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A Common Language Pattern That Can Be Unhelpful

Language patterns

Language patterns

The Language We Use

I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it- the effect that your language can have on both you and other people? There’s a saying in NLP- “You cannot not communicate”. Every time you say something, you change the other person’s perception of the world and the “picture” in their head and yours. I want to raise your awareness today of a specific language pattern that can be unhelpful at some times. Watch the video and then think about how you equate yourself to unhelpful things.

The pattern that I am talking about in the video is called a Complex equivalence. So if A=B, then B=A. If A is you, then equating things to you can be unhelpful. This particularly applies to illnesses and limiting statements. here are some of them:

  • I am Diabetic
  • I am a Cancer sufferer
  • I am Depressed
  • I am Useless
  • I am a Nuisance
  • I’m just a Housewife
  • I am in pieces
  • My husband/wife/partner is part of me

These statements create a reality for yourself and those who hear what you say.

If you are interested in learning more about your language and how to influence others, book onto an NLP Practitioner course to really change- click here for details 

Here are a couple of ways of changing this:

  1. Make the statement about doing a behaviour rather than about being equivalent to you
  • I am doing poor blood sugar control
  • I am doing the symptoms of cancer
  • I am doing depression
  • I am doing useless behaviour
  • I am doing the functions of a housewife

This makes it easier to stop doing the behaviour, whereas it’s quite difficult to stop something that is the equivalent to you.

2. Ask yourself “is that all you are?”

What is that you are that’s not just Diabetic, not just a Cancer sufferer, not just Depressed, not just Useless, not just a Housewife, not just part of your Husband, not just in Pieces?

So if we take the example of I’m just a housewife.

Ask “So, is that all that you are?” “What are you that is not just a housewife?” You will probably be able to get the answer of:

  • “I’m a good wife”
  • I’m a good mother”
  • “I’m a kind person”
  • “I’m me and I like me”

Totally different perspectives!

There’s a short PDF here to help you to think about the language that you are using in this respect.  Click here I am…….

Let me know your thoughts on this unusual topic and let me know if you have equated yourself to something unhelpful and can’t change it. 07973 635102 or click here to talk to me 

Until next week, keep noticing the words that you use!

Dr Bridget

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Digging Deep gets you Different Results

Do you feel as though you need to start digging deep?

Start digging

Digging deep

As Einstein said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results”.

And I’m wondering if that’s what you are doing?

I’ve certainly done it often enough myself!

Sometimes we just need to STOP and ask ourselves whether the way we are behaving is getting us what we want in our life, our business or our career. If not there is often a deep reason for why we are continuing the behaviour and is often something along the lines of:

  • Protecting ourselves unconsciously
  • Keeping other people happy
  • Hiding
  • Not wanting to say we don’t think we are good enough

Watch the video below within which I discuss how to start changing your behaviour and asking yourself the deeper questions that may give you the answers you need. Once you know what the answer is you can start changing the behaviour consciously. If you are struggling, unable to ask the right questions or make the changes why not book a session with me? I can and will help you.

Think about the things that you seem to keep doing that aren’t helpful and ask yourself the question: “What’s the purpose of this behaviour?”. You’ll be surprised at what comes up.

If you are not sure how to use the answer and do something with it, give me a call on 01656 347027 or 07973635102 and access a free complimentary session.

Until next week – keep asking,

Dr. Bridget

How to Resist Temptation – Raising your Awareness

Can you resist temptation?

Resisting Temptation

How to resist temptation

Our behaviour is generally driven by our unconscious mind and the strategies it has in place which are set off by different triggers. Sometimes these triggers can be something we see, hear or say to ourselves.

One of my vices is biscuits – I usually feel a strong temptation to eat them after seeing a biscuit. It can be at home or in a shop or in someone else’s hand, even on TV! Another is wine – this is usually triggered by looking at a clock, as in my unconscious mind it is connected to relaxing at the end of the day.

Whilst the odd glass of wine or biscuit isn’t going to kill me – if it gets to a point where I can’t resist the temptation, it could become dangerous to my health and wellbeing. To avoid this it is important to work out what triggers the temptations, unless we work this out, we will keep doing it.

It is also important to make a note of the path temptation takes. The feeling of wanting something starts off at a low intensity after it is first triggered, and it then builds up to high. It is at this point that we most desire the thing we want, and it is at this point we need to remind ourselves to resist, as after a few minutes the intensity of our temptation will begin to die down again. Temptation is a bit like a bell curve, it goes up, but will come back down.

Knowing this shape will help you be able to consciously change your behaviour and take control. Knowing your trigger gives you the ability to notice the urge before it is at it’s most intense, allowing you to prepare to resist long enough until the urge disappears. Watch the video below and practice resisting an urge until it disappears.

