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Communication

Understanding a Specific Communication Challenge

Communication Challenges – understanding them

Communication

Communication challenges

One of the ways in which we all differ is in the way that we communicate and this can cause challenges in relationships, actions that we take and our understanding of other people.

One of the filters that we use to deal with the vast amount of information coming into our senses are called metaprogrammes, of which there are 18. They may sound complicated but they aren’t and its simply a question of you understanding where you are on the scale of each.

The one that I am going to talk about today is whether people are literal or inferential speakers. So literal speakers are very direct and say exactly what they think and are specific about what they want.

Inferential speakers are very keen not to upset people and therefore tend to hint, imply and “go around the houses” when they speak. Inferential speaker might say ” Do you want a mint?” and literal speakers might say “You need to brush your teeth”. Inferential speakers might say ” Do you think we should look at other holidays” and a literal speaker would say ” I don’t want to go there”

The problem and  challenge for inferential speakers is that they bend over backwards to not offend people and, in doing so, fail to get their message across and end up feeling frustrated or misunderstood. If you are a literal speaker, then  people may get upset by your straight forwardness.

Watch the video below and ask yourself which you are.

You could ask other people what they think or simply observe people’s reactions to what you say. Then you can decide whether to adapt your communication – after all, the meaning of your communication is the results that you get.

If you are interested in the differences between people and would like to learn more about effective communication, have a look at my NLP Practitioner course and contact me to find out when the next courses are.

Happy communicating  and catch up next week.

Dr Bridget

Language patterns

A Common Language Pattern That Can Be Unhelpful

Language patterns

Language patterns

The Language We Use

I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it- the effect that your language can have on both you and other people? There’s a saying in NLP- “You cannot not communicate”. Every time you say something, you change the other person’s perception of the world and the “picture” in their head and yours. I want to raise your awareness today of a specific language pattern that can be unhelpful at some times. Watch the video and then think about how you equate yourself to unhelpful things.

The pattern that I am talking about in the video is called a Complex equivalence. So if A=B, then B=A. If A is you, then equating things to you can be unhelpful. This particularly applies to illnesses and limiting statements. here are some of them:

  • I am Diabetic
  • I am a Cancer sufferer
  • I am Depressed
  • I am Useless
  • I am a Nuisance
  • I’m just a Housewife
  • I am in pieces
  • My husband/wife/partner is part of me

These statements create a reality for yourself and those who hear what you say.

If you are interested in learning more about your language and how to influence others, book onto an NLP Practitioner course to really change- click here for details 

Here are a couple of ways of changing this:

  1. Make the statement about doing a behaviour rather than about being equivalent to you
  • I am doing poor blood sugar control
  • I am doing the symptoms of cancer
  • I am doing depression
  • I am doing useless behaviour
  • I am doing the functions of a housewife

This makes it easier to stop doing the behaviour, whereas it’s quite difficult to stop something that is the equivalent to you.

2. Ask yourself “is that all you are?”

What is that you are that’s not just Diabetic, not just a Cancer sufferer, not just Depressed, not just Useless, not just a Housewife, not just part of your Husband, not just in Pieces?

So if we take the example of I’m just a housewife.

Ask “So, is that all that you are?” “What are you that is not just a housewife?” You will probably be able to get the answer of:

  • “I’m a good wife”
  • I’m a good mother”
  • “I’m a kind person”
  • “I’m me and I like me”

Totally different perspectives!

There’s a short PDF here to help you to think about the language that you are using in this respect.  Click here I am…….

Let me know your thoughts on this unusual topic and let me know if you have equated yourself to something unhelpful and can’t change it. 07973 635102 or click here to talk to me 

Until next week, keep noticing the words that you use!

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Follow Up? Here’s Why You Should.

Following Up – Just Do It

Why aren't you you following up?

Following up

I meet a lot of people who say that they are going to do something and never get around to it, and I find it really interesting to think about why this could be. I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past but now I make sure that following up is a priority, and it has made a huge difference to my business and my mind-set.

People who don’t follow up on actions can come across as a bit disrespectful and it is damaging to the trust that was originally there at the beginning of relationships. Not following up can be detrimental to your business! By not continuing the contact it could mean that you are missing out on a sale, or a lead to something you want to happen!

There is a theme in Neuro Linguistic Programming which says that there are either:

RESULTS or REASONS AND EXCUSES

And I know which I would rather have! Just think of the amount of time that can go into setting up meetings or getting the initial interaction with, only to not follow up afterwards! What a waste!

I usually find that my clients have 2 main reasons or excuses for not following up.

Watch my video below where I discuss these reasons and the repercussions they can have!

The reasons why people don’t follow up tend to fall into two categories:

  1. Mindreading – this is when you claim to know what is going on in another person’s head. You think that you might contact them at an inconvenient time or that you are bothering them or that they are not interested. But – YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW! You are just assuming. These people are may actually be waiting for you to follow up and feel frustrated and annoyed when you don’t.
  2. A limiting belief – this is where you say to yourself “I’ve not got time” or “I’m not that interesting” or “I’m not good enough” or “they will go with another supplier of the service who is better/cheaper than me”. If you don’t believe you have time, then find a way to manage your time more efficiently – could be as simple as buying a diary. If you feel that you aren’t interesting or good enough, this is a much deeper issue, although the fix can be just as quick and easy. I would love to help you, I offer free consultations and we can start changing that mind set together!

So, stop mind reading, believe in yourself, make time and simply follow up – you never know what is waiting on the other end of the phone call!

If you’d like to know more about the themes of NLP, then click here to find a list of the courses I offer.

Until next time – enjoy the rewards of following up!

Dr. Bridget

Communication Can be Frustrating – Here’s a Tool to Help

Communication with others can be frustrating-don’t you think?

