Clearing clutter- It’s time!

Clearing clutter and getting clarity

I was inspired to write this article about clearing clutter as I watch the leaves fall from the trees and start to tidy up the garden. It made me think of what I need to clear from my life and my business in order to be able to be successful and happy! 

Clearing clutter that you don't want

Clearing clutter and getting rid of what is not helpful

I was talking to a client this morning who was feeling a bit overwhelmed and had come to stop at a place where she couldn’t move forward. It turned out she hadn’t been clearing clutter and that she felt that her life was a bit of a mess – that she was just about coping until the next thing came in when she went into a bit of a downward spiral – I’m sure you know what I mean – I certainly do. We chatted for a while until she became clear about what was holding her back and and what she needed to stop doing so that she could move forwards. Its a key skill in life to have clarity and to get started clearing out the clutter.

Here are the things that I need to be completely clear about and what I don’t need in my life – The list may be of help to you as you consider “tidying up” your life and consider what you could let go of and out in the compost heap. 

Environment: Being content with my environment at home and at work. I need to get rid of clutter that stops me from concentrating.  

Q. What could you get rid of in order to become more efficient? Could you tidy up some of your paths in order to find the direction you want and sweep up some of the leaves that are hiding the clarity of the edges?

Goals: Being really clear about my goals. And also finding new ones.  As a metaphor – have the borders been dug, the vegetables grown and eaten and do you need to know what you want for next year? Its difficult to sow seeds unless you know what you want them to grow into!

Q. What do you need to do to tidy up your goals?

Behaviours: Am I doing the things that get me what I want? That move me towards my goals? Or do I do random and ineffective behaviors? I’m someone that forgets to do watering the plants that I have planted and this means that they don’t do as well as I would like them to. Putting in new behaviours and letting go of the ones that don’t work would be useful.

Q. What behaviours could you change that would make you life better than it is now and get you your goals?

Values and Beliefs: Am I living in line with my values and what I believe,  or am I living in line with other people’s values and beliefs? Its important to me to have fun and to have a purpose and sometimes I have a sweep out of things that aren’t fun and get me towards my goals. Reminders around the house are important as its easy to forget whats important.

Q. Are you clear about your values ? Your motivators? Here is a link to my book where you can find out how to be certain what they are.

Identity: Am I being myself and am I happy with that or am I being who someone else wants me to be? Do I surround myself with supportive people? 

Q. Do people drag you down and make you feel uncomfortable and that you cant be yourself? Surround yourself with people who sustain you and you sustain them. People who tend to make you feel undernourished or not growing can be swept gently aside. Have a look at the chapter on support in my book in order to make some changes. 

Here is a list that may be useful in deciding what clutter to get rid of and what you want instead.

  • Your environment or surroundings – declutter
  • What you do that isn’t working for you – create new behaviours
  • Goals that are in the past or don’t matter any more – make new ones and keep them clearly in your mind
  • Make sure that you are being who you want to be and that you surround yourself with supportive people

I’d love to know what changes you are thinking of making – the clutter that you are going to get rid of and what you will replace it with so have a think and LEAVE A COMMENT below that may inspire other people. If you’d like some support to talk this through click here to access a free consultation.

Till next time

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

ONE KEY QUESTION that makes the difference-find out what it is!

What is the ONE KEY QUESTION that makes a difference in the results that you get? 

The One key Question

The ONE KEY QUESTION

I run Master Mind groups in South Wales and sometimes there’s an amazing light bulb moment that causes members to stop and think and do something differently. The ONE KEY QUESTION popped up in our last group – in fact, last week and it’s this.

“What’s important to you about………?”

 

 We were talking about communicating for better results (In fact “how to avoid arguing with someone”  was the topic for the member). The discussion was enlightening for the person involved and led to the realisation that they mind read what the other person is thinking. And we all do this. We had a discussion in the group about how everyone was different and had different values (drivers or motivators). What we tend to do is to MIND READ what is important to the other person  because we think that they are like us, and this could be wrong. So let’s learn and practice asking the ONE KEY QUESTION.

“What’s important to you about ……..?”

Examples of this could be:

  • Making changes in what’s happening in work as a leader and assuming that the same thing is important to the staff – often wrong
  • Taking your children along on a holiday and not asking them what important to them about that holiday – may make for a tense holiday
  • Assuming that your partner wants the same thing as you- often wrong

Exercise: So think of a situation where you wish to communicate in a way that keeps everyone on board. If you are making a change in work and don’t know if your staff are on board, ask the question “Whats important to you about this change?” Keep it simple and exactly in that format. Listen to what they say and you will find out whats important. You can then use the answer to keep your staff motivated and working with you. “Is is that easy?” I hear you say. I know it works as I use it every day in my interactions with people in a variety of contexts. I’m about to ask my mother “what’s important about her stay with us” and as I know she reads my posts, I’ll find out when she leaves a comment (probably).

The situation that you choose might be family, friends, work, selling ( its a key question to ask your customers and clients) or leisure activities – just choose one and give it a go. Here are some examples:-

  • What’s important to you about the holiday?
  • Whats important to you about your homework?
  • Whats important to  you about this training/coaching session?
  • Whats important to you about this appraisal?

