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Understanding People Pleasing

People Pleasing

People pleasing doesnt work

Be yourself

This is a really important symptom that I come across regularly on courses and with my one to one clients. They come to me because they realise that that they are not being themselves and that has lots of consequences for them as you will find out when you watch  the video below:

Let’s face it – it is nice to be liked and to be kind and nice to people, isn’t it? However, if it stops you getting your goals and feeling as though you can’t be yourself, then that is a problem. It usually comes from a desire to be liked and included which is often very strong. People want to be in a community and to be respected and liked. They want to belong.

I often find that there are root causes in people’s past that cause people to overdo people pleasing – Do any of the below apply to you or someone you know?

  • Not being listened to when you were growing up
  • Having to hide due to circumstances around you
  • Being bullied
  • A feeling of having to keep the peace when growing up – perhaps your parents arguing or drinking
  • A feeling of guilt if  your parents marriages folded – did I do enough- was it my fault- I didn’t try hard enough
  • Being criticised or not praised during your life
  • And many other events

All the negative emotions that come from incidents above have an impact. As we know, our unconscious mind is there to protect us and we carry on people pleasing as a result. It leads to a feeling of worthlessness, confusion and hurt and these feelings stop us from reaching our full potential, being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have.

It can be a difficult habit to break unless you get help from someone like myself. The wiring that causes us to people please, to our detriment, can be reversed very quickly with Time Line therapy (R)

What can we do about this?

  1. Put your own oxygen mask on – you can’t help others unless you help yourself!
  2. Notice when you are people pleasing and the impact that it has on you and your feelings, actions and your goals
  3. Remind yourself that there are root causes for this – you may know what they are or you may not but there will always be one- a decision that you made at some stage in your life that you have to keep people happy.
  4. Decide to be happy and to be yourself
  5. Surround yourself with people who will support you

If you find  you can’t resolve this and you want to resolve this, then get in touch with me to take advantage of a free call.

My NLP Training courses and my one to one coaching will solve this problem and others like it for you and you can then live the life that you want to live – after all, we only have one life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Helping you put your own oxygen mask on

 

Be happy, be yourself, If not give me a call

How to Reflect at This Time of the Year

Reflection at This Time of the Year

Reflection

Reflection

I am conscious that festive times can be a tough time for some people, so get in touch if this is you. ( I mean that).

However, its also a great time to celebrate, reflect and get ready for a new phase starting in the New year. I refrained from singing this year but you can see last years song here if you really want to – take a deep breath 1st!

I’m going to meet relatives today and then head off to see my family tomorrow. I’m also planning my on-line group for the New Year. Its called STRETCH and is about Personal Growth for Business Success. Let me know if you want details- the web page is about to be published.

It is also time when you can reflect in the quiet periods between now and the New year so I thought it would be useful to give you a framework to do that. Watch the video and then look at the questions below.


Here are the questions:

  • What have you learned this year?
    • About yourself
    • About others
    • About the various parts of your life – health career, relationships and so on
  • What are you going to celebrate this year?
    • What went really well?
    • What can you be grateful for?
  • What are you going to change going forward?
    • About yourself?
    • About  your relationships with others?
    • About your plans?

I have learned that I can do things on my own although I like to work with others, that I am resilient and can put boundaries in place when my values are not met

I’m celebrating a big growth in my business and the people that I have trained and have helped to reach their full potential.

Next year I will be growing my training and coaching business and surrounding myself with fun and people who I have fun with. I will also be practicing self care which will take many forms – I feel a future blog coming on!

Let me know what you have learned, will celebrate and will change.

I’ve got some really interesting questions for you in the next blog so have a rest, do some reflection and I’ll catch up with  you next week.

Dr Bridget – reflecting on 2018

P.S If you want to work with me next year, Id be delighted and thrilled. here are the links to find out more:

NLP training

Breakthrough Coaching

On- line mastermind group STRETCH – Personal Growth for Business Success – leave me a message from the contact page

Does Labelling Yourself Affect Your Results?

