Can we Change Negative Beliefs? Here are Some Tips and why we have them.

Can we change negative beliefs? Here are some tips and why we have them.

 

Beliefs

Beliefs aren’t real

I’m really annoyed with myself when I think back. I  used to think that “no-one was on my side” and that came from a decision that I made many moons ago. Something happened and I decided that I was on my own. So, as we do, my brain focused on that decision. It became a belief and created my “reality” and I never noticed when anyone was there for me.

Here’s the explanation for what is happening: There are at least two million pieces of information of raw, unlabelled data that come into our senses. Things that we hear, things that we see and things that we touch. And we have a great filtering system so that we can reduce this amount of information to a manageable amount – about 7 bits of information per second. One of the filters that we use is the decisions that we make in a split second. These then become beliefs and cause us to believe that whatever we decided is the truth. We delete any things that are positive such as “people are there to support me”.

Watch the video below and then have a think about the questions below the video

So, I’d like to ask you what decisions have you made that create your beliefs and your reality? AND, if you decided to look for evidence that the opposite is true, would that be helpful? Could you form new beliefs and therefore have a more positive life?

Give it a go and become more aware of how you have created your reality and look for evidence of what you want and let me know if you’d like to have some help to change your beliefs to positive ones.

If you are interested in learning more about other techniques to help yourself or others to change a negative belief into a positive belief take a look at my NLP Certified Practitioner training as we have a section where we learn how to do just that using submodalities. My trainees learn and perform this technique on the course and the results are extraordinary in some cases some people having a negative belief for many years is changed to something positive in around 20 minutes!

If you want to change a negative belief get in touch with me to apply for a free 30-minute consultation HERE

Check out one of my other blogs What To Do When Your Have Limiting Beliefs About Money

Until next time,

Dr Bridget

Why should we set goals? Here’s why, how and a worksheet to help.

Why should we set goals?

Setting Goals

Setting Goals

One of the things I do early on in my NLP Certified Practitioner training is to have everyone set their goal and understand some of the things that are essential for creating a compelling goal.  People who have completed the course often feedback that setting their goal is one of their favourite parts of the early training as it really gives them a sense of where they are going.

It’s about making sure that you have all your brain focused on the positives that you really want, this is much more effective than simply setting the old fashioned SMART goals. And the truth is, you can use these things and set goals every month, every week and every day and hour if you want to.

Watch the video below and start to set goals using the three things I discuss – I’ve also attached a pdf below the video which you can use to set your goals.

Here are the top 3 tips with a bit more of an explanation and the pdf with examples and space to write your own.

FREE PDF: 3 Must Do’s for Compelling goal setting

1.  Make sure that you write down what you want, rather than what you don’t want. Remember that what you focus on is what you get, so if you focus on what you don’t want, that’s what you will get. Also, make it about your whole life and make sure that you can act as if you already have it. If you can’t do this, then go back over your goals and ask yourself why not. Maybe you have some doubts?

2. Write down your sensory evidence for getting the goal. What will you see around you, hear and feel when you have this outcome

3. Write down when you want it, where you want it, how you are going to get it and who you want it with. Remember that all goals that are for you need to be under your control and you can get them without relying on someone else.

If you have any doubts or have set goals and never achieved them, give me a call apply for a free consultation and get some pointers. You can also fill in a form here and I will get in touch as soon as I can.

Remember, if you set compelling goals, you are likely to achieve them and if you don’t you probably won’t. If you’d like to learn more about setting goals and want to develop yourself personally and get great skills to use with teams, clients (and family) then you can become an NLP Practitioner.

If you want more help with your goals please check out How to make sure you get your goals – Part 1 to get started.

Till next time, happy goal setting

Dr Bridget

How to Develop your Recovery Strategy

Recovery Strategy

Recovery

Recovery Strategy

Hello!

