Posts

Story

How people around you have helped create your story

Story

Generations

Recently I’ve written for Psychologies Magazine about  a theme that’s close to my heart – “Rewriting your Story”. It was in the June 2018 issue in the dossier section if you want to find it. I’ve also been doing some Face Book lives for them which has been welcomed by readers and watchers.

Rewriting your story is about  how your values and beliefs create your story- that chatter that you have in your head that leads to your behaviour and your actions. And then starting to rewrite it, if it is not working for you.

People also have an influence on this and this can be from generations ago. If you think about it, maybe your Gran or Grandad and the story they had, may have an impact on you. Sometimes they are involved directly in bringing you up  or have influenced your parents. I have a lot of clients who’s parents have adopted behaviours and attitudes from their parents – remember the “Children should be seen and not heard”  beliefs from a couple of generations ago. Also, your parents may have had a challenging upbringing which has directly affected the way they brought you up.

Or maybe you have had generations of love and support and then find yourself in a relationship where people put less value on family and support?

Of course, other people around you today contribute to you story- your peers, colleagues, friends, clients.

Watch the video below and then ask yourself the questions below it:

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you happy with your “story”?
  • Who has influenced who you are today?
  • Are you happy with that story?
  • If not, can you move on?

Get in touch with me here or give me a ring on 07973 635102 if not.

You can also book an appointment here. 

If you have a story that doesn’t help you, there are plenty of ways that I can help and that will start with a  session to talk about what is going on for you and how I can help.

Until next week, happy re-writing!

Dr Bridget

 

Communication

Understanding a Specific Communication Challenge

Communication Challenges – understanding them

Communication

Communication challenges

One of the ways in which we all differ is in the way that we communicate and this can cause challenges in relationships, actions that we take and our understanding of other people.

One of the filters that we use to deal with the vast amount of information coming into our senses are called metaprogrammes, of which there are 18. They may sound complicated but they aren’t and its simply a question of you understanding where you are on the scale of each.

The one that I am going to talk about today is whether people are literal or inferential speakers. So literal speakers are very direct and say exactly what they think and are specific about what they want.

Inferential speakers are very keen not to upset people and therefore tend to hint, imply and “go around the houses” when they speak. Inferential speaker might say ” Do you want a mint?” and literal speakers might say “You need to brush your teeth”. Inferential speakers might say ” Do you think we should look at other holidays” and a literal speaker would say ” I don’t want to go there”

The problem and  challenge for inferential speakers is that they bend over backwards to not offend people and, in doing so, fail to get their message across and end up feeling frustrated or misunderstood. If you are a literal speaker, then  people may get upset by your straight forwardness.

Watch the video below and ask yourself which you are.

You could ask other people what they think or simply observe people’s reactions to what you say. Then you can decide whether to adapt your communication – after all, the meaning of your communication is the results that you get.

If you are interested in the differences between people and would like to learn more about effective communication, have a look at my NLP Practitioner course and contact me to find out when the next courses are.

Happy communicating  and catch up next week.

Dr Bridget

Relatioships

How to Understand and Create Relationships

Relationships- understanding the challenges

Relationships

Relationships

I looked at my husband and considered what he had just said. For an instance I was annoyed and then my NLP learning flipped in and I laughed. Because I was totally committed to this relationship and so what if he wanted to discuss the details of the holiday we were about to go on. It was actually quite reasonable. So I laughed and started to plan this blog.

Its amazing. when you think about it, how we manage to live or work with others because we are all so different. We all have different “models of the world”. Watch the video below where I talk about the things that can be different for people within a relationship.

The way that we are “wired” to react is so important and if we understand each other and have a total commitment to making the relationship work, then we stand a much better chance of feeling happy and content and can be interested in our differences instead of frustrated.

I’ve put a link to my cauliflower video here (also known as How we Get Results) so that you can understand what makes us all different and really get to grips with what is needed to change in you in order to improve any of your relationships.

We all have different memories and experiences which we have hooked positives and negatives on to. We have also been bought up by different people, different teachers and different people in our social sphere and we take on our values from them. And they can be very different. So imagine one person has values of adventure and one has values of safety and security? Maybe there might be a clash if we don’t understand that?

We also have different beliefs depending on how previous relationships have been – empowering or limiting.

And we have different metaprogrammes which are very deep seated and may make us think as though we are on a different page. There are 18 different metaprogrammes and we aren’t really aware of theses consciously. An example I use is whether you are big picture or detailed. I’m big picture which is why my husband being detailed can be frustrating ( or very useful).

If you’d like to chat about a relationship that you have which is not working for you and you’d like to change, then get in touch via my contact page. Also you can book onto my next NLP training which will make a huge difference to your understanding of the differences between people.

Until next week, happy relating!

Dr B

 

 

Base

Is your base solid or wobbly?

Your Base- it is Solid or Wobbly?

Base

A great base

I recently want on a course about business growth and it was in this amazing building which has been mentioned in the doomsday book. It burned down and was rebuilt in the 1860s and is now an amazingly beautiful and grand building. And  I’d like to use this building as an example of something that has stood the test of time and although partially destroyed, has been rebuilt in the same style and is breathtakingly grand. I think of it as an analogy for us and our growth. When we were born, we got our base from our parents, our teachers and things that happened around us which gave us our core values. We then look towards role models and then towards our peers as we grow and develop our own style. However the core values are still there and even though things happen to us and we get burned or knocked down, the original structure is still there. This is our base which consists of our core values and our beliefs which have supported us throughout life. If we forget these and grow without remembering our solid base, we are more likely to fall down or destroy ourselves. We also need a growth plan – how we add to the base structure to keep growing and I have talked a lot in my blogs about the way that we want to be when we have grown- the outcomes that we want. Watch the video and have a think about what sort of base you have – is it useful or not?


If you are thinking that your core structure has been a bit wobbly and may need a bit of repairing in order for you to grow as you want and reach your full potential, let me know and book an appointment to talk to me by clicking here.

Have a look around my web site and check out my courses and my 1:1 coaching which will solidify and enhance the solidity of the structure you need to grow and become excellent in all areas of your life.

Until next week, keep on building and growing

Dr Bridget

Groove

Are You in the Right or the Wrong Groove?

Which Groove are you in? The right Groove or the wrong one?

Groove

In the Groove

My business adviser has some amazing metaphors in his language and he was talking to me recently about being in the groove. Now, I think he meant one where I was clear on my messaging and therefore clear on my direction and was travelling towards my goals. So I thought about how I could use this metaphor in a blog and get you to think about which groove you are in and whether it’s the right one for you. So have a watch of the video and let me know a couple of things:

  1. Are you in the right or the wrong groove?
  2. Do you have any other ideas for unusual accessories that I can use in my videos?

My view of a great groove is where  you are:

  • Going towards your goals which you have created
  • Clear on who you are and what you want
  • Moving in the direction of your goals without getting knocked off track
  • Fully focused

And a not so great one would be one where:

  • You haven’t got any goals
  • You are confused about who you are and what you want
  • You are spinning aimlessly
  • You can’t focus

If  you are in the wrong groove , then let me know via my contact page. It’s often just a tweak of your thoughts to get the groove right and everything else will fall into place. I also run NLP courses and also create rapid breakthroughs for people on a 1:1 basis so there are plenty of ways to get moving and grooving!

Speak to you next week if not before!

Dr Bridget