Behaviour always has a positive intention

What is the purpose of our behaviour?

Have you ever thought about the positive reasons for your behaviour or another person’s behaviour? If you do, and fully understand that it has a positive intention for you or that person, then life becomes very interesting. In fact fascinating!

In our NLP courses, Presuppositions – assumptions that are really useful to achieve our full potential, are taught at the very beginning. One of these is “Behaviour always has a positive intention”

So whatever behaviour you see in people or notice in yourself, there will always be a good reason for doing it.

 

Watch the video and then think about  your own behaviour and ask the questions:

I was talking to a client recently who kept getting dragged back to  negative events and emotions in the past – so I asked them what was the purpose of thinking those thoughts and doing that behaviour. Once they had analysed the question – because it’s not a normal question that we get asked- they said that they didn’t want to repeat the experience again. The purpose of not wanting to repeat that again was to get peace, which in turn would get them motivation and then success.

So the purpose of reliving that negative experience, in the end, was to get success. So I asked them if there was another way for them to get success and they realised that they could let go of the negative experiences and take positive action instead – a light bulb moment!

There are a lot of other examples that you see around you. Kids tantrums are a great example- frustration getting them attention  possibly?

Any of the  negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear,  hurt and guilt will be things that we do for a reason. Once we realise what the intention is for a behaviour that we don’t want, we can always find other ways to satisfy that intention.

I was lazing around at the weekend – I felt I deserved it  and that if I rested and recharged, the week would be more productive.  And I started work on Monday and it was pandemonium! If I’d thought about it in a different way and  had done some work or admin instead, the week would also have gone better.

So. I’m going to ask  you – “Have you got something going on which you don’t want to do but has a positive intention?” If you find that intention, you may be able to tick it in a different way  than doing that behaviour. If you are thinking, I don’t know what she’s on about or want to chat your intentions of behaviours through, then let me know via my contact page

See you next  week –

Dr Bridget – helping you analyse your behaviour

An NLP Tool – The Hero’s Journey.

Taking a Hero’s Journey

Hero's Journey

Hero’s Journey

Hello.

This is a really useful tool to overcome obstacles on your way to your goal. It is an adaptation of Joseph’s Campbell’s tool developed in 1949 and follows a structure that we can see in many tales and films. The Hero’s Journey.

Encompassing goals, obstacles, villains and mentors, it gives us a tool to be able to cross thresholds and reach our goals. Watch the video and then use the tool to realise your dreams.


In the Hero’s Journey, the hero has a goal to reach which may be to find a princess or capture a castle or round up baddies.

If you get several pieces of paper on the floor  so that you can walk the hero’s journey, you’ll have many lightbulb moments and cross the threshold that  you previously couldn’t cross.

Papers needed:-

  1. Your goal
  2. Now
  3. Your threshold – see the video for where to place this
  4. List of your mentors or role models
  5. A list of the villains – internal or external

Follow the instructions in the video to be able to cross the threshold and complete your Hero’s Journey.

This is a brilliant tool and is very kinaesthetic when you walk it out on the floor. Perhaps think about asking someone to buddy up with you and supporting each other to resolve  barriers and threshold issues so that you can reach teh goals that you have set yourself.

This is a technique I teach on my Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis and NLP Coach course. If you’d like to join a course, here’s the link for the certified NLP Practitioner course

If you find you still can’t cross your threshold, let me know and we can talk it through and start you off on this Hero’s journey.

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – keeping you travelling, in business and life

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Change the Direction of Thoughts using Language

Changing the Direction of  your Thoughts

Hello

Direction

Which way?

Everyone’s model of the world is different and we create our reality with our values, our beliefs, our experiences and our language. We also change our language depending on these filters and the world around us. The phrases that we say have a big impact on our motivation either in a negative way or a positive way. Watch the video and then reflect and use the tool I give you below.

There are some phrases that aren’t helpful in giving us positive direction- here are just a few of them:

  • I shouldn’t
  • I mustn’t
  • I oughtn’t  to

or

  • I can’t
  • I won’t

or

  • I couldn’t
  • I wouldn’t
  • I’d better not

When we say these phrases or any others like this, we create a reality for ourself, and others around us, that is negative and demotivating. And I’m sure that you’d like to change this.

If we said these phrases instead:

  • I can
  • I shall
  • I will
  • It’s time

Can you see how much more motivational they are?

So we can change the direction of our thoughts using these positive phrases.

Here’s an example: “I know you think that you shouldn’t and are sure that you can’t but it you take the time to consider the possibilities, maybe it’s time and you will definitely achieve what you want to do!”

The next time someone says to you “I can’t”, take them on a journey to “I can” and “I will”. They will be inspired and change their reality.

