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People pleasing doesnt work

Understanding People Pleasing

People Pleasing

People pleasing doesnt work

Be yourself

This is a really important symptom that I come across regularly on courses and with my one to one clients. They come to me because they realise that that they are not being themselves and that has lots of consequences for them as you will find out when you watch  the video below:

Let’s face it – it is nice to be liked and to be kind and nice to people, isn’t it? However, if it stops you getting your goals and feeling as though you can’t be yourself, then that is a problem. It usually comes from a desire to be liked and included which is often very strong. People want to be in a community and to be respected and liked. They want to belong.

I often find that there are root causes in people’s past that cause people to overdo people pleasing – Do any of the below apply to you or someone you know?

  • Not being listened to when you were growing up
  • Having to hide due to circumstances around you
  • Being bullied
  • A feeling of having to keep the peace when growing up – perhaps your parents arguing or drinking
  • A feeling of guilt if  your parents marriages folded – did I do enough- was it my fault- I didn’t try hard enough
  • Being criticised or not praised during your life
  • And many other events

All the negative emotions that come from incidents above have an impact. As we know, our unconscious mind is there to protect us and we carry on people pleasing as a result. It leads to a feeling of worthlessness, confusion and hurt and these feelings stop us from reaching our full potential, being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have.

It can be a difficult habit to break unless you get help from someone like myself. The wiring that causes us to people please, to our detriment, can be reversed very quickly with Time Line therapy (R)

What can we do about this?

  1. Put your own oxygen mask on – you can’t help others unless you help yourself!
  2. Notice when you are people pleasing and the impact that it has on you and your feelings, actions and your goals
  3. Remind yourself that there are root causes for this – you may know what they are or you may not but there will always be one- a decision that you made at some stage in your life that you have to keep people happy.
  4. Decide to be happy and to be yourself
  5. Surround yourself with people who will support you

If you find  you can’t resolve this and you want to resolve this, then get in touch with me to take advantage of a free call.

My NLP Training courses and my one to one coaching will solve this problem and others like it for you and you can then live the life that you want to live – after all, we only have one life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Helping you put your own oxygen mask on

 

Be happy, be yourself, If not give me a call

Reflection

How to Reflect at This Time of the Year

Reflection at This Time of the Year

Reflection

Reflection

I am conscious that festive times can be a tough time for some people, so get in touch if this is you. ( I mean that).

However, its also a great time to celebrate, reflect and get ready for a new phase starting in the New year. I refrained from singing this year but you can see last years song here if you really want to – take a deep breath 1st!

I’m going to meet relatives today and then head off to see my family tomorrow. I’m also planning my on-line group for the New Year. Its called STRETCH and is about Personal Growth for Business Success. Let me know if you want details- the web page is about to be published.

It is also time when you can reflect in the quiet periods between now and the New year so I thought it would be useful to give you a framework to do that. Watch the video and then look at the questions below.


Here are the questions:

  • What have you learned this year?
    • About yourself
    • About others
    • About the various parts of your life – health career, relationships and so on
  • What are you going to celebrate this year?
    • What went really well?
    • What can you be grateful for?
  • What are you going to change going forward?
    • About yourself?
    • About  your relationships with others?
    • About your plans?

I have learned that I can do things on my own although I like to work with others, that I am resilient and can put boundaries in place when my values are not met

I’m celebrating a big growth in my business and the people that I have trained and have helped to reach their full potential.

Next year I will be growing my training and coaching business and surrounding myself with fun and people who I have fun with. I will also be practicing self care which will take many forms – I feel a future blog coming on!

Let me know what you have learned, will celebrate and will change.

I’ve got some really interesting questions for you in the next blog so have a rest, do some reflection and I’ll catch up with  you next week.

Dr Bridget – reflecting on 2018

P.S If you want to work with me next year, Id be delighted and thrilled. here are the links to find out more:

NLP training

Breakthrough Coaching

On- line mastermind group STRETCH – Personal Growth for Business Success – leave me a message from the contact page

labellling

Does Labelling Yourself Affect Your Results?

Labelling yourself – does it help?

labellling

What’s your Label?

Labelling is needed to cope with the vast amount of information that we have coming into our senses. If we don’t label things, we don’t know how to deal with them or what sort of behaviour we need to do to go with the label. However it sometimes is unhelpful to label things or yourself – as this blog will show you.

