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Letting go of guilt

letting_go_of_guiltGuilt can come in many different shapes and forms, it can be rational and irrational, it can come from something you have physically done or even because you feel a certain way. But ultimately guilt is driven from self-hatred.

We do something we regret, we say something that hurts or offends someone, we make a mistake. Then we get lost in the should-haves, could-haves and self-judgement.

To a certain extent we get addicted to the guilt, thinking that constantly beating ourselves up over the mistake will somehow absolve us of that negative experience – but instead we are just torturing ourselves.

Many of us feel guilt from things we did or didn’t do for ourselves – “I didn’t get enough work done” or “I shouldn’t have eaten that” – and our minds trick us into thinking that anger and guilt is a good motivator. But none of these everyday outcomes deserve our own self-judgement and guilt.

Guilt can become all-consuming and hold you back from reaching your full potential, it acts as an anchor to the past, telling you, you don’t deserve to be happy. But everyone deserves to be happy. Learning how to let go of guilt and forgive yourself can be fantastically freeing. It teaches you to choose self-love over self-hate and be more compassionate towards yourself.

Change is never easy but I can help and support you through the process. If you are ready to let go of the guilt holding you back, click here to book a FREE consultation or call Dr. Bridget on 07973 635102

Is guilt holding you back?

Is guilt holding you back?

Guilt - usful or not?

Is guilt holding you back?

I’ve helped quite a few people recently who were allowing guilt to hold them back.

Until they came to see me, they felt stuck and unable to break free and it was affecting their happiness and confidence.

If this is something that you, or someone you know is suffering from, then please point them in my direction – in this blog I am going to discuss how to move forward.

It may be a controversial view but, to me, guilt is more about other people than about you. If you have been doing the best that you can and you have been using the resources that you have available to you, then its more about other people’s model of the world, or society’s model of the world, and their projection of that onto you.

Perhaps you’ve behaved in a way that other people haven’t liked or didn’t expect, as long as you weren’t aiming to upset people, you have done nothing wrong. Everyone has a different view and model of the world because they have been brought up differently and we have different values and beliefs. This can, let’s face it, make people judgmental of other people’s views if they don’t align with their own. But what is important to remember here is, that other people may not like what you do or who you are, BUT that’s ok!

Perhaps, you could apologise for upsetting them and explain that wasn’t your intention, but then you need to move on! And let go! Don’t carry the guilt passed on by them with you.

For a more in-depth look into the issue of guilt watch the video below where Dr Bridget discusses this:

If you need help moving on from negative events in the past that have caused you to feel stuck, give me a ring on 01656 347027 or click here to fill in a contact form. We can arrange a FREE consultation to discuss your issues and find a way for you to move forward and reach your full potential.

Sometimes our unconscious mind needs help to move on.

Honestly, life is for living, not for being stuck in negative emotions such as guilt!

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget

 

Is anyone on your side? – Who do you get support from?

Who do you get support from?

Support i important

Get support

As you go through life, things happen around you that can make you feel really emotional. Sometimes, I find it difficult to show my emotions – after all, a coach “should” be in a great place all of the time. But, being authentic and honest, I admit that I do get upset from time to time.

And, as mentioned being “the coach”, I have struggled to find people who I can openly bare my feelings to but I’ve recently found a small group of people who I can talk to. Not only has it allowed me to gain greater perspective and feel supported, but it has also helped me become stronger for my clients and be of better support to them, my family and friends.

This week in my Prescriptions for Success’ vlog I discuss this, my own struggle to find support and the importance of getting the right support from the people around you. If you are struggling to find the right kind of support, click here to download a pdf copy of my book where there is a tool called ABCD in chapter 2.

This tool allows you to work through your contact list and sort them into categories – with the people placed in the “A” category being those you can rely on and those who will positively support you.

If after watching the video, you find yourself thinking that you need more support, then you can always ring me on 01656 347027 and I will get straight back to you. We can have a chat and I will be there to support you through your journey.