And if you find yourself using words that create a negative reality, take yourself on that journey as well.

If you find yourself unable to change your thoughts using words, get in touch and have a discovery session with me.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – pointing you in the right direction

 

 

 

 

How to Get into Rapport Using your Language

Getting into rapport using your language

Rapport

Hello – Today we are talking about the L in NLP and how to get into rapport using your language. The advantages of getting into rapport with people who are in your life are many. In particular the connection and the likeness lead to suggestions being accepted at  an unconscious level. This enables influence, negotiation and sales to be much easier and a win-win for everyone.

Watch the video and then carry on reading below:

While the biggest influencer of rapport is physiology, tone and the words used are also key. Last week we talked about metaphors and their influence on us. Here’s the link. Our tonality can also have a big influence.

Peoples’ voice can be:

  • High or low
  • Fast or slow
  • Loud or soft

If we match these, then rapport is more likely.

We can match the level of abstraction as well:

  • Ambiguous – I tend to do this naturally. I say – everyone is happy and it will all be fine and  that’s all that matters. People tend to fill in the gaps and solve challenges in that way. Politicians use language in this way to gain consensus with everyone.
  • Detailed – that is painful for me. Lots of detail but helpful in getting to the root of an issue. Virginia Satir used to get very specific with the detail of peoples challenges and often they melted away just by doing this.

Also my NLP training courses are interesting from a language perspective. The next one is in February 2021 and places are filling up fast —  have a look at the course page here.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – teaching you some skills to create your life the way you want it

 

 

Language – working with people’s metaphors

Language Creates our Reality

Hello.

Metaphors

Metaphors

Our language is a key factor in creating our emotions, our health and our behaviour, which we know leads to results. So VERY IMPORTANT. We can use it to increase our resilience, to gain rapport, to influence, negotiate and problem solve.

When we start to really listen to how people use their language and to notice the metaphors that they are using, then we can help people to create a different reality and start to understand their own and our own.

Watch the video and continue reading below it.

The sentences/phrases that I heard on the TV recently were:

  • The dust is settling
  • It’s a moveable feast

And these phrases were about Covid – I was confused by them- What dust I thought? Where is it settling? What sort of feast? I had a picture of a plate with pizza on it being handed around! -I know, I’m a bit strange

Then a client said to me

  • I’ve got fog in my head
  • I’ve been dealt a body blow

Such emotive language and so useful. I asked the client a couple of  questions which then uncovered the real meaning of what they were saying.

What sort of fog is that fog? And is there anything else about the fog?

It turned out that it was a grey swirly fog in his brain. Now NLP techniques can help that and we soon cleared it and had clarity instead.

With the body blow language I asked them. What sort of body blow is that body blow? They said – it’s my heart – it’s been cut in two.

So we also sorted that one  out. If I hadn’t asked the questions, it would have  been a totally different conversation.

So notice your metaphors, notice other peoples metaphors and use these 2 questions to delve deeper:

  • What sort of x is that x ?
  • And is there anything else about  x?

So language is fascinating and very useful to learn about.

Until next week, keep listening and get fascinated.

Dr Bridget – Unpicking your metaphors to help you create your life

P.S – We are now booking onto the NLP Practitioner course for February 2021 – this will be on-line

 

 

 

What’s of High Importance to You?

Are there gaps in your life that you are trying to fill?

High Importance

Gap

When we speak to people, sometimes we notice that there are things that are of high importance to them – often things that they haven’t got and are striving to get.

And maybe we notice them in our self – certainly I have recently been striving for support and people that I can open up to. This is probably a function of my husbands poor memory and COVID, but it’s been there for ages. It’s a pattern and it get’s triggered. Being an NLP Master Trainer, I’m very interested in it.

We can notice

  • The gap that we are trying to fill
  • The triggers that set off an emotional response to it
  • The patterns that we then run

Watch the video and then answer the questions for yourself:

Here are the questions and possible answers:

  1. What are you best at? Starting things, Changing things or Stopping things?
  2. What are you worst at? Starting things, Changing things or Stopping things?

If you are worst at starting things, ask yourself: Who are you not being that you want to be?

If you are worst at changing things, ask yourself: What are you  not doing that you want to do?

If you are worst at stopping things, ask yourself: What do you not have that you want to have?

Notice if any of the answers to these questions bring up emotions for you. Also ask yourself if this is something that tends to affect your life across all segments?

Is it of High Importance

If so, ask yourself if this is something that you can solve yourself. If not , then get in touch as there are many NLP techniques that we can use to help you to get rid of the gap that brings up these emotions.

