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Reasons for Being Authentic in Business and life

being authentic

Reasons for being authentic in business and life

Showing up as you, showing your journey, who you are and where you want to go is really important in life and in business.

In this week’s prescription for success I look at the reasons for and the importance of being authentic whether that’s in life, business or relationships.

When we are authentic and people around us learn about our life, business and even relationships this  will either resonate with them or put them off.   Here’s the thing – if people are put off – you wouldn’t want to be anything other than yourself would you?

So if those around you want to interact with you in whatever way, and you are authentic and vulnerable then actually that is quite attractive to a lot of people. And if it’s not then they are just not the right people for you.

Furthermore, if you are authentic and being yourself then you will stand out and people will be attracted to you which has got to be good for business- do you think?

Both in life and business being authentic also allows you to share your experience. You’ll be able to tell people you’ve been there and you’ve overcome things can be really helpful for others.  It’s not useful to fake it because firstly it will be evident, and secondly you’re not helping anyone by putting on a front.

So if you have limiting beliefs such as:

  • “I can’t be myself,”
  • “I’m not good enough,”
  • “I’m a bit of an imposter?”

OR

If you can’t show up as yourself, you can’t be successful and there are things holding you back or you worry about what other people think then get in touch with me as we can sort this out very quickly.

So enjoy being you and I’ll see you next week

Dr Bridget – Just being myself!

Why cutting out the garbage is useful

Cut out the garbage

Why cutting out the garbage is useful

This week is a bit of a personal one, I’m not very good at tidying and currently I’m about to get help from Katie Killoran to deal with this.

If everything is piled up together then you can’t distinguish between what is needed and what isn’t.  You find that you don’t have any focus, you can’t make a plan and it’s much more difficult to make decisions. Moreover, if your garbage is mixed up with all the important things you need, then life is definitely more challenging.

In this week’s prescription for success I look at how cutting out the garbage in our lives can be useful. Watch the video and follow the tips below.

The definition of garbage is basically rubbish or waste. So then, garbage could be paperwork, things around the home, people or even advice. Indeed there are all sorts of things that can we label as either waste or resources.

The things that need tidying we generally place into piles whether that is a physical pile or a mental pile. We often need help to sort these out and identify what parts are waste and what are needed and then throw the garbage away and keep what is useful.

It’s really good to have a system that:

  1. Identifies what is garbage and then avoids it.  For example you may have people around you that drain your energy or you may have lots of advice from other people that isn’t particularly helpful.
  2.  Identifies what is useful which you need to keep. You will have a gut feeling for what is useful or not. For example only keep the paper you need and find a place to keep it, also for the people around you that are not helpful remove them and get people who have your values and support you.

Cutting out the garbage is a bit of a metaphor for life. If you can’t get rid of your rubbish or are having difficulty sorting out the rubbish and what is useful resources then get in touch. I do a free half hour session so that you can get to know me and we can discuss your needs.

I also run NLP courses (click on the link) that can give you the skills to sort the garbage and cut out what’s not needed.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Helping you tidy up your life!

How to Understand Your Emotions

Emotional state

Understanding your emotions

There are several models in psychology and NLP about understanding your emotions but the one I want us to focus on this week is a two dimensional model. This model is really useful because if you can understand and grade your emotions, you’ll then realise what you need to do to change your emotions and this really is empowering.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I’m going to unpack this two-dimensional model for you and explain how being aware of your emotions can benefit you. Watch the video and work through the different examples below as this is an interesting way of looking at it and awareness is key.

 

The two dimensional model takes account of:

  1. Valence – which is attractiveness, whether something is good or bad, positive or negative, it’s the subjective attractiveness of the emotion.
  2. Arousal – which refers to whether you are energetic or lethargic, wakeful or sleepy

Valence, is that subjective feeling. For example just because something is good or bad it doesn’t mean it is good or bad for you or for someone else.

Similarly, with arousal if you have negative feelings such as fear or anger they may appear negative but they actually could be really motivating for you.  Alternatively, you may have what are considered as positive feelings like relaxed or calm but these might potentially be preventing you from taking action.

So let’s consider this in a little more detail looking at the different combinations of Arousal and Valence

High Valence and High Arousal    Examples are Astonished, Excited, Delighted, Happy, Pleased

High Valence and Low Arousal     Examples are Content, Serene, Calm, Relaxed

Low Valence and High Arousal    Examples are Annoyed, Afraid, Angry, Frustrated

Low Valence and Low Arousal     Examples are Miserable, Depressed, Bored, Tired

Two dimensional Model of Emotion

Maybe if you knew which  you were doing at any one time, you could choose to do a different combination?