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget – part of your A Team!

How to change your emotional state – fast!

Emotional state change

Change your emotional state

Changing your emotional state fast – some easy ways to do this

My state of tiredness usually comes on at the end of the day and it has a number of negative effects on my behaviour. Some of these are:

  • I collapse on sofa and have regrets in the morning from not being proactive the evening before
  • I procrastinate and put things off that need to be done
  • I drink more wine than I should in the hope that it will give me more energy (applies to sugary foods as well)
  • I argue and I am irritable with the dog, cat and husband
  • I fail to ring friends and my mum – sorry mum!

Our emotional state affects our physiology, our behaviour and the results we are trying to achieve. In this week’s video I explain the importance of having a positive emotional state and why it is worth making a conscious effort to change ours. I even show you ways in which you can change yours – and quickly!

We can change our emotional state in many ways and in my video below I show you just a few of the ways that I like to change mine – it’s a bit embarrassing! But it really is helpful!

If you are struggling to change your emotional state and feel stuck in a rut and like you can’t move forward, give me a ring on 01656 347027. We can have a chat about what’s causing it and what you could change to make a difference.

If you want a longer explanation and deeper look at changing your emotional state have a look at one of my previous videos: “how you get results”  – it will be able to help you fully understand.

When you are having a down day, how do you change your emotional state? If you are able to talk about it let me know in the comments, I would love to hear about them!

Until next time – good luck changing negatives to positives,

Dr. Bridget

Your Purpose- Why not knowing it is costly!

Your Purpose

Purpose for living

Find your purpose!

I regularly talk to my clients about their purpose and during a session recently I realised that I hadn’t got mine quite right – it was a bit of a light bulb moment for me!

Here’s the thing – if you don’t know your purpose and don’t have a clear image of what it is, then what you do may not feel quite right and it can result in you feeling dissatisfied and out of line. This feeling can then lead to frustration and less success than you want. 

In the video below I discuss my purpose and how you can find out what your purpose is. You can also download my book which discusses finding your purpose in more detail – click here to download a FREE copy of my book.

 

Her are my steps on how to find your purpose:

  1. Brainstorm ideas: on a piece of paper or via a discussion with a trusted colleague, come up with some ideas or metaphors or symbols that you believe represent you.
  2. Ask yourself which one seems right, feels right or resonates with you the most.
  3. Live with this thought for a while and continually think about whether it is the reason that you exist and tweak it if needed, once you begin to investigate it more.

I would love to know what you find, let me know in the comments. If you are having trouble with this task and need help to go through it, why not book in for a FREE consultation with me and we can discuss it together.

After you find your purpose you need to ask yourself, are you living in line with that purpose? If you are in business, does your business line up with your purpose? If not, how can you adapt your business so that you feel more aligned?

Again – if you are struggling with this concept I can always help you work through it!

By the way, my purpose, which you can read about in my book is to help people reach their full potential, in the past session I discovers it is more specifically: to be amazed – my purpose it to be around and see things that WOW me! And helping people reach their full potential is something that supplies me with this feeling. The picture I like that expresses that is below.

My purpose

If you would like to learn more about purpose, come along to my Business Mastermind classes or I can coach you privately,  call me on 01656 347027 to discuss either.

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget

Where do you do your best creative thinking? Are you finding the right space?

this oneAre You Finding The Right Space?

I recently bought a time travelling space orbit for my garden (see picture), it allows me a space that is just mine, in a peaceful area and since I’ve done that, I’ve firmed up, created my future and feel very focused and constructive. So I have a question for you:

Where do you most of your creative thinking? Mine is out my garden in my little seated area (see picture). Is yours where you have calm or do you try and do it in a space that has distractions and can lead to lots of intrusive thoughts?

If you are yet to find the perfect space that allows you to get your creative juices flowing, it could be impacting negatively on your growth, perspective and even your sanity! If you don’t have an area to reflect and be at ease, how are you living to your full potential?

