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Delegation- the Reasons to Do It

Delegation – Reasons to do it

Delegation

Delegation

Delegation is very much about mind set. We often get to the stage where we are overwhelmed because of our success or our “busyness” or because of our worry about giving things to other people:

 

  • Will they do a good job?
  • Will they do it as I want to do it?
  • Will it have an effect on my business in a bad way?
  • What if I don’t reach my target because it all goes wrong?

And here’s the thing – Not delegating can cause us to take our eye of the goals that we want to achieve because we can’t focus and we get ineffective.

And it can stop us living in our zone of genius- a term from the book called “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks – a highly recommended read.

I often talk about this in my mastermind groups because as people and businesses grow and life gets really busy, it’s something that can help people to take a step back and think more about their life and business and just create that space to flourish.

Sometimes people have delegated in the past – myself included- and it’s not worked out. And it can put  you off.

Sometimes we delegate the wrong things and don’t realise until it has gone wrong.

Have a watch of the video beow and then use the tool that I have given you below


I have attempted many times to delegate and now delegate my account, some of my Social Media, my videoing, my web tasks – oh and the cooking! It has taken some time and been painful , but I have now grown my business by finding the right people to do these things.

So if you think that you want to do or should delegate, there are 3 things to ask yourself:

  1. What shouldn’t I be doing?
  2. What can’t I do?
  3. What don’t I want to do?

Brainstorm the answers to these three things and then pick one thing to delegate this month and just do it.

If you are struggling to do this becuase your unconscious mind, which is there to keep you safe is bipping away in your ear going “It will all go wrong”, “I can’t trust other people”, or No-one does it as well as me”, then book a free half hour session or send me a message on my contact page and let’s talk about it!

Go from Overwhelm to underwhelm and Freedom

Go from  Lack of focus to being totally Focused

Go from Doubt and stuck to Certainty and Freedom

Go from Not reaching your Goals to Reaching your Goals

Until next week,

Dr Bridget, delegating your success to you!

Does Labelling Yourself Affect Your Results?

Labelling yourself – does it help?

labellling

What’s your Label?

Labelling is needed to cope with the vast amount of information that we have coming into our senses. If we don’t label things, we don’t know how to deal with them or what sort of behaviour we need to do to go with the label. However it sometimes is unhelpful to label things or yourself – as this blog will show you.

I was recently working with someone who had some challenges with his mindset for success, relating to things that has happened to him previously in his life. We had got rid of his negative emotions and he was doing well. However, what we hadn’t dealt with was that his dad was a hard worker and my client had labelled himself as a type A personality. Hard working, striving, life imbalance and tendency to over-react sort of sums up the characteristics of an A type personality.

So he determinedly  labelled himself as an A person and therefore his behaviour went with that and eventually he hit a brick wall and spent 6 weeks in bed. It was very upsetting to hear about it, for his wife, his kids and his associates.

When we talked it became obvious that he was having a big conflict. Part of him thought he was an A type personality and  part of him wanted to be a B type personality – much more laid back and relaxed. This conflict got bigger and bigger and he eventuallly hit that brick wall. Watch the video where I talk about this conflict

As we explored the conflict, he realised that he could acually do both and that the purpose of the brick wall was to protect him while he sorted out the conflict.

Using an NLP technique called Parts Integration which gets rid of the conflict, he has now rediscovered his mojo and is enjoying his business and a balanced life.

I’d like to ask you:

Have you labelled yourself as anything unhelpful?

If so, have a careful think about it and either relabel yourself give me a ring if you are struggling with internal conflict.

Until next week, have a balance in your life!

Dr Bridget

The Perils of Saying Yes All the Time

If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!

Say NO

Say No when you mean it

One of the main reasons that people come and see me for coaching is when they find they say yes when they want to say no. Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)

  • Maybe we are people pleasers?
  • Maybe we want to be liked?
  • Could we be afraid  of the consequences?
  • Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?
  • Maybe things have happened to us in the past which makes us worry about the consequences of saying no?

And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?

  • Generally we feel uncomfortable
  • Anxiety kicks in when we are not being true to what we want
  • Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!

Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.

If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:

  • Stop and think about when you do it
  • Say to the person, let me have a think about it
  • Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
  • Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
  • Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
  • Move on

If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are. – I’m an expert in mending relationships if you still want to keep them.

You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past – maybe the person is confused?

How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”

Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here 

See you next week!

Dr Bridget

How Your Health and Your Results are Affected by the Way you Think

Your Health and Therefore Your Results are Affected by the way That You Think!