If you find that you are not managing your emotions then please get in touch here or give me a call on 07973 635102   –  I’m a “chief unsticker” and sometimes these negatives get in our way,  I can help you to manage your emotions, no matter where they have come from  so that you can live the life you want and have the business you want.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – On an emotional roll!

Why hope matters

Hope matters

Why does hope matter?

When I first came across this concept about ‘Why hope matters’ in an article I was reading, I was a little unsure about it.  The reason for my uncertainty was that I think that using words like ‘try’, ‘maybe’, ‘wish’ or ‘hope’,  isn’t very positive or effective. This is because our unconscious mind thinks ‘it might not happen’ or ‘it doesn’t really matter’.

In this week’s Prescription for Success I share with you some really interesting insights into ‘why hope matters’  when it comes to creating your future reality.  Watch the video and consider below your attitude and stance when it comes to ‘hope’.

Someone who is hopeful is someone who is radically realistic.

I can never decide whether I’m a ‘glass half empty’ or a ‘glass half full’ type of person. I think of myself as being really positive but I do also consider what the obstacles might be and then mitigate against them.  In the article it  actually stated that someone who is hopeful looks at obstacles and makes plans to get around them. Whew – that’s a relief!

It’s also reassuring that leaders inspire hope in both themselves and others and it gives them their purpose.

Ask yourself:

Are you a ‘High Hoper’?

‘High hopers’ take action, they withstand discomfort or pain, they are equipped for diversity. Hope gives us drive and is goal directed.

There are three things that ‘High Hopers’ have:

  1. Destination – they have highly developed goals.
  2. Route – they know how they are going to get to their goals.
  3. Means of Transport – they know how they are going to do it,  how they are going achieve their goals.

Whereas “Low Hopers’ tend to generalise about their destination so they may know where they are going but are unclear about it . They may have an idea about how they are going to get there but are vague about their actions.

So I want to ask you which would you rather be – a ‘High Hoper’ – ‘Low Hoper’ or maybe somewhere in the middle.

Think about whether you are:

  • clear about your destination;
  • clear about your route;
  • and clear about the means of transport.

If you are not clear about any of these and your really want to be a ‘High Hoper’ and a high achiever then get in touch or give me a call on  07973 635102 as there are lots of things that can get in your way and I’m really skilled in getting rid of those for you.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Hoping you get in touch!

Comfort Zones – Are they Good or Bad?

Comfort Zones Is it good to be stuck in our ‘Comfort Zones?’

It’s common to hear in the business world, “I really need to get out of my comfort zone, I’m aspiring towards my goals and to get there I need to get out of my comfort zone.”

Recently I was way out of mine and I noticed something very interesting.

I had employed someone to set up some systems and admin for me and then out of the blue that person left and handed all the work back to me. At the time I thought, “I could learn to do this, maybe I could manage this by myself.”  In all honesty I probably could have done it but I didn’t consider the extra work from a time perspective. Suddenly, my work balance went completely Kaput!

People have different ‘brick walls’ where you can see the end result and you just can’t get there. I found that I couldn’t cope and I became uncomfortable, I was completely out of my comfort zone.  So what I did was I returned to where I felt comfortable, and I thought “phew, blimey that’s better.”

Watch this week’s video to find more about the benefits of being in your comfort zones.

It’s hard for people to see at times that being in your comfort zone is not a bad thing. It is okay to be comfortable. When you’re in your comfort zone you are more self aware and it’s easier to know what’s going on inside your head. You know what to expect and you can recognise your capabilities in a stress free environment.

I’m all for people reaching their full potential and expanding and growing, but if you want success you don’t have to throw yourself completely out of your comfort zone.

You can do it gradually, increase the difficulty slowly and when it becomes too much too soon, just slowly take a step back, do things differently or even repeat things. Find out what works for you at your own pace it’s a gradual process there is no need to rush.

Sometimes you can have goals and aspirations that are reachable, but if you rush in you can get stuck. Take your time on your journey, plan your route to suit you!

If you are currently stuck get in touch and you can talk to me about comfort zones and how past decisions have helped form your comfort zone. I can also help you to gradually leave your zone at your own pace.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you grow at the pace that suits you and that you are happy with.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

The meaning of “I’m only human!”

I'm only human

I’m only human after all!

