Posts

The 3 Things That Can Cause you to Lose your Resilience

Resilience – Never Give Up

How to become Resilient

Are you Resilient?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from the overwhelming influence of risk factors and obstacles.

Watch the video below to find out the 3 categories of risk factors and obstacles that may cause you to lose your resilience, and get in touch with me if you want to overcome the factors that you feel you are not in control of.

And of course there is a whole chapter about resilience in my book Mindset for Business Success (a useful workbook for anyone in who wants to reach their full potential). The majority of my videos also give you tips to become resilient.


The 3 groups of things that cause us to lose our resilience are:

  • Material things
  • Events and Circumstances
  • Self Induced

Listening to the video will raise your awareness about how our interpretation of the Material obstacles can actually fall into the Self Induced category. They can come from limiting beliefs such as “I can’t be successful in case it affects my health”. “I can’t do x , y or z because I don’t have any money” or “my family wouldn’t approve”.

The ability to deal with Events and Circumstances that happen around us is key.

Recently in the UK we have had Brexit which has made some people quite ill.

They feel as though they have lost control over their future. However, if you are resilient, have self belief, confidence and take action towards what you really want, you will definitely be in control of your future.

I’m wondering if you would be interested in reading my book? it is available here as a free download from my web site or you can buy it on Amazon in hard copy or on kindle. Its a work book with a whole chapter on Resilience and gives you prescriptions for success.

Finally – maybe you have lost your resilience? If this is the case, contact me for a free consultation to start the journey of change. I am on on 01656  347027 or 07973 635102.

Till next week, enjoy the “becoming resilient” journey!

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

Understanding Relationships and Their Complexity

 Relationships – Understanding how they work

Relationships are interesting

I don’t understand

It’s nearly Valentines Day in the UK and there will be people who are happy in their romantic relationships, people who aren’t and people who don’t have one at all.

However, these are not the only relationships that we have. There are those at work, in our family, our friends or people we meet briefly. And understanding these can make the difference between happiness and unhappiness because some relationships “work well” and others “don’t work well”.

Watch the video below to understand some of this and get in touch with me if you are struggling with relationships with other people. The differences that are at a level outside of our conscious awareness have the ability to challenge that happiness and the video describes the reason for it.

Here’s the thing – Everyone is different!

We all have different memories and experiences throughout our life which affect our feelings about relationships. And we often have negative anchors which keep dragging us back to previous relationships.

We all have different values for our life, our work and our relationships, so our drivers or motivators are different to other peoples.

We have different beliefs and these will be different for different people. And of course, our beliefs are right and other peoples’ are wrong ???

And we have different Meta Programmes. These are very unconscious and are the reason for feeling as though we are “on a different page” to someone else. Download the PDF about them here Meta Programmes and then watch the video again. The PDF is fun to do with another person and that will give you a lot of insights about the realtionship that you have with them and greater understanding of them.

If you understand how you work differently to people that you want a relationship with, you can adapt your behaviour or at least have a laugh about it!

Until next week, happy relating and give me a ring if you want help with how you relate to someone. 07973 635102 or 01656 347027 or fill in the form here.

Dr Bridget – Giving you Prescriptions for Success

 

A Common Language Pattern That Can Be Unhelpful

Language patterns

Language patterns

The Language We Use

I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it- the effect that your language can have on both you and other people? There’s a saying in NLP- “You cannot not communicate”. Every time you say something, you change the other person’s perception of the world and the “picture” in their head and yours. I want to raise your awareness today of a specific language pattern that can be unhelpful at some times. Watch the video and then think about how you equate yourself to unhelpful things.

The pattern that I am talking about in the video is called a Complex equivalence. So if A=B, then B=A. If A is you, then equating things to you can be unhelpful. This particularly applies to illnesses and limiting statements. here are some of them:

  • I am Diabetic
  • I am a Cancer sufferer
  • I am Depressed
  • I am Useless
  • I am a Nuisance
  • I’m just a Housewife
  • I am in pieces
  • My husband/wife/partner is part of me

These statements create a reality for yourself and those who hear what you say.

