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People pleasing doesnt work

Understanding People Pleasing

People Pleasing

People pleasing doesnt work

Be yourself

This is a really important symptom that I come across regularly on courses and with my one to one clients. They come to me because they realise that that they are not being themselves and that has lots of consequences for them as you will find out when you watch  the video below:

Let’s face it – it is nice to be liked and to be kind and nice to people, isn’t it? However, if it stops you getting your goals and feeling as though you can’t be yourself, then that is a problem. It usually comes from a desire to be liked and included which is often very strong. People want to be in a community and to be respected and liked. They want to belong.

I often find that there are root causes in people’s past that cause people to overdo people pleasing – Do any of the below apply to you or someone you know?

  • Not being listened to when you were growing up
  • Having to hide due to circumstances around you
  • Being bullied
  • A feeling of having to keep the peace when growing up – perhaps your parents arguing or drinking
  • A feeling of guilt if  your parents marriages folded – did I do enough- was it my fault- I didn’t try hard enough
  • Being criticised or not praised during your life
  • And many other events

All the negative emotions that come from incidents above have an impact. As we know, our unconscious mind is there to protect us and we carry on people pleasing as a result. It leads to a feeling of worthlessness, confusion and hurt and these feelings stop us from reaching our full potential, being who we want to be, doing what we want to do and having what we want to have.

It can be a difficult habit to break unless you get help from someone like myself. The wiring that causes us to people please, to our detriment, can be reversed very quickly with Time Line therapy (R)

What can we do about this?

  1. Put your own oxygen mask on – you can’t help others unless you help yourself!
  2. Notice when you are people pleasing and the impact that it has on you and your feelings, actions and your goals
  3. Remind yourself that there are root causes for this – you may know what they are or you may not but there will always be one- a decision that you made at some stage in your life that you have to keep people happy.
  4. Decide to be happy and to be yourself
  5. Surround yourself with people who will support you

If you find  you can’t resolve this and you want to resolve this, then get in touch with me to take advantage of a free call.

My NLP Training courses and my one to one coaching will solve this problem and others like it for you and you can then live the life that you want to live – after all, we only have one life.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – Helping you put your own oxygen mask on

 

Be happy, be yourself, If not give me a call

Role Model

Role Models – A Different Perspective

Role Models – A Different Perspective

Role Model

Role Model

I was recently running an NLP Master Practitioner course and we were talking about modelling – this is where NLP has come from – Modelling excellence. Its a key part of the course. Click here for more information about NLP courses

We do a project on my Master Practitioner course  where we model a skill that someone has, by eliciting that person’s values, beliefs and strategies and then installing these in ourself – a much quicker way of effecting change than being taught.

Unusually, people on the course were struggling with who to have as a Role Model and I had to agree – I don’t  really have one myself (apart from Princess Di). I spent some time wondering who I respected enough to want to change to become like them.

And then I had a light bulb moment – I thought that perhaps I could become my own Role Model and become one for other people. It led to a consideration of what qualities I would like to have that other people and myself might respect- have a watch of the video and then answer the questions below it for yourself.

The qualities that I’d like to improve or develop in myself are:

  • Having an interest in people and things- doing pretty well with this
  • Making a difference to people- definitely something that’s key for me and I am doing that
  • Being myself, which includes making sure I “tick” my values, keep my boundaries, as and the same time, be flexible to enable other people’s models of the world- I’m mainly doing this
  • Taking action and being determined- doing this most of the time
  • Self care – important in my journey through this life and something that I’ve been working on this year

Next year, I want to improve my capability to ask for help – I think this is part of self-care and not something that comes easily to me. It would make a huge difference to my life and a behaviour that I encourage in my clients – so I’m committing to do that. It will make me a better Role Model

Questions for you:

  • What qualities would you look for in yourself, to be your own and others’ Role Model?
  • What would you change to get these (if anything) ?
  • Is it OK to be a Role Model for yourself and others?

Once you have decided whether you need to change anything, post in the comments, and as always, let me know here if you need to talk through anything.

Until next week

Dr Bridget – being the best Role Model I can be.

 

Adversity

Adversity – Does it stop you?

How do you react when adversity comes along?

Does it stop you?

Adversity

Adversity

One of the themes of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) focuses on whether you are getting results or giving yourselves reasons why you can’t do whatever it is.

