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Do You Have Internal Conflict? This is one of the causes

One of the most common causes for internal conflict is something called PARTS ( in NLP terminology)

Mental Conflict

Internal Conflict

Just like you, I have faced internal battles. I remember sitting in front of my computer with this battle in my head going “part of me wants to be successful but part of me wants to do nothing at all”. I’d just started my NLP coaching business and I was struggling. Luckily, I was able to resolve this issue with my coach quite quickly.

Now, it is my role to help people with this internal struggle, and I want to share the cause for this common problem with you and raise awareness of this solvable problem.

In NLP, this conflict is known as “Parts”, because it is as if we have two parts to ourselves, which want different things. It usually arises from a significant negative emotional event which is either one big event or several small ones fairly close together.

For example, a recent client found herself in this battle after having just been made redundant following a complaint, losing her dad about the same time and having one of her children spend a week in hospital with a serious illness. All these negative events had caused part of her to steer away from her want to be successful in her new business, and focus on the want of some peace in her life. That is when she came to me for help.

I helped her put the conflict to rest and focus on what she really wanted.

“Parts” have their own personality and are generally formed to help protect you, but in doing so, they can cause conflicts with other parts of your brain – a sort of Mental Tug of War.

In this week’s Prescription for Success video below, I discuss ‘parts’ and the effects internal conflict can have.

If you want to talk about any type of internal conflict that may be stopping you from gaining success in your life or your business, then give me a call on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027. Or click here to fill out a form and I’ll be in touch very quickly.

If you are interested in this topic and NLP, I run NLP Practitioner courses, where you can learn how to not only resolve this issue for yourself, but for others too. Click here for more info on my NLP Practitioner courses.

Part of me would like to keep writing the blog and part of me wants to get some lunch so, until next time, go for what you want in life!

Dr. Bridget

Don’t stress it!

stress-blogStress is extremely common. It can have physical and psychological effects which generally ‘bring you down’.

Life can be stressful. Whether it’s work, family or money worries, we all have a lot going on in our lives, so it’s no surprise we feel burnt out from time to time. But stress is not good for our emotional state.

Generally, people don’t take measures to reduce stress.  And whilst you can’t stop stress completely, you can learn how to notice the signs and help yourself overcome it. Here are my top tips:

  1. Deep breaths

If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, being able to take your mind out of the situation even for a few minutes can help you relax and gain clarity. When we are anxious or stressed our breathing becomes quick and shallow. Give your breathing your full attention, concentrating on each breath in and out. Take your time to breath in deeply for a count of 7, hold and breath out for a count of 11. Repeat this process until you feel more calm.

  1. Be kind to yourself

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Our inner voices can be mean and hurtful. It’s important to recognise this and ensure you are positively reinforcing yourself and how you feel. Treat yourself with kindness, negative thoughts are extremely unhelpful and can do more damage. Tell yourself you’re in control and you’re able to deal with the situation!

  1. Don’t allow yourself to become a victim

Things happen that are out of our control, but by asking “why me?” or “what have I done to deserve this?” only places yourself as a victim. This increases stress and suggests you are unable to change the situation. Instead, recognise this negative thing has happened but tell yourself you are able to turn it around and change it.

  1. Say ‘No’

Not wanting to say no to people is very common. A lot of people have a problem with it as they don’t want to upset someone or let them down. But sometimes you have to put yourself before others. It is impossible to please everyone and trying to do so is a fast track to stress. By saying ‘no’ you are not being selfish, you are just looking after yourself and your mental health. Be honest with people and they will understand.

If you are struggling with stress and feeling unhappy, contact me and I’ll help you overcome your anxiety and emotional state, allowing you to find happiness and at peace with yourself. Click here to book a FREE consultation or call me on: 07973 635102

Why do we lose our motivation? And what can we do to recover it?

Why do we lose our motivation?

Motivation and values

Find your motivation!

Not feeling motivated? This post is for you.

I recently realised that I was struggling with my motivation, particularly regarding my business and health, and this caused a bit of what I call “flip-flopping”! So, this week I have decided to focus on motivation and help you make sure that you are fully motivated in all areas of your life and in particular, the ones that are most important to you.

