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People pleasing doesnt work

Understanding People Pleasing

People Pleasing

People pleasing doesnt work

Be yourself

This is a really important symptom that I come across regularly on courses and with my one to one clients. They come to me because they realise that that they are not being themselves and that has lots of consequences for them as you will find out when you watch  the video below:

Let’s face it – it is nice to be liked and to be kind and nice to people, isn’t it? However, if it stops you getting your goals and feeling as though you can’t be yourself, then that is a problem. It usually comes from a desire to be liked and included which is often very strong. People want to be in a community and to be respected and liked. They want to belong.

I often find that there are root causes in people’s past that cause people to overdo people pleasing – Do any of the below apply to you or someone you know?

  • Not being listened to when you were growing up
  • Having to hide due to circumstances around you
  • Being bullied
  • A feeling of having to keep the peace when growing up – perhaps your parents arguing or drinking
  • A feeling of guilt if  your parents marriages folded – did I do enough- was it my fault- I didn’t try hard enough
  • Being criticised or not praised during your life
  • And many other events

All the negative emotions that come from incidents above have an impact. As we know, our unconscious mind is there to protect us and we carry on people pleasing as a result. It leads to a feeling of worthlessness, confusion and hurt and these feelings stop us from reaching our full potential, being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have.

It can be a difficult habit to break unless you get help from someone like myself. The wiring that causes us to people please, to our detriment, can be reversed very quickly with Time Line therapy (R)

What can we do about this?

  1. Put your own oxygen mask on – you can’t help others unless you help yourself!
  2. Notice when you are people pleasing and the impact that it has on you and your feelings, actions and your goals
  3. Remind yourself that there are root causes for this – you may know what they are or you may not but there will always be one- a decision that you made at some stage in your life that you have to keep people happy.
  4. Decide to be happy and to be yourself
  5. Surround yourself with people who will support you

If you find  you can’t resolve this and you want to resolve this, then get in touch with me to take advantage of a free call.

My NLP Training courses and my one to one coaching will solve this problem and others like it for you and you can then live the life that you want to live – after all, we only have one life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Helping you put your own oxygen mask on

 

Be happy, be yourself, If not give me a call

Self Belief

Self Belief – Where Does it Come From?

Self Belief – It’s SO Important

Hello!

Self Belief is SO Important – for your life, your Business, your Career!

Self Belief

Self belief

Here’s the thing – If you don’t believe in yourself, then life is uncomfortable, you feel frustrated with yourself and always feel as though there is something more that’s stopping you feeling fulfilled. In short-you probably feel stuck!

Self Belief is an internal feeling that you can do whatever you want and, in this blog, I talk about 4 of the ways that you can increase your self belief. This means that you will be totally comfortable, calm and certain in your direction.

Watch the video below and then take the action needed. Book a free session if you need help

The 4 things that will help (and there are many others) are:

  1. Understand where a lack of self belief has come from. Think about your upbringing. Were you encouraged or not? Were you expected to get 100% in everything (but only achieved 95%)? Did you get laughed at or bullied? Remember that you may have put self doubt in your thinking during your life and that is IN THE PAST. You can simply decide you do believe in yourself and move forward. Again, this something that you’ve wired into your thinking and if you can’t remove it, I specialise in unsticking you so get in touch.
  2. Develop Resilience. Realise that you are in charge and that you can start over, change direction and have positive people around you. Start to re-frame your thoughts – if you think that  you aren’t good enough, look for examples where you are – for instance in your relationships or your hobbies and say to yourself ” I am good enough in lots of areas and I just need to make some changes in this one area”- That statement has a different feel to it doesn’t it?
  3. Start writing about your thoughts and feelings -be grateful for what you have achieved and reward yourself for your successes. It raises your awareness and you can start to decide different things and test them out. This is journaling and it isn’t difficult – just very helpful
  4. Get some positive people around you. Those that will support you no matter what. Find someone that you can ring if you have doubts- they may not be someone that you already know or they may be people that you do know – just test them out and develop a mutually supportive relationship. You’ll know when  you have one.

I have written a low cost e-book Re-writing your story which you can find here and don’t forget that you can get in touch for some support
My FB group -One Step Closer is somewhere where you can get further tips and support -I’d love to see you there.

