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behaviour

People Aren’t their Behaviour

People aren’t their behaviour

behaviour

Behaviours

This is so important for our relationships with people in our life and also for our relationship with ourself. It is so easy to look at someone’s behaviour and judge them or fall out with them without truly understanding what is going on for that person. It also applies to ourself as well – maybe we’ve behaved in a way that is unusual for us and we think ” I need to change that!”

Reasons for behaving in ways that cause judgement of others or concerns about our own behaviour are many. Here are just two of them:

  1. People can be in a highly emotionally charged state when they are hungry or thirsty or tired or in pain. This then makes their reality different to when they are calm and considered. So they may become very angry or sad or frightened much more easily in this state and any slight trigger will cause them to behave in a way we are not used to
  2. The way people’s thoughts and feelings have been wired by events in the past, their values or their beliefs. Decisions are made which become beliefs and cause a reality to exist that has consequences for people’s behaviours or their results.

I was talking to a client the other day who had a mistrust of people which he had decided as a result of a painful event in the past. This became something that he “looked out for” and which was having serious consequences.

The crunch point came when he was in a networking meeting with a friend and his friend said something. It took him right back to the original event where he had made the decision that he couldn’t trust people. The result was that he completely lost the plot and also lost his friend and the respect of other people in the room.

So he arrived in my office and asked for help. It was easy to sort out with a breakthrough process using Time Line Therapy (R).  And he recovered his friends and collegaues and started to trust people again very quickly.

So the things to learn from this are:

  1. People aren’t their behaviours- behaviours are not people’s identity
  2. People have different models of the world and are doing the best they can with their available resources.
  3. Judging people by their behaviours is unhelpful and can cause misunderstandings
  4. If you have a behaviour that you don’t like, get some help from me to manage your emotional states or change your wiring. It doesn’t take long.
  5. Watching people’s behaviours becomes interesting if you lose the judgement
  6. Working with Dr Bridget, either 1:1 or by taking an NLP Training, enables you to be in charge of your life

Until next week

Dr Bridget – finding people’s behaviours interesting

Self Belief

Self Belief – Where Does it Come From?

Self Belief – It’s SO Important

Hello!

Self Belief is SO Important – for your life, your Business, your Career!

Self Belief

Self belief

Here’s the thing – If you don’t believe in yourself, then life is uncomfortable, you feel frustrated with yourself and always feel as though there is something more that’s stopping you feeling fulfilled. In short-you probably feel stuck!

Self Belief is an internal feeling that you can do whatever you want and, in this blog, I talk about 4 of the ways that you can increase your self belief. This means that you will be totally comfortable, calm and certain in your direction.

Watch the video below and then take the action needed. Book a free session if you need help

The 4 things that will help (and there are many others) are:

  1. Understand where a lack of self belief has come from. Think about your upbringing. Were you encouraged or not? Were you expected to get 100% in everything (but only achieved 95%)? Did you get laughed at or bullied? Remember that you may have put self doubt in your thinking during your life and that is IN THE PAST. You can simply decide you do believe in yourself and move forward. Again, this something that you’ve wired into your thinking and if you can’t remove it, I specialise in unsticking you so get in touch.
  2. Develop Resilience. Realise that you are in charge and that you can start over, change direction and have positive people around you. Start to re-frame your thoughts – if you think that  you aren’t good enough, look for examples where you are – for instance in your relationships or your hobbies and say to yourself ” I am good enough in lots of areas and I just need to make some changes in this one area”- That statement has a different feel to it doesn’t it?
  3. Start writing about your thoughts and feelings -be grateful for what you have achieved and reward yourself for your successes. It raises your awareness and you can start to decide different things and test them out. This is journaling and it isn’t difficult – just very helpful
  4. Get some positive people around you. Those that will support you no matter what. Find someone that you can ring if you have doubts- they may not be someone that you already know or they may be people that you do know – just test them out and develop a mutually supportive relationship. You’ll know when  you have one.

I have written a low cost e-book Re-writing your story which you can find here and don’t forget that you can get in touch for some support
My FB group -One Step Closer is somewhere where you can get further tips and support -I’d love to see you there.

Until next week, remember that I believe in you and you can as well!

Dr Bridget
Story

How people around you have helped create your story

Story

Generations

Recently I’ve written for Psychologies Magazine about  a theme that’s close to my heart – “Rewriting your Story”. It was in the June 2018 issue in the dossier section if you want to find it. I’ve also been doing some Face Book lives for them which has been welcomed by readers and watchers.

Rewriting your story is about  how your values and beliefs create your story- that chatter that you have in your head that leads to your behaviour and your actions. And then starting to rewrite it, if it is not working for you.

People also have an influence on this and this can be from generations ago. If you think about it, maybe your Gran or Grandad and the story they had, may have an impact on you. Sometimes they are involved directly in bringing you up  or have influenced your parents. I have a lot of clients who’s parents have adopted behaviours and attitudes from their parents – remember the “Children should be seen and not heard”  beliefs from a couple of generations ago. Also, your parents may have had a challenging upbringing which has directly affected the way they brought you up.

Or maybe you have had generations of love and support and then find yourself in a relationship where people put less value on family and support?

Of course, other people around you today contribute to you story- your peers, colleagues, friends, clients.

Watch the video below and then ask yourself the questions below it:

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you happy with your “story”?
  • Who has influenced who you are today?
  • Are you happy with that story?
  • If not, can you move on?

Get in touch with me here or give me a ring on 07973 635102 if not.

You can also book an appointment here. 

If you have a story that doesn’t help you, there are plenty of ways that I can help and that will start with a  session to talk about what is going on for you and how I can help.

Until next week, happy re-writing!

Dr Bridget

 

How to Change Negative Beliefs to Positive Beliefs

How to change negative beliefs to positive beliefs

Beliefs change

Forming Beliefs

I’m really annoyed with myself when I think back. I  used to think that “no-one was on my side” and that came from a decision that I made many moons ago. Something happened and I decided that I was on my own. So, as we do, my brain focused on that decision. It became a belief and created my “reality” and I never noticed when anyone was there for me.

Here’s the explanation for what is happening: There are at least two million pieces of information of raw, unlabelled data that come into our senses. Things that we hear, things that we see and things that we touch. And we have a great filtering system so that we can reduce this amount of information to a manageable amount – about 7 bits of information per second. One of the filters that we use is the decisions that we make in a split second. This then becomes a belief and causes us to believe that whatever we decided is the truth. We delete any things that  are positive such as “people are there to support me”.

Watch the video below and then have a think about the questions below the video

So, I’d like to ask you what decisions have you made that create your truth? AND, if you decided to look for evidence that the opposite is true, would that be helpful? Could you form new beliefs and therefore have a more positive life?

Give it a go and become more aware of how you have created your reality and look for evidence of what you want and let me know if you’d like to have some help to change your beliefs to positive ones. Click here to fill in a form and talk to me.

Until next time,

Dr Bridget