What is motivation?

Motivation is driven by our values, which we hold on an unconscious level. And our values can be affected by our beliefs. This means that as we grow and experience situations, positive and negative, it can change our values, which isn’t always useful.

My business values used to be Intrigue, Interest, Fun and Purpose. Although they felt OK, there wasn’t much movement in them to make me want to take action. Whilst I do have a successful business, there is also room for it to grow and allowing me to reach many more people!

I realized I needed to do something about this and set about changing my values. To do this I had to start with the limiting beliefs that were supporting my values. Once I changed those beliefs, with the help of my coach, my values changed and felt so much more suited to my businesses and me. And most importantly, my motivation is back and I am taking more action!

My business’ values are now Determination, Fun, Achievement and Purpose. Because I’ve got something as strong as determination at the top of my motivators, I’ve stopped doing the “flip-flopping” and am very determined!

Watch the video below where I discuss my motivation. If you are feeling demotivated, then get in touch today – just click here.

Are you fully focused and motivated? If not, what is that be costing you, emotionally and financially?

Give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102 to book a FREE consultation with Dr. Bridget and start your journey of discovery and success.

Until next time, keep that motivation up!

Dr. Bridget

Are you focusing on the wrong things? Find out here

What are you focussing on?

The right things or the wrong things?

Broody hen with no focus

Focus

When something grabs our attention, we focus on it and pour our energy into it. But sometimes these activities are not helpful, and could actually be stopping us from reaching our life goal, happiness and/or success.

Focusing on the wrong tasks can actually derail us from our path to success and result in a detour. It can leave us feeling tired and stuck, and unhappy when we don’t see any progress in our lives but yet we are still using a lot of our energy.

In this week’s prescription for success video I have the help of broody Barbara (as pictured!) to help me demonstrate what the negative effect of having a particular focus can have on your life.

If you would like to find out if your focus is benefiting you or holding you back, then click here to download a helpful table. This table will be able to help you decide whether you need to change your focus or not.

If you change your focus, you WILL change your results.

If you do fill out the table, I would love to know what you found out. Is your focus on the right or wrong things and are you therefore getting the results you want? Or don’t want? And are you going to make a change? Let me know in the comments!

If you need help in changing your focus and reaching succeed, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or click here to fill in a form and claim a FREE consultation.

Until next time, happy brooding!!

Dr. Bridget

3 Reasons to Be Authentic and What Happens if you are not

What are 3 reasons to be authentic?

And what is the impact of not being authentic?

ARe you being who you want to be?

Authentic

Most of my blogs are inspired by clients, and this week I took inspiration from a client who felt that the image that they portrayed to others wasn’t really who they were. So, they decided to do something about it!

They felt that when they weren’t being authentic, they weren’t at ease, they felt out of place and therefore this was rubbing off on their business and their success levels.

If you are not feeling at ease with yourself internally and what you are portraying to the outside world, then this attitude will be projected. The dis-ease will affect other people and they will be less attracted to you and working/interacting with you. This rejection can then lead to self-doubt and confusion, which is never good, therefore it needs a fix as soon as possible. And the only fix is being authentic and true to yourself!

The 3 main reasons to be authentic are:

  • Feeling at ease and happy with yourself
  • Feeling more confident
  • This happiness and positivity will be projected and you will see more success in your life, business or career

For me personally, it has taken a while to figure out who I think I am and be that person, and I certainly feel uncomfortable if I’m not living in line with my core values and beliefs, and if I allow my boundaries to be crossed.

In this week’s video, which you can find just below, I discuss one of my clients who is whole heartedly himself and doesn’t fit into the stereotype his job sometimes has or how other people expect him to be. He decided that to be authentic and jump out of a plane for charity, from which he rediscovered the buzz that had been missing from his life.

I would like to thank my client, Martin, for agreeing to share his experience – and I’m sure you agree, that he is being himself and is proud of it.

If you think that you are being who other people want you to be rather than who you want to be, make a decision to find out exactly who you are and what is important to you.