Here is one of the reasons why:

Communication

Communication skills

We all have our own comfort zones when it comes to our language and communication, and if others have a different comfort zone, it can often seem as though we are on a “different page”, or in extreme cases, on a “different planet”!!

A large part of my NLP Practitioner courses is spent looking at and analysing the effective use of language and communication. A really fun part of this is what is called chunking. Chunking is the way we organize information in our brains and how we communicate, e.g. big picture or detailed, we all have different levels of chunking and it is also often context specific.

I am often a fairly big picture thinker but then I can get really detailed nearer the deadline for action. If I’m talking to someone who is very detailed at the beginning of a project, I can get a bit frustrated. And I’m sure that if you are detailed, you’d be a bit confused and frustrated by me at times.

In this big old world, we have no control over the type of person we will have to communicate with in our day to day lives, so it is really helpful to learn what to do about mismatching chunk levels and how to utilize them.

If you have a high chunk conversation (big picture), there is much more likely to be agreement with people. If you have a more detailed conversation (low chunk), then there is more likely to be disagreement but there is more opportunity ti solve problems at a detailed level.

Have a watch of the video below and then read the questions that you can use to become more flexible and communicate effectively. Call me if you want to find out more.

Here are some simple questions to use to gain a rapport with someone and to reach an agreement or solve a problem via your communication.

If someone that you are talking to is being very detailed or specific, you can use these questions to chunk up:

  • X for what purpose?
  • What will X give you?
  • What is X and example of?

If you want to find out details or solve a problem, you can chunk down and ask:

  1. X- what specifically?
  2. X – when or how specifically?
  3. What’s an example of X?

For example, is someone is “upset”, you can chunk down by asking “what specifically are you upset by?”

You could also chunk up by asking “What did being upset give you?” and if they say “I defended myself”, you can say “what is the purpose for defending yourself” and they might say “so that I feel safe” and so on.

It’s really interesting and useful.

And if you want to get into rapport with someone, match their chunk size and level of detail or bigger picture thinking.

If you’d like to come on an NLP course to learn more about communication and how you can improve yours, I offer easy monthly payments and a guarantee that you will have fun and learn communication skills with a wide variety of tools. Click here to get in touch.

Please feel free to share – I found out at the weekend that someone got a job as a direct result of watching one of my videos.

That’s my purpose – to make a difference!

Dr Bridget

3 Ways To Guarantee You Are Communicating Really Effectively

Communicating effectively is very important for success in life and business, I’m sure you will agree!

Ive decided to share my learning from the mistakes of a large corporate company as I travelled the world

 

I had an interesting and very frustrating experience while abroad recently!

Comunicating Effectively for Business Success

Comunicating effectively?

I was excited about going home and pleased when the airline announced that we could go to the departure gate, but 7 hours later and 25,000 miles from home, I felt shocked at the lack of communication and lack of care that the organisation showed us. I was still at the airport and it appeared that the airline staff didn’t know where the plane was, or how we were getting home and I had completely lost my confidence in the organisation. They weren’t communicating effectively! And those of you that know me, know that I rarely get frustrated or shocked!!

And because I run a business myself, and also want to be communicating effectively to my customers and clients, it made me stop and think about how I could improve my communication and my business success.How I could avoid people getting frustrated with me and how I was perceived.

Here are the 3 things that I will now pay even more attention to:

  1. Communicating effectively  to clients, colleagues, and potential customers about the things that are important to them. Implicit in this is to find out what is important to customers and keep their values in mind when  communicating effectively with them. Mind reading can be dangerous and doesn’t take account of others model of the  world. Also it can cause frustration for the other person. Remember that “the meaning of communication is the result that you get”! There were 300 plus travellers on this flight and the majority of them had been affected adversely and felt frustrated and helpless.
  2. Keeping promises and, if  unable to do so, let people know why, and what you will do to make things better. This needs careful planning because we also need to keep promises to ourselves, while delivering great service. When you are totally committed to being there for people, its also easy to overstretch yourself! Its also easy to forget what you have promised, especially if you are a big organisation and dealing with individuals. (This airline states “we always do our best to make you feel special – from the ……….. to the renowned personal service that sets us apart from other airlines.”)  
  3. Say sorry if things don’t go as planned. Say sorry straight away and mean it. As long as you are doing your best and have the other person’s welfare at heart, that’s ok. And if you aren’t telling the truth as you know it, people will know. After 7 hours of being told that they didnt know what was happening, I don’t think they were telling the truth at the check – in desk.

The airline’s manager appeared 6 hours into the confusion, during which time, many people were trying to get information and find out how they were going to get connections for their onwards flight. The departure gate staff said they were unaware of what was going on or where the plane was (actually I found that a bit scary). My daughter in the UK googled the flight, told me where the plane was and our estimated time of departure, she also told me that the plane woud be re routed – not communicated either. It turned out (had been on the news) that the plane had overshot the runway and had to land elsewhere, leaving the cabin crew out of flying hours. They had then sent a new crew to fetch the plane which took some time. They were then out of their flying hours meaning that the plane had to pick up new crew on the way. And no-one know anything about any of this?? Of course, if they had told the passengers what they needed to know, kept their promise as an organisation and said sorry and meant it, people would have understood and stayed calm.

A lesson perhaps for the manager?

Lessons for our businesses and our communication with anyone?

So, how are you communcating with your customers, your partners, your family and friends? Do you know how to communicate with them? Are you keeping your promises? Do you say sorry when things go wrong? Can you do better than this airline?

Please share your experiences so that we can all reflect and get better at this important skill!

Let me know what you think and remember that you can always access a free consultation with me if  you’d like to improve your communication.

Till next time

Dr Bridget