
  • What will happen if you don’t get it?
  • What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

 

Wow – did that help??

And what comes next?:

 -What Resources will you need to achieve the goal.

  • What resources will you need in order to get this goal?
  • Who will you have to become?
  • Who else has achieved this goal?
  • Have you ever had or done this before?
  • Do you know anyone who has?
  • What prevents you from moving toward it and attaining it now?

-And how will you know that you’ve achieved the goal?

  • How will you know that your goal has been realized?
  • What will let you know that you have attained that desired state?

 

Commitments to yourself!

  1. Write down your goal
  2. Check that you’ve made it really compelling by following the 6 steps
  3. Put this goal somewhere where you can see it, read it to yourself aloud a nd really be able to get those feelings whenever you need them
  4. Get in touch with Dr Bridget if you need any help or are simply curious!

Until next time: 

Be Safe, Be Healthy, Be Happy!

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety

Everyone gets anxiety

One of my NLP Practitioner  students asked me how to stop anxiety that her children had when they went to interviews. She wanted to know how to use NLP to make a difference. It struck me that it would be great to share my thoughts with you! I know that I suffer some mild anxiety in certain situations (usually around organisation of my business) and I use the techniques in this post to help.

Remember that “Anxiety is a warning from the unconscious mind to focus on what you want” Tad James

1)      Make sure that you are not suffering with fear from events in the past – this can lead to limiting beliefs and negative hooks to events. These can be easily resolved using NLP and is very easy to do.  Anxiety about specific events is future based and can be present without fear from the past.

2)      Ask yourself whether the event that you are anxious about is something that you need to do on the way to really important goals for you. I had a client recently who was anxious about meeting someone who had a reputation of being aggressive and she was concerned and quite anxious about this. However, when we talked through her goals, it turned out that it wasn’t important to meet the person for her goals and was more important for her to do other things that would be really helpful. She cancelled the meeting and felt fine about it. By the way; she reached her goals really quickly by reminding herself of them.

3)      Find out what the problem is in order to find out how to stop anxiety. So consider the statement “I’m worried about the interview”. If you ask What specifically are you worried about? The answer could be:-

  •  I don’t know enough
  •  I don’t know if I’ m good enough (fear of failure or needing someone to tell them they do a good job or lack of self- belief)
  •  I don’t know if it’s the right job for me  (Not knowing what important in a job for them (values) or whether it suits how they work )
  • I might have to do something I don’t, deep down, want to do if I get the job (It’s better not to get it)
  •  What will people think if I don’t get the job? (Concern about Reputation)
  •  What will people think if I do get the job? (Fear of success)

Acknowledging what the problem is , is a great start resolving it!

4)      Knowing the purpose of the anxiety is also useful. There is always a purpose and it’s often about keeping yourself safe. The unconscious mind’s main function is to protect you and this is useful but frustrating at times. Have you ever noticed a situation where you know what you want and what you need to do, but your unconscious mind (that voice) keeps nudging you and saying “remember what happened last time or what people said – wouldn’t you be better not doing it?” Working through how else you can protect yourself is the way to overcome this.

How to stop anxiety

1)      If you have fear from events that happened in the past, speak to me about it if it is stopping you from moving forward. Maybe you could say to yourself, the past is the past and I can move on and be the best I can be now and in the future. Maybeyou will need help to work this through. Access a free session here to discuss this.

2)      Make sure that you have goals that are specific and ask yourself, does what I’m anxious about get me towards them? Make sure your goals are always where you notice them – on a vision board, in your journal, on your screen saver, securely in your mind.

3)      Work out what is important to you – your core values so that you can measure what you are planning to do against them. There is One Key Question that you can ask (link to blog about this)

4)      Discover what the real problem is – be honest with yourself. Have a think and fill a form in here if you want to talk through the problem

5)      Acknowledge the unconscious mind’s wish to keep you safe and realise that there are many ways of keeping you safe, including going for your goals and what you want in life! Your unconscious mind will agree with you and relax.

6)      Anxiety is on the same spectrum of moods as excitement. So you can try turning up your mild anxiety and noticing  that you become excited about the event

7)      Speak to me about what specific anxiety techniques I can help you with that you will find helpful.

Consider undertaking NLP Practitioner training

My trainings include coaching to get you to the outcomes that you want and you will learn about:-

  • Compelling goal setting – how to MAKE SURE you get what you want
  • Values- what’s important to you
  • How your mind works
  • Techniques to  avoid internal conflict
  • Removing limitations from your mind
  • Communicating with yourself and others in an effective way.
  • And overcoming anxiety of course!

Here’s the link to have a chat with me about the value to you of doing the course.