Get in touch if you need help and access a free session

Also get in touch if you want to help other people to solve these challenges and reactions by Learning NLP Skills

Until next week, have fun with the questions,

Dr Bridget – here to help

Why We Don’t Delegate

Do you Delegate?

Delegate

Grow a Pear

Two things prompted me to write this post this week.

  1. I was listening to someone else’s blog recently that said – We do more and more things ourselves until we realise that we are just rubbish at doing them- I thought – Yep- That’s me.
  2. I’ve finally delegated most of my administrative tasks to my Business Development/Admin Manager and it’s been life changing I must say. Why did I wait so long? It’s almost as though I’ve now cleared space for growth and also a work life balance.

Watch the video and see if any of these reasons apply to you:

I very clearly remember sitting in my log cabin office wondering  how to do my web site, how to do videos and how to network effectively. And that was 9 years ago. One of the 1st things I delegated was my videoing so thanks to Chris for that. I have also delegated my web site to people and that has worked really well – I have more clients now which has more than paid for it. Networking is now planned although COVID has changed some of that.

Our beliefs are usually the culprit for our difficulty delegating:

  • I’ve got to keep control
  • No-one does it as well as me
  • They may change my business and then leave
  • They may steal all of my ideas
  • It will be too expensive

I have done all of these beliefs and it kept me in the same place for ages.

Here are the reframes:

  • Communication about what’s important to you enables you to keep control
  • People definitely do it better than me – ask Chris – my video expert
  • Go with your gut instinct, keep great communication going and put some boundaries in
  • Your ideas are worth spreading. Put a contract in and enforce it if it’s important to you
  • My time is charged at a much higher rate than the people I delegate to so make sure that you use the freed up up time effectively

Really – we just need to GROW A PAIR and take action to delegate

If your beliefs are getting in the way and action doesn’t solve it, get in touch – it’s simple to change your programming about these things.

See you next week,

Dr Bridget – giving you permission to do what you do best and delegate.

P.S My next NLP Training is likely to be live and on-line.

Here’s the link to book to change your life.

 

P.S. I misspelt growing a PEAR – hence the picture

 

 

 

The Importance of Listening to Discover the Real Problem

What are your listening skills like?

Listening

2 ears

I sometimes watch  people talking to each other about an issue and get the impression that they are attempting to solve it in the same old, same old -yawn – way. And that’s because neither of them have been REALLY listening to each other. And , in the end, the conversation goes nowhere.

Watch the video and have a think about the scenarios below.

Have a think about the different responses to this question:

  1. I just can’t grow my business. Have you thought of taking a partner on? How about networking here? well you just need a VA. I had that problem once and this is what I did …………………………. Does that help the person? Probably not as theyve probably heard the same things and even tried them before.
  2. I just can’t grow my business. Tell me more. Every time I push forward this littel voice pops up in my head and says – You’re just not good enough. I’m getting annoyed with it now. The next question could be   – When did you decide that? Well, probably when my teacher told me I’d never  amount to much.

Hear the difference? The conversation then goes in a very different direction and the person who thinks they can’t grow their business has a ight bulb moment, someone who understands and a potential solution – just because the person listened.

So the next time you have a conversation with someone who has a challenge, problem or conflict, make sure you use your listening skills.

If you want to learn these skills, get in touch as my NLP Training courses teaches  you them.

If no-one is listening to you, get in touch as I’m a good listener and I get to the root cause of the problem really quickly and then help you to solve it.

See you next week.

Dr Bridget – My ears are always open  so that I can help you

Crossroads – How do You Evaluate Them?

Are  you at a Crossroads?

Crossroads

Which way are you going?

Hello – As an unsticker, I often get people coming to me and saying that they are at a crossroads and can’t make the decision which way to go. And I’m guessing that many of us have been there over the last few months and have had to change what we do and how we do it.

When you stand at a crossroads, there are 4 directions – Back, sideways x 2, and a forward. Right?

And how do you  make the decision which way to go? A lot of people get stuck at this point.

Have a look at the video and then find out more below.

When you have decided what you would like to have as a magic wand outcome for a years time, then turn and check whether there is anything in the past or to the side of the crossroads that you would like to bring with you.

Then check whether the direction that you are facing is more compelling in your mind than the other directions.

Once you are clear on which way you are going, then you can start and there will no longer be a crossroad there.

If you are stuck and really don’t know what to do, then let me know and I can help you to decide and get rid of anything internally that’s stopping you. I can be your unsticker. Click here to find out how.

The reason that people get stuck are:

  • Lack of self belief
  • Lack of  feeling that you are worth doing what you want to do
  • Feeling that it’s easier to stay where you are even though that’s uncomfortable
  • Lack of support
  • Lack of accountability

I’m wondering if you are thinking any of those things? If so, get in touch

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – getting you moving

What is failure to you – It’s just a label

What is failure to you?

