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How to deal with indecisiveness

How to deal with indecisiveness in order to be successful

How to deal with Indecisiveness In Order to Be Successful

To be successful in your business, life or relationships it’s really useful to have an element of decisiveness. Sometimes people get caught up in being indecisive and that means they have no clear direction or thought processes.  They have the “Shall I,” Shan’t I,” “Will I,” Won’t I,” conflict that goes on in their heads.

They know that if they want to get rid of anxiety and reach their goals, then they have to be decisive.

With this in mind, in this week’s Prescription for Success I’m going to talk a little bit about ‘parts’, which is an NLP term. If you find yourself being indecisive, watch the video and learn about this NLP technique to help.

What are ‘parts’ in NLP?

A ‘part’ refers to  parts of the unconscious mind that cause conflict.  So, sometimes I believe in myself but sometimes I don’t believe in myself, or part of me thinks I’m good enough and part of me thinks I’m not good enough.

The causes of parts in the unconscious mind are significant emotional events. They may be adverse childhood experiences or they may be significant events or traumas from later on in your life.  When these events happen then sometimes it’s just a little wobble or sometimes it can create limiting beliefs or limiting decisions.

If the rate of change of a particular emotional process is quite fast or significant in terms of the actual strength of that emotion then it can cause parts, phobias and sometimes multiple personalities.

A part is in conflict with another part, and the theory behind resolving parts is that they were once whole and can become whole again by reintegrating the parts. Then looking to see what the parts have as a positive intention, realising that both parts have the same highest positive intention and reintegrating them using an NLP technique.

I teach people how to do this on my NLP Courses and I also do a lot of work with people who have conflict and want to have some coaching and/or to do a breakthrough process with me.

If you’ve got conflict and if you are indecisive then there will be a root cause behind that. Get in touch because I do a free half hour call  where we can find out what’s going on and then resolve it. You then won’t have that conflict anymore and you can just get on with your life and feel happy.

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget – being decisive

 

What triggers unwanted behaviours?

Triggers unwanted behaviours

What triggers are there for unwanted behaviours?

Triggers are what set a sequence of behaviour off and also the sequence of things that happen in your mind at an unconscious level to lead to an outcome.

There are so many unwanted behaviours including procrastination, doubting yourself, withdrawing from people, being irritable and argumentative, drinking alcohol, binge eating, comfort eating the list is endless.

People’s unwanted behaviour will be personal to them. So what is an unwanted behaviour for one person may not be unwanted for another person.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I discuss the triggers for unwanted behaviours and  give you some tips from an NLP perspective on how you can change these behaviours.

NLP Strategies

Every behaviour has what we call a strategy in NLP where there is a trigger.  The trigger will be something that you see, something that you hear or something that you say to yourself which will set of a sequences of things in your brain that will lead to a specific behaviour.

For example

I used to have a behaviour where I’d see the clock at 6pm and I’d look at the fridge and say to myself it’s time for a glass of wine and I’d go and have a glass of wine. So, that’s a sequence of events that I used to do.

It is possible to interrupt these sequence of events and get a different sequence of events and hence a different behaviour. If you are interested in learning more about this from a coaching or professional level or would like to know more for yourself then we cover NLP strategies on my NLP courses. 

The other thing about unwanted behaviours which is really interesting is that every behaviour has a positive intention and has a purpose. People don’t do behaviours for reason there is always a purpose for them therefore every behaviour has a positive intention for the person who is doing it.

If you think about any triggers for unwanted behaviour that you might have then you’ll start to notice those triggers at a conscious level and you could start to change those.

You could also ask yourself what are you getting out of the behaviour?  It might to seem obvious to start with, when I ask people this they can’t often identify the intention of a behaviour but quite often it’s about protection.

For example

If you were to withdraw from a discussion you are probably doing that to protect yourself in some way and this would give you some sort of security and that security might give you happiness and the happiness might give you the ability to live your life to the full.