If you want to know more about formal techniques for changing yours or other people’s unconscious strategies – click here to look at my NLP courses – we work on a variety of ways to interrupt patterns and change behaviour, which are very useful.

If you are practising this technique, let me know if you are having problems and we can talk about it – 01656 347 027 or 07973 635102 or click here to book a FREE consultation.

Until next week- happy resisting!

Dr. Bridget

What Do You Do When the Going Gets Tough?

What Do You Do When the Going Gets Tough?

Tough decisions

Go for what you want!

It’s a personal story today. A year or so ago I had to very sadly have an 11/12-month-old Bull Terrier puppy called Thud put down. He unfortunately had a kidney disease and in the end just stopped eating and drinking, so it was the only thing we could do for him, and it was a tough time!

It has taken quite a bit of courage for me to even think about getting another one.  I had a lot of worries going around my head, such as; “Is it ok with my husband to get another puppy?”, “Should I get an older dog?”, “What will the cat think?” (although she was always in charge of Thud!) and “Could I cope with another loss if the worst happened again?”

In the end, it got to a point where I was just feeling sad and not getting anything done, so I asked myself: “How important is it to you to have another puppy Bridget?” And the answer was – very important!

It was at this point that I had an inkling to look on Gum Tree to see what puppies were nearby, and guess what! There was a litter of Bull Terrier puppies about 20 miles away. I rang up that day and found out they had 2 left. I went to visit and put a deposit down that day!

Watch the video below and you’ll see the end results of me pushing through this tough time, and memory of the negative past events, and deciding what was important to me. Then answer the question below!

I guess the question that I’d like you to think about today is “What do you do when the going gets tough?”

Do you procrastinate? Ask friends? Have sleepless nights? Or other unhelpful things? Or do you ask yourself “Is this important to me”? And then just push through and get what you want?

Here’s an important thing to remember whenever you are faced with a tough decision –  Often, just before a break through, the going does get tough!

Let me know if you have broken through a major hurdle in the comments below please so that others can get inspired!

If you are struggling to make a decision or can’t find the courage to push through, click here to contact me and we can start the process of getting you what you want – big or small!

As you know, we only have one life!! And I want to help you live it!

Until next week,

Dr Bridget

Is Your Values Level Thinking at the Right Level or Not?

Is Your Values Level Thinking at the Right Level or Not?

Thinking at the right level

Fitting your thinking to your environment

When I begin working with a client I’m always curious to find out what level of thinking they are doing and whether or not that level has the ability to get them to their goals in business, career and/or life.

Values level thinking is about how people think in different environments and how they adapt their thinking to suit their environments. There are numerous levels, click here to access a pdf which summarises them.

One of the main things values level thinking identifies, I whether you are on an even or an odd level. Even numbered levels are analysed as sacrificing yourself. For example, you against what you think/believe to just do what you are told, to follow society rules or for the good of the group. The odd number levels are considered as independent levels where you fight against the competition and want to be the best or you are able to be totally flexible in your behaviour depending on the environment that you find yourself in. And it’s really interesting!

Watch my video below and read the PDF – find out what your main level of thinking is and if you want to change how you think to get success, click here to get in touch and book a FREE consultation.

Is your level of thinking useful for you in terms of achieving your goals? Let me know if you want to discuss it and find out if you need to change. Call me on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027.

If you are wondering what my levels are, when I sat down and thought about it a few months ago I discover I was more in the VL6 than I wanted to be. Since this discovery I have purposely worked on increasing my VL5 and reduce my VL6 and its working really well for my business!

Until next time – keep thinking,

Dr Bridget

What happens When You Don’t Take Time Out

Taking time out

Taking time out became the topic for this video as I talked to my videographer – Chris Davies from Colour Black Productions – during our most recent filming session of my Prescriptions for Success videos.

We’d both become very busy as a result of raising our profile and the conversation was about how, or should, we be taking time off to reflect. We realised that taking time out, allows you to plan, reflect, congratulate yourself and keep an eye on your journey towards your goals. If you don’t take the time, you can become a victim of “busyness” and lose sight of where you are heading and forget how far you have come.

One of the main reasons for people seeking coaching and mastermind group support is to be able to take that time out and regain focus of their path to success and their goals. The results of doing this are absolutely enormous! The focus and consistency it provides become what you do! And that is what gets you the results.

Watch the video below within which I discuss this further. If you would like to escape the “busyness” and re-focus on your gals, you can click here to fill in a form for a FREE consultation.

If you are looking for an easy and quick fix, I would suggest committing to taking half an hour a day to plan or reflect on your day and what the next one will bring – it can be very empowering (and also calming).

