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What’s of High Importance to You?

Are there gaps in your life that you are trying to fill?

High Importance

Gap

When we speak to people, sometimes we notice that there are things that are of high importance to them – often things that they haven’t got and are striving to get.

And maybe we notice them in our self – certainly I have recently been striving for support and people that I can open up to. This is probably a function of my husbands poor memory and COVID, but it’s been there for ages. It’s a pattern and it get’s triggered. Being an NLP Master Trainer, I’m very interested in it.

We can notice

  • The gap that we are trying to fill
  • The triggers that set off an emotional response to it
  • The patterns that we then run

Watch the video and then answer the questions for yourself:

Here are the questions and possible answers:

  1. What are you best at? Starting things, Changing things or Stopping things?
  2. What are you worst at? Starting things, Changing things or Stopping things?

If you are worst at starting things, ask yourself: Who are you not being that you want to be?

If you are worst at changing things, ask yourself: What are you  not doing that you want to do?

If you are worst at stopping things, ask yourself: What do you not have that you want to have?

Notice if any of the answers to these questions bring up emotions for you. Also ask yourself if this is something that tends to affect your life across all segments?

Is it of High Importance

If so, ask yourself if this is something that you can solve yourself. If not , then get in touch as there are many NLP techniques that we can use to help you to get rid of the gap that brings up these emotions.

Get in touch if you need help and access a free session

Also get in touch if you want to help other people to solve these challenges and reactions by Learning NLP Skills

Until next week, have fun with the questions,

Dr Bridget – here to help

The Importance of Listening to Discover the Real Problem

What are your listening skills like?

Listening

2 ears

I sometimes watch  people talking to each other about an issue and get the impression that they are attempting to solve it in the same old, same old -yawn – way. And that’s because neither of them have been REALLY listening to each other. And , in the end, the conversation goes nowhere.

Watch the video and have a think about the scenarios below.

Have a think about the different responses to this question:

  1. I just can’t grow my business. Have you thought of taking a partner on? How about networking here? well you just need a VA. I had that problem once and this is what I did …………………………. Does that help the person? Probably not as theyve probably heard the same things and even tried them before.
  2. I just can’t grow my business. Tell me more. Every time I push forward this littel voice pops up in my head and says – You’re just not good enough. I’m getting annoyed with it now. The next question could be   – When did you decide that? Well, probably when my teacher told me I’d never  amount to much.

Hear the difference? The conversation then goes in a very different direction and the person who thinks they can’t grow their business has a ight bulb moment, someone who understands and a potential solution – just because the person listened.

So the next time you have a conversation with someone who has a challenge, problem or conflict, make sure you use your listening skills.

If you want to learn these skills, get in touch as my NLP Training courses teaches  you them.

If no-one is listening to you, get in touch as I’m a good listener and I get to the root cause of the problem really quickly and then help you to solve it.

See you next week.

Dr Bridget – My ears are always open  so that I can help you

Freedom versus Processes

Freedom versus Processes

Freedom

Be free

Hello. I’ve been running my business for 10 years and for that length of time I’ve been resisting setting up processes because I wanted freedom. In reality, I think I had spent nearly 30 years, following rules and processes and I’d had enough of it. I now regret this because I’ve realised that it is having the opposite effect.  If we take doing these videos as an example, the process is based around me coming up with some titles the night before. This means that it doesn’t give my team a chance to get them uploaded and titled in an efficient way. Annoying for them, I think.

Have a watch of the video and then reflect on how you manage the freedom versus processes scenario.


However, I’ve now got someone helping me and she is asking me, where is the process for x and y- in reality, they probably don’t exist.

I have an accountant that is asking me for financial processes as well. It’s hard work to put them in place, but it does make life easier and therefore freedom is a lot  more reachable.

I also sleep well and worry less about impending dead lines.

I’d like to ask you whether you have got the processes that you need in life, in your business or your career? What affect would having them have? Would you have freedom?