From a NLP perspective we call this chunking up and by doing this you get to the real positive intention for the behaviour so what you might get out of it then what else you might get out of it.  Then you can ask yourself what might you want to do instead?

This is all about awareness raising so once you know the trigger and the purpose for that behaviour and what you’d rather do instead then at a conscious level you actually make some changes.

If you can’t make those changes then just get in touch I do a free half hour where we can explore what is going on and at an unconscious level we can change things really quickly.

So if you’ve been doing something for a long time and you don’t want to do it then get in touch. If you want to learn how to do it with other people then come on an NLP Course. 

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget

 

The Emotional Causes of Tiredness

TirednessThe Emotional Causes of Tiredness

– How it affects your business and life

If you are feeling tired and you think that there is something physically wrong then go and see your GP.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I discuss emotional tiredness. That time when you get up in the morning and you’re still tired.  You know you’ve slept but you haven’t slept well.  You’re falling asleep during the day, there’s nothing wrong on a physical level and you know it’s a mindset issue.

A lot of people suffer with tiredness and it can affect your business and life goals. Watch the video and get in touch if you need some help.

Maybe it’s caused by your emotional state. 

You might feel anxious and  you’ve got a lot of things buzzing around in your head or you might feel sad and really low and lacking energy. Or there may be a lot of conflict going on in your mind or a lot of overwhelm. It could even be related to any other emotions like anger, fear, hurt or guilt.

If these things are going on in your mind then it will have an affect on your physiology and your cells and it will create a physiological state of tiredness.

The emotional state is driven by your reality. Your reality can be caused by negative emotions or memories from the past, negative beliefs and conflicts in your beliefs.

The symptoms that you can get from this include:

  • not being present,
  • not being motivated,
  • putting things off,
  • a reluctance to engage,
  • overeating or binge eating,
  • or drinking alcohol

If you’ve got these symptoms and this tiredness, then it’s really difficult to get your goals. So if you are not getting your goals or you are doing behaviours that you don’t want and you are experiencing this emotional tiredness then give me a shout.   I do a free half hour call where we can discuss where the tiredness has come from.

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget – Getting some rest to recharge my batteries

 

Using different spaces for different results

River

Using different spaces for different results

In terms of how we make changes, the environment is really important.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I consider the different spaces we use to undertake different tasks and how we can benefit from choosing the right space for each task. Watch the video and test this out for yourself to see if you are using your spaces effectively.

 

This morning it was pouring with rain and I thought “where do I sit to write some blogs, to do my accounts, to work with clients?”  This just struck me as being really important.

I’ve just finished running the first half of an NLP Practitioner Course and in the next half we are going to be talking about anchoring and you can get really anchored in spaces.

I like to sit outside on the decking and have a coffee and do some meditation. I’ve got chickens so I like to sit with the chickens and think about things. I also like to sit down by the river because the river is rushing and it gives a different energy. I like to work in coffee shops.

I think it’s about different sorts of energy. Do you want energy that is quiet or busy or relatively neutral?

I  sit in my kitchen and look out over the garden and that’s where I tend to write my blogs it’s where I get my ideas because there is a lot of information but it’s also quite peaceful.

What are your spaces?

I’d just like to ask you what are your spaces?

So write a list of your spaces. Then list what sort of emotions you anchor to those spaces and what tasks you can do in those spaces and let me know how you get on.  It is a really useful exercise and can be very helpful.

If you want to talk to me about anything about mindset or you are interested in coming on courses, or you just want to get unstuck, as you know I’m known as the ‘Chief Unsticker’  then get in touch, I do a free half hour call where we can have a chat and find out how I can help you.

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget – choosing my spaces creatively

 

How useful is flexibility?

Flexibility

How useful is flexibility?

In NLP we teach the key presupposition that the person with the most flexibility is in charge of the system.  So, how useful is it to us to be flexible?

In this week’s Prescription for Success I talk about how being flexible can help you get the outcomes you desire.  Listen to the video and have a think about how flexible you are and is it working for you.