If you are interested in learning more about your language and how to influence others, book onto an NLP Practitioner course to really change- click here for details 

Here are a couple of ways of changing this:

  1. Make the statement about doing a behaviour rather than about being equivalent to you
  • I am doing poor blood sugar control
  • I am doing the symptoms of cancer
  • I am doing depression
  • I am doing useless behaviour
  • I am doing the functions of a housewife

This makes it easier to stop doing the behaviour, whereas it’s quite difficult to stop something that is the equivalent to you.

2. Ask yourself “is that all you are?”

What is that you are that’s not just Diabetic, not just a Cancer sufferer, not just Depressed, not just Useless, not just a Housewife, not just part of your Husband, not just in Pieces?

So if we take the example of I’m just a housewife.

Ask “So, is that all that you are?” “What are you that is not just a housewife?” You will probably be able to get the answer of:

  • “I’m a good wife”
  • I’m a good mother”
  • “I’m a kind person”
  • “I’m me and I like me”

Totally different perspectives!

There’s a short PDF here to help you to think about the language that you are using in this respect.  Click here I am…….

Let me know your thoughts on this unusual topic and let me know if you have equated yourself to something unhelpful and can’t change it. 07973 635102 or click here to talk to me 

Until next week, keep noticing the words that you use!

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of Commitment

commitmentAre you committed?

Do you start things and never finish? And do you notice other people getting ahead and achieving their goals while you are left behind? Read more

How to Resist Temptation – Raising your Awareness

Can you resist temptation?

Resisting Temptation

How to resist temptation

Our behaviour is generally driven by our unconscious mind and the strategies it has in place which are set off by different triggers. Sometimes these triggers can be something we see, hear or say to ourselves.

One of my vices is biscuits – I usually feel a strong temptation to eat them after seeing a biscuit. It can be at home or in a shop or in someone else’s hand, even on TV! Another is wine – this is usually triggered by looking at a clock, as in my unconscious mind it is connected to relaxing at the end of the day.

Whilst the odd glass of wine or biscuit isn’t going to kill me – if it gets to a point where I can’t resist the temptation, it could become dangerous to my health and wellbeing. To avoid this it is important to work out what triggers the temptations, unless we work this out, we will keep doing it.

It is also important to make a note of the path temptation takes. The feeling of wanting something starts off at a low intensity after it is first triggered, and it then builds up to high. It is at this point that we most desire the thing we want, and it is at this point we need to remind ourselves to resist, as after a few minutes the intensity of our temptation will begin to die down again. Temptation is a bit like a bell curve, it goes up, but will come back down.

Knowing this shape will help you be able to consciously change your behaviour and take control. Knowing your trigger gives you the ability to notice the urge before it is at it’s most intense, allowing you to prepare to resist long enough until the urge disappears. Watch the video below and practice resisting an urge until it disappears.

If you want to know more about formal techniques for changing yours or other people’s unconscious strategies – click here to look at my NLP courses – we work on a variety of ways to interrupt patterns and change behaviour, which are very useful.

If you are practising this technique, let me know if you are having problems and we can talk about it – 01656 347 027 or 07973 635102 or click here to book a FREE consultation.

Until next week- happy resisting!

Dr. Bridget

What Do You Do When the Going Gets Tough?

What Do You Do When the Going Gets Tough?

Tough decisions

Go for what you want!

It’s a personal story today. A year or so ago I had to very sadly have an 11/12-month-old Bull Terrier puppy called Thud put down. He unfortunately had a kidney disease and in the end just stopped eating and drinking, so it was the only thing we could do for him, and it was a tough time!

It has taken quite a bit of courage for me to even think about getting another one.  I had a lot of worries going around my head, such as; “Is it ok with my husband to get another puppy?”, “Should I get an older dog?”, “What will the cat think?” (although she was always in charge of Thud!) and “Could I cope with another loss if the worst happened again?”

In the end, it got to a point where I was just feeling sad and not getting anything done, so I asked myself: “How important is it to you to have another puppy Bridget?” And the answer was – very important!

It was at this point that I had an inkling to look on Gum Tree to see what puppies were nearby, and guess what! There was a litter of Bull Terrier puppies about 20 miles away. I rang up that day and found out they had 2 left. I went to visit and put a deposit down that day!

Watch the video below and you’ll see the end results of me pushing through this tough time, and memory of the negative past events, and deciding what was important to me. Then answer the question below!

I guess the question that I’d like you to think about today is “What do you do when the going gets tough?”