Here’s the solution:

  • Get some help from an expert
  • Delegate
  • Ask for help
  • Do a bit at a time

These things  give you the freedom to do other things which free up your time and get you success

I thoroughly recommend these solutions. However – if you need any help with your thought processes to enable you to do this, let me know and we can talk about whats getting in your way – it’s usually you- I expect you know that.

See you next week

Dr Bridget – giving you suggestions for freedom

How To Resolve Internal Conflict

Internal Conflict is Exhausting

conflict

part of me…

Internal conflict is common and can be disabling. If you have that internal chatter where part of you believes something and part of you believes something else, then its very difficult to resolve this at a conscious level. Its like having a battle going on in your head and causes stress, worry anxiety, indecision and sleepless nights. It can be disabling and gives  the feeling of being stuck.  Watch the video and think about whether you have this sort of conflict going on in your head.

 

Examples of this sort of conflict are:-

  • Part of me believes I’m good enough and part of me doesn’t – doesn’t take action
  • Sometimes I  believe I can be myself and sometimes I believe I can’t – lack of confidence
  • Part of me wants to say yes and part of me wants to say no – difficulty with boundaries
  • Sometimes I think its worth it and sometimes I don’t – common in business

Often people will feel as though they have one voice on one shoulder and another voice on the other and can point them out and even name them.

These conflicts are called parts in NLP and are created by significant emotional events. Either big events or lots of little ones. The part has a boundary around it and exists as an entity with it’s own values and beliefs and appearance.It thinks that it is in charge and is usually there to protect the person. It has a positive intention which is in conflict with its behaviour. For instance, if a part is causing anxiety it will be about protection. The protection will be to keep us safe. Safe will be so that we can be peaceful. Peaceful in order to live our life to the full. So anxiety is created for the  purpose of living our life to the full which doesn’t make sense. Once the part realises that there are many ways to keep us safe and live our life to the full, the boundary disappears and the part disappears much to peoples relief.

This is a process that often is best resolved with an NLP Master Practitioner and trainer such as myself at an unconscious level. Just get in touch to resolve this very quickly and get rid of that conflict.

This will mean that you are calm, are making decisions easily and effectively and are living your life to the full.

If you are a coach  that works with people who are struggling with conflicting beliefs, then have a think about how you deal with this at the moment and realise that this is an unconscious problem which comes from significant emotional events and have a look at my NLP Practitioner courses. Learning to get rid of parts will change your clients’ lives for ever. And your own.

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – making you whole again

 

 

 

 

Do You Know How your Values are Changing?

Are your Values changing?

values

Have your values changed?

I expect you have been trundling along through life in a relatively stable manner and have suddenly found that you have changed. This is because we have been in a crisis where our behaviour has been changed by the presence of the virus and the rules that we have been given to work with. To be honest I think we have had a shock and we need to review our motivators for our life and business.

Our motivators are at an unconscious level and are called values. They are surrounded by beliefs which support the existence of the values. So if our beliefs change , then they change.

Have a watch of the video and I’ll explain more below it:

Our values drive our behaviours and also our emotions. If we are heading for our goal and our values change, then it’s possible that you won’t get your goals. Also if they have changed then maybe we need different goals. They are interlinked.

You may never have elicited your values formally before so I’ve given you a tool to do this which you can access here. Remember that they will be different for different parts of your life. For instance, what’s important to you about your business will be different to whats important to you about your leisure time.

Once you have elicited them, have a think about whether they are useful for your goals or not.

Also have a think about whether your current environment and beliefs have changed your values.

You may think its a good idea to talk to me about this really important topic and if so contact me here

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Motivating you to achieve your goals

P.S. Please come and join my thriving FB group here. The theme of the group is Mindset for Business Success

 

How to Avoid the Fundamental Attribution error

The Fundamental Attribution Error

error

Attribution Error

Bit of a mouthful, isn’t it and I’m thinking that you will want to know more.

65% of people judge others from their behaviour and think that the behaviour is their personality and identity. We may have an idea of our personality and identity but we don’t have any idea of others’ identity and personality from their behaviour. And we don’t know their environmental factors either.