What do we mean when we say ‘I’m only human!

‘I’m only human!’ It’s a brilliant song by Rag & Bone Man – I really like it.  But what does it mean?

It’s the sort of thing we say when we feel we are not perfect and we are justifying some sort of behaviour.

So I thought I’d look up a little bit more about perfection. Apparently 30% of the population really want to be 100% perfect. 87% of gifted humans, whatever ‘gifted humans’ means, do perfection really well. The people who are looking for perfection are looking for an ideal relationship, and ideal mate. They want to be flawless and have a great body. They want to do their business perfectly.

However, what we don’t see is that they are struggling underneath to get this perfection. They are just aspiring to it.

Sometimes striving to be perfect can be a blessing because it lifts your mood and it helps you to achieve things but generally I think it is a painful trap.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the affects of striving to be perfect

I get quite a lot of clients coming to me who perhaps have been brought up to aspire to perfection by their parents.

I always remember one client coming to see me and she used to get 97% in her exams when she was young. Her parents used to say what happened to the 3%?  She was then constantly trying to be perfect for the rest of her life and it just wasn’t working.  She got caught in that painful trap.

It’s almost like their self worth is dependent on that perfectionism.

If you know someone who does this or you do it yourself, ask yourself when did you decide everything has to be perfect. Who decides what perfect is anyway. What’s perfect for one person may not be perfect for another.

So, I just want to ask you can we simply accept that everyone is different. That you are worthy, that it’s ok to be you and to tell people that you are going to be you, and it’s ok to surround yourself with people that don’t expect you to be perfect all the time.

So – ditch the perfectionism. Know that you are only human and if you need some help in doing that then get in touch because I do breakthroughs with people where we just get rid of that perfection and you can be you, doing whatever you want to do in life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you are yourself and happy with that.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Is Regret Part of Your Life?

regret

Is regret part of your life?

Do you live with regret?

I was in my mastermind group recently and we were asking lots of questions and solving lots of issues and the subject of  ‘regrets’ came up. I thought “what is regret?”.

It’s when you’re sad or disappointed, when you think that perhaps you haven’t done something yourself, or when you’ve done something and it hasn’t gone well.  And what happens is that you make that decision then to regret things.

The thing is it can be all consuming and what we do is  blame ourselves rather than actually seeing the behaviour in a bigger context.

Also, when you’ve got regrets it stops you from living your life and it’s one of the causes of self sabotage.

If you’re busy avoiding pain you’re not going to put yourself out there and do what you really want to do. You’re just keeping yourself safe and keeping yourself from being sad and disappointed and having  further regrets.

Watch this week’s video to find more about the NLP perspective on having regrets.

– From an NLP perspective, we say that everyone is doing the best they can with all their available resources at any time.  People’s resources are the internal things such as values, beliefs, emotions and anything they’ve  got hooked onto memories-the positives and the negatives.

All these things give you a model of the world and you’re doing the best you can with that.

 – We’re all different, we all do different things, we all believe different things therefore, so if we are interacting with other people, at some stage other people are not going to like what we’ve done, and we may end up doing regret.

Also, people are not their behaviour so whatever we do, whatever everyone else does, it’s not the person themselves it’s just the filtering that people are doing in that moment.

So, you could beat yourself up and say, “What if I did do that?” and “That’s the consequence of that” or “What if I hadn’t done that?”

But here’s the thing – you’re never going to know because things happen around you and if you hadn’t done that, something else would have happened and that might have been worse.

It’s about letting go of regret, stopping yourself from keeping yourself safe and just knowing that you did your best at the time and moving on. Look forward to what you want for your goals.

I ask you “What do you want on your gravestone”? “I spent my life in regret,” or “I just did what I wanted and let the regret go.”

So if you’re stuck in regret, get in touch because within a few hours we can have a explore it, get some insight into it, understand it and then resolve it so that you can live the life that you want.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life without regret

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Allowing Yourself to be Supported

support

Allowing yourself to be supported

Do you allow yourself to be supported?

Do you allow yourself to be supported by yourself or by others?

It’s been a tricky year with COVID and I think people’s mental health hasn’t perhaps been as good as it was before. Sometimes I hear people say “there is no one around to talk to anymore”.

Things happen around us and we start to get some negative chatter in our head. We feel that we need support but, here’s the thing,  could we take care of ourselves?

How about supporting ourselves first?

When I’ve asked for help from others sometimes they are busy, or sometimes they just give advice and it doesn’t necessarily help. So, I think the important thing is to care of yourself and be ok with being on your own, be ok with just being yourself.