 Watch my video below and then ask yourself the question that follow. 

To ensure that you are working to the best of your ability you need to work out these few things:

  1. What do you think is right for you? Quiet? Stationary to make notes? A physical space? A walk?
  2. Work out how often you need to do to be able to retreat to your perfect space, it could be every day or every week – it could be at a specific time or when ever you feel it is called for. There is no right or wrong, but having that space has great positive impacts. 

I personally like to have paper, pens, sometimes glitter or glue and magazines, this allows me to note down what I think of and create. But sometimes I also enjoy just me and space. It is important to make a commitment to finding your perfect creative space and taking the time to go there.

Let me know what your perfect space is in the comments! I would love to hear about everyone’s different spaces.

If you are struggling to find that space and don’t feel like you are reaching your full potential, give me a call on 01656 347027 or click here to book a free consultation. 

Until next week, keep creative!

Dr. Bridget

Do You Follow Up? Here’s Why You Should.

Following Up – Just Do It

Why aren't you you following up?

Following up

I meet a lot of people who say that they are going to do something and never get around to it, and I find it really interesting to think about why this could be. I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past but now I make sure that following up is a priority, and it has made a huge difference to my business and my mind-set.

People who don’t follow up on actions can come across as a bit disrespectful and it is damaging to the trust that was originally there at the beginning of relationships. Not following up can be detrimental to your business! By not continuing the contact it could mean that you are missing out on a sale, or a lead to something you want to happen!

There is a theme in Neuro Linguistic Programming which says that there are either:

RESULTS or REASONS AND EXCUSES

And I know which I would rather have! Just think of the amount of time that can go into setting up meetings or getting the initial interaction with, only to not follow up afterwards! What a waste!

I usually find that my clients have 2 main reasons or excuses for not following up.

Watch my video below where I discuss these reasons and the repercussions they can have!

The reasons why people don’t follow up tend to fall into two categories:

  1. Mindreading – this is when you claim to know what is going on in another person’s head. You think that you might contact them at an inconvenient time or that you are bothering them or that they are not interested. But – YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW! You are just assuming. These people are may actually be waiting for you to follow up and feel frustrated and annoyed when you don’t.
  2. A limiting belief – this is where you say to yourself “I’ve not got time” or “I’m not that interesting” or “I’m not good enough” or “they will go with another supplier of the service who is better/cheaper than me”. If you don’t believe you have time, then find a way to manage your time more efficiently – could be as simple as buying a diary. If you feel that you aren’t interesting or good enough, this is a much deeper issue, although the fix can be just as quick and easy. I would love to help you, I offer free consultations and we can start changing that mind set together!

So, stop mind reading, believe in yourself, make time and simply follow up – you never know what is waiting on the other end of the phone call!

If you’d like to know more about the themes of NLP, then click here to find a list of the courses I offer.

Until next time – enjoy the rewards of following up!

Dr. Bridget

Communication Can be Frustrating – Here’s a Tool to Help

Communication with others can be frustrating-don’t you think?

Here is one of the reasons why:

Communication

Communication skills

We all have our own comfort zones when it comes to our language and communication, and if others have a different comfort zone, it can often seem as though we are on a “different page”, or in extreme cases, on a “different planet”!!

A large part of my NLP Practitioner courses is spent looking at and analysing the effective use of language and communication. A really fun part of this is what is called chunking. Chunking is the way we organize information in our brains and how we communicate, e.g. big picture or detailed, we all have different levels of chunking and it is also often context specific.

I am often a fairly big picture thinker but then I can get really detailed nearer the deadline for action. If I’m talking to someone who is very detailed at the beginning of a project, I can get a bit frustrated. And I’m sure that if you are detailed, you’d be a bit confused and frustrated by me at times.

In this big old world, we have no control over the type of person we will have to communicate with in our day to day lives, so it is really helpful to learn what to do about mismatching chunk levels and how to utilize them.

