Posts

What to do about Overthinking

Overthinking – How to change the channel

Overthinking

Overthinking is very common and can be an issue which causes mental health challenges, lack of sleep and it also stops us from solving problems. I always  remember the time, a couple of years ago, when I was standing in the kitchen with so many things going on in my head and it kept me rooted to the ground and stuck! That was a physical manifestation of over thinking. It lead to procrastination and stopped me from sleeping.

Have a watch of the video below, and then read about the ways to stop the overthinking and change the channel, to one of a peaceful and focused mind


These are the main ways that I use and teach my clients to use:

  1. Notice all of the chatter- rather than just keeping overthinking. Become aware of it when it happens.
  2. Focus on solving the problem – use time management and productivity tools like the pomodora technique. Plan your month, week, day and hours. Write lists and prioritise. Journaling helps.
  3. Challenge the beliefs  you have that may not be true. If you think “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do that”, you may be wrong and it may be a result of past programming and protecting yourself from past hurts.
  4. Schedule time for reflection. So journaling, meditation, mindfulness are very useful.
  5. Time Line Therapy (R) is an American Board of NLP technique which is extremely effective and removes major negative emotions and any limiting beliefs from your thinking. It’s amazing how effective this is and how the overthinking simply stops leaving you room to live your life to your full potential, Ask me for more information.

If you are struggling, let me know. You can fill in the contact form here, or book an appointment here. My phone number is 07973 635102 if you want to access that free half hour with me

See you next week

Dr Bridget – clearing your thinking

 

Comfort Zones – Are they Good or Bad?

Comfort Zones Is it good to be stuck in our ‘Comfort Zones?’

It’s common to hear in the business world, “I really need to get out of my comfort zone, I’m aspiring towards my goals and to get there I need to get out of my comfort zone.”

Recently I was way out of mine and I noticed something very interesting.

I had employed someone to set up some systems and admin for me and then out of the blue that person left and handed all the work back to me. At the time I thought, “I could learn to do this, maybe I could manage this by myself.”  In all honesty I probably could have done it but I didn’t consider the extra work from a time perspective. Suddenly, my work balance went completely Kaput!

People have different ‘brick walls’ where you can see the end result and you just can’t get there. I found that I couldn’t cope and I became uncomfortable, I was completely out of my comfort zone.  So what I did was I returned to where I felt comfortable, and I thought “phew, blimey that’s better.”

Watch this week’s video to find more about the benefits of being in your comfort zones.

It’s hard for people to see at times that being in your comfort zone is not a bad thing. It is okay to be comfortable. When you’re in your comfort zone you are more self aware and it’s easier to know what’s going on inside your head. You know what to expect and you can recognise your capabilities in a stress free environment.

I’m all for people reaching their full potential and expanding and growing, but if you want success you don’t have to throw yourself completely out of your comfort zone.

You can do it gradually, increase the difficulty slowly and when it becomes too much too soon, just slowly take a step back, do things differently or even repeat things. Find out what works for you at your own pace it’s a gradual process there is no need to rush.

Sometimes you can have goals and aspirations that are reachable, but if you rush in you can get stuck. Take your time on your journey, plan your route to suit you!

If you are currently stuck get in touch and you can talk to me about comfort zones and how past decisions have helped form your comfort zone. I can also help you to gradually leave your zone at your own pace.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you grow at the pace that suits you and that you are happy with.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

The meaning of “I’m only human!”

I'm only human

I’m only human after all!

What do we mean when we say ‘I’m only human!

‘I’m only human!’ It’s a brilliant song by Rag & Bone Man – I really like it.  But what does it mean?

It’s the sort of thing we say when we feel we are not perfect and we are justifying some sort of behaviour.

So I thought I’d look up a little bit more about perfection. Apparently 30% of the population really want to be 100% perfect. 87% of gifted humans, whatever ‘gifted humans’ means, do perfection really well. The people who are looking for perfection are looking for an ideal relationship, and ideal mate. They want to be flawless and have a great body. They want to do their business perfectly.

However, what we don’t see is that they are struggling underneath to get this perfection. They are just aspiring to it.

Sometimes striving to be perfect can be a blessing because it lifts your mood and it helps you to achieve things but generally I think it is a painful trap.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the affects of striving to be perfect

I get quite a lot of clients coming to me who perhaps have been brought up to aspire to perfection by their parents.