 

 

5 Tips on How To Stop Procrastination-Once And For All

 

How to Stop Procrastination Once and For All – 5 tips 

 

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

5 Tips for stopping procrastination,once and for all

Procrastination – One of the biggest challenges my clients have is lack of effective action  which leads to frustration and lack of fulfillment. That’s why they get in touch with me, an NLP and life coach, because they know they need someone to help them to stop procrastination, once and for all. Elsie-Rose was about to write a blog and decided to have a nap instead! What do you do instead of what you need to do? Here are 5 tips for you to consider, reflect on and use  

 

Tip 1

Find your BIG WHY If you find yourself procrastinating and being easily distracted by things that don’t get you to your goal, ask yourself why you want to reach your goal in the 1st place.?What will your goal get you and what will that then get you? I can use myself as an example. When I stopped being a GP, the big why for starting my business was to avoid becoming bored. Now I know that I want to help people to reach their full potential  and also to enjoy every moment of every day –I know that’s my real BIG WHY!! My Purpose!

Tip 2

Make sure  you are motivated by what you want to do Knowing your Big Why for the goal for is a huge motivator and you will also have other things that motivate you (your values). Your goals will then flow towards you  “like butter on a hot crumpet” (a Strictly Come Dancing Quote). My motivators (values) are – enjoying every moment of every day, having fun, developing people and having a purpose. If I make sure that I “tick” those values or motivators, I find that I stop procrastination once and for all. If you are really serious about finding out what  your values are I’ve got a super, no strings attached bonus for you – its a 45 minute free consultation (worth £125) and I’m giving you this free as an ongoing member of my community! Here’s where you can access your free session 

Tip 3

Get a system of planning and prioritising Write down your goal and then ask yourself what needs to be in place for you to reach it, then what needs to be in place for you to reach that etc etc until you get to the 1st thing that you need to do. This is working backwards from your goal and is a very helpful system for planning. An example from my business is – if I want to run another mastermind group as a goal, working backwards, I then need to decide how many people I want for the group, I interview them, I  find them , put a date in the diary, decide what marketing to do and to commit to doing it. So the 1st thing for me is to commit to doing it , then to decide on my marketing, then to put a date in the diary, then find the people, then interview them. I hope that makes sense. Give me a ring if not on 07973 635102

Tip 4

Become efficient Once you know what you have to do, make sure that everything you do is going to move you closer to your goal. There are many systems that you can use – I like Eat  That Frog by Brian Tracy. Do the most important and often the most difficult thing 1st . Only do the things you’d like to do, when you have done the things you have to do. Delegate where possible. 

Work out what your perfect day is and monitor against it. – This is how I do this:-  Write down 5 things that you need to do every day to get you to your goal. Score yourself against it and reflect on your successes and challenges so that you do things consistently and efficiently. Mine would be along the lines of:- 

  •  Get up at 7:30
  •  Work on my business for 90 minutes
  •  Journal
  •  Have fun
  • Celebrate successes at the end of the day

Of course, I’d be seeing clients and networking and growing my list with social media and many other things as well, but if I had to pick 5 things that make a difference, the above would be on my list. How about you? Leave me a comment so that we can share what makes the difference.

Tip 5

Get someone to hold you accountable Hold yourself accountable by using your perfect day tool and journaling. Also feedback to someone that will challenge you if you haven’t done what you said you will do. I have a system of holding clients accountable which I agree with them and then prompt them. If you’d like to talk to me about How to Stop Procrastination, once and for all, access a free session here.

Here’s to no more housework and ironing! Or mowing the lawn or watching telly or some DIY. Unless of course, that’s what your goal is!!!

Till next time, be productive! And many thanks to Elsie- Rose for contributing to my post!

Dr Bridget

 

Overcoming challenges – how do you keep the “faith”?

Overcoming challenges and keeping the “faith” has been an interesting one for me in the last month.

In particular, the balancing of work and life priorities has led to some interesting internal chatter!!!

Keeping the Faith and overcoming challenges

Overcoming challenges

Working for myself and dealing with challenges on my own has occasionally caused me to question why I do what I do. So I thought I’d share my thoughts about it , for the purpose of supporting others. A lot of my clients know what they really want to do and still falter when things don’t go as planned. When I think about it, there are some common reasons:-

It’s because 1) either the thing that they want isn’t important enough or 2) they don’t believe they are good enough to do it whatever it is. Also 3) they probably don’t have support from people that sustain them. Blaming others, doubting yourself, or uncertainty about the  outcome are all sent to test our resolve. Probably a result of lack of clarity about importance and lack of self belief.  So, making sure that you are doing what is important to your core values is important. Plus doing whatever is necessary to fully believe in yourself. These are key components of overcoming challenges and keeping the “faith” 

The picture above is a project that we are undertaking in the garden, only to find that we need planning permission for the decking and that the soil needed to fill the beds is  going to cost a lot of money. We could have just stopped but it was important to me and I know we would find a way – just persisting in the face of adversity has helped. A minor challenge compared to what some people are going through in their lives and their businesses. If you need any support or help to find a way to overcome obstacles , just click here to access a free session.

Otherwise, make sure you are doing the things that are important to you, believe in  yourself and then find people to talk to about what  you are doing. I run Mastermind groups In the South West and Wales and I find it really useful being a member of one myself. It enables people to brainstorm, solve challenges and gain confidential support from other members.

Till next time.

Dr Bridget