It’s important to have a recovery strategy so that when life gets in the way and you feel negative emotions or eally low, you can recover from that quickly. I’ve had a lot of conversations with people recently, including during a supervision session of one of my NLP graduates. They were feeling low and full of self doubt because of something that had happened. I helped them develop a recovery strategy so that if it happened again, they would recover a great state of mind really quickly.

Have a look at the video and answer the questions below

So, I’m assuming you have goals and plans and know what’s important to you and have some boundaries? If not, have a look at some of my other videos or let me know you’d like a chat. Even when we have these, life happens around us and we can have a wobble or crisis. (I’ve been there). If you’ve worked with me, you will have unconscious strategies that will help and sometimes we need to make them conscious. Some people are reflectors and will go away and perhaps write things down and reflect and that will help. Other people will take action straight away – maybe reinforce boundaries, talk to people about how they feel, get rid of anything or anyone that is adding to the negativity. I do a mixture. When I think about it my strategy goes like this

Feel low  —   Acknowledge it — Think about the trigger — think about what has worked in the past —tell someone how I feel —- take action  —- feel empowered

So my questions for you are:

  1. Make sure you have compeeling goals and plans to get there
  2. Think about the reason or the trigger for feeling down
  3. Think about how you recover from that down
  4. Write it down
  5. Use it when needed – Rinse and repeat

If you need help, get in touch – contact form

If you’d like to learn new skills, get in touch- NLP courses

If you are stuck and can’t do this on your own, get in touch – Breakthrough therapy

 

 

 

Being Yourself – how to do it

Are You Being Authentic – being yourself?

Be Yourself

Be You!

Sometimes we surround ourselves with people or situations where we feel uncomfortable and, if we thought about it, maybe we don’t feel that we can be ourself!  Has that happened to you?

I think that it is so important to be who we are , with our values and beliefs and the ability to stand up and say- this is me!

Watch the video below where I talk about this and then have a read of the tips below and reflect on your life and your surroundings and whether you are being you or not

Test these TIPS out

Reflect on your last week or month.

Have you ever felt really uncomfortable and that you have lost yourself and find yourself doing negative thoughts and emotions?

Have you a rough idea of the proportion of time that you are being authentic compared to not being authentic? If not, ask yourself for a guestimate. Journal about it and give it a percentage. Be honest with yourself!

Then have a think about what you could do about that – do you need to change your surroundings or the people that you associate with?

There’s a section in my book about how to “sort out the people you surround yourself with” and that can be purchased on amazon here 

If you’d like to talk to me give me a call on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102 or contact me via this web page.

See you next week

Dr Bridget- helping you be yourself and enjoy it!

 

People Aren’t their Behaviour

People aren’t their behaviour

behaviour

Behaviours

This is so important for our relationships with people in our life and also for our relationship with ourself. It is so easy to look at someone’s behaviour and judge them or fall out with them without truly understanding what is going on for that person. It also applies to ourself as well – maybe we’ve behaved in a way that is unusual for us and we think ” I need to change that!”

Reasons for behaving in ways that cause judgement of others or concerns about our own behaviour are many. Here are just two of them:

  1. People can be in a highly emotionally charged state when they are hungry or thirsty or tired or in pain. This then makes their reality different to when they are calm and considered. So they may become very angry or sad or frightened much more easily in this state and any slight trigger will cause them to behave in a way we are not used to
  2. The way people’s thoughts and feelings have been wired by events in the past, their values or their beliefs. Decisions are made which become beliefs and cause a reality to exist that has consequences for people’s behaviours or their results.

I was talking to a client the other day who had a mistrust of people which he had decided as a result of a painful event in the past. This became something that he “looked out for” and which was having serious consequences.

The crunch point came when he was in a networking meeting with a friend and his friend said something. It took him right back to the original event where he had made the decision that he couldn’t trust people. The result was that he completely lost the plot and also lost his friend and the respect of other people in the room.

So he arrived in my office and asked for help. It was easy to sort out with a breakthrough process using Time Line Therapy (R).  And he recovered his friends and collegaues and started to trust people again very quickly.