I’ve recently been really interested in myself because there is something that I would really like to happen which involves another person and they’ve  got a different model of the world.

I really wanted it and I was doing everything I could to get what I wanted but it wasn’t working.

I thought, I’m an NLP Master Trainer and I teach that the person with the most flexibility is in charge of the system and I was aware that I wasn’t being particularly flexible.  So, I took a step back and thought about the results that I really wanted, I then thought about how I could change my communication, my beliefs and maybe my environment so that I could actually influence that result and get the outcome I wanted.

If you are struggling with getting an outcome, ask yourself:

  • What is the outcome I want?
  • Is my behaviour and what I am doing getting me the outcome?
  • Are my beliefs helping me get the outcome?

If  you are not getting the outcome, then think about what you can do differently in order to get that outcome.

I would also say take that positive intention that this is going to happen.

If you are interested in finding out more about this my NLP courses cover all of these things , the flexibility, being in charge of the system is a key presupposition in NLP and it makes life very interesting.

Get in touch  if you’d like to have a chat about courses or you need some help with being flexible.

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget – being flexible

 

What Affects Your Decision Making?

Decision Making

What Affects Your Decision Making?

It’s really important to be able to decide how you make your decisions, because your decisions affect your behaviour, which gets you your results.

We make decisions at every stage in our lives. We can make split second decisions or we can take time to deliberate over our decisions.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I’m going to be looking at what affects our decision making, and reflect upon the influence of our upbringing, our values and our internal makeup on our decision making. Listen to the video and let me know what affects your decision making.

I thought it would be good to consider this particularly as I have had a period of indecision over a couple of years and it was uncomfortable.   I was feeling that part of me wanted to do one thing and part of me wanted to do something else. This resulted in a huge amount of conflict going on in my head which was making me unwell. I was eating more. I wasn’t sleeping so well and wasn’t feeling very good.

I think it’s important to be able to make decisions – but what affects our decision making?

Parental Influence

I think that maybe your decision making has been brought about by your parents, maybe they have made split-second decisions and you are modelling them.  Alternatively you may think, I’m fed up of making decisions that quickly and I’m just going to think longer about it before making my decision.

Your parents and how they made decisions is key to how you make decisions.

Your Values

Your motivators are your values which are going on at an unconscious level.  (Click here to download my values workbook to  help you to work out your values.)   If you know what your motivators are it becomes quite easy to make decisions.

My values for my business are about determination, self-care, having fun and make a difference and if something doesn’t tick any of these values then I’m not going to do it. So, knowing your values makes it easier to make decisions.

Your internal make up

If you are having difficulty making decisions, sometimes it can be part of your internal make up. In NLP we teach meta-programmes. One of the 18 meta-programmes is that “when you come into a situation do you act straight away and then think about it or do you reflect and then make a decision”.

In a recent relationship I had,  the other person was a reflector and I was an action-taker and it was quite difficult because I just wanted to take action and then think about it and they wanted to think about it and then take action.  So it does have an affect

So work out your values for whatever part of your life that you are having difficulty making decisions. Just be aware of your conflicts and what your internal negative chatter is saying to you and also be aware of your beliefs about things and  then either:

  • Take a decision and then think about it whether it works,
  • Or don’t make a decision and think about it and see if that works out.

So as Yoda says – “There is no such thing as try – you either do or you don’t.” So take the do or the don’t decision and then go from there.

If you are having a bit of difficulty, if it’s giving you conflict, if it’s giving you sleepless nights, if you are not sure and you just want a chat to someone then get in touch  as I do a free half hour call.

Let me know if you are having difficulty making decisions and I’m just going to make a decision now to finish this blog as I think I’ve waffled on enough.

Until Next Week

Dr Bridget

 

The Focusing Questions

The focusing questionsThe Focusing Questions!

The secret of getting ahead is to get started!

The secret of getting started is to break the large amount of tasks that you have down into discrete parts.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I talk about two focusing questions that you can ask yourself to enable you to identify what you want and how to get ahead.  Watch the video and ask yourself the questions below.