Do you procrastinate? Ask friends? Have sleepless nights? Or other unhelpful things? Or do you ask yourself “Is this important to me”? And then just push through and get what you want?

Here’s an important thing to remember whenever you are faced with a tough decision –  Often, just before a break through, the going does get tough!

Let me know if you have broken through a major hurdle in the comments below please so that others can get inspired!

If you are struggling to make a decision or can’t find the courage to push through, click here to contact me and we can start the process of getting you what you want – big or small!

As you know, we only have one life!! And I want to help you live it!

Until next week,

Dr Bridget

Comparing Your Brain to a Car Engine – A Useful Metaphor?

Comparing Your Brain to a Car Engine

Complicated Brain?

Complicated wiring?

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself? Or the way you use your brain to think and get the results you want?

Do you ever get frustrated with your car? – I’ve had my car for over a year and it’s far more complicated than my previous one and I’m not really using it to its full potential!

In fact, I’ve only just found out how to use the Sat Nav, up until recently I continued to use my old one above the built in system. Which has resulted in people thinking I’m weird! Being considered weird doesn’t really bother me because I like to be different but it’s a bit frustrating to own a car I don’t really know how to use!

So, like the car, are we not using our minds to our full potential because we don’t 100% know how to use them. Watch my video below where I discuss this metaphor in more detail.

If you would like help understanding more clearly how yours works (your brain not your car!) when it is being used to process information and obtain results, just click here and fill out a form for a FREE consultation. You too can become a brain mechanic and reach your full potential!

Here’s the key message (no pun intended) – if you don’t master your brain and the way you think, you’ll get results that aren’t what you want!

If you want to make a difference to your life, your business or your career, you need to stream line your thinking to help you avoid brain breakdowns.

If you agree and need support to do just this, give me a call on 01656 347027 or 07973635102 to start simplifying your life and using your brain to its full potential!

See you next week,

Dr. Bridget

Do You Have Internal Conflict? This is one of the causes

One of the most common causes for internal conflict is something called PARTS ( in NLP terminology)

Mental Conflict

Internal Conflict

Just like you, I have faced internal battles. I remember sitting in front of my computer with this battle in my head going “part of me wants to be successful but part of me wants to do nothing at all”. I’d just started my NLP coaching business and I was struggling. Luckily, I was able to resolve this issue with my coach quite quickly.

Now, it is my role to help people with this internal struggle, and I want to share the cause for this common problem with you and raise awareness of this solvable problem.

In NLP, this conflict is known as “Parts”, because it is as if we have two parts to ourselves, which want different things. It usually arises from a significant negative emotional event which is either one big event or several small ones fairly close together.

For example, a recent client found herself in this battle after having just been made redundant following a complaint, losing her dad about the same time and having one of her children spend a week in hospital with a serious illness. All these negative events had caused part of her to steer away from her want to be successful in her new business, and focus on the want of some peace in her life. That is when she came to me for help.

I helped her put the conflict to rest and focus on what she really wanted.

“Parts” have their own personality and are generally formed to help protect you, but in doing so, they can cause conflicts with other parts of your brain – a sort of Mental Tug of War.

In this week’s Prescription for Success video below, I discuss ‘parts’ and the effects internal conflict can have.

If you want to talk about any type of internal conflict that may be stopping you from gaining success in your life or your business, then give me a call on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027. Or click here to fill out a form and I’ll be in touch very quickly.

If you are interested in this topic and NLP, I run NLP Practitioner courses, where you can learn how to not only resolve this issue for yourself, but for others too. Click here for more info on my NLP Practitioner courses.

Part of me would like to keep writing the blog and part of me wants to get some lunch so, until next time, go for what you want in life!

Dr. Bridget

Are your habits unhelpful? Find out how to change them

Do you have habits that are unhelpful?

bad habits

Unhelpful habits

This blog talks about how habits are formed, and why they would be helpful to change, very quickly!

I expect you absolutely know about some of the habits that are unhelpful to you, don’t you? But are you aware of them all and what effect they have on your results? Read more

Letting go of the past and moving forward: Dr. Bridget’s top tips

Let go and move on

Let go and move on

If we are being honest, we would admit that from time to time we all get hung up on the past. And that’s fine, after all, we are humans with emotions. Whether we are clinging on to something that once was, or allowing failures and negative events in the past to hold us back, letting go and moving forward is an important skill to have.