Watch the video and have a think about whether you are judging other people in error or not.

Here’s the thing! Your brain is only using a small amount of information to make this judgement. It can only analyse their behaviour, not the personality or the identity.

Our behaviour comes from our memories and experiences, our values, our decisions and beliefs plus  our metaprogrammes and how we interpret our space, and time. However all we can see is their behaviour so we make errors of judgement. We can’t get inside their programming or their neurology as we cant get into their head.

There is often also an environmental influence which leads to a behaviour – stress, other people, the weather and many more things.

So STOP JUDGING

Instead, think of 5 positive qualities the person has that you have seen before and concentrate on them rather than the transient behaviour. You will then see past their behaviour.

If you want to know more, then come on an NLP course. It will enhance your skills in interacting with other people and yourself. It will enable your coaching skills to improve in order to understand both your personality and that of other people. Here’s the link to find out more. Have a read and go to the contact page to speak to me.

See you next week.

Dr Bridget – enabling you to understand others

 

5 Principles for Success

Principles for Success

Principles for Success

Success Principles

I’m guessing – a bit of a mind read- that you may have your own principles for success and I’m wondering if they are the same as mine or not? Do let me know.

Have a watch of the video and then think about what you could or want to work on OR  congratulate yourself on a Great Job!

Each principle of success is one that I review every week and take some action on:

  • Know our outcome – so get a goal that you are motivated by , that is something that  you can start and keep going on your own and find a way of remembering that every day.
  • Take action – I recently did a review of “The Sausage Machine” in my closed FB group called One Step Closer . (Courtesy of Richard Wilkins – the Minister of Inspiration). Here’s the link to join. Its based on the premise that if you want a beef sausage, you have to put the right ingredients in – i.e. beef . A lot of people spend their time waiting for something to happen and don’t take the right action to create the sausage.  If you have limiting beliefs about your self or others, then it becomes difficult to create what you want by taking action.
  • Having sensory acuity – this is where you notice small changes in your physiology or other’s physiology. An example of that would be flushing or drooping your shoulders or a change in the size of other’s pupils or their skin tone. I expect you’ve had times when something has happened and you notice a change in yourself. Notice these changes and ask  yourself what they could mean. For yourself, its relatively easy to find the cause. In others, it may be a mind read. For example, flushing of the skin can be embarrassment or excitement or a hot flush. Unless we ask, we won’t know. I feel a blog coming on that goes into this in more depth.
  • Behavioural flexibility – this is one of the presuppositions of NLP – The person who has the most flexibility is in charge of of the system. So if we are heading for our goals and we notice, through monitoring our results or noticing small changes in our physiology, that we are off track, then change what you are doing.
  • Operating from an excellent psychological and physiological base –I am currently working on having excellence in my physiology – increasing my fitness and reducing my weight. I feel as though I have a good psychological base, however my resilience can fluctuate and when it does, I look at the reasons for this and take some action.

Are you doing all of these?

Is there anything that you  need to work on?

Can I help?

If your internal chatter or negative beliefs are getting in the way, fill in the form here to talk to me

Dr Bridget – Helping you to be successful

 

Whats Wrong with Being a People Pleaser?

People pleaser

People pleaser

What is a People pleaser?

I think a people pleaser is someone who says Yes when they maybe want to say No. They don’t want to be abandoned or rejected and want to be liked. They spend their time worrying, feeling guilty, planning how to be useful to others and this takes up a lot of energy.

Watch the video and see if any of the root causes below apply to you.

What I notice is that often people who are people pleasers have had trauma during their formative years. Some examples of people pleasing root causes would be:

  • Striving to be noticed
  • Keeping the peace
  • Living with someone who controls them
  • Feeling abandoned or rejected

The consequences of being a people pleaser is that you end up giving more than you get and then you feel resentful. Often this starts off a downward spiral and self esteem becomes low. So you then make even more of an effort and it becomes one of those viscious circles.

The importance of knowing who you are, being happy with yourself and looking after yourself 1st is something that will break the people pleaser cycle. Often people will struggle with putting themselves 1st altho you can help other people more effectively if you do.