There are 2 levels of question that you can ask:

Firstly – what is it that you want? What is the one thing that you want – whether that’s happiness, wealth, success – what is it?

Secondly –  what is the one thing that you can do right now that will get you that one thing that you really what you want?

It’s as simple as that. So, scroll around amongst your tasks and think what is the one thing that will really make that difference to get that one thing which is your overall goal?

If you don’t know or you can’t do it then just get in touch  and we can talk that through because I do a free session to help you get started and get ahead.

So to get started, just ask yourself the 2 focusing questions and then you can get ahead

See you next week

Dr Bridget – focused on getting ahead!

 

A Choice of What to Do

A choice of what to doA Choice of What to Do

It would be great if we always had a choice of what to do.  However, sometimes we get a little programmed and things happen to us and we decide we can’t do things.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I talk about the choices we have  available to us and how we can be more decisive in our choices so that we do the things we want to do and be the way we want to be. Watch the video and try out the task below.

I was speaking to someone recently, who used to be very outgoing, confident, chatty and decisive.  Then they went through some difficult experiences and they decided that all they could do was have a low mood, be less outgoing, confident, chatty and decisive.

This is what I think –

If you have decided to be in a low mood, be less outgoing, confident, chatty and decisive then you can also decide to revert that and to change it to do what you used to do.

Sometimes it’s as simple as making that decision.

If this is you then you can just float down into your body to that place when you were outgoing, confident, chatty and decisive, or whatever scenario you choose, and just decide that you actually take that on and be that person again and do those things.

If you can’t do this then just get in touch because that’s what I help people to do.

I help people to recreate what they used to have and what they want now but can’t seem to get it because of the negative chatter going on in their head.

So just make a decision and go with it

See you next week

Dr Bridget – enjoying being decisive!

 

How to get Happiness

How to get happinessHow to create Happiness

I think of happiness is an emotional state created by how we process information. Also I think it can be created by changing our physiology and the things we do.

I can help you change the way that you process information in order to get a reality that’s different for you to get a better emotional state. But in the meantime, I think a lot of happiness is about being present and just noticing those small things.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I share with you my tips on how to be present and enjoy those small things in life. Watch the video and try out the tips below for yourself.

My Happiness Jar

Over the last few months I’ve been creating a happiness jar.  I’ve put in it things that are personal to me and make me happy for example I have a small notebook that my mum wrote in about various milestones when I was a child, a note about walking at the beach,  or spending time with grandchildren and pets.

My Joy Album

I’ve also got a joy album on my phone where I put some photographs that make me happy for example photos of pets, scenery or special cards I’ve received.

You may have some things going on in life or in the past but if you can concentrate on being present, capturing joy and happiness and then have something you can go to when things are not as good as they could be, then that can be really helpful.

However if it’s gone further than that and you really need some help then get in touch because I can definitely help you with that.

So enjoy your joy and I’ll see you next week

Dr Bridget – enjoying being happy!

 

How to Cultivate Vitality

How to cultivate vitalityHow to Cultivate Vitality

Vitality has been proven to be a great way to get resilience in light of all the stresses and strain we may have on a daily basis.

As an example – Recently I was planning to meet a friend in England and at the same time my mum fell and broke her hip and ended up in hospital and then the dog was sick. Sometimes we get days like this when things happen one after the other. However if you have vitality then you become more resilient. It’s really about the decision to be vital.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I talk about how we can cultivate vitality and become more resilient watch the video and consider what you are cultivating.

In research, people label people as like ‘velcro’ or ‘teflon’ in terms of vitality.

In the ‘velcro’ group people were stuck, they had conflict, they had lost their confidence and had spiralled down into negativity. This resulted in them eating things that they shouldn’t, watching endless television and just doing things that were not helpful to them.

In the ‘teflon’ group people made plans but were flexible with their plans and they also supported others.