Health relates to thinking

Thoughts affect cells

I don’t know if  you’ve been aware of this – its SO important! To have great health which directly affects your results, means that you need to think and feel in a way that enables this. Your reality, which is created by you from the vast amount of information coming into your brain, gives you an emotional state which affects all of your cells in your body. I expect you’ve known people who have felt sad or frightened or guilty by events in their life and they end up by becoming ill. Cancer, High Blood Pressure, Infertility, Depression, and many other “illnesses” – caused by how we think.

All of our cells have all of our memories within them and we switch our genetic information on and off with how we think in general.

Watch the video below and have a think about whether your thinking , feeling and physiology are aligned to create the best results for you or not?


Find out more about this by watching the video explanation of how information becomes thoughts, feelings and affects your physiology and therefore your results. Its known in my circles as my cauliflower video and you can see it here.

I’ve recently worked with quite a lot of people who have results created by their physiology and I’ve even helped someone to get pregnant and have a healthy baby!

We all know that mindset is fundamental to creating and working with illness and getting great results and success, so if you think that you are creating illness or poor results, let me know. Ring me on 07973 635102 or 01656 347027 or fill in a form here to talk to me.

Until next week, create some great thoughts!

Dr Bridget

 

What happens if you say YES when you mean to say NO?

If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!

Say NO

Say No when you mean it

Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)

  • Maybe we are people pleasers?
  • Maybe we want to be liked?
  • Could we be afraid  of the consequences?
  • Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?

And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?

  • Maybe we feel uncomfortable
  • Anxiety kicks in when we are not being ourself – has this happened to you?
  • Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!

Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.

If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:

  • Stop and think about when you do it
  • Say to the person, let me have a think about it
  • Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
  • Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
  • Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
  • Move on

If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are.

You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past and the person may well be confused.

How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”

Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here http://bit.ly/talktoDrB

See you next week!

Dr Bridget

One Effective Way to Deal with Anxiety

Anxiety can be disabling and cause you to get stuck

Let go of Anxiety

Planning helps anxiety

I’ve had quite a lot of phone calls recently from people who are feeling anxious. Sometimes they are on medication and have tried many ways to reduce the anxiety but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.

While it may be controversial to many who think that it is a medical condition and can’t be solved simply, I believe that it is easy to solve in many cases. After all, my experience as a GP versus how I help people now says that this is the case for many! Tad James, the founder of the American Board of NLP, says:

“Anxiety is a sign that the unconscious mind is not really focusing on what it really wants”

People with anxiety often have reasons or excuses as to why they can’t do what they really want and therefore become anxious. People also “label themselves” as anxious people and this doesn’t help as they then live their life expecting to be anxious. And they find it difficult to make decisions.

What if everyone could design their future by letting go of unhelpful and limiting things from the past and become happy??

Now there’s a thought!

Well that’s what I can help with, so watch the video below and click here to download the pdf of my book which discusses how to set goals and create your future. It’s called Mindset for Business Success and equally applies to Mindset for Life Success.

If you think that the anxiety in your life, or someone who you know, is causing you, or them, to be stuck and unhappy, click here to get in touch and organise a free consultation so I can help.

After all, we only have one life and I want to help you live it!

Until next time, keep happy,

Dr. Bridget

Don’t stress it!

stress-blogStress is extremely common. It can have physical and psychological effects which generally ‘bring you down’.

Life can be stressful. Whether it’s work, family or money worries, we all have a lot going on in our lives, so it’s no surprise we feel burnt out from time to time. But stress is not good for our emotional state.

Generally, people don’t take measures to reduce stress.  And whilst you can’t stop stress completely, you can learn how to notice the signs and help yourself overcome it. Here are my top tips:

  1. Deep breaths

If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, being able to take your mind out of the situation even for a few minutes can help you relax and gain clarity. When we are anxious or stressed our breathing becomes quick and shallow. Give your breathing your full attention, concentrating on each breath in and out. Take your time to breath in deeply for a count of 7, hold and breath out for a count of 11. Repeat this process until you feel more calm.

  1. Be kind to yourself

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Our inner voices can be mean and hurtful. It’s important to recognise this and ensure you are positively reinforcing yourself and how you feel. Treat yourself with kindness, negative thoughts are extremely unhelpful and can do more damage. Tell yourself you’re in control and you’re able to deal with the situation!

  1. Don’t allow yourself to become a victim

Things happen that are out of our control, but by asking “why me?” or “what have I done to deserve this?” only places yourself as a victim. This increases stress and suggests you are unable to change the situation. Instead, recognise this negative thing has happened but tell yourself you are able to turn it around and change it.

  1. Say ‘No’

Not wanting to say no to people is very common. A lot of people have a problem with it as they don’t want to upset someone or let them down. But sometimes you have to put yourself before others. It is impossible to please everyone and trying to do so is a fast track to stress. By saying ‘no’ you are not being selfish, you are just looking after yourself and your mental health. Be honest with people and they will understand.