Just a Label

Just a Label

Hey – Last week I did a video on whether you are focused on the future or the past. Here’s the link if you didn’t catch it.

So if you are focused on all of the things that have gone wrong – which may be understandable if you have been made redundant or been ill- then maybe you are thinking that there has been a failure. And that’s a label.

Because a label is part of our language, if we change our language or the way that we view the word, then we change the meaning  of the label. Have a watch of the video where we use a pretty cool NLP technique to change failure to something that is just not relevant. #Sub Modalities#

 

So – if you have a label that is not helpful to you- that you are rubbish, all over the place, inconsistent or have  negative feelings,  or are a failure, ask yourself:

When  you think of ….. do you have a picture? Put your hand where it is – usually somewhere in front of you. Then grasp the picture and throw it over your shoulder and make sure it stays there. the picture and the label will have gone. Along with the feelings.

Alternatively, picture the word to the left of you and above you – as in the video. Think about the colour of the letters, whether they are in capitals or not and what size they are. Then move the first letter to the end of the word. change the colour and then move the letters so that they are to the side of you or behind you. Once the word looks totally different, or you can’t see it at all, the feelings around the label will have gone.

This is because our reality consists of things we see, hear and feel as well as taste, touch and smell and if we change those components, the meaning of our reality changes.

If you’d like to learn more about NLP and come on a course, or have some help to change your reality to something that’s helpful, then contact me

See you next week,

Dr Bridget- changing how you view the world.

 

 

Nothing Personal, or is it?

Are you taking this in a personal way?

Personal

It’s not personal

As always, I’d love to help you.

During the lock down, people have made some huge personal changes and have asked themselves whether they are in charge of their lives or not. How about you?

        • Have you been made redundant?
        • Are you changing roles?
        •  Are you working from home?
        • Can you travel?
        • Are you seeing the people you love?

The main way that I can help you is to help you to become in charge of your life.

Watch the video and have a think about whether you are in charge of your future or are you blaming other people?

When there is chaos, we tend to blame the government, the education system, our family, the doctors and many other people. And we get focused on blaming others

However , it’s down to you to say- that’s what I want.

There are several options:

  • You can face the future and say – That’s what I want and head for it with determination
  • You can say I don’t want that and gradually get dragged backwards
  • You can feel stuck because you want this and you don’t want that – a conflict

Which of these do you do?

I’d love to help you move towards what you want, but if your mindset makes that impossible, then get in touch so that we can turn you around.

Once you are in charge of your life and are facing forwards, you will fiind opportunities arise out of adversity.

If you live in Wales and have been made redundant, then let me know as you can undertake one of my courses to get extra skills and a job where you can make a real  difference. With ReAct funding.

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – making sure you are facing the right way

Concentrate on What You Can Change

Do You Concentrate  on what  you CAN change or what you CAN’T change?

Change

What CAN you change?

Hello

I’m interested in which you concentrate or focus on? Often my clients will have noticed that they are concentrating on  the things that they can’t change , and often can’t get them out of their head. And as you know, what you focus on is what you get, so I’m all about changing that pattern of thinking. If you’d like to do that as well, watch the video, have a think about whether this applies to someone you  know or even yourself and get in touch:

Often this pattern of negative thinking, or concentrating on what you can’t change, will last for days, weeks, months or often years and will eventually start  to affect the results in  your life and the people around you.

I’m OK with saying that it happens to me sometimes, and to clients that I’ve worked with, but it doesn’t last very long as our unconscious mind kicks in with the positive learnings. I’m generally a positive person who focuses on the future and positives and solutions.

I think this is why NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming- appeals to  me.

It helps us to find habitual patterns that don’t serve us and  remove them, leaving us free to concentrate on things we CAN change rather than things we can’t. And it’s not about what’s happened- it’s about what patterns need changing, and then changing them really quickly.

The difference between the change that counselling, or other talking therapies, give people and what NLP gives you is simple:

  • It’s quick and effective
  • You will be working with the part of your mind that is responsible for change –  your unconscious mind
  • It’s comfortable as it doesn’t focus on the story,  just the patterns

The way I help people to do this is either to come on an NLP course, where you learn new skills as well as change your habitual way of thinking and feeling, or to work with me on a 1:1 basis

Either way, everyone that works with me changes the patterns that are not helping them to get the future they want and deserve.

If you’d like to change the patterns that you are running in your head or your behaviour, then get in touch and let’s start that change process.

See you next week,

Dr Bridget – Focusing on positives.