If you have a high chunk conversation (big picture), there is much more likely to be agreement with people. If you have a more detailed conversation (low chunk), then there is more likely to be disagreement but there is more opportunity ti solve problems at a detailed level.

Have a watch of the video below and then read the questions that you can use to become more flexible and communicate effectively. Call me if you want to find out more.

Here are some simple questions to use to gain a rapport with someone and to reach an agreement or solve a problem via your communication.

If someone that you are talking to is being very detailed or specific, you can use these questions to chunk up:

  • X for what purpose?
  • What will X give you?
  • What is X and example of?

If you want to find out details or solve a problem, you can chunk down and ask:

  1. X- what specifically?
  2. X – when or how specifically?
  3. What’s an example of X?

For example, is someone is “upset”, you can chunk down by asking “what specifically are you upset by?”

You could also chunk up by asking “What did being upset give you?” and if they say “I defended myself”, you can say “what is the purpose for defending yourself” and they might say “so that I feel safe” and so on.

It’s really interesting and useful.

And if you want to get into rapport with someone, match their chunk size and level of detail or bigger picture thinking.

If you’d like to come on an NLP course to learn more about communication and how you can improve yours, I offer easy monthly payments and a guarantee that you will have fun and learn communication skills with a wide variety of tools. Click here to get in touch.

Please feel free to share – I found out at the weekend that someone got a job as a direct result of watching one of my videos.

That’s my purpose – to make a difference!

Dr Bridget

Is Your Past Stopping You Moving Forward to Success?

Is your past stopping you moving forward to success?

Anchored to your past

Are you anchored?

Sometimes we get anchored to the emotions from past events, which results in us getting stuck.

The reason that we get stuck (including myself in the past), is that we keep being dragged back to those events and emotions. Some of the common key pasts events that can cause this reaction are:

  • Relationships of one sort or another going “wrong”
  • People bullying you or hurtful things happening
  • Losing your job unexpectedly
  • Losing money
  • Feeling let down or disappointed
  • Losing your business causing you to feel as though you’ve failed

Have any of these happened to you? I want you to ask yourself:

“Has there been any negative consequence that keeps you stuck or doubting yourself now?”

The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself – if you’ve moved on and let those emotions go altogether that is great! But if they are still there, or you’ve simply locked them away, then watch the video below and get in touch if you want to get rid of them completely (with a guarantee).

So are you anchored by your past?

Does this story resonate with you?

Do you feel stuck?

As you may know by now, I am an unsticker! I like to help people gain back the control of their lives and deal with the negative emotions that are holding them back.

If you think that it may do you good to have a chat with me about this, Click here to fill in a form to start setting yourself free! I’m just a click away.

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget

 

Becoming a Key Person Of Infuence

Key Person of Influence

Be your own inspiration!

Becoming a Key Person Of Influence

Hello

I sent off for Daniel Priestley’s revised edition of “Key Person of Influence” which is about how to become one of the most highly valued and paid person of your industry – recommend this book if you want to be that person. When it arrived it gave me an idea for a blog. It occurred to me that really, the 1st step is for YOU to become YOUR KEY PERSON OF INFLUENCE!! Would you agree?

And it then started me on a wonder about what the process needs to be to become that. Here are my thoughts:

  • Live in the present rather than in the past
    • Enjoy the moment and let go of the emotions from the past that are holding you back or giving you doubts
    • Draw a time line from when you were born to now and put down the details of your highs and lows on this and reflect on what you need to let go of. Get help if you need to by contacting me for a free consultation on 07973 635102
  • Believe in yourself and if you have wobbles or simply have low self esteem or confidence, get in touch.
    • Look for evidence that you are good enough and can do whatever you want and keep looking for that evidence
    • Become your own best supporter – go with your instincts and trust yourself
  • Become Vital rather than Functional – get a great emotional state and learn how to do that
    • You know how some things make you feel drained and others really lift you, don’t you. Well remember the uplifting things, take action to feel happy or excited, leap up and down sing songs, talk to a great friend. Notice when you aren’t in a great state and do something about it!
  • Make plans and act as if! Very powerful to live as though  you already have your goals.
  • Become an action taker
    • If you fully believe in yourself and understand yourself, make sure you are taking action towards your goals. If you don’t take action then you will have wobbles and won’t inspire yourself

I couldn’t think of an acronym to cover these so in the end I just say:

GO ME!!!!!!