So the things to learn from this are:

  1. People aren’t their behaviours- behaviours are not people’s identity
  2. People have different models of the world and are doing the best they can with their available resources.
  3. Judging people by their behaviours is unhelpful and can cause misunderstandings
  4. If you have a behaviour that you don’t like, get some help from me to manage your emotional states or change your wiring. It doesn’t take long.
  5. Watching people’s behaviours becomes interesting if you lose the judgement
  6. Working with Dr Bridget, either 1:1 or by taking an NLP Training, enables you to be in charge of your life

Until next week

Dr Bridget – finding people’s behaviours interesting

Reasons to Avoid Negativity

Reasons to Avoid Negativity

Avoid Negativity

Get Excited

For a change I thought I’d base this blog on a typical client’s challenge. This person is one of many who come and see me in order to move on in their life and get “success” – whatever that means to them. This client thought that they were positive but they weren’t getting success and when we went into the details, actually they had a lot of negativity from  things in the past which they had suppressed. So they were telling themselves that they were positive and ignoring the little voice inside that said – “yes – but…..”

They were bored and procrastinating due to a fear which we uncovered and then removed.

There had been trauma with relationships, bullying and other incidents which had led to them self sabotaging and not effectively running a business which meant a lot to them. Their values (motivators) were all about moving away from what they didn’t want rather than towards what they didn’t want. Their top value was peace when we elicited them and this was because they didn’t want conflict. The second one was Self – Belief which was because they felt not good enough and was avoiding that thought.

Watch the video below to get some more insights and I’ll give you access to a free tool below to discover your values so that you can reflect on yours.

So this person’s limiting beliefs were:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I won’t be respected
  • I can’t do what I want
  • Life would be worse if I am successful

And they got stuck- not surprisingly.

So we removed all of the beliefs, plus some associated ones, using NLP and Time Line Therapy and my Breakthrough process and they became very excited by life!

If you have things that are keeping you from going for what you want, book a free appointment and let’s get you excited as well.

Here is a tool to elicit your values.

Important : You can get even more tools by joining my STRETCH  on-line mastermind group for Business Success – check it out here. Its a rapidly growing and empowering group with great feedback. It’s half price until the end of January 2019.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Getting You Excited

 

Really Understanding Goal Setting

Really Understanding Goal Setting

Goal Setting

Goal

We’ve all been there – we set goals at various times of the year and then expect them to miraculously happen and that’s because we haven’t set them properly. Your conscious mind sets goals but it is your unconscious mind that gets them and that’s really important because your unconscious mind is there to protect you and if it has any doubts or is unclear about the goal in any way, it’s not going to happen. Watch the video and then set a goal for yourself for this time next year.

The important things to consider as you write your goal are:

  • Projecting yourself into the future – your unconscious mind will think that it is real when you say “It’s the  1st February 2020 ( or whatever the date will be ) and I am ………..
  • Make the goal positive – what you want rather than what you don’t want
  • Make sure that you can start the goal and maintain it. If someone else is part of how you get your goal and they change their mind, you will not get your goal, so set a goal that is your part of it
  • Be specific – your unconscious mind is generally lazy and will be do the minimum if you don’t specify what you really want.
  • Involve all your senses – write down what you feel, what you see, what you hear and what you say to yourself when you have the goal
  • Make sure it is ecological – so is it OK in your world for you to have this goal? If I put that I was going to travel the world, then it would not be ecological because I like my home and want to be there.
  • Make sure that it increases choice for you
  • Make sure that is is a whole life goal – it includes all aspects of your life that are important to you.

And then every day ask yourself these 2 questions – What did I do yesterday to get my goal? and what will I do today to get my goal?

I’ve attached a pdf here – Goal setting  – which includes how to set a goal and also my most recent goal

So create a goal as soon as you can and if you have any difficulty doing that, either because you don’t understand the process, or you have doubts, get in touch and we can do a free 1/2 hour to find out how to overcome the blocks.

If you’d like to join my STRETCH mastermind to help you get these goals, have access to experts and accountability, the details are here.