I’d love to find out how you are getting on. Leave a comment below or if you want to discuss things further, then you can access a free consultation here.

Are you making excuses?

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses

Definition: “A reason or explanation given to justify an action”

 Excuses can be seductive. And when someone embellishes an excuse with sophisticated sounding reasons, they seem so legitimate. And for anyone working with others, whether we manage, sell, do therapy, teach, parent, relate to loved ones, practice law, etc., dealing with excuses (our own and others) is an important part of being successful in life.

Here’s the thing: – If you are in charge of your own life and the results that you get, then there are no excuses only decisions and choices.

How do you feel about me saying that??

I often meet people, who want to change their lives, but find an excuse:-

  • I’ve got family problems

  • I’ve got no money

  • It’s not the right time

  • It’s selfish if I take action

  • It’s in my genes so what’s the point

  • My family didn’t care so why should  I?

  • My car’s in the garage to be repaired and I have a lot of bills to pay

  • It’s too difficult to make a start

  • What’s the point?

Knowing that you are at the mercy of thoughts like these can be the trigger for change and it takes a lot of courage to take action!

As you know ???? Einstein says, if you think and do what you’ve always thought and done, you’ll always get the same result (or something like that)

Here’s a practical exercise for those who think that they may be making excuses:

  • Today I am avoiding X

  • My reason for avoiding X is?

  • What would happen if I didn’t avoid X?

  • What would I need to think or believe to tackle the issue and be in charge of my results?

  • Am I going to carry on as I am and accept that I am making an excuse, or take action and do Y? – Either of these is fine as long as you are making a choice. Then it’s not an excuse!

 

As always, comments are invited and welcome.

Dr Bridget

Journaling for clarity interview plus 5 top tips

Journaling interview

I have recently met and interviewed an inspring lady called Jacqui Malpass and asked her how journalling has helped her and her career. We also explored how useful it is for personal development and why I journal myself.

journalingTo listen to the journaling interview click here.

Also I’ve given you 5 top tips to help you  start journalling and get the huge benefits from it!

1. A journal is a safe place to release your thoughts and emotions.

Journalling helps you to release pent-up thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Bottling things up is not helpful and keeping your thoughts and feelings inside is a recipe for disaster. Writing about them in your journal can help you release them and move forward.

2. A journal makes you stop and take a good look at yourself.

If you have an negative approach to life, which can feed into low mood and anxiety, you will be able to spot it in very little time. Reflecting on previous journal entries, you’ll begin to notice familiar threads of doubt, mistrust, and hopelessness. When you spot and clarify these negative thought processes, you can then begin to work on changing them.

3. A journal gives you private space to “be”.

 Sometimes you just need a place where you can throw your thoughts and feelings without saying them. Also a journal doesn’t necessarily have to be filled with your written thoughts. You can use your journal to express yourself with paints, drawings, collages, and mind maps. There are several good books which can give you ideas, but the best way is to jsut do what feel right for you.

4. A journal shows your progress (or lack of).

One good thing about a journal is that it is a record of things that you have done every day. When you are consistent, you will be able to reflect back later on your condition and see how you’ve improved. Likewise, you can pick up on areas that still need some work (negative attitude, dashed hopes, low spirits, for example).

5. A journal helps you get a handle on your mental well being.

Another great thing about journalling your way through challenging times is that you can literally track your mental status by reading back through your entries. After writing for some time, you can go back through your journal and track all your ups and downs. This will help you to predict your mental lows, so that you can be better prepared in how to handle them. Wait at least 2-3 months before you try to do this, though.

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Jacqui runs courses on writing and journalling and is due to start running courses in Spain as well as the  UK in the near future so if this has inspired you, get in contact with her at jacquimalpass.com

Thank you Jacqui for your encouragement!

 

Bridget

Commitment

How do you rate your level of commitment?

Do you start things and never finish them?

Do you notice others getting their head down till they’ve done what they want to achieve and wondered how they did it?

I know I’ve made some huge strides in this area recently.

When I did my Master NLP training, I broke a board with my hand but it took a while to do as I wasn’t really fully committed!

I had worked out what makes my day perfect and have tried my best to do it, but I wasn’t really committed

Those of you  who know me will say- “You say that there’s no such thing as failure, only learning”

And I’ve recently learned!

I went to Jairek Robbins day in London called “How to get results fast”

I broke an arrow with my throat against a wall and did it straight away. (Haven’t got a picture I’m afraid).

How committed is that!!!

Because it felt so good to know I can achieve what I want, I am now fully committed to several things:

  • I am committed to doing my absolute best for my clients, in particular those who are in the  midst of family turmoil!!
  • I am committed to doing my perfect day every day!!
  • I’m committed to being me and the best I can be!!

What will you commit to today?

Choose one thing to commit to , just do it and then notice how good that feels!! 

Then carry on and keep committing to what is really important to you!

Post a comment on what you are committed to and how it is going for you!

Catch  up with you soon

Dr Bridget