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Do You Have Internal Conflict? This is one of the causes

One of the most common causes for internal conflict is something called PARTS ( in NLP terminology)

Mental Conflict

Internal Conflict

Just like you, I have faced internal battles. I remember sitting in front of my computer with this battle in my head going “part of me wants to be successful but part of me wants to do nothing at all”. I’d just started my NLP coaching business and I was struggling. Luckily, I was able to resolve this issue with my coach quite quickly.

Now, it is my role to help people with this internal struggle, and I want to share the cause for this common problem with you and raise awareness of this solvable problem.

In NLP, this conflict is known as “Parts”, because it is as if we have two parts to ourselves, which want different things. It usually arises from a significant negative emotional event which is either one big event or several small ones fairly close together.

For example, a recent client found herself in this battle after having just been made redundant following a complaint, losing her dad about the same time and having one of her children spend a week in hospital with a serious illness. All these negative events had caused part of her to steer away from her want to be successful in her new business, and focus on the want of some peace in her life. That is when she came to me for help.

I helped her put the conflict to rest and focus on what she really wanted.

“Parts” have their own personality and are generally formed to help protect you, but in doing so, they can cause conflicts with other parts of your brain – a sort of Mental Tug of War.

In this week’s Prescription for Success video below, I discuss ‘parts’ and the effects internal conflict can have.

If you want to talk about any type of internal conflict that may be stopping you from gaining success in your life or your business, then give me a call on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027. Or click here to fill out a form and I’ll be in touch very quickly.

If you are interested in this topic and NLP, I run NLP Practitioner courses, where you can learn how to not only resolve this issue for yourself, but for others too. Click here for more info on my NLP Practitioner courses.

Part of me would like to keep writing the blog and part of me wants to get some lunch so, until next time, go for what you want in life!

Dr. Bridget

Don’t stress it!

stress-blogStress is extremely common. It can have physical and psychological effects which generally ‘bring you down’.

Life can be stressful. Whether it’s work, family or money worries, we all have a lot going on in our lives, so it’s no surprise we feel burnt out from time to time. But stress is not good for our emotional state.

Generally, people don’t take measures to reduce stress.  And whilst you can’t stop stress completely, you can learn how to notice the signs and help yourself overcome it. Here are my top tips:

  1. Deep breaths

If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, being able to take your mind out of the situation even for a few minutes can help you relax and gain clarity. When we are anxious or stressed our breathing becomes quick and shallow. Give your breathing your full attention, concentrating on each breath in and out. Take your time to breath in deeply for a count of 7, hold and breath out for a count of 11. Repeat this process until you feel more calm.

  1. Be kind to yourself

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Our inner voices can be mean and hurtful. It’s important to recognise this and ensure you are positively reinforcing yourself and how you feel. Treat yourself with kindness, negative thoughts are extremely unhelpful and can do more damage. Tell yourself you’re in control and you’re able to deal with the situation!

  1. Don’t allow yourself to become a victim

Things happen that are out of our control, but by asking “why me?” or “what have I done to deserve this?” only places yourself as a victim. This increases stress and suggests you are unable to change the situation. Instead, recognise this negative thing has happened but tell yourself you are able to turn it around and change it.

  1. Say ‘No’

Not wanting to say no to people is very common. A lot of people have a problem with it as they don’t want to upset someone or let them down. But sometimes you have to put yourself before others. It is impossible to please everyone and trying to do so is a fast track to stress. By saying ‘no’ you are not being selfish, you are just looking after yourself and your mental health. Be honest with people and they will understand.

If you are struggling with stress and feeling unhappy, contact me and I’ll help you overcome your anxiety and emotional state, allowing you to find happiness and at peace with yourself. Click here to book a FREE consultation or call me on: 07973 635102

Why do we lose our motivation? And what can we do to recover it?

Why do we lose our motivation?

Motivation and values

Find your motivation!

Not feeling motivated? This post is for you.

I recently realised that I was struggling with my motivation, particularly regarding my business and health, and this caused a bit of what I call “flip-flopping”! So, this week I have decided to focus on motivation and help you make sure that you are fully motivated in all areas of your life and in particular, the ones that are most important to you.

What is motivation?

Motivation is driven by our values, which we hold on an unconscious level. And our values can be affected by our beliefs. This means that as we grow and experience situations, positive and negative, it can change our values, which isn’t always useful.