If you are struggling with stress and feeling unhappy, contact me and I’ll help you overcome your anxiety and emotional state, allowing you to find happiness and at peace with yourself. Click here to book a FREE consultation or call me on: 07973 635102

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety and improve your success

How to stop anxiety

Everyone gets anxiety

One of my NLP Practitioner  students asked me how to stop anxiety that her children had when they went to interviews. She wanted to know how to use NLP to make a difference. It struck me that it would be great to share my thoughts with you! I know that I suffer some mild anxiety in certain situations (usually around organisation of my business) and I use the techniques in this post to help.

Remember that “Anxiety is a warning from the unconscious mind to focus on what you want” Tad James

1)      Make sure that you are not suffering with fear from events in the past – this can lead to limiting beliefs and negative hooks to events. These can be easily resolved using NLP and is very easy to do.  Anxiety about specific events is future based and can be present without fear from the past.

2)      Ask yourself whether the event that you are anxious about is something that you need to do on the way to really important goals for you. I had a client recently who was anxious about meeting someone who had a reputation of being aggressive and she was concerned and quite anxious about this. However, when we talked through her goals, it turned out that it wasn’t important to meet the person for her goals and was more important for her to do other things that would be really helpful. She cancelled the meeting and felt fine about it. By the way; she reached her goals really quickly by reminding herself of them.

3)      Find out what the problem is in order to find out how to stop anxiety. So consider the statement “I’m worried about the interview”. If you ask What specifically are you worried about? The answer could be:-

  •  I don’t know enough
  •  I don’t know if I’ m good enough (fear of failure or needing someone to tell them they do a good job or lack of self- belief)
  •  I don’t know if it’s the right job for me  (Not knowing what important in a job for them (values) or whether it suits how they work )
  • I might have to do something I don’t, deep down, want to do if I get the job (It’s better not to get it)
  •  What will people think if I don’t get the job? (Concern about Reputation)
  •  What will people think if I do get the job? (Fear of success)

Acknowledging what the problem is , is a great start resolving it!

4)      Knowing the purpose of the anxiety is also useful. There is always a purpose and it’s often about keeping yourself safe. The unconscious mind’s main function is to protect you and this is useful but frustrating at times. Have you ever noticed a situation where you know what you want and what you need to do, but your unconscious mind (that voice) keeps nudging you and saying “remember what happened last time or what people said – wouldn’t you be better not doing it?” Working through how else you can protect yourself is the way to overcome this.

How to stop anxiety

1)      If you have fear from events that happened in the past, speak to me about it if it is stopping you from moving forward. Maybe you could say to yourself, the past is the past and I can move on and be the best I can be now and in the future. Maybeyou will need help to work this through. Access a free session here to discuss this.

2)      Make sure that you have goals that are specific and ask yourself, does what I’m anxious about get me towards them? Make sure your goals are always where you notice them – on a vision board, in your journal, on your screen saver, securely in your mind.

3)      Work out what is important to you – your core values so that you can measure what you are planning to do against them. There is One Key Question that you can ask (link to blog about this)

4)      Discover what the real problem is – be honest with yourself. Have a think and fill a form in here if you want to talk through the problem

5)      Acknowledge the unconscious mind’s wish to keep you safe and realise that there are many ways of keeping you safe, including going for your goals and what you want in life! Your unconscious mind will agree with you and relax.

6)      Anxiety is on the same spectrum of moods as excitement. So you can try turning up your mild anxiety and noticing  that you become excited about the event

7)      Speak to me about what specific anxiety techniques I can help you with that you will find helpful.

Consider undertaking NLP Practitioner training

My trainings include coaching to get you to the outcomes that you want and you will learn about:-

  • Compelling goal setting – how to MAKE SURE you get what you want
  • Values- what’s important to you
  • How your mind works
  • Techniques to  avoid internal conflict
  • Removing limitations from your mind
  • Communicating with yourself and others in an effective way.
  • And overcoming anxiety of course!

Here’s the link to have a chat with me about the value to you of doing the course.

 

 

Are you making excuses?

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses, excuses, excuses

Excuses

Definition: “A reason or explanation given to justify an action”

 Excuses can be seductive. And when someone embellishes an excuse with sophisticated sounding reasons, they seem so legitimate. And for anyone working with others, whether we manage, sell, do therapy, teach, parent, relate to loved ones, practice law, etc., dealing with excuses (our own and others) is an important part of being successful in life.

Here’s the thing: – If you are in charge of your own life and the results that you get, then there are no excuses only decisions and choices.

How do you feel about me saying that??

I often meet people, who want to change their lives, but find an excuse:-

  • I’ve got family problems

  • I’ve got no money

  • It’s not the right time

  • It’s selfish if I take action

  • It’s in my genes so what’s the point

  • My family didn’t care so why should  I?