I was recently working with someone who had some challenges with his mindset for success, relating to things that has happened to him previously in his life. We had got rid of his negative emotions and he was doing well. However, what we hadn’t dealt with was that his dad was a hard worker and my client had labelled himself as a type A personality. Hard working, striving, life imbalance and tendency to over-react sort of sums up the characteristics of an A type personality.

So he determinedly  labelled himself as an A person and therefore his behaviour went with that and eventually he hit a brick wall and spent 6 weeks in bed. It was very upsetting to hear about it, for his wife, his kids and his associates.

When we talked it became obvious that he was having a big conflict. Part of him thought he was an A type personality and  part of him wanted to be a B type personality – much more laid back and relaxed. This conflict got bigger and bigger and he eventuallly hit that brick wall. Watch the video where I talk about this conflict

As we explored the conflict, he realised that he could acually do both and that the purpose of the brick wall was to protect him while he sorted out the conflict.

Using an NLP technique called Parts Integration which gets rid of the conflict, he has now rediscovered his mojo and is enjoying his business and a balanced life.

I’d like to ask you:

Have you labelled yourself as anything unhelpful?

If so, have a careful think about it and either relabel yourself give me a ring if you are struggling with internal conflict.

Until next week, have a balance in your life!

Dr Bridget

Adversity

Adversity – Does it stop you?

How do you react when adversity comes along?

Does it stop you?

Adversity

Adversity

One of the themes of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) focuses on whether you are getting results or giving yourselves reasons why you can’t do whatever it is.

I find there are so many people who come and see me, wanting to get unstuck, or get more success or happiness, that have a huge amounts of reasons and excuses why they can’t. Adversity can happen and it’s how you deal with it that matters – its about resilience.  A minor example is when I wanted to do the videos today, it was going to rain and be cloudy. And I feel as though I have a cold coming on. So I got my wellies and my umbrella and told my unconscious mind that it it wasn’t convenient to be unwell. I know what my goals are and part of them is spreading the word and supporting people to get unstuck and because of that, the videoing was going to happen no matter what.

Watch the video (sorry about the expression) and then ask yourself the questions underneath.

  • Do you have goals?
  • Do you have reasons or excuses why adversity gets in the way?
  • Are you resilient?
  • Whats stopping you – big things or small things?

If you know what they are and you can’t do anything about them consciously,  book a free session here so that we can clear the reasons and excuses and head you for your goals!  

Coming on an NLP course will help you to get rid of the reasons and excuses and become resilient, as well as giving you some amazing communication and resilience skills for your self and others. One of my Master Practitioner trainees has just landed a 7 book contract and has the opportunity to run retreats abroad in the next year! And a year ago she was unwell and not focusing on her future at all. It’s totally amazing watching her fly!

Express an interest in coming on a course here.

Until next week, set your goals and overcome the reasons and excuses!

Dr Bridget

Waiting Room

Are You in the Waiting Room?

Are you in the Waiting Room?

I was in the doctors surgery the other day and it took me back to my GP days where people did a lot of waiting. They used to wait to have their symptoms diagnosed, wait for prescriptions and drugs and then wait for blood results. And sometimes they’d get fed up and take some sort of action, whether that was to knock on the doctors door or speak to a receptionist or to leave feeling frustrated. And it occurred to me that there are a lot of people that I know who are just waiting for something- clients, potential clients, people in business , people in relationships or careers. Could you be one of them?

So people wait for:

  • The right time
  • The right mindset
  • Inspiration
  • The right support
  • And many other things

And here’s the thing, if this applies to you, then what you are waiting for is in charge of you and your results, rather than you being in charge of your results. An interesting thought, don’t you think?

Have a watch of the video where I talk about this and get in touch if you need any help.

So I always ask people who feel stuck or are waiting:

  • Are you prepared to take action?
  • Are you prepared to let go of all the reasons and excuses that are stopping you from getting what you really want?
  • How long have you been stopping  yourself from achieving what you want in your life, business, career?
  • What is it costing you to keep waiting? in money terms and in emotions?

The thing is, it doesn’t take long to let go of any limitations to your progress when you work with me- in fact it can happen in as little as a day.

If you want to understand yourself and the obstacles that you are putting in your way, get in touch with me and we can start that journey.

So are YOU prepared to stop waiting?

If so then get in touch with me. I can help you get out of the waiting room and into the getting results room very quickly!

Until next week

Dr Bridget