I always remember one client coming to see me and she used to get 97% in her exams when she was young. Her parents used to say what happened to the 3%?  She was then constantly trying to be perfect for the rest of her life and it just wasn’t working.  She got caught in that painful trap.

It’s almost like their self worth is dependent on that perfectionism.

If you know someone who does this or you do it yourself, ask yourself when did you decide everything has to be perfect. Who decides what perfect is anyway. What’s perfect for one person may not be perfect for another.

So, I just want to ask you can we simply accept that everyone is different. That you are worthy, that it’s ok to be you and to tell people that you are going to be you, and it’s ok to surround yourself with people that don’t expect you to be perfect all the time.

So – ditch the perfectionism. Know that you are only human and if you need some help in doing that then get in touch because I do breakthroughs with people where we just get rid of that perfection and you can be you, doing whatever you want to do in life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you are yourself and happy with that.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Is Regret Part of Your Life?

regret

Is regret part of your life?

Do you live with regret?

I was in my mastermind group recently and we were asking lots of questions and solving lots of issues and the subject of  ‘regrets’ came up. I thought “what is regret?”.

It’s when you’re sad or disappointed, when you think that perhaps you haven’t done something yourself, or when you’ve done something and it hasn’t gone well.  And what happens is that you make that decision then to regret things.

The thing is it can be all consuming and what we do is  blame ourselves rather than actually seeing the behaviour in a bigger context.

Also, when you’ve got regrets it stops you from living your life and it’s one of the causes of self sabotage.

If you’re busy avoiding pain you’re not going to put yourself out there and do what you really want to do. You’re just keeping yourself safe and keeping yourself from being sad and disappointed and having  further regrets.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the NLP perspective on having regrets.

– From an NLP perspective, we say that everyone is doing the best they can with all their available resources at any time.  People’s resources are the internal things such as values, beliefs, emotions and anything they’ve  got hooked onto memories-the positives and the negatives.

All these things give you a model of the world and you’re doing the best you can with that.

 – We’re all different, we all do different things, we all believe different things therefore, so if we are interacting with other people, at some stage other people are not going to like what we’ve done, and we may end up doing regret.

Also, people are not their behaviour so whatever we do, whatever everyone else does, it’s not the person themselves it’s just the filtering that people are doing in that moment.

So, you could beat yourself up and say, “What if I did do that?” and “That’s the consequence of that” or “What if I hadn’t done that?”

But here’s the thing – you’re never going to know because things happen around you and if you hadn’t done that, something else would have happened and that might have been worse.

It’s about letting go of regret, stopping yourself from keeping yourself safe and just knowing that you did your best at the time and moving on. Look forward to what you want for your goals.

I ask you “What do you want on your gravestone”? “I spent my life in regret,” or “I just did what I wanted and let the regret go.”

So if you’re stuck in regret, get in touch because within a few hours we can have a explore it, get some insight into it, understand it and then resolve it so that you can live the life that you want.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life without regret

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Allowing Yourself to be Supported

support

Allowing yourself to be supported

Do you allow yourself to be supported?

Do you allow yourself to be supported by yourself or by others?

It’s been a tricky year with COVID and I think people’s mental health hasn’t perhaps been as good as it was before. Sometimes I hear people say “there is no one around to talk to anymore”.

Things happen around us and we start to get some negative chatter in our head. We feel that we need support but, here’s the thing,  could we take care of ourselves?

How about supporting ourselves first?

When I’ve asked for help from others sometimes they are busy, or sometimes they just give advice and it doesn’t necessarily help. So, I think the important thing is to care of yourself and be ok with being on your own, be ok with just being yourself.

Watch this week’s video and then complete the tasks below

  • Take a look at your strengths
    • What are your strengths?
    • Make a list of your strengths.
  • Look at the people in your life
    • Are they the right people?
    • Do they listen to you or not?
    • Are they enabling you or just thinking about themselves?
  • Recognise any patterns of internal chatter that’s going on in your head
    • Write your negative chatter thoughts down
    • Then be aware that you are actually worth a lot more than you think.

These actions will  allow you to support yourself and what usually happens is that other people then turn up to help you as well.  When you think about it, what you put out there is what you get back- It’s called Perception is Projection in NLP.  So, if you’ve got doubts and negative emotions then you get doubt and negative emotions back.  Alternatively if you’re ok with yourself people will be around for you.