  • My car’s in the garage to be repaired and I have a lot of bills to pay

  • It’s too difficult to make a start

  • What’s the point?

Knowing that you are at the mercy of thoughts like these can be the trigger for change and it takes a lot of courage to take action!

As you know ???? Einstein says, if you think and do what you’ve always thought and done, you’ll always get the same result (or something like that)

Here’s a practical exercise for those who think that they may be making excuses:

  • Today I am avoiding X

  • My reason for avoiding X is?

  • What would happen if I didn’t avoid X?

  • What would I need to think or believe to tackle the issue and be in charge of my results?

  • Am I going to carry on as I am and accept that I am making an excuse, or take action and do Y? – Either of these is fine as long as you are making a choice. Then it’s not an excuse!

 

As always, comments are invited and welcome.

Dr Bridget

Gaining Agreement

AgreementGaining Agreement

You may have noticed that people around you appear to continually disagree with each other, even though you know they want the same thing  really. Sometimes this is because people are operating at a different “chunk size”. They are filtering the huge amount of information that comes into their brain in different ways depending on whether they want to know the BIG picture or the DETAIL. Let me give you examples. I saw two people recently who were struggling to communicate well with others. Inevitably they both thought that they were right, but here’s the thing- the meaning of your communication is the result that you get AND you have 100% responsibility for your communication. So here are two examples:

1. Someone who was in partnership with a colleague and they argued a lot. The one partner was very focused on goals and the reason for being in partnership, whereas the other partner needed to know the detail of what he was doing and didn’t really need to know the big picture. So they continually had conversations where one wanted to know whether they had reached a target and the other one was focused on making phonecalls to get work for the company at a detailed level. And they were driving each other mad- literally.

2. Someone who’s mother was very negative about most things whereas the daughter just wanted to get on with her life and be happy. When the daughter tried to make suggestions and say that there were choices, the mother became more agitated and the daughter became frustrated.

Here’s one solution:-

Find a level at which people can agree. In both of the examples, if the two people agreed on the big picture (at a high chunk size) then that would have been “better” communication. In the first case, they could have agreed that they wanted the company to succeed and in the second case that both wanted to be happy. It is then possible to get more specific (reduce the chunk size) and see if agreement is still possible. So, in order for the company to succeed, the two partners could have agreed that they were both different and that they needed to find a way of working together for success. The mum and daughter could have agreed that happiness meant different things to them and that they could still respect each other’s model of the world. Staying at a more general level usually means that more agreement is possible.

Here’s an exercise for you to do. Click on the picture below to access it

Agreement

Let me know if you want any help with this and any comments and examples would be useful.

Dr Bridget

DIG DEEP! get those resources out!

Question?

How do you carry on when you’re totally exhausted and are finding it difficult to get up one more time in the night, phone one more client or play with your kids?

Whatever it is that you want to do and are too exhausted to do – read on!

I was given a book by Renee’ Brown by my coach. It was called the Gifts of Imperfection and it has inspired me to share one of her tips with you!

You DIG” DEEP

So when you are in this situation where you are overwhelmed and exhausted:-

D DELIBERATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOURS. This can be through meditation,  mindfulness or simply by making a decision that this is going to be how it is – Called setting your intention
I BECOME INSPIRED TO MAKE NEW AND DIFFERENT CHOICES -You’ve always got choices – the trick is to take a step back and get them clear in your mind
G GET GOING -Take action on your choice. It always gets better then!

So- I’ve done that today!

I’d been up since 5am to go to a meeting, then had a 2 hour coaching session with a client, 50 miles away. and then we were due to go to London for a course I was doing. When we tried to start the motor home, it was completely DEAD! So I realised I had to DIG DEEP and that “keeping calm and carrying on” was probably not quite enough. My preference at the time was to have a prolonged scream!!

So I decided to do something useful, looked at my choices, got the book out and thought – “I should tell others about this”

So here it is!! Hope its useful to you. I’m off to sleep now so catch you up soon!

HAPPY DIGGING

Bridget

Have a Happy Family Christmas

Prevention is better than Cure! 

When you listen to what people are saying about Christmas, is it excitement and anticipation that you hear, or dread and worry? Have a listen to others and yourself as well!

The hard times that many are going through at the moment with redundancies or uncertainties have added to some peoples and families stress. It is easy  to blame circumstances and others for how we feel, but actually we have choices, and Christmas is a time when we can practice using tools and techniques to change the way we think and therefore the results that we get.

If we do this and keep practicing, the effect on the rest of our life is enormous:- We are able to set goals, understand ourselves and others and take actions.

Have a read of my “Top 10 Tips to have a Happy Family Christmas” and take some action. I will be writing about these tips in more detail in coming blogs.

Dr Bridget