The difference between the two – the ‘velcro’ and the ‘teflon’ is really about being proactive. So, if you want to be a ‘teflon’ person them make plans, go out and do things, socialise and get on with life. Otherwise you will tend to be a ‘velcro’ person.

Ask yourself whether you are a ‘velcro’ or ‘teflon’ person? Have you tried these things in order to become more resilient and have vitality?

If you have tried it and it’s not going very well then get in touch because there will be some root causes that make it difficult for you to do the upward spiral rather than the downward spiral and I can help you with this really quickly.

So that’s me – I think I’m pretty ‘teflon’ at the moment and I know what to do to not be ‘velcro’.

See you next week,

Dr Bridget

 

Focus on What You Can Change

Do You Focus on what  you CAN change or what you CAN’T change?

Focus on what you can change

Hello

I’m interested in what you concentrate or focus on? Often my clients will have noticed that they are concentrating on  the things that they can’t change , and often can’t get them out of their head. And as you know, what you focus on is what you get, so I’m all about changing that pattern of thinking. If you’d like to do that as well, watch the video, have a think about whether this applies to someone you  know or even yourself and get in touch:

Often this pattern of negative thinking, or concentrating on what you can’t change, will last for days, weeks, months or often years and will eventually start  to affect the results in  your life and the people around you.

I’m OK with saying that it happens to me sometimes, and to clients that I’ve worked with, but it doesn’t last very long as our unconscious mind kicks in with the positive learnings. I’m generally a positive person who focuses on the future and positives and solutions.

I think this is why NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming- appeals to  me.

It helps us to find habitual patterns that don’t serve us and  remove them, leaving us free to concentrate on things we CAN change rather than things we can’t. And it’s not about what’s happened- it’s about what patterns need changing, and then changing them really quickly.

The difference between the change that counselling, or other talking therapies, give people and what NLP gives you is simple:

  • It’s quick and effective
  • You will be working with the part of your mind that is responsible for change –  your unconscious mind
  • It’s comfortable as it doesn’t focus on the story,  just the patterns

The way I help people to do this is either to come on an NLP course, where you learn new skills as well as change your habitual way of thinking and feeling, or to work with me on a 1:1 basis

Either way, everyone that works with me changes the patterns that are not helping them to get the future they want and deserve.

If you’d like to change the patterns that you are running in your head or your behaviour, then get in touch and let’s start that change process.

See you next week,

Dr Bridget – Focusing on positives.

 

Are You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

sat navAre You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

I expect you’ve noticed that when you follow the directions on a Sat Nav you don’t always arrive where you wanted to arrive. You may end up turning down narrow lanes or even going around in circles however sometimes you may go straight to your desired destination. Having nearly driven into in a river 2 days ago in Somerset, I can really resonate with this!

In this week’s Prescription for Success we’re going to explore the metaphor – Are You Thinking Like a Sat Nav?

Narrow Lanes – Dead Ends – Going around in circles – We’ve all been there!

The Sat Nav can take us down those narrow lanes, down dead ends or even around in circles but why does this happen?

It may be that you haven’t been specific enough with the detail you’ve put into the Sat Nav. You may not have chosen the most appropriate options, for example, the fastest route or the most direct route or even the route that avoids traffic.

Another scenario could be that you become distracted, decide to take a detour and perhaps stop for lunch without saving your destination information into the Sat Nav.

Alternatively you may not really know where you are going.

I know some people like to think about the detail first whereas others may want to know their destination and the big picture first.  If you’ve got no idea where you are going then maybe that’s the reason, but does that work for you? Do you really need to know your destination, the postcode etc. How much detail do you need? How are you going to deal with distractions that keep you from your destination?

It’s just a short metaphor to have a think about and have some fun.

If you are having difficulty knowing what you want in life, where your destination is and you’re feeling a bit stuck or distracted then give me a call and we can get this sorted for you in no time.  You can book an appointment here   or my phone number is 07973 635102.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – setting you back on the right path for you!

I’m now booking for my NLP practitioner starting in November – If you’d like to learn more about this fascinating subject and get skills for life, here’s a link.