If you are struggling with any of this, if you don’t think you are worthy or you’ve got a lot of negative chatter that stops you supporting yourself, or you think that you are just a victim with others being responsible for your emotions,  then get in touch  this can all be sorted out in just a few hours. Then you can truly live the life you want.

I hope you do that – look after yourself and support yourself in the best way that you can.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you support yourself.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Are Judgements Useful?

Judgements

Are judgements useful?

Does making judgements help us?

This blog came about because I noticed that I was surrounded by people, whether on Social Media or in everyday life, who were judging other people. Now I’m asking myself as well, am I judging those who are judging others. So I have considered that as well, as I recognise that what we perceive as coming back to us is actually what we are putting out.

I recently noticed that lots of people were actually using their energy in a negative way to judge others when they could have been using their energy more positively. So, are you using your energy to judge others or are you simply interested in people and enjoying seeing how everyone is different? Indeed, the latter position is the stance I prefer to take.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about your stance on this.

Now, in terms of the Neuro Linguistic Programming’s Communication Model, to be able to use the amazing amount of information surrounding us, we need to generalise and label things and that can turn into judgements.

Moreover, the presuppositions of NLP, which are the assumptions that we use in everyday life, which apply to this scenario are:

  • People aren’t their behaviour so the identity of a person is not what they are doing as a behaviour.
  • People are doing the best they can with all their available resources
  • Everyone has a different model of the world

We can adopt these presuppositions and get really interested in people and also get rid of any negative anchors we have from the past. Those anchors may have been  triggers for us to get emotionally involved and make judgements and if we get rid of them, we can then use our energy in a more positive way.

So if you find yourself doing a lot of judgement then get in touch. We can use a tool called Time Line Therapy  which gets rid of all the negative emotions which are anger, sadness, fear, hurt or guilt and any limiting decisions that you have about yourself or other people. Then life gets really interesting. You can have your own opinions and beliefs and just get on with your life to  get your goals instead of worrying about about other people are doing.

So are judgements useful?  We need some but what do you think?

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a peaceful life.

How Clutter Affects Our Mindset

How does clutter affect our mindset?

How does clutter affect our mindset?

How does clutter affect people’s mindset?

Last week we were talking about loops and I said that I was an ideas person, which means I have a lot of open loops with ongoing projects that I’ve started but never got around to finishing. This often resulted in lots of clutter as there is so much going on an any one time.

I’ve noticed when I’ve seen people on zoom that I’m not the only one with lots of clutter around me. But I’m just wondering how does this affect people’s mindset?

If there is too much to process visually in our environment then maybe that decreases our motivation because we don’t know where to look for things. Alternatively maybe it increases your motivation because you then need a plan to sort it out and start again. Or, maybe you are ok with clutter.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about how clutter affects you.

I thought about this in terms of the neurological levels of change. This is an NLP Model that has come from Gregory Bates and been adapted by Robert Dilts. It states that we can experience change at a variety of levels and that changing at a higher level within the hierarchy can create a more meaningful change. The levels each have an effect on the others and are:

PURPOSE

IDENTITY

VALUES AND BELIEFS

CAPABILITY AND SKILLS

BEHAVIOUR

ENVIRONMENT

  • When it comes to our environment if we have a lot of clutter around then does that affect our behaviour?
  • Does it affect out ability to use our skills in our business?
  • Is it associated with negative beliefs?
    • Have I labelled myself as someone who is just generally untidy?
    • Do I have negative beliefs that I’ll never get sorted?
  • Is it interfering with my values? – For example, if someone has a value of freedom and they are constantly surrounded by clutter does that affect their ability to tick their values?
  • In terms of our identity we may then just think that it’s just the way we are which is not useful and maybe it stops us reaching our purpose as well

Doing this blog has definitely caused me to give myself a good talking to,  to get rid of the clutter.  Often, this just means moving the clutter to an alternative space so that I can start again with a new plan and a new loop of being perfectly organised. And that will allow me to live my purpose of enjoying every minute of every day.

So have a think – does clutter exist in your life and what affect does it have on your mindset, behaviour, values, beliefs, identity or your purpose?

If it’s your mindset that is getting in the way and stopping you get organised, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be and do what you want to do to stay in line with your purpose.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- sweating the small stuff to enjoy every moment.

Using Loops – Good or Bad?