My business values used to be Intrigue, Interest, Fun and Purpose. Although they felt OK, there wasn’t much movement in them to make me want to take action. Whilst I do have a successful business, there is also room for it to grow and allowing me to reach many more people!

I realized I needed to do something about this and set about changing my values. To do this I had to start with the limiting beliefs that were supporting my values. Once I changed those beliefs, with the help of my coach, my values changed and felt so much more suited to my businesses and me. And most importantly, my motivation is back and I am taking more action!

My business’ values are now Determination, Fun, Achievement and Purpose. Because I’ve got something as strong as determination at the top of my motivators, I’ve stopped doing the “flip-flopping” and am very determined!

Watch the video below where I discuss my motivation. If you are feeling demotivated, then get in touch today – just click here.

Are you fully focused and motivated? If not, what is that be costing you, emotionally and financially?

Give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102 to book a FREE consultation with Dr. Bridget and start your journey of discovery and success.

Until next time, keep that motivation up!

Dr. Bridget

3 Reasons to Be Authentic and What Happens if you are not

What are 3 reasons to be authentic?

And what is the impact of not being authentic?

ARe you being who you want to be?

Authentic

Most of my blogs are inspired by clients, and this week I took inspiration from a client who felt that the image that they portrayed to others wasn’t really who they were. So, they decided to do something about it!

They felt that when they weren’t being authentic, they weren’t at ease, they felt out of place and therefore this was rubbing off on their business and their success levels.

If you are not feeling at ease with yourself internally and what you are portraying to the outside world, then this attitude will be projected. The dis-ease will affect other people and they will be less attracted to you and working/interacting with you. This rejection can then lead to self-doubt and confusion, which is never good, therefore it needs a fix as soon as possible. And the only fix is being authentic and true to yourself!

The 3 main reasons to be authentic are:

  • Feeling at ease and happy with yourself
  • Feeling more confident
  • This happiness and positivity will be projected and you will see more success in your life, business or career

For me personally, it has taken a while to figure out who I think I am and be that person, and I certainly feel uncomfortable if I’m not living in line with my core values and beliefs, and if I allow my boundaries to be crossed.

In this week’s video, which you can find just below, I discuss one of my clients who is whole heartedly himself and doesn’t fit into the stereotype his job sometimes has or how other people expect him to be. He decided that to be authentic and jump out of a plane for charity, from which he rediscovered the buzz that had been missing from his life.

I would like to thank my client, Martin, for agreeing to share his experience – and I’m sure you agree, that he is being himself and is proud of it.

If you think that you are being who other people want you to be rather than who you want to be, make a decision to find out exactly who you are and what is important to you.

It is ok to be yourself and you will lead a much happier life if you do just that.

If you are struggling to find you, or if you know who you are but struggling to portray it and would like some help becoming authentic, give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102.

You can also click here to fill in a form and we can arrange a FREE consultation.

If you are feeling stuck – check out the rest of my website to find out how I can help.

Until next time, just be you!

Dr. Bridget

 

Catch it, Check it, Change it

I was listening to the Radio 4 programme “All in the Mind” today and was reminded of the phrase “Catch it, Check it, Change it” It was a programme about stress and how mindfulness can help us to reduce stress. I’ve included the link for you here Stress, mindfulness and Catch it, Check it, Change it

The programme also talked about the benefits of “Catch it, Check it and Change it”

The way that you see yourself, the world and other people can affect your thoughts and feelings, and can, if one isn’t careful, lead to mental health problems.

An example of this could be:

A teacher once told me off in front of the rest of the class. My instant thought was that “he didn’t like me and wanted the others in the class to laugh at me”. The more helpful response would have been- “maybe I should have done my homework- he’s only trying to help me to reach my full potential”

Which response would keep me awake at night?

So

“Catch it” Spot when you may be having negative thoughts by asking yourself how you feel. Anxiety is a good marker for these thoughts!

“Check it” Stop and check the reality of what you are thinking. Do you have evidence to back it up?How would other people respond to the same situation?

“Change it” Put some more realistic thoughts into your mind and ask yourself are they more likely to be true? Watch how your feelings change!

Actions (because acting on new knowledge is good)

Keep a diary where you note down the time and day of your thoughts, what happened, your emotions, your automatic thoughts and what would have been more rationale. If you practice this on a regular basis, you will see the patterns and change them before they become a problem!

Enjoy spotting those thoughts!

Bridget