If you know anyone or are struggling with this yourself, contact me and we can start to change the way that you think.

Share this post with anyone that will find it useful and I’ll see you next week

Dr Bridget – helping you put yourself 1st

What Can We Do about Self-sabotage

Self-sabotage

Self-sabotage

Hello!

We are going through some very interesting times with the Corona Virus pandemic and now is exactly the right time to do something about our self-sabotage. When we feel under pressure and unsafe, that’s when our unconscious mind starts to throw out even more of that negative chatter which keeps us stuck

Last week I talked about how we know we are doing self-sabotage and the symptoms of it,  which can be procrastination, hiding, picking arguments, becoming ill and many other symptoms. We waste time not going for what we want and not being who we want to be and, at this time, that is even more important!

Watch the video and then find out what we can do about it underneath:

  • We need to find out what the root cause of the self-sabotage is, so listen to the negative chatter in your head and go back in time to see whan this behaviour started. Its often in childhood.
  • Understand that your unconscious mind is there to protect you from experiencing pain, hurt, fear and other negative emotions again. Just acknowledging that helps enormously.
  • Do some journalling – here’s a link to Dale Darley’s journals. If you don’t want to buy one then get an exercise book and some pens and just start writing or drawing. Getting your thoughts out of  your unconscious mind is really helpful.
  • Start positive behaviours such as self care – make sure that is true self care rather than an excuse to procrastinate and self-sabotage. Find positive people and ask for help if needed
  • Change your patterns of behaviour – using NLP, these can be changed in a very short length of time – from 1/2 hour to 3 hours to do Time Line Therapy

Really consider contacting me to do some Time Line Therapy – it gets rid of negative emotions and limiting thoughts and negative chatter very quickly – Having become very skilled at helping people in this way, I can’t really understand why people would spend many hours talking things through when this, as a content free process, just solves things really comfortably. It almost sounds too good to be true but I’ve worked with many people in business and life who’s lives have been changed by this process – have a look at the testimonials on my breakthrough therapy page.

If you fancy training to become an NLP coach, have a look at my NLP course pages. We also solve all of  your limitations on the course, as well.

Think about where youre going and what you want to be doing and, if you can’t do that, let me know as the solution is easy

Until next week

Dr Bridget – helping you to live the life you want

 

How Do We Know That We are Self Sabotaging?

Are you Self Sabotaging?

How would you know?

Does your mind sometimes feel a bit like a river out of control? In the video I’m sitting next to one that has become very high in the floods – in fact we had to rescue our chickens from the rising waters. People often tell me they feel as though they are swirling along and also getting stuck in places – underlying rocks. It’s a great metaphor for self sabotaging as well.

My passion is to help people who are self sabotaging as I’ve been there myself and know exactly how it feels. I also know that it is very quick to sort out the root cause of these symptoms. Watch the video and then ask yourself the questions below.

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  • Do you have conflicts going on in our head – fights which you can’t resolve and lead to internal chatter?
  • Are you dropping balls and finding it difficult to pick them back up?
  • Do you feel as though you are “knitting fog”?
  • Are you procrastinating?
  • Do you feel not good enough or not worthy or that success isn’t for you?
  • Are you creating illnesses – that’s very easy to do as your thoughts affect all of your cells?
  • Are you picking fights or displaying odd behaviours?
  • Are you feeling sorry for  yourself?

Next week I’m going to tell you what to do about self sabotage – it’s difficult to do consciously as you may have noticed.

You can also access NLP Courses and One to One  Breakthrough coaching by clicking on the links to see what is available and then contacting me.

If you’re feeling like the river and swirling uncomfortably, then get in touch for a free consultation.

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – helping you to flow smoothly through life

 

That Old Problem of Anxiety

How to get rid of Anxiety

Anxiety

Anxiety Treatment

Anxiety means different things to different people – I don’t think I’ve met anyone who has never had anxiety and I occasionally do it myself. What is really apparent is that it can be disabling and unpleasant and stops us  being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have. The symptoms range from paralysis, insomnia, and has many repercussions in peoples lives, relationships, work or business.