Using Loops

Do you use loops?

Do you use loops? – Is it good or bad for us?

I got out of bed this morning and went across the corridor to my office, walked through the door and looked around and thought, “Oh my God.”

So what is a loop?  In any sort of training we use what we call loops it’s when you open something. It could be the opening of a sentence, a bit of story like I’ve just done or even a project, then at some other time we close them.

The reason this works well in any sort of training is that the unconscious mind is really focused on the incomplete sentence, story or project and recognises that it needs finishing. It’s called the Zeigarnik effect where we start something and plan to finish it a bit later.

So are loops good or bad?

The brain likes an open loop because it’s looking for closure – there is always more. However, if we close a loop we then lose that motivation because there is nothing for our mind to focus on. Alternatively, if we don’t close the loops then there is no space to open new ones and that affects our motivation because we have lots of clutter in our thinking.

Watch the video and then have a think about the activity below:

Try this out, you’ll be surprised what you’ll find.

  1. Make a list of your open loops.
  2. Make a list of your open loops that need closing.
  3. Make a list of your closed loops that need opening.
  4. Make of  list of any new loops that you want to open.

Have a think about your loops and how you are using them and what you need to do about them.

I realised whilst doing this blog that  I am an opener of loops rather than a closer. I have lots of loops open, lots of projects and some of them are appropriate and some are not. I’m an ideas person so there are lots of open loops and nothing is closed which leads to clutter both physically and in my head which isn’t always very good for organisation or motivation – we’ll discuss this next week.

“Oh my God,” I thought, I really don’t know what’s where, some things are organised and some are not, there are lots of things I need to do, lots of things to sort out. In the end I just picked everything up and put it in the spare room and started again. I closed the loop so I could have space to open another or work on a loop already open.  I know there will come a time when I’ll need to reopen that loop again but that’s for another day!

If you have an loops that you are having difficulty with whether it’s closing, opening or even reopening them, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- looping the loop.

How Do you Know Your Identity?

Know your identity

Who are you?

Know your Identity and who you really are

Knowing who we are, our identity, personality and our values is a great motivator for us.

It enables us to reflect on when we are being ourselves or not being ourselves and this in turn helps us to make decisions.

Our identity comes from

  • Our purpose – why are we here on the planet
  • Our values, beliefs and qualities – what’s important to us
  • Our environment – what’s going on around us and what are we doing

From this we come up with a thought – this is who I am.

Often in times of stress we can lose sight of who we are or maybe we even don’t know we are anyway.  But it’s important in your life, in your business or career to know who you really are.

Watch the video and then have a think about the questions below:

Here is a little activity for you:

Take a piece of paper and ask yourself these questions:

  • What are you?
  • Who were you when you were a child?
  • Who were you when you were a teenage?
  • Who were you in your 20s, 30s 40s… and so on?

I recently did this activity with a client who acknowledged that in each answer she was always looking out for others, always taking care of others and making sure they were happy. This ran through her life and before doing this she had not realised it. Making a difference for people is part of her personality. This was good to know as she then realised that she wasn’t living her personality in her home or work life and this enabled her to make some decisions and take action.

When you’ve completed the activity, think of a symbol for who you are.  I think of a jigsaw puzzle piece as I like to help people put things together.

Some might think of a shining light

Whatever your symbol – live with that and make decisions by that.

If there are parts of your personality that you don’t particularly like, for example, a behaviour that you are doing, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be.

Until next week

Dr Bridget, Doing Work to Inspire  you.

What is your Personal Covid Lockdown Exit Strategy?

Personal Exit Strategy

Exit StrategyHello – I’ve been attempting to keep inspired during Covid Lockdown by working out topics for my Mastermind STRETCH such as working out spaces for me to work in. Mugs to take to those spaces and, more recently, music to play in those spaces. And I’ve dared to start to think about when lockdown finishes – whether that is gradual or not. And I’ve found it useful to think about what I’m going to do then and not do. Watch the video and then think about making your own personal version of your exit strategy.

So I AM going to:

  • Connect and hug
  • Walk run and  jump, no matter how silly it looks
  • Be present
  • Be myself and show up
  • Be creative

I may even get to film videos in unusual spaces which I haven’t seen for over a year – like the beach or the tops of hills or maybe other people’s gardens. May even take a week off as there will be people to see and things to do.