Make sure that your plans line up to what you want in your life and let me know the effects the time-out has and if it empowers you.

If you are struggling with this concept and don’t know what to do, call me on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027 and we can chat it through and work out a path for you.

Until next week, enjoy your time-out,

Dr. Bridget

Comparing Your Brain to a Car Engine – A Useful Metaphor?

Comparing Your Brain to a Car Engine

Complicated Brain?

Complicated wiring?

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself? Or the way you use your brain to think and get the results you want?

Do you ever get frustrated with your car? – I’ve had my car for over a year and it’s far more complicated than my previous one and I’m not really using it to its full potential!

In fact, I’ve only just found out how to use the Sat Nav, up until recently I continued to use my old one above the built in system. Which has resulted in people thinking I’m weird! Being considered weird doesn’t really bother me because I like to be different but it’s a bit frustrating to own a car I don’t really know how to use!

So, like the car, are we not using our minds to our full potential because we don’t 100% know how to use them. Watch my video below where I discuss this metaphor in more detail.

If you would like help understanding more clearly how yours works (your brain not your car!) when it is being used to process information and obtain results, just click here and fill out a form for a FREE consultation. You too can become a brain mechanic and reach your full potential!

Here’s the key message (no pun intended) – if you don’t master your brain and the way you think, you’ll get results that aren’t what you want!

If you want to make a difference to your life, your business or your career, you need to stream line your thinking to help you avoid brain breakdowns.

If you agree and need support to do just this, give me a call on 01656 347027 or 07973635102 to start simplifying your life and using your brain to its full potential!

See you next week,

Dr. Bridget

Do You Have Internal Conflict? This is one of the causes

One of the most common causes for internal conflict is something called PARTS ( in NLP terminology)

Mental Conflict

Internal Conflict

Just like you, I have faced internal battles. I remember sitting in front of my computer with this battle in my head going “part of me wants to be successful but part of me wants to do nothing at all”. I’d just started my NLP coaching business and I was struggling. Luckily, I was able to resolve this issue with my coach quite quickly.

Now, it is my role to help people with this internal struggle, and I want to share the cause for this common problem with you and raise awareness of this solvable problem.

In NLP, this conflict is known as “Parts”, because it is as if we have two parts to ourselves, which want different things. It usually arises from a significant negative emotional event which is either one big event or several small ones fairly close together.

For example, a recent client found herself in this battle after having just been made redundant following a complaint, losing her dad about the same time and having one of her children spend a week in hospital with a serious illness. All these negative events had caused part of her to steer away from her want to be successful in her new business, and focus on the want of some peace in her life. That is when she came to me for help.

I helped her put the conflict to rest and focus on what she really wanted.

“Parts” have their own personality and are generally formed to help protect you, but in doing so, they can cause conflicts with other parts of your brain – a sort of Mental Tug of War.

In this week’s Prescription for Success video below, I discuss ‘parts’ and the effects internal conflict can have.

If you want to talk about any type of internal conflict that may be stopping you from gaining success in your life or your business, then give me a call on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027. Or click here to fill out a form and I’ll be in touch very quickly.

If you are interested in this topic and NLP, I run NLP Practitioner courses, where you can learn how to not only resolve this issue for yourself, but for others too. Click here for more info on my NLP Practitioner courses.

Part of me would like to keep writing the blog and part of me wants to get some lunch so, until next time, go for what you want in life!

Dr. Bridget

Why do we lose our motivation? And what can we do to recover it?

Why do we lose our motivation?

Motivation and values

Find your motivation!

Not feeling motivated? This post is for you.

I recently realised that I was struggling with my motivation, particularly regarding my business and health, and this caused a bit of what I call “flip-flopping”! So, this week I have decided to focus on motivation and help you make sure that you are fully motivated in all areas of your life and in particular, the ones that are most important to you.

What is motivation?

Motivation is driven by our values, which we hold on an unconscious level. And our values can be affected by our beliefs. This means that as we grow and experience situations, positive and negative, it can change our values, which isn’t always useful.

My business values used to be Intrigue, Interest, Fun and Purpose. Although they felt OK, there wasn’t much movement in them to make me want to take action. Whilst I do have a successful business, there is also room for it to grow and allowing me to reach many more people!

I realized I needed to do something about this and set about changing my values. To do this I had to start with the limiting beliefs that were supporting my values. Once I changed those beliefs, with the help of my coach, my values changed and felt so much more suited to my businesses and me. And most importantly, my motivation is back and I am taking more action!

My business’ values are now Determination, Fun, Achievement and Purpose. Because I’ve got something as strong as determination at the top of my motivators, I’ve stopped doing the “flip-flopping” and am very determined!