I find there are so many people who come and see me, wanting to get unstuck, or get more success or happiness, that have a huge amounts of reasons and excuses why they can’t. Adversity can happen and it’s how you deal with it that matters – its about resilience.  A minor example is when I wanted to do the videos today, it was going to rain and be cloudy. And I feel as though I have a cold coming on. So I got my wellies and my umbrella and told my unconscious mind that it it wasn’t convenient to be unwell. I know what my goals are and part of them is spreading the word and supporting people to get unstuck and because of that, the videoing was going to happen no matter what.

Watch the video (sorry about the expression) and then ask yourself the questions underneath.

  • Do you have goals?
  • Do you have reasons or excuses why adversity gets in the way?
  • Are you resilient?
  • Whats stopping you – big things or small things?

If you know what they are and you can’t do anything about them consciously,  book a free session here so that we can clear the reasons and excuses and head you for your goals!  

Coming on an NLP course will help you to get rid of the reasons and excuses and become resilient, as well as giving you some amazing communication and resilience skills for your self and others. One of my Master Practitioner trainees has just landed a 7 book contract and has the opportunity to run retreats abroad in the next year! And a year ago she was unwell and not focusing on her future at all. It’s totally amazing watching her fly!

Express an interest in coming on a course here.

Until next week, set your goals and overcome the reasons and excuses!

Dr Bridget

Are You in the Waiting Room?

Are you in the Waiting Room?

I was in the doctors surgery the other day and it took me back to my GP days where people did a lot of waiting. They used to wait to have their symptoms diagnosed, wait for prescriptions and drugs and then wait for blood results. And sometimes they’d get fed up and take some sort of action, whether that was to knock on the doctors door or speak to a receptionist or to leave feeling frustrated. And it occurred to me that there are a lot of people that I know who are just waiting for something- clients, potential clients, people in business , people in relationships or careers. Could you be one of them?

So people wait for:

  • The right time
  • The right mindset
  • Inspiration
  • The right support
  • And many other things

And here’s the thing, if this applies to you, then what you are waiting for is in charge of you and your results, rather than you being in charge of your results. An interesting thought, don’t you think?

Have a watch of the video where I talk about this and get in touch if you need any help.

So I always ask people who feel stuck or are waiting:

  • Are you prepared to take action?
  • Are you prepared to let go of all the reasons and excuses that are stopping you from getting what you really want?
  • How long have you been stopping  yourself from achieving what you want in your life, business, career?
  • What is it costing you to keep waiting? in money terms and in emotions?

The thing is, it doesn’t take long to let go of any limitations to your progress when you work with me- in fact it can happen in as little as a day.

If you want to understand yourself and the obstacles that you are putting in your way, get in touch with me and we can start that journey.

So are YOU prepared to stop waiting?

If so then get in touch with me. I can help you get out of the waiting room and into the getting results room very quickly!

Until next week

Dr Bridget

 

 

An Effective Way to Deal with Anxiety

Anxiety can be disabling and cause you to get stuck

I’ve had quite a lot of phone calls recently from people who are feeling anxious. Sometimes they are on medication and have tried many ways to reduce the anxiety but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.

While it may be controversial to many who think that it is a medical condition and can’t be solved simply, I believe that it is easy to solve in many cases. After all, my experience as a GP versus how I help people now says that this is the case for many! Tad James, the founder of the American Board of NLP, says:

“Anxiety is a sign that the unconscious mind is not really focusing on what it really wants”

People with anxiety often have reasons or excuses as to why they can’t do what they really want and therefore become anxious. People also “label themselves” as anxious people and this doesn’t help as they then live their life expecting to be anxious. And they find it difficult to make decisions.

What if everyone could design their future by letting go of unhelpful and limiting things from the past and become happy??

Now there’s a thought!

Well that’s what I can help with, so watch the video below and click here to download the pdf of my book which discusses how to set goals and create your future. It’s called Mindset for Business Success and equally applies to Mindset for Life Success.

If you think that the anxiety in your life, or someone who you know, is causing you, or them, to be stuck and unhappy, click here to schedule a  free 30 minute telephone consultation so I can help.

After all, we only have one life and I want to help you live it!

Until next time, keep happy,

Dr. Bridget