When I was a GP, I used to refer people to have counselling, CBT or give them medication. Since using Neuro Linguistic Progrqmming instead, many more people have been helped in a much quicker way.

Tad James, the founder of the American Board of NLP, says that anxiety is often a symptom that our unconscious mind isn’t really focusing on what we really want to do. And because of this, it behaves in a random and undirected fashion which is uncomfortable and can be destructive

Watch the video below and I’ll give you tips below it:


In some ways, the analogy of a capain – our conscious mind, and his crew – our unconscious mind, can be used. If the captain is clear about what needs to happen, the crew will follow orders. If the captain is not clear, the crew will not know what to do and create feelings of anxiety and some random behaviour.

So, things that will help are;

Goal setting to include:

  • Who you want to be
  • What you want to do
  • What you want to have
  • By when

Taking action:

  • Towards the goal
  • To set boundaries
  • To get positive supportive people in your life
  • For yourself, not others

Notice triggers  and remember them:

  • What makes you anxious
  • What keeps you calm

Then I think that getting rid of the root cause of fear and putting goals into the future, which people are then confident to take action towards, will solve the vast majority of anxiety.

I use a process called Time Line Therapy which gets rid of major negative emotions and any limiting beliefs very quickly- in fact, it’s the reason that I am coaching rather than retiring. The major negative emotions are Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt and Guilt.

If you, or anyone you know, wants to get rid of their anxiety so that it becomes an old problem, then get in touch. I either work with people in a Breakthrough Coaching process to solve this problem over 2 days with follow up support, or help them by giving them the skills to learn the techniques in my NLP training. Also, watch this video if you are interested in the training  or fill in the contact form to speak to me about it.

Remember that you only have One Life and living a calm, happy and fulfilled one is my aim for  you.

Till next week

Dr Bridget – solving your anxieties

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Ways to Stop Wobbles

Hands up – Who has Wobbles?

Wobbles

Wobbles

I certainly have them and so do my clients.

In fact, I’d go as far as saying that probably everyone has them!

I’ve started going to the gym recently – a part of my self care – and I overdid the 1st machine and I got off and couldn’t walk – It was actually quite scary. I had this vision of me being carted off to hospital and I felt quite panicky. I think it was because one of my friends had been quite stressed and had retired and had then had a stroke 2 days later – I think I wondered whether the same thing had happened to me.

And  in our life, our relationships, our work or our business, the same sort of feeling can happen and its very uncomfortable.

Listen to the 5 things that you can do when you are having a wobble in the video below:

1. Notice when you have a wobble so that you can start to understand why and to recognise the triggers and patterns that are appearing.

2. Understand your comfort zones –  We all have them. The way that we have been brought up by our parents, teachers and other people who surround us give us that thermostat beyond which we can’t go. Or at least find it uncomfortable to go beyond. The way to overcome the thermostat is to expand our comfort zones so that we feel more comfortable with our thermostat. We are in control of it.

3. Find out and work with your values. For my business, mine are Determination, Self-care, Fun and Making a difference. I have wobbles when I’m not working with these values so I keep them in my conscious mind all the time. Click here to get a values exercise and find out what yours are.

4. Set some compelling goals. Not setting goals means that you are more likely to have wobbles because your U/C  mind doesn’t know what you are doing and you can get anxious as a result.

5. Look at who surrounds you – are they mainly mood hoovers or definite suporters. If you are surrounded by people that drain your energy, you will lose confidence and definitely wobble. Find some true supporters who you can talk to about anything.

If you know where you want to go and what you want to do and your unconscious mind is throwing up all sorts of reasons for not taking the action – usually manifested as negative  internal chatter and the feeling of wobbling, then take some action. If you are still stuck or uncomfortable, then get in touch so that we can sort this out together. Remember that you only have one life and I’d love to help you live it to the full!

Until next week,

Dr Bridget – unwobbling people across the world.