Until next week, remember that I believe in you and you can as well!

Dr Bridget
Smiles

How to get Positive People into Your Life

Positive People

Hi everyone – let me ask you some questions:

  • Are you sitting there thinking that you are too busy to meet up with positive people who would support you in your life, business or career?
  • Do you have people surrounding you that are mood hoovers and drag your mood down?
  • Are you making excuses to avoid going out  and getting that support which would help you to be positive, motivated and full of energy?

This is what I think –  I could be sitting doing my business, writing blogs, seeing clients or people that are interested in me supporting them and, as a result, forget to interact with positive people.  I don’t in general have people who lower my mood around me as I have taken action to either change them to positive support or removed them from my life – sounds a bit harsh doesn’t it – but its part of keeping myself in a good space. Here’s a link to my ABCD tool coaching video which helps you to “sort” the people around you.

Watch this video and then take any action that you need to to.

So what is your gut feeling about your positive support? Do you need more or do you have the right people around you?

If you need more, who would they be? Get a piece of paper and start to make a list. Watch the ABCD coaching video on my Mindset for Success course. You can test people out to see if they are truly supportive or not.

Make a list of what you want to talk to people about and run past them and also what you can do for them.

If you need any positive support and would like to interact with me on a regular basis book an appointment to talk to me and also join my closed FB group called One Step Closer by clicking here.

It makes all the difference!

Until next week, go find and find those people and let me know how you are doing.

And if you want more tools to support you to get success, then find out more about my Mindset for Success course which gives you so much more and is till at an introductory price.

Dr Bridget

Steve Harvey

Getting Out There!

Get Out There - I am Bold NeonIt took me a while-to have the courage to stand up and say what I do. And as I stood in a business show recently, I thought back to the time when standing up and talking was scary and my legs were very wobbly-a lot of the time!

And it was because I was running a story in my head and that negative chatter was telling me
I’m not good enough
What will people think?
I can’t do a video

But gradually, I realised that I had a BIG WHY for doing it – to help as many people as possible to be who they wanted to be, do what they want to do and have what they want to have. So I took a big breath and got out there and put myself out of my comfort zone.
Watch the video below and then ask yourself the question below

I’m wondering-

Is there somewhere in your life where you are not getting out there? Is your story stopping you from doing it?

If you did (get out there) what would happen? What would be different?

And if you didn’t (get out there) what would happen?

Let me know via my contact page if you want to and don’t feel that you can. It’s easily sorted and will make an huge difference to you.

Or you can keep turning the pages of the same old story.

Until next week-have a good one!
Dr Bridget

Leader

Are you a Leader? Would you like to be one?

Do you think of yourself as a leader?

Leader

Are you a Leader

I was recently asked to sponsor “The Inspiring Leadership” award at a local networking event (Zokit)and found myself thinking about what an  inspiring leader is. All of the people who applied were great leaders in my mind and I soon started to think about what they all had in common. I narrowed it down to 3 things.

Watch the video and then see if you agree.

Then ask yourself whether

You are a leader?

Whether you want to be one?

Do you need any help?


So the 3 things that these people had in common were:

  1. They were passionate about their Values – whether that was freedom of thought or being a great mum or allowing their staff to be leaders themselves. There was one lady who was leading a movement to get news seen in a different way.
  2. They had worked on their limitations on their journey to get to where they were and were therefore calm and consistent  despite all obstacles
  3. They were a Role Model – whether that was for their staff or clients or their children and family- they were respected and people were inspired by them

In fact the person that I chose was nominated by  their staff and had no idea that they had been nominated until I spoke to them.

If you’d like to be a leader, then leading starts with yourself. If you want to be Passionate, Calm and seen as a Role Model, then it starts with your mindset.

If you feel as though you have some work to do then please get in touch as people that work with me very quickly develop that mindset.

Coming on a Certified NLP Practitioner course will change your life and that of others and you will be an inspiration to others. Get in touch and look at the testimonials here

Also doing some 1:1 coaching with me so that you have a completely clear head and can achieve whatever you want to achieve is life-changing.

I’m here, to support you to become the person that you want to be and I look forward to your comments on whether you are a leader for yourself or others and how I can help.

Until next week – take care

Dr Bridget