Labelling yourself – does it help?

labellling

What’s your Label?

Labelling is needed to cope with the vast amount of information that we have coming into our senses. If we don’t label things, we don’t know how to deal with them or what sort of behaviour we need to do to go with the label. However it sometimes is unhelpful to label things or yourself – as this blog will show you.

I was recently working with someone who had some challenges with his mindset for success, relating to things that has happened to him previously in his life. We had got rid of his negative emotions and he was doing well. However, what we hadn’t dealt with was that his dad was a hard worker and my client had labelled himself as a type A personality. Hard working, striving, life imbalance and tendency to over-react sort of sums up the characteristics of an A type personality.

So he determinedly  labelled himself as an A person and therefore his behaviour went with that and eventually he hit a brick wall and spent 6 weeks in bed. It was very upsetting to hear about it, for his wife, his kids and his associates.

When we talked it became obvious that he was having a big conflict. Part of him thought he was an A type personality and  part of him wanted to be a B type personality – much more laid back and relaxed. This conflict got bigger and bigger and he eventuallly hit that brick wall. Watch the video where I talk about this conflict

As we explored the conflict, he realised that he could acually do both and that the purpose of the brick wall was to protect him while he sorted out the conflict.

Using an NLP technique called Parts Integration which gets rid of the conflict, he has now rediscovered his mojo and is enjoying his business and a balanced life.

I’d like to ask you:

Have you labelled yourself as anything unhelpful?

If so, have a careful think about it and either relabel yourself give me a ring if you are struggling with internal conflict.

Until next week, have a balance in your life!

Dr Bridget

Adversity – Does it stop you?

How do you react when adversity comes along?

Does it stop you?

Adversity

Adversity

One of the themes of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) focuses on whether you are getting results or giving yourselves reasons why you can’t do whatever it is.

I find there are so many people who come and see me, wanting to get unstuck, or get more success or happiness, that have a huge amounts of reasons and excuses why they can’t. Adversity can happen and it’s how you deal with it that matters – its about resilience.  A minor example is when I wanted to do the videos today, it was going to rain and be cloudy. And I feel as though I have a cold coming on. So I got my wellies and my umbrella and told my unconscious mind that it it wasn’t convenient to be unwell. I know what my goals are and part of them is spreading the word and supporting people to get unstuck and because of that, the videoing was going to happen no matter what.

Watch the video (sorry about the expression) and then ask yourself the questions underneath.

  • Do you have goals?
  • Do you have reasons or excuses why adversity gets in the way?
  • Are you resilient?
  • Whats stopping you – big things or small things?

If you know what they are and you can’t do anything about them consciously,  book a free session here so that we can clear the reasons and excuses and head you for your goals!  

Coming on an NLP course will help you to get rid of the reasons and excuses and become resilient, as well as giving you some amazing communication and resilience skills for your self and others. One of my Master Practitioner trainees has just landed a 7 book contract and has the opportunity to run retreats abroad in the next year! And a year ago she was unwell and not focusing on her future at all. It’s totally amazing watching her fly!

Express an interest in coming on a course here.

Until next week, set your goals and overcome the reasons and excuses!

Dr Bridget

Are You in the Waiting Room?

Are you in the Waiting Room?

I was in the doctors surgery the other day and it took me back to my GP days where people did a lot of waiting. They used to wait to have their symptoms diagnosed, wait for prescriptions and drugs and then wait for blood results. And sometimes they’d get fed up and take some sort of action, whether that was to knock on the doctors door or speak to a receptionist or to leave feeling frustrated. And it occurred to me that there are a lot of people that I know who are just waiting for something- clients, potential clients, people in business , people in relationships or careers. Could you be one of them?