It is ok to be yourself and you will lead a much happier life if you do just that.

If you are struggling to find you, or if you know who you are but struggling to portray it and would like some help becoming authentic, give me a ring on 01656 347027 or 07973 635102.

You can also click here to fill in a form and we can arrange a FREE consultation.

If you are feeling stuck – check out the rest of my website to find out how I can help.

Until next time, just be you!

Dr. Bridget

 

Letting go of guilt

letting_go_of_guiltGuilt can come in many different shapes and forms, it can be rational and irrational, it can come from something you have physically done or even because you feel a certain way. But ultimately guilt is driven from self-hatred.

We do something we regret, we say something that hurts or offends someone, we make a mistake. Then we get lost in the should-haves, could-haves and self-judgement.

To a certain extent we get addicted to the guilt, thinking that constantly beating ourselves up over the mistake will somehow absolve us of that negative experience – but instead we are just torturing ourselves.

Many of us feel guilt from things we did or didn’t do for ourselves – “I didn’t get enough work done” or “I shouldn’t have eaten that” – and our minds trick us into thinking that anger and guilt is a good motivator. But none of these everyday outcomes deserve our own self-judgement and guilt.

Guilt can become all-consuming and hold you back from reaching your full potential, it acts as an anchor to the past, telling you, you don’t deserve to be happy. But everyone deserves to be happy. Learning how to let go of guilt and forgive yourself can be fantastically freeing. It teaches you to choose self-love over self-hate and be more compassionate towards yourself.

Change is never easy but I can help and support you through the process. If you are ready to let go of the guilt holding you back, click here to book a FREE consultation or call Dr. Bridget on 07973 635102

Is guilt holding you back?

Is guilt holding you back?

Guilt - usful or not?

Is guilt holding you back?

I’ve helped quite a few people recently who were allowing guilt to hold them back.

Until they came to see me, they felt stuck and unable to break free and it was affecting their happiness and confidence.

If this is something that you, or someone you know is suffering from, then please point them in my direction – in this blog I am going to discuss how to move forward.

It may be a controversial view but, to me, guilt is more about other people than about you. If you have been doing the best that you can and you have been using the resources that you have available to you, then its more about other people’s model of the world, or society’s model of the world, and their projection of that onto you.

Perhaps you’ve behaved in a way that other people haven’t liked or didn’t expect, as long as you weren’t aiming to upset people, you have done nothing wrong. Everyone has a different view and model of the world because they have been brought up differently and we have different values and beliefs. This can, let’s face it, make people judgmental of other people’s views if they don’t align with their own. But what is important to remember here is, that other people may not like what you do or who you are, BUT that’s ok!

Perhaps, you could apologise for upsetting them and explain that wasn’t your intention, but then you need to move on! And let go! Don’t carry the guilt passed on by them with you.

For a more in-depth look into the issue of guilt watch the video below where Dr Bridget discusses this:

If you need help moving on from negative events in the past that have caused you to feel stuck, give me a ring on 01656 347027 or click here to fill in a contact form. We can arrange a FREE consultation to discuss your issues and find a way for you to move forward and reach your full potential.

Sometimes our unconscious mind needs help to move on.

Honestly, life is for living, not for being stuck in negative emotions such as guilt!

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget

 

Is anyone on your side? – Who do you get support from?

Who do you get support from?

Support i important

Get support

As you go through life, things happen around you that can make you feel really emotional. Sometimes, I find it difficult to show my emotions – after all, a coach “should” be in a great place all of the time. But, being authentic and honest, I admit that I do get upset from time to time.

And, as mentioned being “the coach”, I have struggled to find people who I can openly bare my feelings to but I’ve recently found a small group of people who I can talk to. Not only has it allowed me to gain greater perspective and feel supported, but it has also helped me become stronger for my clients and be of better support to them, my family and friends.

This week in my Prescriptions for Success’ vlog I discuss this, my own struggle to find support and the importance of getting the right support from the people around you. If you are struggling to find the right kind of support, click here to download a pdf copy of my book where there is a tool called ABCD in chapter 2.

This tool allows you to work through your contact list and sort them into categories – with the people placed in the “A” category being those you can rely on and those who will positively support you.