And I’m NOT going to

  • Stay in
  • Get overwhelmed
  • Sit on my bum
  • Do and not reflect
  • Lose myself

Have you managed to retain a sense of self? I’ve just been keeping on doing things without thinking about who I am and whether I’m happy with that and I certainly haven’t been doing much exercise – hence the sitting on my bum point.

I’m sure there must be more so I’ll  continue reflecting. And of course, if I do the things I want to do, my reality will be great, my emotional state will be great and I’ll like what I’m doing and the results I will get.

How about you – what would you like to do and not do once restrictions ease?

Let me know.

If you’re struggling in ANY way or simply want some help with your personal lockdown exit strategy, contact me – I’d love life to be great for you going forward.

Dr Bridget

Keeping going together

The Art of Dissociation- Managing your Emotions

The Art of Dissociation

Dissociation

Different perspective

Hello – Sometimes being stuck in positive emotions is great – in fact we encourage it on courses when we anchor positive emotions. However, being stuck in negative emotions can be really uncomfortable and can cause constant negative chatter , inability to sleep and can have a profound effect on  your life and ability to lead your life.

In these scenarios, before you get some help to deal with the emotions, it can be helpful to dissociate so that you get a different perspective on the events that you are thinking about.

Have a watch of the video and learn the difference between association and dissociation and the usefulness of each and learn how to dissociate from uncomfortable and unhelpful emotions.

When you are in NLP terms associated you are

  • Looking through your own eyes
  • Hearing through your own ears
  • Feeling the emotions fully

And when you are dissociated you are

  • Looking at yourself
  • Hearing what  you are saying from outside of your self
  • Noticing the emotions rather than feeling them
  • Can learn from the event as you are looking from outside

We use dissociation in a perceptual positions exercise on courses and people find this really helpful.

So if you can step outside of yourself in these uncomfortable times, you can learn from the situation and feel more comfortable. and then associate back into your body. In fact, all NLP Techniques are based on the following pattern:

  • Associate into the problem
  • Dissociate from the problem
  • Gather learnings and resources  while outside the problem and then
  • Associate back into the problem with new learnings and resources

If you are struggling to dissociate and resolve your issues, get in touch so that we can get rid of the negative thoughts and emotions together so that you don’t have to dissociate.

N.B. Also, some people spend all of their time dissociated, often due to traumatic events. This is also unhelpful and can be a response to anxiety and other mental health conditions. I can also help you with these so get in touch if you have these symptoms that last a length of time.

If you’d like to know more about NLP, here is the link to my training courses page.

I’d love to have a chat with you about coming on one.

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – giving you tools to help.

 

 

 

 

How to Get Rid of Emotions after Trauma – PTSD

Getting Rid of Emotions after Trauma

Resolving PTSD

Hello

PTSDMost people have heard of PTSD and know that removing the symptoms that go with this diagnosis can be challenging. I’m not a fan of using the term PTSD as it implies that this is a mental health disorder, when in fact it is something that gives symptoms that can be easily removed. I remember when I was a GP, I worried about how to help those with this diagnosis. There is also a new label called Complex PTSD and I still remember a client telling me that they had been told they’d have the symptoms for life. I get cross about this because most people that I work with have had some form of trauma that affects their life and it only takes a few hours  to resolve this.

I have set up a Community Interest Company to work with people who have  had trauma and we are treating people who have had a variety of traumas in their life, whether this is acute or over time. The success  rate is 90-95% and takes less than 6 hours.

Watch the video and then look at the symptoms below. Perhaps you or someone you know have these symptoms and we can help you. Contact us here

Symptoms of PTSD include:

  • Nightmares, flashbacks and difficulty sleeping
  • Avoidance of triggers – people, places, scenarios
  • Physical symptoms such as sweating or shaking
  • Re-experiencing the event as though it is real now
  • Changes in mood

These symptoms can start after the event and last for many years.

Causes include many events which often involve experiencing near death for yourself or death /near death for other people. Also risk of or actual serious injury for self or other people.

The reason that people continue to have symptoms is due to the impairment of moving the memories from the fight and flight centre- the amygdala- to an area of the brain which deals with other types of memories. RTM changes the structure of the memories so that the emotions are separated from the memories and the event has moved into the past rather than being experienced as if now.

Please tell us if you know of people who have symptoms like this as we can help very quickly

See you next week

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

– helping you to rewire your thinking