If we don’t let go and continue to cling to the past, it affects our future. We create an unhealthy relationship with past anchors that hold us down, and cause us to become stuck. These anchors stop us from moving forward and reaching our full potential, happiness and the success we all deserve.

Whether you have experienced a break up, a tragic death, a streak of bad luck, disappointment or many other negative situations, here are my top tips to help you let go and move on.

  1. It’s your choice

Realise that the reason these events are holding you back, is because you are letting them! You need to make a conscious choice to let go and move on, and commit to it. These feelings and emotions won’t go away on their own. Acknowledging you can choose to let them affect you or not, is always the first step.

  1. Dwell

This one may seem a bit odd – but actually reliving the event and giving yourself time to dwell on the past can help you along the process. Set aside half hour a day/week to dwell, then challenge yourself not to think about this event before/after the set time. This can act as a great limit and your whole day or life will not be effected.

  1. Question yourself

If you are spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about the past, take some time out to ask yourself open ended questions:

  • Does this memory matter to me?
  • Does it serve me to restrict certain opportunities because they remind me of this memory?
  • What’s the worst that can happen if I’m faced with a brutal reminder of this memory?
  • What can I do to live with this memory, accept it, and move forward?7

Finding answers to these questions can help you rationalise the event and what you feel.

  1. Live the now

Keep yourself busy – go out and throw yourself into life and the experiences it has to offer. Join a club, meet like-minded people – everyday offers new memories to replace negative past ones.

Your past events do not own you, they cannot control you and restrict you from living the life you want. They don’t have to hold you back. If you choose to let go, they can become just minor blips in a bigger picture.

If you need help reaching your full potential and letting go of the past, contact Dr. Bridget on 07973 635102 or click here to book in a FREE consultation.

Save

Are you focusing on the wrong things? Find out here

What are you focussing on?

The right things or the wrong things?

Broody hen with no focus

Focus

When something grabs our attention, we focus on it and pour our energy into it. But sometimes these activities are not helpful, and could actually be stopping us from reaching our life goal, happiness and/or success.

Focusing on the wrong tasks can actually derail us from our path to success and result in a detour. It can leave us feeling tired and stuck, and unhappy when we don’t see any progress in our lives but yet we are still using a lot of our energy.

In this week’s prescription for success video I have the help of broody Barbara (as pictured!) to help me demonstrate what the negative effect of having a particular focus can have on your life.

If you would like to find out if your focus is benefiting you or holding you back, then click here to download a helpful table. This table will be able to help you decide whether you need to change your focus or not.

If you change your focus, you WILL change your results.

If you do fill out the table, I would love to know what you found out. Is your focus on the right or wrong things and are you therefore getting the results you want? Or don’t want? And are you going to make a change? Let me know in the comments!

If you need help in changing your focus and reaching succeed, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or click here to fill in a form and claim a FREE consultation.

Until next time, happy brooding!!

Dr. Bridget

Letting go of guilt

letting_go_of_guiltGuilt can come in many different shapes and forms, it can be rational and irrational, it can come from something you have physically done or even because you feel a certain way. But ultimately guilt is driven from self-hatred.

We do something we regret, we say something that hurts or offends someone, we make a mistake. Then we get lost in the should-haves, could-haves and self-judgement.

To a certain extent we get addicted to the guilt, thinking that constantly beating ourselves up over the mistake will somehow absolve us of that negative experience – but instead we are just torturing ourselves.

Many of us feel guilt from things we did or didn’t do for ourselves – “I didn’t get enough work done” or “I shouldn’t have eaten that” – and our minds trick us into thinking that anger and guilt is a good motivator. But none of these everyday outcomes deserve our own self-judgement and guilt.

Guilt can become all-consuming and hold you back from reaching your full potential, it acts as an anchor to the past, telling you, you don’t deserve to be happy. But everyone deserves to be happy. Learning how to let go of guilt and forgive yourself can be fantastically freeing. It teaches you to choose self-love over self-hate and be more compassionate towards yourself.

Change is never easy but I can help and support you through the process. If you are ready to let go of the guilt holding you back, click here to book a FREE consultation or call Dr. Bridget on 07973 635102