So people wait for:

  • The right time
  • The right mindset
  • Inspiration
  • The right support
  • And many other things

And here’s the thing, if this applies to you, then what you are waiting for is in charge of you and your results, rather than you being in charge of your results. An interesting thought, don’t you think?

Have a watch of the video where I talk about this and get in touch if you need any help.

So I always ask people who feel stuck or are waiting:

  • Are you prepared to take action?
  • Are you prepared to let go of all the reasons and excuses that are stopping you from getting what you really want?
  • How long have you been stopping  yourself from achieving what you want in your life, business, career?
  • What is it costing you to keep waiting? in money terms and in emotions?

The thing is, it doesn’t take long to let go of any limitations to your progress when you work with me- in fact it can happen in as little as a day.

If you want to understand yourself and the obstacles that you are putting in your way, get in touch with me and we can start that journey.

So are YOU prepared to stop waiting?

If so then get in touch with me. I can help you get out of the waiting room and into the getting results room very quickly!

Until next week

Dr Bridget

 

 

An Effective Way to Deal with Anxiety

Anxiety can be disabling and cause you to get stuck

I’ve had quite a lot of phone calls recently from people who are feeling anxious. Sometimes they are on medication and have tried many ways to reduce the anxiety but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.

While it may be controversial to many who think that it is a medical condition and can’t be solved simply, I believe that it is easy to solve in many cases. After all, my experience as a GP versus how I help people now says that this is the case for many! Tad James, the founder of the American Board of NLP, says:

“Anxiety is a sign that the unconscious mind is not really focusing on what it really wants”

People with anxiety often have reasons or excuses as to why they can’t do what they really want and therefore become anxious. People also “label themselves” as anxious people and this doesn’t help as they then live their life expecting to be anxious. And they find it difficult to make decisions.

What if everyone could design their future by letting go of unhelpful and limiting things from the past and become happy??

Now there’s a thought!

Well that’s what I can help with, so watch the video below and click here to download the pdf of my book which discusses how to set goals and create your future. It’s called Mindset for Business Success and equally applies to Mindset for Life Success.

If you think that the anxiety in your life, or someone who you know, is causing you, or them, to be stuck and unhappy, click here to schedule a  free 30 minute telephone consultation so I can help.

After all, we only have one life and I want to help you live it!

Until next time, keep happy,

Dr. Bridget

How to get Positive People into Your Life

Positive People

Hi everyone – let me ask you some questions:

  • Are you sitting there thinking that you are too busy to meet up with positive people who would support you in your life, business or career?
  • Do you have people surrounding you that are mood hoovers and drag your mood down?
  • Are you making excuses to avoid going out  and getting that support which would help you to be positive, motivated and full of energy?

This is what I think –  I could be sitting doing my business, writing blogs, seeing clients or people that are interested in me supporting them and, as a result, forget to interact with positive people.  I don’t in general have people who lower my mood around me as I have taken action to either change them to positive support or removed them from my life – sounds a bit harsh doesn’t it – but its part of keeping myself in a good space. Here’s a link to my ABCD tool coaching video which helps you to “sort” the people around you.

Watch this video and then take any action that you need to to.

So what is your gut feeling about your positive support? Do you need more or do you have the right people around you?

If you need more, who would they be? Get a piece of paper and start to make a list. Watch the ABCD coaching video on my Mindset for Success course. You can test people out to see if they are truly supportive or not.

Make a list of what you want to talk to people about and run past them and also what you can do for them.

If you need any positive support and would like to interact with me on a regular basis book an appointment to talk to me and also join my closed FB group called One Step Closer by clicking here.

It makes all the difference!

Until next week, go find and find those people and let me know how you are doing.

And if you want more tools to support you to get success, then find out more about my Mindset for Success course which gives you so much more and is till at an introductory price.

Dr Bridget

Creating Time for your Future

Creating Time for Your Future

Creating Time

Creating Time

The results were amazing – there was a slight issue that needed to be tackled though and it was a fairly obvious one to me.