Until next week- Make this your best year yet!

Dr Bridget – setting goals with ease

Is your “Story” Working for You

What is your “Story”

Hello.

Story

Your Story

We all have a “story” which is what we consider to be our reality. The things that we tell ourselves and the internal dialogue that goes on in our head. It consists of stories that have been passed down to us from our parents , their parents, our colleagues and friends. And once we are born, these start to influence us and we get our core beliefs and values in place – usually by the age of 7-10.

(I’ve written an e-book on this which you can get here)

As we go through life we add to our story and change our beliefs and values as things happen around us and in our world. Maybe things happen to you in school, in relationships, in work or in business and those things change your story. Watch the video below and have a think about the question below it.

So, as you think about it now, does your story work for you or not? Does it enable you to reach your goals, get our of your comfort zone, and get what you want in life? Or does it reduce your ability to do what you want to do, lower your mood and leave you feeling frustrated?

Does it affect your well- being? Anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt are all emotions that can keep us stuck and if we let go of them, then we can create a new story which works for us – after all, we only have one life, don’t we?

Write down any thoughts that you have about what is working for you and what isn’t.  Start a journal about this if you haven’t got one already and maybe have one page for what works and one for what doesn’t work. Then you can really reflect on it.

How to change your story

  • Read the e-book
  • Find some positive people that will help you have a positive story that you really want rather than people who lower your moods ( mood hoovers) and keep you stuck in an un-useful emotional state.
  • Set some compelling goals and take actions towards getting those
  • If  you can’t  find these people or can’t get your goals, get in touch so you get a story that you want – a new story that leaves you feeling motivated, happy and able to achieve anything.

Remember – you only have one life- let me help you get that right!

Dr Bridget – helping you re-write your story

New year New Questions

Questions

Questions

As a coach, I feel it’s “my job” to ask a question that really makes a huge difference to someones life – to their perspective, to their understanding of themselves and something that they haven’t asked themselves before. So I thought I’d share some questions with you that you won’t have asked yourself before.

As we move into the New Year, here are the questions to get you really thinking.

  1. What are you best at? Starting things, changing things or stopping things (not finishing but ending when appropriate)? And then-
  2. What are you worst at? Starting things, Changing things or Stopping things?

So take the answer to the worst at question and write it down. Now watch the video and answer the questions below.

 

Research has shown that:

People who are worst at starting things have trouble being who they want to be.

People who are worst at changing things have trouble doing what they want to do

People who are worst at stopping things have trouble having what they want to have

So look at what you are worst at and ask the appropriate question:-

Starting things: “Who is it that you are not being that you want to be?”

Changing things “What is that you are not doing that you want to do?”

Stopping things “What is it that you don’t have that you want to have?”

From my perspective. I’m worst at stopping things and when I ask myself “What is it that I don’t have that I want to have?” I come up with things like Excitement and Purpose (must work on those things then)

What have you come up with when you ask yourself the relevant question? Once you know, then ask yourself the reason for that. Let me know if you have any questions and if you’d like to know more about my training courses or personal breakthrough coaching, get in touch here

See you next week

Dr Bridget – always on your side!

Role Models – A Different Perspective

Role Models – A Different Perspective

Role Model

Role Model

I was recently running an NLP Master Practitioner course and we were talking about modelling – this is where NLP has come from – Modelling excellence. Its a key part of the course. Click here for more information about NLP courses

We do a project on my Master Practitioner course  where we model a skill that someone has, by eliciting that person’s values, beliefs and strategies and then installing these in ourself – a much quicker way of effecting change than being taught.

Unusually, people on the course were struggling with who to have as a Role Model and I had to agree – I don’t  really have one myself (apart from Princess Di). I spent some time wondering who I respected enough to want to change to become like them.

And then I had a light bulb moment – I thought that perhaps I could become my own Role Model and become one for other people. It led to a consideration of what qualities I would like to have that other people and myself might respect- have a watch of the video and then answer the questions below it for yourself.

