Posts

Say NO

The Perils of Saying Yes All the Time

If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!

Say NO

Say No when you mean it

One of the main reasons that people come and see me for coaching is when they find they say yes when they want to say no. Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)

  • Maybe we are people pleasers?
  • Maybe we want to be liked?
  • Could we be afraid  of the consequences?
  • Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?
  • Maybe things have happened to us in the past which makes us worry about the consequences of saying no?

And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?

  • Generally we feel uncomfortable
  • Anxiety kicks in when we are not being true to what we want
  • Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!

Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.

If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:

  • Stop and think about when you do it
  • Say to the person, let me have a think about it
  • Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
  • Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
  • Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
  • Move on

If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are. – I’m an expert in mending relationships if you still want to keep them.

You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past – maybe the person is confused?

How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”

Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here 

See you next week!

Dr Bridget

Getting things out of your head

How to Get Things Out of Your Head

How to Get Things Out of Your Head

Getting things out of your head

Decluttering

You might have heard me talk about how I got “stuck” in the kitchen?. It was when there was so much going on in my head that there was no room for anything else- let alone a decision about what to do first!!! I recently talked to Jo Bendle at JoBendle.com. She was someone I’ve worked with for a while and was one of my first NLP Training clients. She’s now an amazing business person who travels the world, which is her passion, at the same time as helping people reach their goals by being productive and organised.

The tool that she gave me is called a “brain dump” and it is extremely effective and something I am doing weekly now. Listen to the video and take an hour to do this brain dump. It really helps to prioritise and get the important things done!!

So get a couple of pieces of paper and a pen, clear your diary , turn your phone and computer off and make a list of absolutely everything that you have to do. Absolutely everything that is in your head.  In detail! Keep your “sorting head” out of the way until you have put absolutely everything down. Brainstorm, put anything that comes into your head down and enjoy taking the time for yourself !!

Then, when you have everything down, your head will feel much clearer and you will feel calmer – honestly!

You will then be able to sort and prioritise and come up with your most important actions for the month, the week and the day.

I’m really interested to see how it goes for you – leave me some comments

Until next week, enjoy getting everything out of your head!

Dr Bridget

 

Say NO

What happens if you say YES when you mean to say NO?

If you mean to Say NO and Say YES, then there may be consequences for you!

Say NO

Say No when you mean it

Its really interesting to think about why we do this (and I think most of us do to some extent)

  • Maybe we are people pleasers?
  • Maybe we want to be liked?
  • Could we be afraid  of the consequences?
  • Most likely, we are mind-reading what people would say or do?

And what are the consequence when we don’t say no?

  • Maybe we feel uncomfortable
  • Anxiety kicks in when we are not being ourself – has this happened to you?
  • Then we can lose confidence, end up in a vicious circle and then start saying yes even more!

Watch the short video below and then read the tips underneath that will make you think and perhaps do things differently.

If any of this sounds familiar to you and you want to start to say no, here are some things that you could do:

  • Stop and think about when you do it
  • Say to the person, let me have a think about it
  • Take a step back and think about why you are doing it and whether it’s in line with your values and being yourself
  • Ask yourself what’s important to you about being you
  • Say no if that’s what you’ve decided, explain the reasons and how saying yes is making you feel. You can always find a great way of saying it!
  • Move on

If the person is unhappy, then maybe you need to move on from them???? – Just saying -and I know it depends who they are.

You could also take some responsibility for having said yes in the past and the person may well be confused.

How about saying something like this – “I’ve always wanted to have a great relationship with you and I haven’t always been totally honest with myself and have said yes when instinctively I have wanted to say no. I’ve realised now what I’m doing and I apologise for any confusion I’m causing. I hope you understand and that we can still have a good relationship”

Enjoy reflecting on this week’s blog! If you want some support to make changes, give me a ring on 07973 635102 or get in touch here http://bit.ly/talktoDrB

See you next week!

Dr Bridget

One Effective Way to Deal with Anxiety

Anxiety can be disabling and cause you to get stuck

Let go of Anxiety

Planning helps anxiety

I’ve had quite a lot of phone calls recently from people who are feeling anxious. Sometimes they are on medication and have tried many ways to reduce the anxiety but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick.

While it may be controversial to many who think that it is a medical condition and can’t be solved simply, I believe that it is easy to solve in many cases. After all, my experience as a GP versus how I help people now says that this is the case for many! Tad James, the founder of the American Board of NLP, says:

“Anxiety is a sign that the unconscious mind is not really focusing on what it really wants”

People with anxiety often have reasons or excuses as to why they can’t do what they really want and therefore become anxious. People also “label themselves” as anxious people and this doesn’t help as they then live their life expecting to be anxious. And they find it difficult to make decisions.

What if everyone could design their future by letting go of unhelpful and limiting things from the past and become happy??

Now there’s a thought!

Well that’s what I can help with, so watch the video below and click here to download the pdf of my book which discusses how to set goals and create your future. It’s called Mindset for Business Success and equally applies to Mindset for Life Success.

If you think that the anxiety in your life, or someone who you know, is causing you, or them, to be stuck and unhappy, click here to get in touch and organise a free consultation so I can help.

After all, we only have one life and I want to help you live it!

Until next time, keep happy,

Dr. Bridget

Digging Deep gets you Different Results

Do you feel as though you need to start digging deep?

Start digging

Digging deep

As Einstein said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results”.

And I’m wondering if that’s what you are doing?

I’ve certainly done it often enough myself!

Sometimes we just need to STOP and ask ourselves whether the way we are behaving is getting us what we want in our life, our business or our career. If not there is often a deep reason for why we are continuing the behaviour and is often something along the lines of:

  • Protecting ourselves unconsciously
  • Keeping other people happy
  • Hiding
  • Not wanting to say we don’t think we are good enough

Watch the video below within which I discuss how to start changing your behaviour and asking yourself the deeper questions that may give you the answers you need. Once you know what the answer is you can start changing the behaviour consciously. If you are struggling, unable to ask the right questions or make the changes why not book a session with me? I can and will help you.

Think about the things that you seem to keep doing that aren’t helpful and ask yourself the question: “What’s the purpose of this behaviour?”. You’ll be surprised at what comes up.

If you are not sure how to use the answer and do something with it, give me a call on 01656 347027 or 07973635102 and access a free complimentary session.

Until next week – keep asking,

Dr. Bridget