So my client was fully focused on increasing his business turn over by 10 fold after getting all of the negatives out of his head with a breakthrough intensive coaching session with me. It was obvious what was happening as he  was very tired as well as very busy (and well on his way to his target). When I started asking him specifics about the progress, it turned out that he had not taken time out to evaluate, plan and congratulate himself on a regular basis. He didn’t really know how much business he had brought in the previous week and how many new clients he had or even worked out a plan for the next week. And he couldn’t look after himself as well as he wanted because he was so busy. And this busyness, and the solution, applies to people wanting to be successful in a career, in a relationship and in life in general. Watch the video below and let me know what happens when you start to do this yourself.

Here’s my suggestion:
Work out when you can take an hour out of being busy in the week, on a regular basis, to get clarity and plan

  • Put it on your diary right now!
  • Get clarity about your goal
  • Decide what you are going to measure
  • Produce a plan for the next week and work out how you will monitor that
  • Think about your progress towards your goal
  • Treat yourself if you have done what you said you were going to do – something meaningful

Let me know how it goes and the insights that you have from doing this

If you are struggling, book a slot with me to talk about it – it may be what you’ve needed all along.

My Facebook closed group, called One Step Closer is also a place where you can discuss these issues with people who may be experiencing similar challenges.

See you next week

Dr Bridget

 

How to do a Vision Board and Why

How to do a Vision Board

Vision Board

Dr B’s Board

I’m guessing that most of you have done a vision board at some stage in your life- whether that was a scrap book when you were young or in a workshop or just for fun! and doing one is extremely powerful! The action of doing a vision board means that you have committed to looking at your life in all aspects and also that you want to get motivated and celebrate. I often run sessions with my mastermind group and recently joined in and did one myself – you can see it in the picture above. It has given me focus and daily reminders of what I am doing in my business and also why – very important.

Watch the video below and then find out how to do one.

What you can do a vision board about:

  • Who you are
  • Where you want to travel to
  • Memories of previous events
  • Your life or business goals
  • Anything really
Vision Board

Vision Board

How do you do one:

  • Get a canvas board or similar
  • Maybe find other people that want to do one
  • Get a wide variety of pens, paint and other stationary (love stationary shopping!) – I have also used pasta in one of mine
  • Buy or borrow magazines – a wide variety of subjects and find some scissors and glue
  • Remind yourself of your goals
  • Work out what motivates you – your values and what you believe- empowering beliefs

And then just start and see what happens- make it fun!

Let me know when you have done a vision board and what you discovered about yourself by doing it- its usually loads

Then make sure you have it somewhere where it inspires you every day!

Examples of other boards done by my mastermind group:

Go for it and let me know how you get on!

If you’d like to join a mastermind group and develop yourself to develop your business, contact me here

Dr Bridget

 

 

How to stop those last minute panics

Last Minute Panics

Panics

Last Minute Panics

You know the scenario- you’ve had some time to get a task done and have put it off. It’s nearly the deadline and you haven’t really got time to do the task now and you get anxious.  You realise that you could have taken control over  your thoughts and actions at a much earlier stage. Does that sound familiar? And there are other consequences of not getting things done:-

Missing out on getting clients or achieving targets. Feeling rushed and out of control. Doubt creeps in about your abilities. You feel frustrated. You wonder if its all worth it. You don’t enjoy the rest of your life.

Watch the video  below where I give you a couple of quick tips to change this scenario.

 

  • The first tip is to timetable your task into your diary – Every time you get a task to do, particularly when  you know it’s important and that its the sort of thing you’ve put off in the past, get you diary out and put the task into the diary. If its a big task, chunk it down into individual components and put those into your diary. It’s amazing – you will suddenly realise that there are no longer last minute panics. It’ also another way to make sure that you have the capacity to undertake the task or whether you need to make choices.
  • Tip number two is to notice when you put something off when you know you need to do it there and then. There’s that internal chatter that you could start to notice.  So it will probably go something like this “I need to do this task, I’ve got time to do it later,I don’t really want to do it now- Ive got other things that I want to do.” Then you don’t do the task and at some stage in the future, you regret that decision and start to get those last minute panics.