The qualities that I’d like to improve or develop in myself are:

  • Having an interest in people and things- doing pretty well with this
  • Making a difference to people- definitely something that’s key for me and I am doing that
  • Being myself, which includes making sure I “tick” my values, keep my boundaries, as and the same time, be flexible to enable other people’s models of the world- I’m mainly doing this
  • Taking action and being determined- doing this most of the time
  • Self care – important in my journey through this life and something that I’ve been working on this year

Next year, I want to improve my capability to ask for help – I think this is part of self-care and not something that comes easily to me. It would make a huge difference to my life and a behaviour that I encourage in my clients – so I’m committing to do that. It will make me a better Role Model

Questions for you:

  • What qualities would you look for in yourself, to be your own and others’ Role Model?
  • What would you change to get these (if anything) ?
  • Is it OK to be a Role Model for yourself and others?

Once you have decided whether you need to change anything, post in the comments, and as always, let me know here if you need to talk through anything.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – being the best Role Model I can be.

 

How Your Values Help You in Times of Adversity

Do you know what your values are?

ValuesThis is a bit of personal story this week with a strong message for anyone that is having a wobble in their business, career or relationships. Sometimes things happen to us and we have to pick up the pieces and move forwards. Having done a lot of work on what makes me me, I know that my top values for my business are :

  1. Determination
  2. Self care
  3. Fun
  4. Making a difference

So when things fell apart, I picked myself up because, afterall, I am pretty determined. But I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would be and I think that was because I wasn’t really ticking my values before the event. I don’t think I was having fun and certainly not really looking after myself and therefore wasn’t really making as much of a difference as I would like to have done. So may be the event did me a favour because I am now free to really make a difference and have fun at the same time – Determinedly moving on!

So what are values?

They are our internal drivers that are mainly unconscious. They are in place usually by the age of 7 – our core values – and come from our parents, teachers and people around us. I don’t know if you know, but we don’t really have a conscious mind until then – we soak up everything and don’t really consciously consider things. For example, if you have a 5 year old and tell them that there is a dragon outside the door selling icecream, they will probably believe you and go and have a look.

They are the things that are important to you and you are probably aware of them consciously and maybe not all of them unless  you elicit them.

Have a look at the video below and the downoad the values elicitation workbook below it.

You may think that you know what your values are, but every time I help someone elicit theirs, they are surprised. So download the workbook and let me know what they are and whether they are working for you or not.

If you want to talk to me about what you find or help in doing the exercise, book a free appointment to find out how I can help

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – motivated to help you at all times

 

 

 

How Attached are You to Your Past?

How Attached Are You to Your Past?

Past

Dragged back

I was talking to a potential client the other day and she was making great progress towards her goals  but she was looking frustrated. She said that every time she gets close to her goals, she gets dragged back to her past and it all comes to a halt. Have you ever had that happen to you?

The thing is- it made her anxious and scared and she felt stuck – not very helpful as she was growing her business. She had had an experience in her work before where she had “put her head above the parapet” and had been “Shot Down”. And it had been so traumatic that she couldn’t shake off the “bungee cord” that was dragging her back to the past.

Watch the video and then consider whether you need help by talking to me  – It’s my area of expertise.

Have you had any experience where you have been unable to stop  yourself being dragged back from the past?

It’s very common – I remember my Dad saying “don’t say you’ve done well” when I passed my 11 plus – in case my sister was upset. Some 40 years on, standing up and telling people about what I do was then quite difficult. And it wasn’t a big thing and he was doing what he thought was  best.

Sometimes people have some major incidents happen and some are minor, but if they get wired into your thinking they can be unhelpful.

This can be in relationships, romantic or otherwise, in your career, in your business or any other part of your life.

So you have a choice – You can either say – that was in the past and get on with what you want to achieve – or you can get some help – Having a conversation with me will help you decide how to deal with it. So book an appointment and then you can get on with the rest of your life and achieve what you want to achieve. That’s what I did and I’m so glad I did!

Until next week – keep moving forward!

Dr Bridget