Watch this week’s video and then complete the tasks below

  • Take a look at your strengths
    • What are your strengths?
    • Make a list of your strengths.
  • Look at the people in your life
    • Are they the right people?
    • Do they listen to you or not?
    • Are they enabling you or just thinking about themselves?
  • Recognise any patterns of internal chatter that’s going on in your head
    • Write your negative chatter thoughts down
    • Then be aware that you are actually worth a lot more than you think.

These actions will  allow you to support yourself and what usually happens is that other people then turn up to help you as well.  When you think about it, what you put out there is what you get back- It’s called Perception is Projection in NLP.  So, if you’ve got doubts and negative emotions then you get doubt and negative emotions back.  Alternatively if you’re ok with yourself people will be around for you.

If you are struggling with any of this, if you don’t think you are worthy or you’ve got a lot of negative chatter that stops you supporting yourself, or you think that you are just a victim with others being responsible for your emotions,  then get in touch  this can all be sorted out in just a few hours. Then you can truly live the life you want.

I hope you do that – look after yourself and support yourself in the best way that you can.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a life where you support yourself.

P.S I’m booking people into my next Certified NLP Practitioner  course in July/August.

Click here to find out more and download a brochure

Are Judgements Useful?

Judgements

Are judgements useful?

Does making judgements help us?

This blog came about because I noticed that I was surrounded by people, whether on Social Media or in everyday life, who were judging other people. Now I’m asking myself as well, am I judging those who are judging others. So I have considered that as well, as I recognise that what we perceive as coming back to us is actually what we are putting out.

I recently noticed that lots of people were actually using their energy in a negative way to judge others when they could have been using their energy more positively. So, are you using your energy to judge others or are you simply interested in people and enjoying seeing how everyone is different? Indeed, the latter position is the stance I prefer to take.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about your stance on this.

Now, in terms of the Neuro Linguistic Programming’s Communication Model, to be able to use the amazing amount of information surrounding us, we need to generalise and label things and that can turn into judgements.

Moreover, the presuppositions of NLP, which are the assumptions that we use in everyday life, which apply to this scenario are:

  • People aren’t their behaviour so the identity of a person is not what they are doing as a behaviour.
  • People are doing the best they can with all their available resources
  • Everyone has a different model of the world

We can adopt these presuppositions and get really interested in people and also get rid of any negative anchors we have from the past. Those anchors may have been  triggers for us to get emotionally involved and make judgements and if we get rid of them, we can then use our energy in a more positive way.

So if you find yourself doing a lot of judgement then get in touch. We can use a tool called Time Line Therapy  which gets rid of all the negative emotions which are anger, sadness, fear, hurt or guilt and any limiting decisions that you have about yourself or other people. Then life gets really interesting. You can have your own opinions and beliefs and just get on with your life to  get your goals instead of worrying about about other people are doing.

So are judgements useful?  We need some but what do you think?

Until next week

Dr Bridget- helping  you to lead a peaceful life.

How Clutter Affects Our Mindset

How does clutter affect our mindset?

How does clutter affect our mindset?

How does clutter affect people’s mindset?

Last week we were talking about loops and I said that I was an ideas person, which means I have a lot of open loops with ongoing projects that I’ve started but never got around to finishing. This often resulted in lots of clutter as there is so much going on an any one time.

I’ve noticed when I’ve seen people on zoom that I’m not the only one with lots of clutter around me. But I’m just wondering how does this affect people’s mindset?

If there is too much to process visually in our environment then maybe that decreases our motivation because we don’t know where to look for things. Alternatively maybe it increases your motivation because you then need a plan to sort it out and start again. Or, maybe you are ok with clutter.

Watch this week’s video and have a think about how clutter affects you.

I thought about this in terms of the neurological levels of change. This is an NLP Model that has come from Gregory Bates and been adapted by Robert Dilts. It states that we can experience change at a variety of levels and that changing at a higher level within the hierarchy can create a more meaningful change. The levels each have an effect on the others and are:

PURPOSE

IDENTITY

VALUES AND BELIEFS

CAPABILITY AND SKILLS

BEHAVIOUR

ENVIRONMENT

  • When it comes to our environment if we have a lot of clutter around then does that affect our behaviour?
  • Does it affect out ability to use our skills in our business?
  • Is it associated with negative beliefs?
    • Have I labelled myself as someone who is just generally untidy?
    • Do I have negative beliefs that I’ll never get sorted?
  • Is it interfering with my values? – For example, if someone has a value of freedom and they are constantly surrounded by clutter does that affect their ability to tick their values?
  • In terms of our identity we may then just think that it’s just the way we are which is not useful and maybe it stops us reaching our purpose as well

Doing this blog has definitely caused me to give myself a good talking to,  to get rid of the clutter.  Often, this just means moving the clutter to an alternative space so that I can start again with a new plan and a new loop of being perfectly organised. And that will allow me to live my purpose of enjoying every minute of every day.