Did you know that all of your behaviour is driven by strategies in your head? If we notice our internal chatter in our head,  you can change it. So, if you are sitting there, reading this blog and thinking that you could make some changes, book onto my NLP Practitioner course or access a complimentary session to have a chat about any un-useful internal chatter that you have.

Happy and organised thoughts are great! Let’s get some more of them!

Until next week

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

Expectation – Good or bad?

expectations become reality

Expectations become Reality

Expectation – good or bad?

I’m going to be controversial.

We want results in life – right?

And is it ok to have what we want – right?

Great Relationships, Wealth, Health, Business or career success, Fun, Happiness, Anything else that we want

Some people believe that expectation leads to sadness and disappointment and I sort of get that, but if you are just leaving things to chance in case you get disappointed, then you are not in charge of your life- after all, your thoughts become your reality so let’s expect good things to happen!!!

Some Questions

Q.Have you ever noticed that the results that you get are directly related to your expectation of what is going to happen?

Q.Have you ever heard that “what you get is what you focus on”?

Q.And could you change your thoughts so that you are fully focused, have amazing goals and take the action needed?

I’ve been thinking about what we need to do to get what we want and have come up with these for you which are for your consideration ?

  • Develop a great emotional state
  • Have an expectation of getting what you want
  • Create goals that are specific and in your mind all of the time
  • Have empowering beliefs in yourself and  your ability to create the life that you want
  • And then take action!

Watch the video where I am at a business show and have an expectation of interacting with people to get a number of new clients that I can help to get success and fulfillment. And then have a think about what might be stopping you from doing this to get something that you want. And leave comments below or get in touch with me

What might be stopping you?

  • A lack of goals?
  • A lack of self belief?
  • A belief that you are not in charge of your life?
  • A negative emotional state?

All of these things that stop you or could be improved can be actioned by accessing a free consultation with me as a starting point.

The real questions are – do you want it enough? Are you worth it?

Until next week, set an expectation and let me know how it goes.

Dr Bridget

The 3 Things That Can Cause you to Lose your Resilience

Resilience – Never Give Up

How to become Resilient

Are you Resilient?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from the overwhelming influence of risk factors and obstacles.

Watch the video below to find out the 3 categories of risk factors and obstacles that may cause you to lose your resilience, and get in touch with me if you want to overcome the factors that you feel you are not in control of.

And of course there is a whole chapter about resilience in my book Mindset for Business Success (a useful workbook for anyone in who wants to reach their full potential). The majority of my videos also give you tips to become resilient.


The 3 groups of things that cause us to lose our resilience are:

  • Material things
  • Events and Circumstances
  • Self Induced

Listening to the video will raise your awareness about how our interpretation of the Material obstacles can actually fall into the Self Induced category. They can come from limiting beliefs such as “I can’t be successful in case it affects my health”. “I can’t do x , y or z because I don’t have any money” or “my family wouldn’t approve”.

The ability to deal with Events and Circumstances that happen around us is key.

Recently in the UK we have had Brexit which has made some people quite ill.

They feel as though they have lost control over their future. However, if you are resilient, have self belief, confidence and take action towards what you really want, you will definitely be in control of your future.

I’m wondering if you would be interested in reading my book? it is available here as a free download from my web site or you can buy it on Amazon in hard copy or on kindle. Its a work book with a whole chapter on Resilience and gives you prescriptions for success.

Finally – maybe you have lost your resilience? If this is the case, contact me for a free consultation to start the journey of change. I am on on 01656  347027 or 07973 635102.

Till next week, enjoy the “becoming resilient” journey!

Dr Bridget