Watch the video below where I discuss my motivation. If you are feeling demotivated, then get in touch today – just click here.

Are you fully focused and motivated? If not, what is that be costing you, emotionally and financially?

Give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102 to book a FREE consultation with Dr. Bridget and start your journey of discovery and success.

Until next time, keep that motivation up!

Dr. Bridget

Difficulty Making a Decision? – Here’s a Useful Tool

Do You have Difficulty Making a Decision? – Here’s a really useful tool

A Decision Making Tool

The Five Whys

Struggling with a decision? ‘The Five Whys’ is a great to tool that can help you move from the first simple initial thought through to completely understanding your decision and unsurprisingly, why, you came to that conclusion, thus making the whole process easier manage.

It is an important tool to be able to utilise, because if you make a decision without full exploration of what’s involved, it could end up being the wrong one. Also many people tend to get stuck instead of deciding, this tool can help you through the process ensuring a decision is made and you are able to move forward.

In this week’s video, which can be watched below, I discuss the ‘The Five Whys’ and provide an example of it being used. For a hard copy of the process please click here to download a pdf.

 

If you would like to practice using this tool, you could find someone, a friend or a family member, who wants to explore an issue or decision and ask them the ‘five whys’. Or if you have a difficult decision to make, try I on yourself and find out how useful it is!

If you are struggling to make decisions or want to understand the issues behind feeling stuck, give me a call on 07973 635102 or click here to book a complimentary session.

until next time, happy decision making,

Dr Bridget

 

Are you in charge of your life? Find out here

Are you in charge of your life?

Where are you on the scale? A 1 or a 10?

Charge

Are you in charge

One question that tends to makes people stop and think is; “Are you at cause or are you at effect?”.

Being at cause means that you are in charge of your life. You have control and whether you end up with good results or bed results, you are the one responsible for the outcome. It is your life.

Being at effect means that other things, people or events are in charge of you. This means that you are constantly being dragged away from your own goals and taken off on tangents by other forces. In the end, it makes it not possible to achieve your goals efficiently and can result in unhappiness and an unfulfilled life. Whether it’s a partner, the kids or the government, who is taking control of your life, are they to blame or you to blame for letting them?

In this week’s video I go into cause vs effect in more detail and provide a way to help you fully understand where you fall on the scale.

What was your score? My gut instinct is that if you are below an 8, you are close to your life being ruled by others and you may want to consider what you can do to improve it and become more at cause. Click here to get more information about being at cause or effect and my tips on what you could do to be more at cause.

If you would like a quick fix on taking control and finding success, you can talk to me on 01656 347027 or click here to fill in a form and arrange a FREE consultation.

Until next time, here’s to taking responsibility and control!

Dr. Bridget

3 Reasons to Be Authentic and What Happens if you are not

What are 3 reasons to be authentic?

And what is the impact of not being authentic?

ARe you being who you want to be?

Authentic

Most of my blogs are inspired by clients, and this week I took inspiration from a client who felt that the image that they portrayed to others wasn’t really who they were. So, they decided to do something about it!

They felt that when they weren’t being authentic, they weren’t at ease, they felt out of place and therefore this was rubbing off on their business and their success levels.

If you are not feeling at ease with yourself internally and what you are portraying to the outside world, then this attitude will be projected. The dis-ease will affect other people and they will be less attracted to you and working/interacting with you. This rejection can then lead to self-doubt and confusion, which is never good, therefore it needs a fix as soon as possible. And the only fix is being authentic and true to yourself!

The 3 main reasons to be authentic are:

  • Feeling at ease and happy with yourself
  • Feeling more confident
  • This happiness and positivity will be projected and you will see more success in your life, business or career

For me personally, it has taken a while to figure out who I think I am and be that person, and I certainly feel uncomfortable if I’m not living in line with my core values and beliefs, and if I allow my boundaries to be crossed.

In this week’s video, which you can find just below, I discuss one of my clients who is whole heartedly himself and doesn’t fit into the stereotype his job sometimes has or how other people expect him to be. He decided that to be authentic and jump out of a plane for charity, from which he rediscovered the buzz that had been missing from his life.

I would like to thank my client, Martin, for agreeing to share his experience – and I’m sure you agree, that he is being himself and is proud of it.

If you think that you are being who other people want you to be rather than who you want to be, make a decision to find out exactly who you are and what is important to you.

It is ok to be yourself and you will lead a much happier life if you do just that.

If you are struggling to find you, or if you know who you are but struggling to portray it and would like some help becoming authentic, give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102.

You can also click here to fill in a form and we can arrange a FREE consultation.

If you are feeling stuck – check out the rest of my website to find out how I can help.

Until next time, just be you!

Dr. Bridget