If after watching the video, you find yourself thinking that you need more support, then you can always ring me on 01656 347027 and I will get straight back to you. We can have a chat and I will be there to support you through your journey.

Until next time,

Dr. Bridget – part of your A Team!

Where do you do your best creative thinking? Are you finding the right space?

this oneAre You Finding The Right Space?

I recently bought a time travelling space orbit for my garden (see picture), it allows me a space that is just mine, in a peaceful area and since I’ve done that, I’ve firmed up, created my future and feel very focused and constructive. So I have a question for you:

Where do you most of your creative thinking? Mine is out my garden in my little seated area (see picture). Is yours where you have calm or do you try and do it in a space that has distractions and can lead to lots of intrusive thoughts?

If you are yet to find the perfect space that allows you to get your creative juices flowing, it could be impacting negatively on your growth, perspective and even your sanity! If you don’t have an area to reflect and be at ease, how are you living to your full potential?

 Watch my video below and then ask yourself the question that follow. 

To ensure that you are working to the best of your ability you need to work out these few things:

  1. What do you think is right for you? Quiet? Stationary to make notes? A physical space? A walk?
  2. Work out how often you need to do to be able to retreat to your perfect space, it could be every day or every week – it could be at a specific time or when ever you feel it is called for. There is no right or wrong, but having that space has great positive impacts. 

I personally like to have paper, pens, sometimes glitter or glue and magazines, this allows me to note down what I think of and create. But sometimes I also enjoy just me and space. It is important to make a commitment to finding your perfect creative space and taking the time to go there.

Let me know what your perfect space is in the comments! I would love to hear about everyone’s different spaces.

If you are struggling to find that space and don’t feel like you are reaching your full potential, give me a call on 01656 347027 or click here to book a free consultation. 

Until next week, keep creative!

Dr. Bridget

Distraction – Why You Do It and What To Do About It

Why You Get Distracted And What To Do About It

Stop doing distraction

Distraction Prevents Results

Your unconscious mind is responsible for numerous things and one of them is distracting you! It sometimes runs internal strategies that don’t work for you in terms of getting things done and therefore you don’t achieve what you want to.

It’s quite funny because as I’m sitting here about to write this blog, an enormous yellow helicopter started swirling around my office with the big letters saying ELECTRICITY on it and I became distracted!

Just look at the distractions I have already gone through whilst sat here:

  • The dog barked and I had to reassure her
  • I had to check my electricity and Wi Fi connections (thanks helicopter!)
  • I had to take a photo for my blog – and yes – that is the photo above!

Distractions, Distractions, Distractions!

The reason I decided to write this blog is because I know distraction can be an obstacle for a lot of people – and I would like to be able to help you overcome it and help you become more efficient.

So we have goals and we know what we need to do to reach these goals, right? Then suddenly we notice that we’ve got distracted at some point and are off on another track. This wastes so much time and means we are not moving towards our goals efficiently.

Distraction starts with a trigger – something we see, something we hear or something we say to our self internally.

My usual distraction is something I see – in this case it was a big yellow helicopter or it can be a message on my phone or an e-mail or even a large pile of ironing, although that’s not very common I must say!

The key is to become more aware of your internal strategy and change it!

So, how can you become more aware and change your internal strategy? You probably know by now that it is all down to you and no-one else!

Watch the video for my tips and then read the questions to ask yourself below.

Find your trigger! Ask yourself “How do I know I’m getting distracted?” and “Is it something I see, something I hear or something I say to myself?”

Then plan to interrupt that cycle by adding something else in as an action when you notice the trigger. For example, when I see a message come through on my phone instead of picking it up, I say to myself, I’ll read that when I’ve finished this task and then continue the task. I set myself mini goals, within my larger goal time frame.

Tackle one distraction at a time and notice how much more you get done!

I cover distraction and ways to combat it in more detail on my NLP Practitioner courses – click here for more information and dates of upcoming courses.

If you are struggling with distraction and need some help, click here to send me a message and we can talk it through.

Until next time, keep focused,

Dr Bridget