So have a think – does clutter exist in your life and what affect does it have on your mindset, behaviour, values, beliefs, identity or your purpose?

If it’s your mindset that is getting in the way and stopping you get organised, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be and do what you want to do to stay in line with your purpose.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- sweating the small stuff to enjoy every moment.

Using Loops – Good or Bad?

Using Loops

Do you use loops?

Do you use loops? – Is it good or bad for us?

I got out of bed this morning and went across the corridor to my office, walked through the door and looked around and thought, “Oh my God.”

So what is a loop?  In any sort of training we use what we call loops it’s when you open something. It could be the opening of a sentence, a bit of story like I’ve just done or even a project, then at some other time we close them.

The reason this works well in any sort of training is that the unconscious mind is really focused on the incomplete sentence, story or project and recognises that it needs finishing. It’s called the Zeigarnik effect where we start something and plan to finish it a bit later.

So are loops good or bad?

The brain likes an open loop because it’s looking for closure – there is always more. However, if we close a loop we then lose that motivation because there is nothing for our mind to focus on. Alternatively, if we don’t close the loops then there is no space to open new ones and that affects our motivation because we have lots of clutter in our thinking.

Watch the video and then have a think about the activity below:

Try this out, you’ll be surprised what you’ll find.

  1. Make a list of your open loops.
  2. Make a list of your open loops that need closing.
  3. Make a list of your closed loops that need opening.
  4. Make of  list of any new loops that you want to open.

Have a think about your loops and how you are using them and what you need to do about them.

I realised whilst doing this blog that  I am an opener of loops rather than a closer. I have lots of loops open, lots of projects and some of them are appropriate and some are not. I’m an ideas person so there are lots of open loops and nothing is closed which leads to clutter both physically and in my head which isn’t always very good for organisation or motivation – we’ll discuss this next week.

“Oh my God,” I thought, I really don’t know what’s where, some things are organised and some are not, there are lots of things I need to do, lots of things to sort out. In the end I just picked everything up and put it in the spare room and started again. I closed the loop so I could have space to open another or work on a loop already open.  I know there will come a time when I’ll need to reopen that loop again but that’s for another day!

If you have an loops that you are having difficulty with whether it’s closing, opening or even reopening them, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be.

Until next week

Dr Bridget- looping the loop.

How Do you Know Your Identity?

Know your identity

Who are you?

Know your Identity and who you really are

Knowing who we are, our identity, personality and our values is a great motivator for us.

It enables us to reflect on when we are being ourselves or not being ourselves and this in turn helps us to make decisions.

Our identity comes from

  • Our purpose – why are we here on the planet
  • Our values, beliefs and qualities – what’s important to us
  • Our environment – what’s going on around us and what are we doing

From this we come up with a thought – this is who I am.

Often in times of stress we can lose sight of who we are or maybe we even don’t know we are anyway.  But it’s important in your life, in your business or career to know who you really are.

Watch the video and then have a think about the questions below:

Here is a little activity for you:

Take a piece of paper and ask yourself these questions:

  • What are you?
  • Who were you when you were a child?
  • Who were you when you were a teenage?
  • Who were you in your 20s, 30s 40s… and so on?

I recently did this activity with a client who acknowledged that in each answer she was always looking out for others, always taking care of others and making sure they were happy. This ran through her life and before doing this she had not realised it. Making a difference for people is part of her personality. This was good to know as she then realised that she wasn’t living her personality in her home or work life and this enabled her to make some decisions and take action.

When you’ve completed the activity, think of a symbol for who you are.  I think of a jigsaw puzzle piece as I like to help people put things together.

Some might think of a shining light

Whatever your symbol – live with that and make decisions by that.

If there are parts of your personality that you don’t particularly like, for example, a behaviour that you are doing, then get in touch. I can help you sort that out really quickly and help you to be the person you want to be.

Until next week

Dr Bridget, Doing Work to Inspire  you.