Watch the video about this prescription and get the tool here

 

Link up with me on my FB page to get more thoughts and inspiration and if you’re curious or looking outside yourself for inspiration, give me a call on 07973 635102

Till next time

Dr Bridget – giving you prescriptions for success.

 

An Easy Way To Achieve Your Goal And Keep On Course

Achieve your goal in a more effective way by starting with the end in mind

Starting with the end in mind is a great way to keep on course and achieve your goal. It takes a bit of practice and a different way of thinking which is definitely worth doing.  Once you get the hang of doing it this way, it will become clear that this is a great way to achieve more, get distracted less and feel fulfilled and proud of yourself.

The reason for writing this blog is that I recently attended a great day on how to produce on-line courses. Once we had decided what the reason was for doing the on line course and what we wanted to achieve, the rest of the actions became a lot clearer. So starting with the end product in mind meant that the beginning point was obvious and also very motivating!!

Watch and listen to the video below and then choose a goal and work backwards from the goal until you get to the starting point.

 

Start with the end in mind

Achieve your goal

Here’s an example from my goals for this year: – I’d like to eat my own vegetables. That is my end goal. So I can work backwards from eating my own vegetables and ask myself what’s the step before that which is needed so that I can eat my own vegetables – its to grow my own vegetables. Then whats the step before that and so on. I eventually worked out tha I need to set some time aside to plan how to do the research. The steps are below – you may have different steps of your own.

Eat my own vegetables ( The end point – the goal)

Grow my own vegetables

Decide what vegetables and how many

Choose a place to grow them

Do some research

Decide how to do some research

Set aside time to do the research (first thing to do)

So working from the end backwards is much more effective than starting randomly at the beginning and getting distracted along the say – Test it out and see how different this way of doing it is.

Let me know if you need any help and get in touch if you do

See you for my next prescription for success

Dr Bridget

8 Questions To Give You Clarity For The Next Year

Goal Setting That Works

Get clear for the next year

8 Questions To Give You Clarity For The Next Year

Its interesting, isn’t it, when things happen around you and you suddenly have a light bulb moment?  (and they don’t have to be big things!)

I had a significant birthday recently and a member of my team sent me a birthday card which talked about how you get more confused as you get older and I thought “Really???”. Of course the card was difficult to open but I then had this thought that “actually I get clearer as I get older”!

And then Prince Charles was on the television and as talking about how he had battled all of his life with getting people to see the point. He was talking about the Princes  Trust, which he set up and is passionate about – very clear!

So I thought I’d talk about clarity and give you a tool to help you get clear for the next year.

One dictionary definition is:

The ability to think clearly and not be confused And after all, clear thoughts and lack of confused internal chatter are part of getting success and happiness, aren’t they? Many of my clients come with so much turmoil in their heads, they find it difficult to take any action.

So here is the very simple tool:

There are 4 sections and within each of these, there is a towards question (what you want) and an away from question (what you dont want). This is because people are motivated by either moving towards something they want or away from what they don’t want. It a Meta Programme in NLP and an unconscious filter which  gets you results and, as I dont know what motivates you, I’ve included both.

[table id=9 /]

Now pick a date for each month and commit to one action to get the results. Review it on the same day of the next month and leave me comments. As always, if you are struggling, fill in the form here and you can get a free consultation with me  to get you going.

 

Dr Bridget – Giving you Prescriptions for Success